I somehow love the days
when my hair is all crazed,
frizzy, frazzled, and fried.
Though tamed by a braid
and knot on the side,
it is, somehow, burstingly wild.
On days like these,
each time I see
my hair in a mirror
I smile.
Because, for once, it feels
that my hair reveals
that dame inside,
ever wild.
I am woman – hear me roar
Post-a-day 2021
Have you noticed that, when seeing someone wearing a mask, our brains complete the face for us…., but often inaccurately? For me, I have noticed that my brain completes the face a perfectly and proportionately as possible. So, basically, everyone is the genetic lottery style of model underneath that mask, according to my brain. And so, naturally, as very few actually win any lottery in life, when people remove their masks, I find this to be less handsome and beautiful than I expected. I mean no unkindness by this, of course – that is just how it is. We are not often perfectly proportionate as a species. That’s why it’s called the genetic lottery.
Now, that being said, have you ever had it turn out the other way? Where, upon seeing someone for the first time without a mask, you find the person to be more attractive than you had imagined her to be? It happened for me to a big degree this week. A colleague, while sitting outside, working on something, was wearing no mask. First, I was stunned by his beauty. Then, I was double-taking, as it occurred to me who this person was. After confirmation, I was stunned freshly. Just wow… he is gorgeous… and I had had no idea. My brain had sorely underestimated the adorable face behind that mask. An error I am fully willing to make again, really. 😛
Post-a-day 2021
When do I feel most beautiful?
In those first moments of waking,
when I’m still snuggled up in bed,
and the room is cold,
and,
before opening my eyes,
I squeeze really tightly together,
and I bask…
In those moments,
I am woman – hear me…
Or…
Don’t.
Because I have no awareness
of anything outside.
There is only I and my bed
and the cold and the warmth
of the air and my sheets,
and my arms and legs
hugging me,
beautifully,
beautiful me.
…
You see?
Beauty is little to do with eyes and mirrors,
and everything to do with just simple me.
(**Inspired by @Christi.Steyn)
Post-a-day 2021
There was a dance tonight. I chaperoned for it. I had a wonderful time. I got to be social yet not, dance around yet not, be chill, walk around, mingle, walk away from people, people watch, and enjoy the world around me.
And my students often were excited to see and greet me, which was wonderful, too.
It was lovely.
And then, at the end, I got to take home some flowers. That was baller, too. Oh, and a couple t-shirts for the school. Boom. Great night.
Of course, it is not well past 1:00am, and I’m only just about to get to fall asleep…, but, I believe, it was worth it.
Thank you, God and Universe for this opportunity and blessing.
Gratitude here
Post-a-day 2021
Why must I be so volatile and cyclothymiac, even bipolar, when it comes to my work and to my self-image and, even, to men?
It’s getting to be a tad old school, and I’m quite tired of it, already.
Ugh…
God and Universe, please, help me to ease these extremes in my life, that I be able to create abundant love and joy through my being and doing in this life, sharing your love and joy as we create it together.
Amen.
P.S. I told a kid today how he was truly wonderful in the musical last weekend. I don’t know the kid – I just recognized him the other day in passing, and intended to tel him about the show, whenever I saw him again. I saw him this morning, possibly as I was handing out breakfast tacos to everyone, and told him then, surrounded by hungry teenagers awaiting their treats. I’m almost certain it made his day, considering the immense grin that resulted, along with his verbal thanks. When I saw him again tonight at a football game, a similar smile produced, with a touch of secret that, I realized, was with me – his gratitude extended even then, and seems likely to last. I am grateful that I was given the opportunity to do such a thing for another, and that I seized the opportunity well. Thank you, all.
Post-a-day 2021
It occurred to me this week that I most likely tend to take over conversations, constantly sharing about myself, because I feel those are the only times someone will listen…, Because I feel unheard in life… I feel no one is interested at any other time.
If I had someone who were interested, perhaps it would be easier not to take over conversations…
Just a thought.
Post-a-day 2021
Sometimes, I forget that I am an amazing person. I forget that I am talented and learnèd to a spectacular degree. I forget that my existence is an absolute blessing from God, both to me and to the world at large. (I truly think we all are this, though in incredibly different ways in life. However, that is not my current point.) You see, I get a bit worn out or lost, and so get behind on things, and I end up not giving my usual best for something. I take care of my physical well-being instead of giving my all to a certain time-sensitive project. I then, of course, give a completely acceptable and, even, great result on whatever that project is. However, I know that I certainly could have done better on it, much better than I did. I had, though, prioritized something else above it – myself and my ability to continue functioning as a whole, avoiding breakdown and wear-out. If, then, somebody happens to mention almost anything about that project, I immediately feel dreadful. Oh, dear, I’ve been caught being lazy. I knew I shouldn’t have given any less than my all on it.
