God’s plans

A few years ago, I started participating in a Japanese practice called Kakizome. On January second, one creates one’s kakizome, “first writing”, of the year. This first writing is a single word or phrase that is one’s goal and intention for the year as a whole. It is intended that we put our kakizome somewhere visible, so we see it regularly and consistently throughout the year. Since participating in this practice, I have found that my own kakizome has, unintentionally, and without my even noticing, been the challenge I end up facing consistently through ought that year. And, by facing that challenge again and again, I have overcome some big hurdle in my life and have become powerfully more the person I long to be and am called to be by God. Put differently, I have become a better version of myself in a significant way each year, after facing trial after trial of my kakizome for that year. And it was never on purpose – it just came up over and over again. One year was confidence in myself and heart (when I healed a lot of emotional and psychological wounds from some rather terrible abuse, and started writing wonderful songs and sharing myself with the world in a beautiful and loving and confident self-expression). Another was embodiment (that’s when I physically hit all my goals of fitness, felt the most beautiful I ever have been, met the man of my life, and became the person who prays whom I had longed to be). This year’s… well, we’ll get to that.

Now, sometimes, it is really hard to see and to understand God’s plans for us. Perhaps that is how He wants it to be. Perhaps that is how He needs it to be. Perhaps that is how we need it to be in order for everything to work out as God has planned so beautifully.

Whatever the case, it often is not very easy to be calm and easygoing when things seem impossible. When God has granted me these longings, these wishes, these dreams towards which to strive, and everything seems finally so close to fulfilling on those dreams, yet starts to pull away from that pathway… it can be extremely difficult to trust in God and His oh-so-unclear plans… When the labyrinth of God’s love and plans takes the route closest to the inside, and then swerves to the outermost path… faith gets tested, to be sure.

And that is, basically, my every day right now… and that kind of really sucks…

What is ironic – and, possibly, perfect and relieving – about it all, though, is that my kakizome for this year is “faith in God”, in the sense of trusting in Him, having confidence in Him – ‘Jesus, I trust in you.’ Like that.

So, I guess, it really is no wonder that I am having such massive experiences of having to trust in God this year, and on a whole ‘nother level from the usual trust I have to put in Him. Usually, it is for much smaller things and not all too often. This year, however, it has been for massive thing after massive thing. I have been hit with so many impossible-feeling situations, that the only consistency I have felt this year is a sense of everything being up on the air and unknown. I have handed thing after things up to God – here, God, I entrust this fully to you, has been a norm for me this year. I have even given Him some intense stuff that I would like to let go from my life entirely, demons that I have asked Him to take away from me fully… there is not much this year where I haven’t given it all up to God and entrusted it to Him and His judgement. But it seems there is plenty more to go still…

I’m genuinely laughing and crying right now. It is comical in its irony.

Okay, God, have it all. I am so scared, and I am trusting you, anyway, even with my fear – have that, too. I am hear to love you and to be your love in the world. You know best how to make that happen. So, though it terrifies you, I hand myself and my whole life you to. Please, take good care of us. We love you. I love you, Abba. I give up fighting you. I give up not trusting you wholly. Please, help me to find peace, even in my unknowing. Help my man to find peace in it all, too, please. And, if it be your will, please, grant us both these spectacular wishes and desires for the future that you have given to us both, with you at their center. Thank you for this life. In your name, I pray. Amen. Amen. Amen. Hallelujah.

Saint Jude, pray for us.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us.

Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Arawareru

あらわ

現れる

This is the phrase I have selected for my kakizome this year. Or, rather, we have selected to work together and to spend much time together this year. The fist kanji (Chinese character used in Japanese) is made of two separate kanji. One, 王, means “king; rule; magnate”. The other, 見, means “see; hopes; chances; idea; opinion; visible”. Together as they are, they mean, “present; existing; actual,” and this kanji is pronounced “arawa”. Now, combined with the two kana that follow this kanji, the whole pronunciation is “arawareru,” and it means, “to embody; to appear; to come into sight; to materialize/materialise; to become visible; to come out”. This year, I am all about embodiment in my life – I want to cause to happen all of these wonderful things towards which I have been called and for which I have been longing in my life. God, please, give me the grace this year to embody Your love through manifesting clearly and materializing fully my dreams. In Your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Almost missed it! ^)

1 January, folks

It is the first of January in the year 2022. How absurdly bizarre is that????! It just sounds like the future. Frankly, the 1980s seem closer to now than 2022. And yet here we are, in the faraway year of 2022, with the 80s…, well, a long time past.

