Well, it happened. And it went well. It was odd, to be sure. But it was still good. I truly believe and see that God has put me here on purpose, to fulfill His will in service. It is still, however, very easy for me to forget that I am trusting in God wholly, and not to freak out about the sense of instability and financial crisis in my life right now. Someone commented today that I seemed very stressed. I told her clearly that she was right and that I am very stressed. I am finally starting to have periods throughout the day in which I do trust God wholly. But I still have much time during which I only trust Him partly – unintentionally so – and end up worrying about what to do to take care of myself and my family. So, I most definitely cried on my first day. And that’s okay and perfect. It built bonds I hadn’t known I had longer to have built. So, that also was really cool, in addition to odd. 😛
God, take us into Your hands, please, and care for us as You love us. Help us to love one another with more and more of Your love each day and night. Help us to be strong. Help us do and fulfill Your will in all that we do and in all that we are. Help us to find through that fulfillment of our own dreams that You have granted to us. Thank you for this life. Free me to let go and give it all up to you, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
P.S. It is very weird to me when I am taking to you, God, and I use the capitalized letters to reference you. Talking about you? Works perfectly. Talking to you? Feels super odd, and I have to keep reminding myself to do it. Thank you for understanding me, and especially all of my silliness. I love you. Amen again. Amen.
Tomorrow is the first day on which I will be part of the faculty/staff body at this school, sort of for real this time, my third time joining them. I am only teaching part-time, officially, and as a long-term sub, technically. However, I am the hired teacher of four French classes for the entire school year. And my name will be on the classes this time, and my name alone.
I am curious to see how they relate to me, the administration. Will they see me as someone helping out or as a teacher? In a way, this year will be a massive test for my fit at this school. It also will be a massive test for me for myself, regarding my effectiveness at teaching. I know I can do very well in the short-term. But how do my methods and plans and organization translate to the longer-term? We certainly shall see, shan’t we? (I do hope so, anyway!)
God, guide me to do my best and to share your love. Help me always to pursue and fulfill your will. Grant me the gift of words that make the positive difference for all. In your name, I pray. And thank you. Amen.
I shared with my aunt today about the kakizome and the idea of these dreams God has given me being like the center of a labyrinth – they were recently just within sight and reach, but have suddenly swooped far away, like I have gone to the outer edges of the labyrinth… yet a labyrinth only has one path, and it eventually will turn all the way to the center goal… we just have to walk the whole thing, which weaves inward and outward many a times. She commented that the labyrinth comparison was a very good one to remember for all of life, that, yes, God is with us and guiding us and there is truly the one pathway on which He is guiding us, even though it seems to wander near to and far from our goals again and again…, but it still will reach there eventually. We just have to trust in God and follow His guidance.
On that note, she also commented that, when we trust in God, everything is easy. ‘That’s why He says to trust Him as children trust,’ she said. Because children trust wholly. As they grow up, they experience betrayal and they learn to be distrustful of others and of the world. But, when children are children, they trust wholly, and it is easy for them to be happy and free. Even when something bad happens, they are sad for a bit, and then bounce right back to being happy and free. They are trusting that they are cared for, that they are safe, that all is well.. even if they aren’t aware of it, they are trusting. And life is easy for them then.
What if we could trust God as children trust life? How free and easy we could be…
So, that is my goal: To keep an eye on my trust. If I am not free and easy, I can look to see where I am not trusting God in that moment. And then I can let it go and give it up to God, and trust in Him there, too. Just from our conversation this morning, I was able to see so much of how I was resisting trusting God, which was why I was so stressed still. As soon as I let it all go and gave it up to God, I suddenly was lighter physically, and was ready to go run errands I had dreaded so much, I had anticipated avoiding them entirely and skipping them. I went and shopped for – and found! – tops for work that fit me at two separate shops. And I had a great time. I wasn’t even stressed about it, though I had been the other day. I noticed the marked difference in how easy it was to find things and also to be okay when things didn’t fit, and just to move on without getting upset. It didn’t even occur to me to get upset when things didn’t fit, be they too big or too small, though that had not been the case the last two trips I’d made to look for work clothes. I’m not saying life was happy-go-lucky today. But it was significantly easier than it had been. And I actually had a great time today doing all of it.