But then, if, at the time, my all would have gotten me home sick afterward, what benefit would it have been?
Okay, so, let’s suppose I did the work ahead of time…., when there was no clear need for me to do it at all…. That just doesn’t make sense.
Well, so, here I am, stressed that I’m not doing a good enough job teaching. I didn’t prepare things ahead of time, because I didn’t want to do so, and they had no direct use in my life. Now, I am here. I did not do as great a job as I could have done on some – many – things so far this school year. Got it. That annoys me.
…….
And so, I sit here, feeling like crap about my teaching and myself – because I didn’t do it right, the best way. Okay, got it. However, just because I did one thing not spectacularly doesn’t make me a failure, doesn’t mean I’m failing my students. We can always do things better as a teacher – any teacher knows that. For now, I must accept the restraints I have had, or I will go nuts. I was limited on time, energy, and quick memory (It’s been a while for some of the topics, you see.), as well as the level and adaptability of my students. I chose to do things a certain way on purpose. I chose them, because I am a great teacher. Yes, I could have done a better job. That’s for next time. That’s for next class. That’s for tomorrow.
And, you know what? I’ve already set up the great stuff for tomorrow, and planned when to manage everything for the day after that and after that.
It’s okay not to be perfect at something, even though we are amazing at it. Even in dance – I am a highly trained and quite spectacular partner dancer, you see – I make mistakes. But, I think it is about how we recover from the mistakes that shows how spectacular we truly are. So, yes, I might have made some mistakes with things with classes so far this semester. Okay. Now, how do we move forward powerfully from those mistakes and from where we currently find ourselves? That is what matters most.
Huh… I don’t feel so lost in misery anymore… Yes, I’m a bit anxious about getting those things all done now that I want to do. But no, I don’t feel like I’m in trouble or have messed up horribly. Someone shall come observe my class next week, and it is going to be amazing…, because, even though I forgot it recently, I am amazing and I am an amazing teacher. God has blessed me greatly in this realm, and I’m ready to set flame to the world of my classroom. (Which, the students have already told me that I already have…, even though I had to ask them what they even meant, because I had felt like I was totally failing them as a teacher… They, however, were adamant that I had so far been the best teacher they had ever had in the subject… Pretty darn cool, huh? That’s the kind of thing I forget so often. I get lost in my head about having not done my best, and forget that even my not-best is still purty darn good.)
Thank you, God and Universe, for such a blessing in this life. Guide me to continue to be an expression of your love in the world, especially through my teaching and creativity. Amen.
Post-a-day 2021
Have a beautiful, humble, honest, loving man to love me and hold me and comfort me.
Speak Italian effectively in my thoughts (in my head and aloud) and in at least one actual conversational interaction with a native speaker.
Be financially comfortable and confident.
Go on a long run at least once, and embrace the air.
Be ridiculous loads, having fun while at play with the world around me.
Teach people wonderful things.
Love people openly.
Be open with people with my words.
Love myself wholly.
Sing and play much music.
Including some good Christmas music.
Sleep well and effectively at night.
Drink lots of tisanes and some teas.
Embrace my beauty as a goddess embodied in this human life.
Release freely what does not serve me at large and at small.
Learn some Python basics.
Increase my splits and kick height/ease.
Post-a-day 2021
… exhale… then go for it. Sometimes, we just have to be brave and ask. We might be wrong, but that’s okay. Better to be wrong and know it already, so we can proceed forward, than continue stressing and wondering, and then, possibly, missing out.
Because there’s always that chance that we might be right…
Either way, it only gets better if we take on the bravery and just ask.
Be brave. 😉
Post-a-day 2021
I trust that God and the Universe are acting in my best interest, helping me to be my best and highest self. As annoying as that may sometimes be, I still trust them. And I am grateful for their support and guidance.
He said he envied her height. She said that, if he had been taller she would have married him. But then, she wouldn’t have married the man she did marry, and had the children she had. And he wouldn’t have become a priest, and made the difference in the world that he has made in that role.
Thinking on this, it occurred to me that, though I may envy someone something or be jealous of someone for something, I need only remember that my not having that something is actually helping me to do what I am here to do, the make the difference I am here to make. If I had what that other person has, she would not be able to do what she is here to do, and I would not be able to do what I am here to do.
And so, when the World dishes out something specific to me and something specifically envious to someone else, it is intentional. I have what I was given, because that is what will help me to do what I am here to do in this life, both now and in the future.
Even if I did really want that something else (or someone else), the lack of it will prove much more fertile and endeavour than having it would have proven.
Post-a-day 2021
hannah ananas 