Dreams, then reality

As I’ve said before, dreams tend to take care of us – they find where we are emotionally unsettled from the day (or from even longer), and they aim to resolve those points for us while we sleep.  We go to bed with suppressed angst, we have a torrid dream of seemingly disconnected and/or nonsensical events, throwing us through emotion after emotion, and then we wake up slightly shocked yet – whether we notice it or not – no longer quite so full of the angst of yesterday.  It’s like how we are always told that we’ll feel better in the morning, or after a good night’s rest – our brain helps to heal us as we sleep, and dreams are the part of the healing that we, somewhat, are able to witness.

Last night, I had a long series of one of those dreams, and it was surprising how it was put together.  However, it made perfect sense, after I considered it all for a little while today.  I am physically attracted to this type of guy, but I am emotionally, psychologically, and mentally attracted to a very different type of guy.  It is not the tall, dark, and handsome that keep my attention – they only grab it initially.  It is the gloriously intelligent, slightly dorky guy, the one who can’t help but be true to his inner nerdiness, and share it with the world freely, and free from shame.  It is the guy who is comfortable in himself and is unapologetically smart and silly, who keeps my attention.  (Well, as long as he has good teeth, that is – I can’t stand bad teeth… just saying…)

And so, despite the gloriously handsome guys who could have shown up for the delightfully silly series of events that were an absurd version of dating and loving someone truly, my brain gave me the nerdy genius of the bunch… and I loved it.  As I mentioned, I was surprised when I woke up, and I processed the fact that I had just had a mental dating relationship with the least physically attractive guy on my mind.  However, it did not take me long after asking the question, “Why was he the one?” that I knew exactly why.  My body is attracted to the other guys loads more, and my mind a good amount, but my mind is absurdly attractive to him, when compared to the others… they can’t even begin to compare, really, because they aren’t even on the same plane.

So, yeah, it was a lovely set of dreams… and it really helped me deal mentally with some unsettled stress…, but the dream itself lacked an ending – it just kind of fizzled out, as dreams often do, leaving me wanting not more of the dream but the real thing, life itself. Now, I want more than ever to meet my own nerdy love of my life.  And I have no idea what to do about that.

Well, I actually do, in a way… As I have begun, I must continue to pursue this living space beautification process.  I see the next steps in it all, and I think it is more important than ever that I take them, so that I can actually achieve this dream of mine with my living space.  By pursuing something that is so important and also so difficult for me (yet entirely true to who I am to pursue and achieve), I am making mental and physical space for this person to arrive.  I am also setting myself up for the life I want to lead, and for being who and how I want to be in more ways than ever… that, in and of itself, is a bold and powerful step, I believe, in not only inviting but allowing that person to enter into my life, my daily life.

So, now that I’ve had the lovely dream last night, I want to do what it takes to create the real thing for me, to turn the ideas of that dream into my reality.  (Obviously, I don’t want the specifics of the dream, people included, [myself aside, that it], but I want the ideas and emotions presented and managed within it to become part of my life.)  Basically, I was inspired by my nighttime dreams to create something spectacular and unexpected in my reality.  Thank you, dreams.  Thank you, brain.  Blowing my mind here, and I am grateful… just help me to take the next steps, would you, please?  😀

On that note, time to go to sleep, Banana.  😉

Post-a-day 2020

Lost in the story

Do you ever find yourself so engrossed in, so invested in, so infatuated and obsessed with the fairy tale story that you choose it over your real life, the book or the movie or show instead of living the lovely parts of your own real life?

I think I sometimes grow scared of my life becoming a letdown, such that I cling to something else – another story, that is, and usually a created one – for a while instead, and dream about and long for that life, or something like it, for myself…

I unrealistically throw as much possible time as I can into reading the book further, and reading further into the series, if it is one, changing and informing planing and intended activities just so I can spend more time in the world of the book…

Until, that is, I reach the point that I notice the new infatuation interfering too much with real life – when I typically would be delighted at the prospect of spending the day with my brother, and doing photos and sports, nonetheless, but find myself longing instead to stay home alone to continue this new story in which I have mentally thrown myself.

You see, I don’t want to be like Kathleen Kelly in the first half of “You’ve Got Mail”, where she feels like all of her best life moments have been ones read in books… I want mine to be real, more like Kathleen Kelly at the end of the film…

And so, that point is when I acknowledge fully that my interest is bordering on scary, and that I would do best to look at what is behind it all – Why do I long for this other story so?

Do I want their money or love or friends or lifestyle or passion or any number of other things?

Usually, that is it exactly, and, by my acknowledging that, I can find a way to move forward powerfully within my own life, altering something that helps me in the area I found most lacking and which had drawn me so strongly and painfully to the created story…

Say I love their looks and their love story.

Then, I resolve to have my own love story…, and, seeing as how I was rather bummed the other day at the consideration of my search being at its end, I acknowledge that I perhaps do not want the love of my life to be settled yet… and so would prefer not to have Matthew Crawley become the love of my life after all, but would rather wait for the actual real and perfect man for me (because who wants to live in the age of corsets anyhow?)…

Just as an example… 😛

Post-a-day 2019

Crazy lady travels free

I was just thinking about when my coworker and I took a group of kids to England and France a few summers ago, and things associated with that.  At the end of the trip, I stayed in France to go visit my old stomping grounds down south, and so I left the group to go home on a flight with my coworker (per our own full agreement and arrangement ahead of time).  I waited too long to decide to do that, so I had to pay $350 for the flight change (Ugh).  We also each had to pay $937.50 for the trip in the first place (Meh).  Therefore, I had to pay a total of $1287.50 for a 10-day trip that included all accommodations, food, tours, and transport, and another ten days on location at my own expense, which is really not bad at all.  At all.

However – and this is a BIG however – as part of our arranging and hosting this trip in the first place, the tour company gave us each a training trip.

Mine, as I selected it, was a long weekend trip, with food, housing, tours, and transportation included, to downtown Rome, Italy.  Therefore, my just-under 1300 dollars actually got me two separate trips to Europe, with almost all expenses paid for most of the time on the trips.

I really do come up with the craziest stuff to have happen in my life.  And – what is possibly the best part of this all – I don’t even seem to notice how absurd it all is, until I find myself ruminating on this and thats one afternoon, years later, and it suddenly hits me that, say, taking a free trip to Europe is not a normal thing in life.  I take this moment to nod my head to my cousin for the question she exasperatedly declared one evening at my apartment a few years ago: “Hannah, do you even know what real life is like?”

Indeed, fair cousin, it seems I do not know that most of the time – reality bites, so I live somewhere else, and I love it.  🙂

Post-a-day 2018

Morning Breath

Ever notice how people in movies (and TV shows, too) just wake up in the morning and start kissing one another, as though they don’t have wretched breath?  I always notice, and so does my mom, who always comments on it as though it is the first time we’re seeing this sort of thing together.  Nonetheless, today at work, I discovered a movie that does not do this!

America’s Sweethearts, with Julia Roberts and John Cusack (among other greats), at about an hour eight minutes in, shows a perfect morning scene.  The two wake up in the bed next to one another, smile and chuckle briefly, and then Julia Roberts pulls the bed-sheet over her mouth.  As they end the brief scene with plans for breakfast, both of them have their mouths covered by the bed-sheet, and Julia Roberts’ character says that she’ll go brush her teeth before breakfast, and that he should go do the same.  😀

It was delightful. !!!!!  😀

Thank you for putting in real life, Director Joe Roth.  Thank you.  😀

 

I'm part of Post A Day 2016