I even had the first shop accidentally not give me the shoes I’d purchased, and I didn’t find out until after dinner tonight. I was loaded with adrenaline when I realized the error, and I was hoping they hadn’t re-sold the shoes to someone else, but I didn’t have this heavy sense of panic I typically might have gotten (or would have gotten recently, anyway). I just took action, found out the shop still had them for me, and got back dressed instead of showering and going to bed, and went to pick them up. I’m getting to bed an hour later than planned. And yet I had a good time even going to pick up the shoes. I’m still in a good mood now, and hour and a half past when I’d hoped to be in bed tonight. And it’s okay. I’m taking steps to improve, and I am trusting in God on a whole new level now… and it is amazing. And it is growing. And I love it all.
And I even had horrible diarrhea today, and I’m still in a great mood. It’s ridiculous and wonderful.
A few years ago, I started participating in a Japanese practice called Kakizome. On January second, one creates one’s kakizome, “first writing”, of the year. This first writing is a single word or phrase that is one’s goal and intention for the year as a whole. It is intended that we put our kakizome somewhere visible, so we see it regularly and consistently throughout the year. Since participating in this practice, I have found that my own kakizome has, unintentionally, and without my even noticing, been the challenge I end up facing consistently through ought that year. And, by facing that challenge again and again, I have overcome some big hurdle in my life and have become powerfully more the person I long to be and am called to be by God. Put differently, I have become a better version of myself in a significant way each year, after facing trial after trial of my kakizome for that year. And it was never on purpose – it just came up over and over again. One year was confidence in myself and heart (when I healed a lot of emotional and psychological wounds from some rather terrible abuse, and started writing wonderful songs and sharing myself with the world in a beautiful and loving and confident self-expression). Another was embodiment (that’s when I physically hit all my goals of fitness, felt the most beautiful I ever have been, met the man of my life, and became the person who prays whom I had longed to be). This year’s… well, we’ll get to that.
Now, sometimes, it is really hard to see and to understand God’s plans for us. Perhaps that is how He wants it to be. Perhaps that is how He needs it to be. Perhaps that is how we need it to be in order for everything to work out as God has planned so beautifully.
Whatever the case, it often is not very easy to be calm and easygoing when things seem impossible. When God has granted me these longings, these wishes, these dreams towards which to strive, and everything seems finally so close to fulfilling on those dreams, yet starts to pull away from that pathway… it can be extremely difficult to trust in God and His oh-so-unclear plans… When the labyrinth of God’s love and plans takes the route closest to the inside, and then swerves to the outermost path… faith gets tested, to be sure.
And that is, basically, my every day right now… and that kind of really sucks…
What is ironic – and, possibly, perfect and relieving – about it all, though, is that my kakizome for this year is “faith in God”, in the sense of trusting in Him, having confidence in Him – ‘Jesus, I trust in you.’ Like that.
So, I guess, it really is no wonder that I am having such massive experiences of having to trust in God this year, and on a whole ‘nother level from the usual trust I have to put in Him. Usually, it is for much smaller things and not all too often. This year, however, it has been for massive thing after massive thing. I have been hit with so many impossible-feeling situations, that the only consistency I have felt this year is a sense of everything being up on the air and unknown. I have handed thing after things up to God – here, God, I entrust this fully to you, has been a norm for me this year. I have even given Him some intense stuff that I would like to let go from my life entirely, demons that I have asked Him to take away from me fully… there is not much this year where I haven’t given it all up to God and entrusted it to Him and His judgement. But it seems there is plenty more to go still…
I’m genuinely laughing and crying right now. It is comical in its irony.
