Tag: prayer

Yikes

Talk about an explosion of emotion… today has certainly had that. Rather, this evening has had that. I have been working on paying attention to and trusting the energetic feelings and pulls I have in life, as they have proven disastrous when ignored and spectacular when followed, especially lately. My whole housing situation would have been a million times worse if I hadn’t followed the weird feelings I was having around that and that I ‘needed to be out of there by just before Christmas, or before the end of the year, or just after the new year started’. That’s exactly what ended up happening, and it only was relayed to me as being so the week of Christmas. I thank God and the Universe that they had given me a lease to sign not only thirty minutes before that dreadful phone call. Sure, it leaves me without my own home for seven weeks, but it gives me a chance to experience life differently and to be living in gratitude and love with my friend who has offered me a temporary home with her loving family.

Anyway, what came up today, especially the part around this one job I have, has been hitting kind of hard for me. Something about it has a really nasty feeling to it. And I use the word “nasty” specifically, as that is the word that feels appropriate for this feeling – it just feels nasty, somehow. It seems that I have a few days before I have to determine what to do for this work thing. Dear God and Universe, please, help me to see entirely clearly what action to take on my part, that I may be Your love in the world in all that I do and in all that I am. Guide me wholly, please. In Your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Tonight’s brain crowding

Three things:

Firstly, I know life isn’t fair, but it is different to be prepared for it regarding myself and having to witness the utterly hypocritical meanness of one person being directed unfairly and so harshly to someone I dearly love. Those are the moments when I most want to be loud and fierce, both verbally and physically. For now, I step away from the situation and aim not to speak much, if at all. I do not believe anything would be resolved by my outrage being expressed so directly. It’s part of the whole, ‘Why do you expect her to behave any differently than she always does?’ idea – if the person is always nasty, righteously self-centered, and hypocritical, what is one more nasty, self-centered, hypocritical action on the hundreds of thousands already passed? But it still hurts when I must witness directly those incidents, and when I must see immediately how they affect someone I love so dearly.

…………………..

Secondly, have you ever found yourself wondering if a person does not, in fact, have an extremely distinct voice, but, perhaps, you have only attuned yourself, intentionally or not, to notice that voice above the crowd? That that voice, perhaps, is not so distinct as a voice, but as the person behind it and his/her importance in your life in particular, perhaps??? Yeah…

……………………

Finally, I still hold that we get exactly what we need exactly when we need it, and that we end up exactly where we need to be exactly when we need to be there. Golly, it has been rough and tough this week. Someone asked if a lot of curve balls had been thrown my way this week, and I said that it was more like someone was throwing a bunch of basketballs at my face instead, in the middle of torrential rain and lightning while I held an umbrella… and there just weren’t any rules at all. He said it sounded like I was playing the wrong sport.

And I think that was the best line for me, both in terms of the positive comedic effect of it, and in terms of the idea behind it. Perhaps I had been playing the wrong sport in it all. You know, had my eye on the wrong ball…. Perhaps… So, I’ll look to see what I have been missing this week. Why has it been so hard, leaning toward desperate? What have I let myself get stuck on? What game have I thought the Universe was playing with me? How can I turn this all into fully-positive stress, instead of just semi-positive stress and a lot of negative, hopeless-feeling stress? God, give me the clarity to move forward with all of this beautifully and positively, please. Bless me with the courage to take on this stress with glee, like a beautiful math test – which, somehow, has come up in multiple conversations in the past few days….(WHY?????? Haha; love it, though!) – that I can hardly wait to take on and expertly master and sort out. Through You I do all – help me to be Your love fully, now and always. Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Have a little faith?

Sometimes, life just feels like it sucks… big time… may we, in those times, let go and let God have it all. God, into your hands I commend my whole life. I want so much to happen right now and in the very near future and throughout my life. And I trust that you will give me exactly what I and the World need, exactly when we need it that way. For whatever reason, I need to face these troubles right now. Help me through them powerfully, please. I trust and I trust in you.

Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Depressively alone – alas, a prayer

Well, I think I actually accomplished a decent amount today, but I definitely don’t feel very accomplished. In fact, as I noticed earlier today, I have noticed symptoms of depression, especially today. I know that I am about to begin menstruating, and that always gives me an edge of somberness. But it feels like much more than that. I feel a sense of loneliness in my solitude throughout the day, and I struggle to do just about anything – even going down to the bathroom takes extra effort, and so I end up drinking less water – and that includes eating. While I recognize these signs, and I struggle to do anything about them on my own, I do know to reach out for support when I am like this. So, with much schedule-changing, I managed to have dinner with my dad, putting me into contact with at least one person today, and giving me a hearty and filling plate of caloric nutrition. I actually felt sick as I headed out to dinner, I hadn’t had nearly enough food throughout the day… or over the past couple days beforehand either. And my sleep has been short and poor… It gets harder for me to go to bed when I am feeling like this. One of the earliest signs of it all – wanting to call someone whenever I am alone, especially driving, and not being excited about getting to bed at night are two of the most obvious early signs of depression for me.

