Tag: fear

Feeling crushed by gravity

I find myself not wanting to exercise or go to the gym. And I’m noticing how similarly it feels to before I had adjustments from a chiropractor, specifically a certain spinal adjustment. Afterward, I felt taller, and unbound from something I hadn’t known was binding me for quite some time. I actually wanted to exercise, then. I actually felt like doing it… in a way I hadn’t in years.

And so feel so much like that pre-adjustment time right now, when the idea of physical exercise feels exhausting. Where it feels like I’m tied up, somehow, like the puppet strings are all knotted up, limiting motion… I don’t feel terrible, but I don’t feel well and I don’t feel myself and I definitely don’t feel like working out. I just seem to want to curl up in bed and rest, really.

Thank you, God, for this appointment on Thursday. Please, please, let it be exactly what my body (and mind) need(s). In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Drugs

I have never once had a desire to participate in drugs. Never.

Yet, that seems to be more of the odd man out than the average…

I had no idea, growing up, that so many people had such great interest in drugs, even in just minor ones, like marijuana. But it has never had appeal for me. In fact, most drug use has always seemed sad to me, tied indefinitely with the idea of running away from or avoiding life on some level. But avoidance never truly helps in life, not in the long run, and drugs seem to prove the same.

Post-a-day 2022

Avoidance

I don’t wanna go to school tomorrow… But not because I don’t like school. Simply because I keep feeling a desire to avoid the situation as a whole. My assignment ends at 14:55 this coming Friday. With that, too, ends my clear daily goals and making a difference daily in the lives of others and having a clear purpose, as well as having a reasonable salary. All that goes away in a poof on Friday…

And I’m scared to face it, really, because the What’s Next is terrifying. Truly, it is. I’ll be pursuing coding full-time (as a learner, that is), in the hopes of finding work in the industry by January. That’s a lofty goal, I know. But someone told me today that I could make it happen in six months – he actually does this for a living, helping students pursue coding, you see, at a University, no less. If six months is his thought when he thinks I know nothing at all, then three months could be possible, right? I mean, all things are possible with God. And a lot will be up to me for making this all happen, though. Meaning just about all of it, really.

So, God, please, help me to be focused and effective and efficient these next several months as I pursue these dreams that have a massive edge of terror to them. The best ones always do, I know. Thank you for such a terrifying and wonderful opportunity. In your name, I pray. Amen. Amen. Amen. Thanks be to God. Hallelujah!

Exhaustion

When the fun things aren’t fun anymore, it really could be, quite simply, that we need rest and restoration. Perhaps we are not borderline tears because the world is miserable, but because our bodies and minds are struggling to stay awake, to continue without the appropriate rest and sleep. Perhaps, when the answer to the question of, “What’s wrong?” is something like, “I don’t know,” the answer is truly that we need to go to bed and sleep for a good while… just a thought…

Post-a-day 2022

Peace

“Thank you for praying with us today, and let peace be with you,” he closes out the rosary. And I wonder at this every time. Tonight, however, I think I have an answer.

You see, we always say either, “Peace be with you,” or “May peace be with you,” with both being intended as a blessing from one to another. However, Mark Wahlberg doesn’t say it that way. He says, “let”…

Let peace be with you…

Why let? Because we are the ones who determine if we have peace. In the harshest of circumstances, people find peace. In the most idyllic of circumstances, people lack it. Why? Because we determined, each and every one of us, for ourselves whether we are at peace, have peace, or not.

So, it’s up to me to allow peace to be with me… That exactly. We are surrounded by a world filled with peace, wanting to grant us peace. Yet, how often do we block it? How often do we push away from that offering of peace? How often do we decide to stay stuff where we are in our miseries?

Peace is knocking from every direction. Dare we to answer the door and to let peace come be with us??

I dare.

Post-a-day 2022

Despair

No, it isn’t poorly pronounced French, but I almost rather it were every time I encounter it. Despair is an odd one. For me, it is both kind of the worst and, in a small way, sort of the best. Sure, the bad part makes sense, but what’s this with the goodness of despair? Well, whenever I find myself in a state of despair, it is always the point at which the straw breaks the camel’s back, so to speak – it is the turning point for me. Simply by seeing the despair, by noticing and acknowledging it, I inevitably start to do something about it, and sort the whole situation out in a way that leaves me, well, being fully myself again. And isn’t that just wonderful?

So, as I said, despair is, while despairing, also gladdening for me. Thank you, God, for showing me this current state of despair. I trust wholly in my ability through your love and will to clear this up beautifully and to restore myself fully to life, better than ever, and every day showing more of the magical and astounding woman you created me to become and to be. I love you. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Prayers for Jane’s Healing

Whatever your method, whatever your beliefs, however you can, I ask for your prayers, your intentions, your positive energy, your love, your light to guide healing and release to our dearest friend Jane. Her body needs some help right now especially, and I ask for your support, wherever you are, whenever you are. However you call the cosmic energy that connects us all, please, ask it if it would grant Jane those healing atoms and neurons and electrons and cells, please. Your support will be forever appreciated.

God, please, grant this healing of Jane’s physical body and the release of strain that she has been holding as of late. Allow her to offer her cross up to you, that you might lift the load and heal her in her time of such dependent need. Help her to be her best self, and to be it here with us all, on Earth, and for many years to come. In your name, we pray. Amen.

St. Jude and Mary, Mother of God, pray for us, please, and pray for Jane’s healing. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

All are welcome

Ironically, this song was sung at Mass on Sunday. Tonight, my love was at an event, and he very much had an interaction that specified that all are not welcome there in particular. And that really sucked for me, somehow, I guess considering how he had to be with being unwelcome somewhere, especially somewhere that had seemed so welcoming to him before. It kind of crushed me how there had been an almost 180° turn there. Only those who want to be only here are welcome here… that must be their inner motto there. And I think that is the case for many things right now. It then becomes an “us versus them” battle, when that is so often the case. Why must we keep doing this to ourselves and to one another? Why must we battle each other at all? What is truly in the way of accepting and embracing people exactly as they are, flaws and beauties and all, ourselves included? Why do we resist it so? Because it’s easier in the moment?

Post-a-day 2022

Do your worst

How do you show up in the world on your worst days? If someone were to see you for the first time, or meet you, on one of those days, with what impression of you would that someone be left?

Something worth truly considering, I dare to say. And then, depending on the answer, worth altering or transforming.

Post-a-day 2022