Okay, God, have it all. I am so scared, and I am trusting you, anyway, even with my fear – have that, too. I am hear to love you and to be your love in the world. You know best how to make that happen. So, though it terrifies you, I hand myself and my whole life you to. Please, take good care of us. We love you. I love you, Abba. I give up fighting you. I give up not trusting you wholly. Please, help me to find peace, even in my unknowing. Help my man to find peace in it all, too, please. And, if it be your will, please, grant us both these spectacular wishes and desires for the future that you have given to us both, with you at their center. Thank you for this life. In your name, I pray. Amen. Amen. Amen. Hallelujah.
I was planning to shop for work clothes and that leather bag today at Walmart and at resale shops. However, my menstruation that began this morning kind of started hitting me hard by about midday – that, ‘It feels like diarrhea, but in the wrong place,’ feeling in the lower front part of my belly (aka my whole uterus area). So, I just got the Velcro I needed at Walmart, glanced quickly at the clothes and declined them, then went to three resale shops. I was quick in each, not even five minutes in any one of them. I got in, looked through all their bags, and got out. Well, I was probably in the first one a little over five minutes, because I had to wait in line to buy this great small leather purse that I likely will be using for a project in the future. It was two dollars efficiently spent, I tell you.
Then, there was nothing at the second store I liked much, so I was there only about two minutes, going through all their purses and handbags. It was easy not being in a mood to try on clothes. I knew I could do that another time with comparable ease. Today was focused on the Velcro and the bag search.
At the third resale shop, though, right as I entered, I glimpsed a bag behind a counter. A man asked if I needed help, and, though I hadn’t fully determined that I wanted to see the bag up close, I went ahead and asked to see it. After some quick research online, I agreed to buy the bag. I walked the store quickly, just to make sure I wasn’t missing some gem somewhere, and then purchased the leather bag.
I called my man to tell him I was headed home and that I’d found a bag. And, not only is it a good quality, real leather piece that I like, nor was it merely $35 plus tax, but it was also ‘a stinking name brand purse.’.
His immediate response was, “Is it real? Are you sure it’s not a fake?”
“No, I’m not sure! But now I want to know!”
It hadn’t even occurred to me that it might be a fake, because, well, I DIDN’T CARE. I cared about the quality and the leather, and those two things had checked the boxes. The name on it was more funny to me than anything else. But, now that he had mentioned the idea, I suddenly absolutely wanted to know if it was real or a fake. Mind you, I was and am still fully aware of the fact that it does not matter if the bag is a fake or not – we both agree it was a good purchase, whatever the case. I just really want to know, now that he’s brought up the idea.
And that almost feels stupider than caring about it for the sake of purchasing a crazy expensive purse just for the name. But, anyway, I still want to know now.
I looked up one article immediately and started comparing. Coincidentally, it passed the main tests – quality stitching, matching threads, quality and heavy-duty metal parts, quality and matching bordering leather. However, there is one test it fails: the tag. It doesn’t have a fabric tag inside it anymore. However, from what a quick search showed me, the bag is from the ‘90s. From the inside of the bag, this thing was not treated kindly by its last owner… at all. I crossed bags online with that little fabric tag partly or almost fully shredded. It would not surprise me if such a thing happened to such a tag in this bag. However, I will check tomorrow if there seems to be a seen in the right spot for that missing tag. In addition to that, the long strap on it has different thread. So, there’s a definite chance that the strap did not originally come with the bag. And the strap may be fake or may be from just another D&B bag altogether, and it merely got switched or stolen one day (mean that as you like it).
So, I’ll do some more online research tomorrow, especially with how to clean this poor thing. It really is great quality, especially seeing how terribly it must have been treated and how well it held up. With a good clean and conditioning, though, I think this bag will look spectacular again. And, as I said, whether it’s a real or a fake D&B purse, it was still worth the $35.
