I am moving again, and I have even less of an official deadline this time as I did last time… and that’s making it difficult to pack up and actually move.
I’m also ever so slightly terrified at living all alone (mostly because of the neighborhood, and the fact that, on the odd occasion, something goes wrong in it, but also a bit because I like the feeling of someone being in the house with me, and knowing that we can help to take care of one another).
But I deep cleaned the carpet today, and so can move in furniture Monday (Ah! So soon!), and even some more boxes tomorrow (to the wooden floors part).
I guess I am scared…, and I’m doing it anyway, because this is my next step forward on this path I’m pursuing… and I’m delighted about that.
I’m kind of exhausted. And kind of feel like crying and curling up in a ball.
There have been a LOT of memories going through this stuff. And, with that, has naturally come Loads of emotions. Lots of them quite strong, too.
I guess that’s a big part of why I kept the stuff.
And as of this morning, I find myself not wanting to take on cleaning out and going through anything else right now. Like I need a vacation from it.
Especially since so much of my stuff is disorganized amongst the various boxes, the task feels more exhausting. Because, rather then opening up a box and re-living fifth grade, I open up a single box and am going through parts of fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, and possibly even a memory or three from before and after those years. And going through the memories of those years isn’t just ‘going through memories’. It’s also re-experiencing the emotions and thoughts and thought patterns of it all. So, in cleaning through one box, I am living several years – and from the very formative years – of my life in a matter of an hour or few. Talk about exhausting… that is exhausting.
And I want a break from it for a little while, so my mind and my nerve endings can relax again and not be so constantly overwhelmed.
Three and a half thoughts:
1. I spent my afternoon today opening and sorting boxes from Japan. I finally have the much-needed winter clothing I’ve been wanting the past month and a half. Good thing it was almost warm today.
2. I was happily surprised that almost everything I brought back was totally practical and useful and something I really like. I was worried that I wouldn’t like loads of it all.
3. It’s interesting to me how Japan no longer feels like a sort of adventure. It actually surprises me when people have big reactions to the fact that I was there, living there. It feels the same as saying that I buy vegetables at the grocery store – it’s just something simple and everyday. I lived in Japan… and so do millions of other people. I know that it isn’t the regular deal for people around here; I’m clear on that. I just mean that it feels so not special to me specifically. It almost feels more unique that I floss my teeth every day (sometimes more than once a day), than that I lived in Japan. I guess it’s just old news for me now. So does that mean I need some new news, then, if only for myself?
1/2. Wait until you see the tubs of kimono that I have…! (Doesn’t that sound like ice cream or something?) 😛