Tag: emotions

Golf clubs

I sat down at the computer tonight to get a grasp on the pricing and standards and recommendations of beginner golf clubs for women. A couple hours later, I had a Google Doc that I sent to my man with links and prices of the ones that seemed the best and lowest cost… and a whole lot of stress.

Golf clubs are expensive. Like really expensive.

However, after I sent it, I kept reading, finding further resources, and I found a couple reliable articles that mentioned some of the same sets, but then also a few sets that were even lower cost than the cheapest had been so far. In the end, I asked my golf instructor his thoughts, and he agreed that the cheapest option I’d crossed in the recommendations would be a good starter set for me. (Yippee!)

Granted, my man then let me know about a used set of a really fancy brand that we could purchase from someone in town. The fancy brand, I learned, actually makes a difference in golf. However, beginners usually can’t tell much of a difference until a certain point in improvement. Plus, the idea of cleaning those clubs and that bag is kind of starting to cause immense stress for me right now… So, despite the lower cost of the used clubs (with new grips), I find myself wanting to stick with the new affordable set I’d found.

I’ll sleep on it and see how I feel. I think I’d want to see the used ones in person and test the bag weight and all, and see how I feel about it all in person. The new ones are from Amazon and 1) are new and unused, and so clean and fresh, as well as 2) free to return. So, they have low risk to them. The used ones require setting a meeting time, showing up, and then potentially having to say no to the guy, and leave him feeling like he’s wasted his time… which I don’t like doing for people…

Hmm…

Anyway… I’m off to sleep now. Love to the world. Thank you, God, for this life and these beautiful opportunities. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Finito

Well, we made it through the last day of the interviews. Yippee! It was tough in my eyes and shoulders, sitting at the computer like that all day for four days, but it was fulfilling and invigorating to support such a great cause.

Thank you, God, for such a great opportunity and blessing! Amen!

Also, I have the chance of a new friend. She was helping with the interviews like I was, as we had fun working together this past week. I think we have a chance of becoming friends. 🙂

Tomorrow, I want to go to the gym, as I haven’t gone during the interview days. Then I have laser hair removal touch-ups in the late afternoon. (I kid you not, getting a clean and straight line on the bikini line shave is, somehow, impossible for me… I need electrical tape or something for that, because I am terrible at it!) Anyway…

With that, I am utterly exhausted, and must go finish getting ready for bed, so I can sleep, at long last.

Thank you for this day, God, including the wonderful time at the rodeo meeting this evening! Amen!

Post-a-day 2023

Moving forward

I keep feeling like it is time to move forward from this part-time job I have. Yet, every time I do the trainings and read its… actually that isn’t true. I was going to say that every time I do these trainings for the company and the job, I find myself really liking this company. Well, it is half true. I do find myself really liking that the company does certain things in certain ways. I thin they are a great company, to a degree. However, every time I do these trainings and read this company info we have to read, I also am shown more and more divide between my beliefs, morals, and goals with life and those of this company. Frankly, it is stressful, infuriating, and heartbreaking how isolated and wronged I feel simply for existing as I was born and as I aim to be my best self in this life… because of this company and the claims and stands and changes it makes. It aims to diversify and be inclusive, yet, in the process, excludes the majority… and doesn’t even seem to notice or to care. And that hurts, and not just for me.

So, perhaps it really is time to move onward from this job and company. It was exactly what I needed when I started working there. Now, I think it is time for what’s next in my life. It is time for something more, and something fulfilling, in the many ways this job no longer is.

God, grant me the grace and determination to do well with this move forward. Help me to have kindness and clarity as I communicate it effectively to those who need to know. Help me to be my best self and to pursue and fulfill your will. Thank you for this life and these beautiful opportunities, as well as your always-perfect timing. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Test day

Tomorrow is test day. We have a 45-minute cap to do a three-mile run interspersed with 100 each of push-ups, sit-ups, double kicks, and air squats. Afterwards, I have to take the written test (which is actually just a long multiple-choice test, but that I mostly could do without the choice options, anyway).

Then, tests two and three of eight will be completed toward achieving my black belt in American Karate.

God, give me the strength, balance, speed, and endurance for this tomorrow morning, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Let’s do this.

Post-a-day 2023

So many hats

What does one do with 20-30 baseball hats? And he wears them, he does. Some he wears quite often, others just often, and some rarely, but he wears them all. The question is: Where do we store all these hats, and how?