…. But I still want to know. 😛
Thank you, God, for this life and this success and fun today. Thank you for the amazing family dinner and music tonight. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my man, who carries part of my heart with him always now – thank you for such a blessing. Help us all to pursue and fulfill your will, being our best selves, better and better each day. Thank you. I love you. We love you. Amen.
I’m just searching for some quality work clothing and a quality (used, because I can’t afford new) leather handbag. But that, apparently, is too much to request from our clothing industry right now.
And that is just so, so sad…
There is so much junk out there. There is so much junk that will get thrown away without ever being sold. And there is so much junk that will fall apart quickly after people start to use it. And it isn’t even a matter of just not buying the junk – there is too much junk and too little out there that is of quality. I cannot even find the quality stuff(!!!!). (Aaaahhhhrrrrggghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
The only place I’ve found not-junk (but also still loads of junk) has been as resale shops. I actually found a great leather handbag in one shop today – no, it isn’t even a name brand bag, because even most of those are rather crappy quality and aren’t actual leather anymore – but it is a bit big for my purposes. So, my search continues for the quality leather handbag.
Finding clothes has been distressingly difficult. They cost more than ever right now, yet their quality is significantly worse than they were even a few years ago. One distinct thing I noticed during the previous presidency was that product quality in general, clothing included, increased. Things were suddenly made better or they didn’t sell. And lots was made in the USA, and not crappily. It was suddenly kind of easy to find whatever I wanted as a product made in the USA and made well, and at a very reasonable price. Not cheap, but reasonable and worth the quality. Now, I am very much not into politics, but I have noticed that clear difference. During this presidency, there has been a weird supply chain issue, along with an intense drop of quality in products and a huge jump of products from China, and yes, I mean the crappy kind, exploding out of almost every store. On top of that, the prices of the junk are higher than the quality and quality made-in-the-USA products’ prices a few years ago.
Just the waste of it all is sad enough. But the lack of fair wages and intense markup pricing brings it all to a whole ‘nother level of sad…
Dear God, please, help us to restore quality to this planet, and on all levels. Help us begin with providing quality services, quality care, and quality products to one another. Help us all to learn to care about our own work and about the work of others. Help us to appreciate truly the value of quality work, services, products, and love. In your name, I pray. Amen.
And, boy(!), did we get loads accomplished in the yard today! I had an amazing time today, taking it easy while using my physical energy to make improvements to our backyard. We added so much beauty today, it was such a blessing to be able to do it all. And it was even more of a blessing not to have to check the clock… at all. We just got to take care of things, have fun together, argue a lot about what way to do certain things (especially when one of us already had a way we were going to do it, and the other didn’t realize that), and learn to let it go and continue onward together, even when we did separate things from one another. It was just a beautiful day making beautiful things.
And, oh, yeah, it was extremely hot. One neighbor mentioned that there may even have been a heat warning… so, there’s that.
But today was such a blessing and a meditation and a working out of kinks, it was perfect.
Thank you, God, for this day. We tidied so much more than just the yard today. Thank you for all of it. Help us always to see clearly our next step to fulfill your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.
A chain my man likes is having an anniversary week thing, where they have a special for each day this week. So, though we typically go around once a month or two, we’ve gone four times this week now.
Tonight, we had to pick up my car from having work done on it – covered under manufacturer’s warranty, the window regulator broke, if you recall that as having happened just after my jury summons stuff had ended – across town, so we went to a different location of the restaurant.
After we’ve been seated and ordered our beverages and first round of appetizers and it’s all come out, our waiter takes a little time to chat with us. The section is not busy at the moment, so we think nothing of it. (You can tell this is going somewhere now, though…) He asks if we come often tot he restaurant. We mention how we do not normally come very often, but that we have come almost every day this week for the fun specials. We give various details about it, and we all laugh about how ridiculous it all is.
