Tag: culture

Lovely life, lovely strife

Sometimes, life feels unreasonably difficult. It is often music that helps me to reground in these times. And, somehow, this particular song, over and over, does just that, giving me both hope and a reminder that I can do this and the Universe and God are with me, supporting me on this path.

I know that it is I who have chosen to pursue this path. I am the one who chose to do things as I did, and I am the one who will continue to choose how I do things going forward. Sometimes, it feels like I picked wrong, chose wrong. Sometimes, I find myself mourning what feels like a major loss of potential or opportunity in my life. Right now, I feel that with teaching. Every time I teach, I am reminded of the life I could have led, had I continued in my pursuit of full-time high school teaching.

However, every time I teach, I am also reminded of how miserable I end up becoming at some point in the mix. There is something about it that just does not work with who I am in this life, who I am meant to be, and what I am made and meant to do.

Be who you are meant to be, and you will set the world on fire. I love that phrase. Yet, when I teach full-time in a school, I sometimes end up wanting to pull out a flame-thrower on my whole life, and just burn it to the ground. Definitely not the same idea…

So, I am 100% here in the life on this planet to teach. But I haven’t yet figured out in what capacity. I am heading in a direction that feels right, and in such an unexpected and terrifying way that only God and the Universe would have planned such a pattern. I am not there yet, though, and there are still many places for change, plus there will be a lot of work I have to put into it all, especially in the next year. A lot.

But it is something I want to do. So, even though I don’t know how I will earn enough money to function, come November, I believe this is the path for me, and so I will blaze forth. Dear God and O my Universe, please, help me to create the strength, courage, and love I need to make this beauty possible, as best as I possibly can make it happen. Guide me as I step forward into this next What’s next.

Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Hold

Some days,

I just want to hold some

Body.

Some days,

I just want to hold

Myself.

And some days,

I just want some body

To hold me.

But most days,

The first and the last

Are on hold.

I’m growing weary,

So often being on hold.

I’m growing tired,

Of being all I have to hold,

While on hold,

on my own.

Post-a-day 2021

Moving on up

I guess you could say my credits finally transferred fully today. You see, I started out in the adult division this sprint as a yellow belt, not white. But I hadn’t done any adult division before this year – only junior division. But I had gotten to the top belt level in the junior division, red belt.

Nowadays, they offer a dual credit, where junior students who are close to the age limit for juniors can take the tests for the adult belts, alongside their junior belt tests. That way, when they reach the adult age group, they don’t have to begin again at white, but just can continue. That was not a thing when I was a kid, however.

Nonetheless, the instructor started me off with the second belt level, yellow. I did all the classes (and then some) and participated in and helped with the tournament, and then took the belt test and moved up a level, to orange.

But then, the instructor asked if I would be comfortable, if given approval by the head of the whole organization, moving up a few belt levels at the upcoming belt test. I was, and I told her so.

A few days later, she told me that I not only would be able to move over a few levels, but that I would be passing through another three levels (four total), and would be testing to receive my brown belt (the one just below black).

I was excited, but knew a lot of work would be needed in order to pass the test – I definitely did not know the katas.

However, these past several days, I have learned them.

Tonight, I performed them, as well as the original kata I created this morning while on a break at school.

And no onlookers would have known that I learned them all in under a week, with only a total of about two hours of practice.

All in all, I did an excellent job on the test as a whole, which is exactly what I had wanted to do. Still room for improvement on site-ups speed and katas. All the test, however, is golden.

And I am officially a brown belt in American Karate now, which is very, very cool.

Post-a-day 2021

Beginning to breathe

The first day of school was a decent success. Sure, it was way too hot in the building, though the air was blasting loudly – so loudly that it was difficult to hear many of the students through masks -, as it has almost entirely broken and is being coaxed into working reasonably until replacement parts can arrive (very expensive replacement parts). And yes, we ran out of time and didn’t finish half of what I had intended for the first class. However, I liked the kids, and I think the like and respect and, at least slightly, fear me. All of which is a very good beginning.

One student, upon recognizing me in the hall, immediately hugged me fervently, not for the first time. It was adorable, and also empowering. I had only been their teacher for nine weeks, and yet had made such an impact on the lives of several. I know that I will have to be the Mrs. Wood – the teacher who somehow made me feel pathetic and useless and not good enough and embarrassed, though I had always felt like she cared about me – and unintentionally cause upset for certain people, certain students. Not everyone is ready to hear me when I enter their lives. But, for the ones who are, it is magical to see how my dreams are being achieved in their successes moving forward in life.

I am terrified of all the work this will entail, the time it will take to do the job I want to do. And I am ready.

Let’s go, Clark*.

*Kent… because I am the superhero setting aside my workout gear, and putting on the undercover suit for a while.

Post-a-day 2021

Whatever happened to movies?

Whatever happened to watching movies?

And I don’t mean simply in the theatre. I mean watching them period.

It feels like everyone my age and younger doesn’t watch films. They put on a film – or sometimes attend one in a theatre – , and then spend a handful of seconds or minutes here and there, all throughout the film, checking their phones, or giving their attention elsewhere entirely.