He tried a little hanging bar with clips. For one thing, I don’t like clipping the hats. It seems uncomfortable for them, somehow. Yes, I am fully aware that they are hats and not living beings. However, could you imagine any material, living or dead, surviving unscathed from metal claw clips holding them, hanging all its weight in those claws, for most of its life? I think not. So, let’s not hurt the hats. For another point, though, that bar only really fits five or six hats comfortably, anyway. We aren’t putting those bars all over the house or all up and down any single wall, either.

So, the bar idea doesn’t really work.

We could put a shelf and line the whole top of the bedroom with them, like wallpaper decoration. But I doubt I would find comfort and relaxation in thirty baseball hats staring at me every night, so that’s unlikely to work.

I have all my hats in a single box, just a bit sorbet than a shoebox. They’re all lined up, one in front of the other, overlapping comfortably, all sitting in the open-topped box on a shelf in my closet. But I only have about six or seven, ten at most. He has at least triple that… perhaps something like that could work, but we don’t want to pack them away to where he can never see them easily. He’d never end up wearing any of them that way. Perhaps I can find a way to set them up like that, but on shelves somewhere easily accessed, yet still out of the way… hmm…

What do you think, eh? Because I definitely don’t want them scattered throughout the house forevermore. What to do with thirty-ish baseball hats???

Post-a-day 2023

Why?

Why can I not get myself to bed at a reasonable hour?? Why??(!!!!???) Now that I’m going to the noon workouts, I have been pushing my bedtime back further and further, to the point that I’m now waking up just in time for the gym all over again… just like back when I was almost always a nooner, since I couldn’t fathom getting up early enough for the morning classes at 5:30 and 6:30am.

I’m not fully ready to be at the 5:15am workout class again yet – still getting adjusted to working out again, and being okay with having to use the really light weights for most things (which is way less than I used to be able to do, before my body got all twisted up last summer). 5:15 class is too intense for what I need right now. Right now, I need a supportive space that accepts me where I am, as I am, and that acknowledges my efforts. Right now, I need to be at the noon class. Because I also needed to be able to let go of the stress of wanting and needing to be in bed before 9pm weeknights. So, noon is really what I need right now. But I also need to start getting myself to bed sooner than three in the morning… There’s that, too.

God, thank you for this life. Help me to fulfill your will and express your love through it. Help me to do well in my current educational and career endeavours. Bless the relationship with me and my man, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Monday

Okay, let’s try this whole ‘normal week’ thing again – last week was a bizarre bust, and I wasn’t back in time for the week before to be normal, yet that first week was way more normal than this past week has been! I have a karate physical fitness test this coming Saturday. Until then, though, I want to be back in the gym. I felt so, so good the several days I had gone before getting sick, I want to be back to those good feelings all around, especially the soreness. If needed, I’ll rest from the gym Friday, so I can be less sore for Saturday morning’s test. But I might just go Friday and take it super easy and with no weights, depending on the workout… hmm…

Anyway, I’ll cross that bridge when I reach it. For now, I’m going to sleep and then going to the gym at noon tomorrow. I can do this.

Then, perhaps afterward, I’ll go see about finding some wardrobe additions – working on the normal wardrobe now. Need a couple nicer dresses and tops, as well as a regular pair of jeans (100% cotton, of course, because all the rest feel terrible and cheapy and never fit quite right or feel sturdy enough).

Okay, goodnight. Thank you, God, for helping us both heal. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Breaking point

What do you do when you reach a breaking point on something that, once, you loved? When it hits of point of feeling like it is overwhelming you, taking over your life and all freedom you once had to participate in other things in life? How does one recover from hitting this point?

How does one step away without hurting others? Is that even possible? I think not. But, what comes into the balance is whether avoiding that hurt of others is worth the increasing hurt that one is experiencing for oneself. Eventually, the minor hurt feelings of others needs to give, so as not to create absolute misery and resentment for oneself, and, eventually, necessary abandon of the whole thing, possibly forever.

Basically, step away before hitting burnout.

But stepping away isn’t really all that easy now, is it?

Post-a-day 2023

Yoga

I keep feeling like I should be teaching some online yoga and meditation classes….

Perhaps that is God and the Universe telling me how I can help make a different for people and the immense levels of stress that are abounding right now… and, possibly, also could create powerful connections with people I love and don’t get to see these days…

Hmm…

Post-a-day 2023