The waiter casually asks if we normally come to this location and if we’ve been coming here all week, and we easily explain that, no, we haven’t. We’ve been going to this other location, which is by where we live and where we normally go. And he says, ‘Oh, so you were there on Monday night,’ and we say that we were.
And just before my man, as is quite common at times, dives into some other comment that kind of cuts off someone else, the waiter adds, “I remember y’all. I saw y’all there.”
……..
My man, somehow, completely misses this casually commented fun-fact, and just keeps sharing about something related dinner that night and the specials we had all had at our table (my brother and sister-in-law had been with us). I dive in about Really?! You did?! You were there?!We’re you working?! And he says where he was seated, just by the hostess stand. I misunderstand briefly and ask if it was on the side by the bar, which was where we had been, with only a Hispanic family right near us that I could recall, though someone else had been there first… At this point, my man is listening newly, realizing that he clearly missed something in the conversation, and he catches up quickly.
We clarify where our waiter had been sitting, and that he had seen me waiting by the hostess stand on my own first, and then with my man, once he had arrived (the wait was long that night, even though we’d gotten on the wait list long before arriving in person), and before we went to the bar to get a round of the discounted drink (and then were seated almost immediately at our actual table). As it turned out, he had wanted to have the special that night – it was $1/chicken wing and $2 (certain) draft pints, though I suspect he wasn’t old enough for the latter – but was embarrassed to go eat at the restaurant where he worked, so he went to the next closest location… where he saw us standing right by his table for fifteen minutes or so. 😛
Pretty silly and bizarre, to be sure, but I’m really glad he told us. He even said that he recognized us immediately, but that he didn’t want to start off the waiter-patron relationship that way, too intensely right off the bat. It was a good call. We would have been fine with it, but it was the safer bet and we probably enjoyed it even more discovering it after establishing a positive rapport with the kid. We ended up having a great time at dinner tonight, and had a surprisingly good time chatting off and on with our sweet (and good quality) waiter. It was really fun, and I’m so glad we stopped at it all worked out as it did.(!)
Thank you, God, for this surprise blessing. Thank you for this life. Help us to see clearly our next step, please. Help Dylan(sp?) to find his next step, especially in regards to University and his own development Persia lulu and academically. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Well, jury duty was a success. I prayed a lot about it, and I asked for clear guidance, courage, and the necessary words and judgement from God and the dear Saints in order to do God’s will and to share his love in the world through me, and I do believe they provided it all. I knew I would be selected as a potential juror – one of those God-granted feelings – and I ended up being the second-to last one called, of 80 people (from a total of about 200 folks who didn’t get excused).
But, because I’d known, when there were only five names remaining, I knew not to think I was about to go home. It was just a matter of which number I was. And that was juror number 79.
And juror number 79, despite full intentions not to speak up about things unless absolutely necessary, spoke up a lot.
Mostly, I asked for clarity on things, definitions, to repeat something that had been read aloud quickly (which half the room could not actually read on the far-away screen in small font – seriously, what are they thinking there?? – in the first place). Sometimes, I answered the questions they were asking, mostly when I had a clear answer to share and no one else was speaking up already or had not mentioned what I then added. For the most part, each time I contributed left me chucking to myself quietly afterward and shaking my head. I had asked for clear guidance and the right words for fulfilling God’s will, and it was quickly clear that God wanted me to be seen and heard today.
I was not one of the annoyances – a few people did it intentionally, and several just didn’t seem to have a clue on many things – but I was involved a decent amount throughout the two hours of questioning from the attorneys. By the end of it, I was genuinely wanting to be on the jury.
It was even a criminal case, which I had feared most beforehand. The subject, however sensitive it may be, was a matter in which I truly felt I could see both sides freely. I have had to sort through some serious crap that was done to me in my life, and that people I care about have done. And I have learned to honor that they did what they felt was the only option at the time – no matter how horrible the action may have been or how twisted their thinking likely was – and that people do not necessarily act maliciously when they commit crimes against others… even the really bad ones. Yes, there certainly are plenty of times that malicious intent is present for crimes in this world – the devil’s work is rampant at times. But it is not necessarily there, and that distinction is well beyond being of little importance, and possibly one of the most important aspects of a crime.