I almost feel out of place, anachronistic in this world right now… and in more ways than one. That song I wrote recently is really big for me right now, with its whole thing on feeling I don’t belong and people not needing to be colorblind but just plain loving and kind, to see people for who they are instead of what they are. ::sighhhhhhhhh

Thank you, God, for this life. Please, with the Universe, help me to be Your love and to step forward fully and courageously all the days (and nights and sunrises and sunsets and moments of infinities) of my life. Help me, please, to find clearly my intention for this year, the year 2022 and Reiwa 4, that I might express it through my kakizome tomorrow, which will guide, support, empower, and remind me all throughout this year. Give me Your divine message tomorrow as I discover my kakizome for this year and begin to implement and be it tomorrow. In Your name I pray. Amen.

P.S. This is the first year in a very long time – a hundred years, in fact – that will not have had the wonderful woman of Betty White in it. Thank you, (God and) Betty, for all that you did and all the love that came out of your existence and how you shared yourself so lovingly with the world at large and at small. Thank you.

Post-a-day 2021

(Clearly, that ^ is not correct…)

Post-a-day 2022

(Wow, that seems weird!)

Breakthroughs of all sorts

踏み出す, fumidasu, stepping forward into that is next – that is my kakizome for this year, my intention expressed through calligraphy and hung in the wall where I see it almost every single day, multiple times a day, both consciously and unconsciously.

Today, I really did that – I stepped into who and how I want to be. In a situation that made me very nervous, I went ahead and spoke up, asked for what I thought I wanted, messed up a bit, figured it out, asked for what I really wanted – an extremely unreasonable request for the rest of my life -, and then I got it.

And It Was Spectacular. It was just what I needed, on all accounts. I am extremely grateful to God and the Universe for supporting me through all of this and for helping me speak up, now, and ask for what I want and need, especially when I am most uncomfortable to do so. Thank you, God and Universe. I love you all.

Post-a-day 2021

Exercising and Sharing

I really slept in today, but I woke up the second (or fourth) time around 7:30, and then got up and dressed and went downstairs and did the workout from yesterday. Yay!

I had to make modifications, of course, because I do not have all the tools the gym has, and the workout was supposed to be used at the gym this week (but it has to close for the week for COVID-related safety). But it was still a great and a tough workout, and I felt very pushed, and in a positive way.

And I was grateful that I did the workout first thing today. That probably felt better than the workout itself.

I then taught an outdoor workshop for kakizome 書き初め, as part of an Art & Yoga class, and it was awesome to do! Sure, the people involved had their varied life issues that arose, but it still was a great experience, and I am glad and grateful that I was able to share kakizome with more people. And that is despite the fact that they do not see it as I see it. It also gave me an odd sense of reaffirmation for myself, that I am looking at things and approaching things in my life in a very good-for-me-and-the-world way, and that I am perfect being right here, right now, all the uncertainties and unknowns included. I am grateful for this life and for this particular piece of it – thank you, Universe. My ball of energy is rolling beautifully, and I am loving being at its center.

So, how is your ball of energy, your life, doing today? I hope it is helping you to roll onward powerfully, whatever that May mean for you and your life. 🙂

P.S. Just before bed last night, I saw an e-mail that my flight in a couple months – fingers crossed on that trip – was changed dramatically in terms of timing. I was very annoyed, as it was the second such e-mail of the day, and this was a huge change. I checked the website to see if there were a different flight I preferred. The prices were almost half what they had been when I initially booked a few weeks ago! So, what did I do? I promptly canceled my original booking, and I rebooked with the new prices. It had been with points, but I gladly will make the effort in order to spend 5,000 points instead of 8,500! Cha-ching!! And thank you, airline, for allowing such a possibility. Much gratitude from here.

Post-a-day 2021

^That one was oddly easy for me