I think God is giving me these desires to spend so much time on teaching-related and school-related stuff lately on purpose. He is helping me to prepare myself.
I do believe.
And I am grateful for it all. It feels good to be here, now. Thank you.
Post-a-day 2021
Okay, I give up.
Take me where you want me to be.
Guide me where you need me, guide me where I need to be.
Help me to do what you need me to do,
And help me to do what I am here to do.
Make me ready to do
What I am made to do.
I give up resisting.
I am here.
I am yours.
Take me.
I love you.
Peace
Amen
And thank you
Post-a-day 2021
Today, I trusted my feelings, how my body and energy responded, and it was spectacular. Yes, I turned down an amazing opportunity – sailing – and opted to go to school, and get some work done. I didn’t leave until after eight pm to come home, and I had arrived to school around noon-thirty or so. But I got a tremendous amount accomplished, and it feels so freeing right now, I can hardly grasp it fully. I finished everything I had to do and wanted to do this weekend for school, and then some. I also accomplished several things I had hoped to do this past week, but hadn’t managed.
See, I had intended to go in on Monday to get some work done. But, as soon as I trusted my feeling that I didn’t want to do the sailing today, and communicated that, the easing of that allowed me to ask myself what I would like to do today. And the almost immediate response was: Go to school. So, after getting some nourishment for later and some gasoline, I headed there. My morning had been wonderful, spent with my dad (thanks to the last-minute removal of my part-time job’s shift to a coworker when I offered it last night), though even that was spontaneous when I was first considering what to do with my morning that I had free before the afternoon sailing. So, my dad and I walked and talked, and then ate and talked, and then stood around and talked some more. It was great.
I was fully ready to take on the schoolwork after that, and with joy and delight. I thoroughly enjoyed going in and getting things done… which has me thinking that I must really, truly love this work. What person loves going to work on a Saturday, loves grading nearly a hundred tests, loves creating documents and lesson plans, and loves doing it all for over seven hours on that Saturday, not getting home until close to nine pm?
And then still considers – and with delight – going back to get more done on Monday, just to stay ahead?
I am trusting that God and the Universe are helping me to see things newly in my life, and that they are preparing me for the wonderful opportunities that will continue to arise. I am trusting that my odd foot and leg pain was intentional, and that I needed not to attend the gym workouts this week, that I needed to ask for help from others, and that I needed to take a few tiny but real stands for myself.
I am trusting that I am exactly where I need to be, and that this buzzing of a feeling is exactly what it feels to be: a positive change approaching – a beautiful and powerful transformation of circumstance.
I am finally trusting.
Post-a-day 2021
Have you noticed that, when seeing someone wearing a mask, our brains complete the face for us…., but often inaccurately? For me, I have noticed that my brain completes the face a perfectly and proportionately as possible. So, basically, everyone is the genetic lottery style of model underneath that mask, according to my brain. And so, naturally, as very few actually win any lottery in life, when people remove their masks, I find this to be less handsome and beautiful than I expected. I mean no unkindness by this, of course – that is just how it is. We are not often perfectly proportionate as a species. That’s why it’s called the genetic lottery.
Now, that being said, have you ever had it turn out the other way? Where, upon seeing someone for the first time without a mask, you find the person to be more attractive than you had imagined her to be? It happened for me to a big degree this week. A colleague, while sitting outside, working on something, was wearing no mask. First, I was stunned by his beauty. Then, I was double-taking, as it occurred to me who this person was. After confirmation, I was stunned freshly. Just wow… he is gorgeous… and I had had no idea. My brain had sorely underestimated the adorable face behind that mask. An error I am fully willing to make again, really. 😛
Post-a-day 2021
Why do I almost always struggle to get to bed at a decent hour on Sunday nights? I fiddle around all day Sunday, exhausted, and then end up taking forever on something just before bed, getting me off to a dreadful start to the school week. Add to it my buttock and ankle pains on the right side, as well as a full day of classes, including an observation, and we have ourselves a recipe for an extremely tiring and uncomfortable Monday.
Ugh.
God, help me rest well, please.
Post-a-day 2021
There was a dance tonight. I chaperoned for it. I had a wonderful time. I got to be social yet not, dance around yet not, be chill, walk around, mingle, walk away from people, people watch, and enjoy the world around me.