Now, the one place where I disagree heartily with the legal system is that people who’s really convicted of crimes rarely get the actual rehabilitative help they truly need to rejoin society as fully functioning, contributing, and valuable members of society. Often, they are merely given fines and/or locked up for a long time, and then released, older and a bit wiser, but not likely healed from whatever caused them to commit a crime in the first place. That, to me, is extremely sad and unequivocally important. However, that set aside for the moment, as there is nothing that would handle it so immediately as to be relevant today, my mind really went in a direction I had not fully expected for today (though, it did not surprise me truly).
Wanting to be on that jury felt odd. I would not be at all surprised if the defendant had done the crime of which he was accused. But I also would believe that he hadn’t done it at all, or hadn’t done it in a sound mind with the true intention of injury that may have resulted from it. But I knew I could see both sides openly, and that I could call out my automatic judgements and biases rather well – after all, I had been doing it since we’d started the afternoon’s questioning.
I had major biases that came up for each of the attorneys present, as well as the rest of the people in the room. And I intentionally let each of those drop, so that I could consider what was actually being offered to me, instead of my predetermined judgements. One side had a good-looking attorney and then a mostly smooth-talking attorney who asked all the questions. Though I fully love my state, I did not trust these young and clean-cut state attorneys. As I thought about it throughout the afternoon, I came up with a clear way to say how I seem to approach everything and everything: I am respectfully skeptical of everyone (and everything). I notice my biases and immediately look to see how things would be different without them. I typically alter my behavior with my thinking, whenever necessary in those moments.
The other side of the trial had an older, somewhat dumpy-looking (due to fat, not any actual unkempt nature of the man – he was quite clean and together) attorney who was not great with technology (but he figured it out well enough!), and a slow-talking and occasionally bumbling attorney who was clearly not the best at switching between reading and speaking on the fly. My natural instinct was to trust the good-looking attorneys and not the not-good-looking ones, to trust the easygoing quick-tongued one and not the slower one. But I saw those biases and did not trust them as truth. They are merely judgements, and do not necessarily determine what is actually true. Like with the slower talking attorney who struggled with the back-and-forth of questioning and reading his notes and adapting to changes – we all learn differently. Anyone can look like an idiot in the right setting, and anyone can thrive and seem like a genius in the right setting. These men are no exception. One lawyer thrives on the talking, the other does not. It does not mean that the latter cannot make a better legal case – just that it won’t have such pretty words and fluidity as the former’s.
So, anyway, having constantly to set aside my judgements had me realize that I not only could be quite valuable on a jury, but that I wanted to be on the jury because I felt I could be fair in my judgements. Even if the man had done the crimes, if the court could not provide evidence in support of it beyond a reasonable doubt, he is innocent in court, no matter if the whole jury were to think him guilty; he must be declared innocent of the crimes. Taking it one step further, no matter the outcome in court, his behavior going forward for the rest of his life will determine for him what happens for eternity for him. Either he will be with God or he will not be with God. Whatever the case, that part is on him in this life, determined by him and by him alone. We have no say in that. But we do have say as to whether the evidence provided supports one way or the other the accusation given to this man. (And, somehow, that realization this morning made all the difference for me.)
In the end, nine men and three women were selected, and they didn’t even make it past the 50s in the selections. So, though I very much expected to be on the jury, they never even got to discuss me as a possibility. I’d briefly forgotten what I had been grateful to remember initially this morning that juries are selected in order, only moving forward if one is denied – a jury could be the first 12 jurors if no denials arise on either side of the case, however unlikely that may actually be. Ours had the first half of the jury filled by juror ten, at which point I remembered how they filled a jury and was bummed out a bit. I likely was the only person released today who wasn’t really glad to have been released.
