Tomorrow, I will be doing something scary. However, I don’t feel scared about it right now. Perhaps that is because I am busy doing different things tonight still. Perhaps, though, it is because it’s something I have wanted to do and know will be valuable for me and my life going forward, so the fear is minimal when shown next to the value.
Post-a-day 2022
I never really want to deal with the tiny details, but those are the ones that make all the difference. It’s not all about the details, but they sure do matter more than one might guess!
Post-a-day 2022
That’s the German word for sore muscles after exercise, and I love it. My leg muscles are especially sore right now, and have been for about a week now. Mostly my hamstrings hurt, I guess, though it all is sore, just to varying degrees.
I had my man rub the backs of my legs for me tonight. I asked and told him to be gentle and careful, and use his whole hand to speed the pressure out… and he kind of did. But he also forgot or got distracted every couple seconds or so, and then pushed pointedly and much harder. I even started genuinely crying at one point, it hurt so much. I’d keep telling him when it was too hard, too much, yet he didn’t always seem to believe me… something like that. Whatever the case, his help was extremely painful at times, leaving me writhing in pain, yelling loudly, and, even, crying. It was helpful overall, but the too far stuff was just that – too far.
Hopefully, my muscles heal better tonight and tomorrow than they have been doing.
Post-a-day 2022
Tomorrow, I must get fingerprints done, yet again. Who’d have think that a teacher would end up with so many fingerprint scans? I guess most people, really…, but I never did! 😛
Post-a-day 2022
We have finally worked out, it seems, a safe an effective way of having my neck stretched and releasing the somewhat compressed vertebrae in my neck and, even, upper and middle back. Golly, did that feel amazing when those three stretches released all those tight spots – just wow. I can tell that I still have a few more spots in that area, but we don’t want to shift too much too fast, so we’ll let it all set a bit over the next few days, and then reevaluate.
We have almost figured out how to release my lower back, just not quite. Several vertebrae did release down low, but the two that are kind of rotated toward each other did not release. I felt them get so close, I could almost feel the relief. Alas, they held on in the end. But this adjustment was loads closer to getting them back to place than we’ve had recently. God, of it be your will, please, allow my full spine to resettle into its best form soon, allowing me to pursue your will most effectively with my body fully intact and thriving. Help me, too, always to honor my body and, therefore, you and your creativity and creation. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
Have you ever had a person in your life whom you loved, yet wished not to see again? A person with whom you have great memories already, yet with whom you are afraid of having bad memories develop as they progress forward in life, as they age and grow ever nearer to death?
I remember this feeling from when my opa was dying. I had my whole life so far with him, and it was filled with wonderful memories with and of him. And I was scared to be around him in the last few months of his life, because his body was deteriorating so much, and his mind was clearly growing very tired. I was afraid of building those memories, of a man falling apart, a life coming to a struggling close.
To this day, those memories are still difficult for me to experience, to remember, to accept. Opa was so much more than those last few months, and for over 90 years. And yet they still, somehow, sadden me to the point of tears and snot and everything… even right now, as I write this, I am balling at the memories of those last months. What is so hard about remembering all the rest of the time, and letting go of those few-by-comparison memories that just so happened to be the most recent ones? Why is that so difficult?
My mom was talking once about how Opa was adamant that no one outside his family was going to wipe his butt. It’s a comical thought, really, imagining him saying any version of that. But it was also true and, in a way, serious for him. He only wanted his family to be in such an intimate situation with him, to see him and be with him when he was so incapable, returned to the state in which we all arrive in this world and life. It is no concern when a baby needs to be changed and cleaned, as he has not yet learned or become capable of doing it himself. But it is somehow different when one has lost an ability one once had, and needs another to handle something that had previously been an easy task for him to handle himself. I think that is because we tend to see it as a massive loss, versus a mere progression of life and an early step in returning to life fully with God.
I am so sad at times that my man never got to meet Opa. This man was, in a way, many of my own goals in life, my aspirations, my inspirations – so much about him has developed who I am and strive to be in this life. I miss him dearly still, and I wish my man had had the blessing of being able to miss him, too. Because it really is a blessing to be able to miss someone. We only truly are able to miss those that we first get to know and love, and what a gift it is to know and to love the amazing ones in this world.
Thank you, God, for such amazing blessings as those whom we all miss. Thank you for such love in our lives. Help us to show such love to others, that they may be blessed as we have been. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
The test was nothing like anticipated, and was actually kind of ridiculously easy for me, as it played well to my strengths. I believe several people struggled, but I had minimal struggle – I aimed for perfecting the movements, while, it seemed, most others aimed simply to be able to do the movements. It was a surprise and a bit of a relief, as well as a touch disappointing. I was looking forward to the hard kick test of which I had heard for years. But it wasn’t meant to be. The head guy decided, for some reason, to do it all differently this time.
Perhaps they will decide that it wasn’t hard enough for us, and so will do their own version of it on us in February… only time shall tell!! But that’s how it all went today – simple and easy.
And I trust that it was perfect that way. Thank you, God.
…..
Separately, have you ever had something happen, and felt a need to speak up about it, though felt embarrassed or ashamed to have to bring it up in the first place? Yeah… I have one of those things that I now want and need to address, and am also scared to address. But I have reached out to the appropriate person, and will have that conversation with her tomorrow, and ask for her guidance on how to proceed with the situation as a whole. Hopefully, it was all intended as harmless. However, I still need to speak up about it and communicate that it wasn’t acceptable. (Yikes, I know. Prayers for successful communication appreciated.)
God, guide me clearly, please, and give me the ease and purpose and words needed for this situation to sort out beautifully and with you newly at its heart. In your name, I pray. Help me, please. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
Another test tomorrow for karate. This one is the first official one for the black belt status, and it is the most elusive, I suppose I can say. All we know is that, “it is really hard,” it is a kicking test, and it includes holding up the leg for a long time. Beyond that, we haven’t a clue. People keep asking me if I’m ready for it. Heck if I know! I’ll find out Saturday morning, though!
I did speak to the man giving the test, though, and he said not to be worried. So, I choose to believe him and to trust my physical fitness level. Just need to roll out my legs and warm them up on the morning, I think, and I should be good to do my best.
Deer God, please, help me to perform my best tomorrow. Help me to show that I am both capable and worthy of this goal. Help me to be a force for good, and to inspire good in others. Please, accept my boldness in asking for these things. Please, heal my man and me, that we be our best selves through you. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
Some people are just too into things…
Eight years? Really?!?! I mean, I’ve been using Duolingo that long, but not every single day before midnight(!!!). Talk about nerd alert, I guess.
Granted, I’m at over 900 days in a row right now. That’s over two and two-thirds years right there of doing this thing daily. I already know I’m a nerd, though. But eight years??? Just, man… wow. That’s a lot.
Haha
Post-a-day 2022
‘I didn’t really like [———] at first.’
‘I didn’t either… She was very much a ‘CrossFit You got this!’ coach as her first impression… Maybe she’s just really shy.’
‘Maybe.’
‘I really like her now, though. She’s really cool.’
‘Yeah. I like her, too.’
The casual conversation during an absolutely terrible movie that I forgot wasn’t actually a Hallmark Christmas movie, but a NETFLIX(!!!) one… 1) That movie was shockingly terrible in all respects, despite the premise being cute. 2) I wonder how often a shy person in a setting that requires extroverted interactions gets a bad rap, when, really, everyone actually would love the person, given a different initial setting.
Post-a-day 2022
P.S. “The Noel Diary”… I’ve warned you. Enjoy! 😛
hannah ananas 