And my students often were excited to see and greet me, which was wonderful, too.
It was lovely.
And then, at the end, I got to take home some flowers. That was baller, too. Oh, and a couple t-shirts for the school. Boom. Great night.
Of course, it is not well past 1:00am, and I’m only just about to get to fall asleep…, but, I believe, it was worth it.
Thank you, God and Universe for this opportunity and blessing.
Gratitude here
Post-a-day 2021
Why must I be so volatile and cyclothymiac, even bipolar, when it comes to my work and to my self-image and, even, to men?
It’s getting to be a tad old school, and I’m quite tired of it, already.
Ugh…
God and Universe, please, help me to ease these extremes in my life, that I be able to create abundant love and joy through my being and doing in this life, sharing your love and joy as we create it together.
Amen.
P.S. I told a kid today how he was truly wonderful in the musical last weekend. I don’t know the kid – I just recognized him the other day in passing, and intended to tel him about the show, whenever I saw him again. I saw him this morning, possibly as I was handing out breakfast tacos to everyone, and told him then, surrounded by hungry teenagers awaiting their treats. I’m almost certain it made his day, considering the immense grin that resulted, along with his verbal thanks. When I saw him again tonight at a football game, a similar smile produced, with a touch of secret that, I realized, was with me – his gratitude extended even then, and seems likely to last. I am grateful that I was given the opportunity to do such a thing for another, and that I seized the opportunity well. Thank you, all.
Post-a-day 2021
I trust that God and the Universe are acting in my best interest, helping me to be my best and highest self. As annoying as that may sometimes be, I still trust them. And I am grateful for their support and guidance.
He said he envied her height. She said that, if he had been taller she would have married him. But then, she wouldn’t have married the man she did marry, and had the children she had. And he wouldn’t have become a priest, and made the difference in the world that he has made in that role.
Thinking on this, it occurred to me that, though I may envy someone something or be jealous of someone for something, I need only remember that my not having that something is actually helping me to do what I am here to do, the make the difference I am here to make. If I had what that other person has, she would not be able to do what she is here to do, and I would not be able to do what I am here to do.
And so, when the World dishes out something specific to me and something specifically envious to someone else, it is intentional. I have what I was given, because that is what will help me to do what I am here to do in this life, both now and in the future.
Even if I did really want that something else (or someone else), the lack of it will prove much more fertile and endeavour than having it would have proven.
Post-a-day 2021
I can actually quite well argue any side of a matter. I’ve known that about myself for a long time now. The use of this skill today, however, surprised me a bit. I was not in agreement about something, and had spoken up about it in private, but had not yet received a response. I did not want to undermine what this person had done, so, when a student came to me, upset in just the same way I was (but worse, because he was receiving the brunt of the blow), I had to hold my tongue a moment and reconsider. What stands before me here? Imagining nothing outside of this room will change, how can I encourage and empower this student here and now and going forward, and without laying anger or blame or frustrations elsewhere?
And then I did just that. I saw a beauty to this new perspective I was offering to him, and was completely impressed by and enrolled in the idea myself.
And no, I wasn’t BS-ing anything here. I was approaching it genuinely.
Which has me wonder if it wouldn’t be a beautiful practice to reevaluate situations and opinions more often in my daily life. Because I never would have found such a deep, powerful perspective had I not been presented with the sudden need to help this student while not disregarding the right of the other person in the situation.
So, I think I’ll be looking into that going forward…
P.S. The kid, I now know, as I’ve had a response to my earlier e-mail, very likely will not be having to serve the punishment he was assigned. It likely only will apply to those for whom it was truly applicable (Aka almost all the other students from that class), after a few further discussions with certain students to confirm.
Post-a-day 2021
Bro, I don’t quite understand where God is directing me right now, but I am certainly following the calls and encouragements full-heartedly. There is now a very high chance that I will be helping with this martial arts thing at school, now, in the mornings… because, you know, I wasn’t busy enough already. 😛 My words and thoughts, by the way, and I believe them as both true and ironic. Haha
Anyway, must sleep ASAP, as it’s already after 9pm!
Post-a-day 2021
hannah ananas 