God granted me understanding and a change of mind, as I very much anticipated, and somewhat didn’t want. Haha
Now, it was perfect that I’d had the duty today, as it placed me near the car dealership. Just as I was leaving, I cracked my windows a bit to let out the hot air from inside the car. I rolled them all back up a few seconds later as I drove out of the parking lot to head home.
And I heard a metallic-like CRACK!
In some degree, the rear passenger window had come off its railings in a malfunction, and would not slide up anymore. I pulled over only to find that the window could slide casually down and down and down.
Not good.
So, I dropped it to the dealership – because this has to be covered under warranty, since I rarely use the window and the car isn’t even three years old – even though they had no appointments available for the final 40 minutes of their workday. The manager was actually helpful and kind to me, though – I’d never met him before, but I had had lots of struggle with agents in the past there – and sent me on my way in an Uber rather quickly, after a free snack and drink. (I had a soda can of V8 that was just veggies with tomatoes, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.) Someone will look at the window in the morning, and they’ll let me know the full situation. Until then, it will sit inside a shop, with window tape covering the slightly open window. It might be a few days for parts to be ordered and delivered. They would give me a free rental car, but only once they know what’s wrong and confirm it is warranty-valid (versus tampering). So, I’ll have to go back to get the rental car, which is rather far from home. So, we’ll see what happens.
Whatever the case, sure glad I had the jury duty summons today, which put me right by the dealership, and sure glad I don’t have the case the rest of this week, so I don’t have to figure out how to get way out there without my vehicle tomorrow.
Phew!
God sure has a way of helping us to find gratitude in upsets.
I have a jury duty summons for tomorrow. The courthouse is about 40 minutes away, without traffic. Start time is 8:30am. Compensation barely covers the cost of gasoline to get there and back.
Jury duty frustrates me immensely, and on multiple levels. I won’t get into it now, but I will mention one thing.
People claim that Voir Dire, the questioning of potential jurors by the lawyers to determine whether they will be on the jury or not, means, “to tell the truth”. It absolutely does not. It means, “to see to say”. I speak French. I know these words and I use them regularly in French. I also use the various words for “truth,” none of which are “voir” or anything like it. “To tell the truth,” would be, “Dire la vérité.” “Voir dire,” only equals, “To see to say.”
So, I went ahead and grilled Chat GPT on it. It gave some basic boring information, quoting all the same articles I had already crossed. But I kept pushing it to find the sources behind the sources, and, after taking much about the Medieval French practices of law, we came to this simple response/explanation:
Yes, you are correct. The term “voir dire” in its legal context originally referred to the process of “seeing” or “observing” what potential jurors said or how they responded to questions during their examination. It was used to assess their qualifications, impartiality, and credibility to determine if they were suitable to serve on the jury for a particular case.
The word “voir” in French means “to see,” and it has never meant “truth.” The term “voir dire” itself does not directly translate to “to speak the truth” in French.
The term “voir dire” originated in medieval England during the Norman Conquest when French legal terms were introduced into the English legal system. “Voir dire” was used to describe the process of “speaking the truth” or “telling the truth” during the examination of witnesses or jurors in legal proceedings.
While the term “voir dire” itself comes from the Old French words “voir” (to see) and “dire” (to speak), its usage in the legal context in England evolved to represent the idea of truth-speaking during the examination of witnesses and jurors.
Bam. I am satisfied that a reputable source agrees with me that evolution of terminology has happened in the case of “voir dire,” and that it does not mean “to speak the truth,” no matter how many times people claim it. It merely references a time when potential jurors are expected to speak the truth, and the lawyers observe the responses and determine how to proceed with each potential juror based on those responses. And it still means “to see to say”.
Goodnight.
God, let me go home early tomorrow morning, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
hannah ananas 