But I have started accomplishing things today. Tomorrow morning, I have two activities that I must attend – not the gym – and that likely will help me power forward with accomplishing things in my day. I’m hoping to get some calligraphy practice (if not the actual present) done beforehand in the morning, though I might just have tea and chill (or tea and coding practice/lesson) in the morning, since it’s already nine o’clock now, and I still have to stretch and read before bed. If I go the latter route, then I will do the calligraphy after the yoga and apartment appointments, and then go to the music concert in the evening. I hope it is chilly tomorrow. Chilly but bright days help me get going with things, because I get to dress up in cool-weather clothing, which I love. And Christmas clothing!

I even played ukulele tonight a bit. Twice. Only one song, but it’s a tough one. “What are you doing New Year’s Eve?” I really like the song, and I want to do a recording for this year on my own. However, I haven’t exactly been playing much lately, and there are a lot of silly chords (aka uncommon and not-so-eay, but not-impossible) chords throughout it. And the singing is tough, too, for one part. But it is a good challenge, and I think it might even be helpful to me right now. If I can plan to record it in the next week or so, then that will be helpful in my accomplishing things as a whole, I know.

I’ve been wanting things to be settled more before I dive back into working at the clothing shop regularly. I don’t want to commit to shifts until the last minute. That bugs me, but that’s where I am right now. I’m in a major FOMO space. I think it is because I feel so alone that, should someone invite me to do something, I want to be able to seize the opportunity. But then, when people don’t invite me, it kind of makes everything worse. It sounds like I need to go ahead and start working more again. Hey, even if I work the maximum hours allowed per week, it won’t even be 25 hours of my week. So, I need to get over it and just ask to work in the mornings on weekdays period. Ugh… She’s right, you know… Yes, I am aware… 😛

I think my fear of it was that I would grow too comfortable being the woman who works at this shop, and I would forget the woman who taught those kids… kind of like I had before… God, guide me, please… Help me to be clear exactly which path to follow right now, and help me to follow it with the confidence that you will remind me of what I need to know, exactly when I need to know it. Please, help me. Amen.

P.S. I realized earlier that 2020 was literally the longest year of my life. Truly, it was literally the longest. I am not misusing the word where “figuratively” should be used. I was in The Philippines for NYE 2019 to the first few days of 2020. That meant my 2020 began 14 hours earlier than it would have in Houston, Texas. Then, I was in Texas (Galveston, to be precise) for NYE 2020 to the first of January of 2021. How is this different from 2017, you ask, when I was in Japan for the start and Texas for the end of the year, a 15-hour difference to a regular year? Well, 2020 was also a leap year. So, my 2020 had not just 24 hours on any given year, but it had 38 hours more to it than any average year of my life. And that is pretty cool. The fact that it aligns beautifully with the bizarre events of the world’s drama just tops the whole things off. I love a good nerdy joke, and God and The Universe know it. Thank y’all for such a blessing as it was to discover that today, as well as for the year itself. 🙂 ❤ ❤ ❤ OXOXO

Post-a-day 2021

Forgiveness being given*

The prayer says, “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who trespass against us…” I’m currently working on the part of, ‘even if I am unaware of my wrongdoing, or even if I am not willing or wanting to ask for forgiveness, do I still hope that God would forgive me to the point of loving me actively?’ In which case, I have a dilemma before me as to the extent of the forgiveness I offer to others in my life, especially regarding the individual who abused me. ‘Where do I go from here?’ has been the question in my head all day. I do not presently have an answer, but I know it is something I must write and talk out, for it wants sorting. I do not want to stop in justification. I want to learn to forgive as I wish God to forgive me. But this will take an inquiry on what forgiveness is, I suppose, just to begin.

*So, is it something we give forth, then?

Post-a-day 2021

Okay

Okay, I give up.
Take me where you want me to be.
Guide me where you need me, guide me where I need to be.
Help me to do what you need me to do,
And help me to do what I am here to do.
Make me ready to do
What I am made to do.
I give up resisting.
I am here.
I am yours.
Take me.
I love you.
Peace
Amen
And thank you
Post-a-day 2021

Dearest Angels

I believe you can hear me, you feel me, and you know me…, and you respond to me. Thank you. Please, comin the to guide me, that I might be the love that is needed in this world, that we might heal those I meet with this love that is The Universe and God itself. I know you hear and feel my prayers. Thank you. Let us continue.

Post-a-day 2021

P.S. ^ It’s been nice, completing this fifth year of sharing with the world daily.

Prayer

Dear God and Universe, I am worried about him. Please, please, help him to breathe and to heal from the struggles and pains that he has been facing and that have so suddenly expanded in his life. Please, please, help him to persevere, to accept and to experience love for him as his true self, and to step forward beautifully and powerfully into this wonderful life that awaits him with immense love. May we bring positive prayers and love to the space around us all, such that the vibrations of that energy reach all the way to him, this one presently in such need. May our love continue to reproduce and expand throughout the world and all worlds.

In love and gratitude, we pray.

Amen.

Post-a-day 2021