Many of them talk during the film, too, and not just at the music or quiet parts – when actors are in active dialogue.

Half the time, that all then leads to their missing some vital piece of the story or a character, they end up asking questions and talking over even more of the film and dialogue, or they just miss it all completely and have no idea that they missed anything at all.

I no longer wonder at my being given so many recommendations for terrible films – none of these people are even paying enough attention to know if the film is terrible or not. They only see snippets, in the first place, and most good films will seem boring, because they are missing all the wonderful parts that make a great film great.

But does this really surprise me much? I think not. I have experienced consciously for years a lack of people’s being present in life. The same person will tell me the same thing multiple times, as though it is important and new… I pay attention and am present in those conversations, and therefore could tell the story myself, in his or her own words, I’ve heard it so many times.

I’m growing tired of this. Conversations on repeat is exhausting, especially when they carry so much emotion on the telling side.

I watch a film to be an immersed observer of an alternate world for a short time, to experience life from another’s perspective. I do not watch it to fill the time between my comments, to keep me company because I am uncomfortable being with myself. Sure, I have put on a movie to keep me company before, but it is always something I know well, and I don’t talk all over it, even then. Just like I don’t talk all over others, when they are talking to me.

But, even in the cinema, people have their phones out, and seem to have no idea of their disregard for the story that is telling itself on the big screen up front. That is someone’s hard-worked art – a lot of someone’s’, truly. If people aren’t here to experience and honor the set, why bother? They can look at their phones at home or anywhere else, talk with their friends (and over their friends) anywhere else. But either be here or be there – do not pretend you are in either place, if you will not be there fully. Pick a place, and be present there, fully. Period. It is a disservice to all creation to do any less.

Post-a-day 2021

Headspace

I have gotten very, very in my head lately. It is just about time for me to allow it all to flow freely outward, to release the tidal wave that has been building, to be transformed into a mere splash as its energy dissipates in the release.

Many things are about to happen. As the dog in the book said today, this often means struggle for us humans. Living fully now can be extremely difficult, when we are expecting something big or something in the near future. I have multiple big things in the very near future right now. I want to be here for all of them…, which means I want to be here now, too. I will be with them when it is time to be with them. And now is not their time.

So…, hello, now. 😉

Post-a-day 2021

Mastery

I have a feeling that, whenever someone has hit the level of mastery in something, especially a sport, it is extremely attractive and, even, sexy to o serve that individual practicing that activity, showing that level of mastery.

I watched athletes today, and the younger ones were cute in their learned skills. But the older, much experienced ones, were something to behold. The little girl in me couldn’t seem to decide where her crush loyalties lay, her admiration was spread amongst all the masters. And they were obvious, the masters. They were the ones who didn’t look like they were doing something difficult at all, whenever they were actually doing it, yet they did it with such grace and ease, my jaw wanted to drop in awe.

Yes, mastery is attractive… very attractive.

Post-a-day 2021

It’s coming…

Harry Potter Day, as it was Harry Potter’s birthday and the beginning of almost every book, is tomorrow, 31 July. I suppose he would be…, well, I don’t know. The first book was released 26 June of 1997 in the UK. Harry turns 11 at the beginning of that book (after the intro bits, that is). Worth each book, he was a year older, but the books didn’t release each year… so, based on the release of the first book, we could say that Harry would be 35 now… However, at the end of the last book, he’s already all grown up and all, so that messes with that completely.

But the series is now over 24 years old…

So, let’s put it this way: This 31 July will be the 25th opportunity for the world to celebrate Harry Potter’s birthday. Let’s just enjoy that, then, shall we? 😉

Happy 25th birthday, Harry.

Post-a-day 2021

So much

Do you ever have so much that you want to say and share with the world that it just feels like it would take far too much time and effort, either for yourself or regarding the other person’s time and patience, and so, you just say nothing at all?

Or when, simply out of some degree of fear, you just don’t say what you really, truly want to say in a given situation?

I wonder how many wonders in life are lost that way, how many friendships never discovered nor deepened…

Perhaps it would be a service to all creation, if we were to start asking people directly and openly what they would like to share with us today, each day we meet them. And then, if we actually listened to what they had to reply each time.

That could be spectacular, I do believe.

Post-a-day 2021

Woah

Firstly, if you haven’t had Vietnamese bùn (vermicelli noodle mixed bowls), go have some. It is delicious.

Now, to add on to that, have you ever had bùn made with spaghetti squash noodles instead of vermicelli?

Oh…

My…

Goodness…

I had it tonight for the first time ever, and it was spectacular. What makes it extra amazing is that I don’t feel the least bit sick after eating it, because it has no grains in it.

I am a huge fan.

I have replaced egg/flour noodles with spaghetti squash plenty, but I had never considered rice noodles…

So, I shall now reconsider every dish I love that uses rice noodles, and consider the result of using spaghetti squash instead… oooooh, this shall be interesting…

Post-a-day 2021