emotions – Page 146 – hannah ananas

Scheduling life

Okay, I think I have it figured… I’m going to test how it feels for the next day or so, while giving it a go:

My cousin and I were talking the other day about schedules, and how we want to schedule the various tasks we each want to accomplish as though they are classes we must attend on certain days, at certain times.

She is working on fixing up and setting up her new house, so her ‘classes’ would be things like Painting Walls, meeting Tuesdays 10am-2pm, and Office Arrangement and Organization, meeting Wednesdays noon-3pm.

She also has other things, like writing and artwork, on her list, and she wants to find time for them all in her weekly schedule.

For myself, I mostly need help getting myself in the groove of working on a few specific areas of my life.

So, my tentative schedule is as follows:

Tuesday/Thursday/Friday School Work

Monday/Wednesday Writing

Monday/Wednesday/Saturday/Sunday Photos

I only have entire days listed, because I have to keep in account the fact that I sometimes have to substitute teach, and I also tutor…., so I can’t make set times, only to change them every other day – I know myself, and the whole schedule would fall to pieces, if I kept having to change it around.

Therefore, I went with days, so that I know how to manage all of my free time, if I am working (for pay), or else at least the few hours it takes to accomplish something good with the task for the day, if I don’t have to sub or tutor.

For the photos, they are secondary on Monday and Wednesday, but I knew they still needed to be during the week somehow – I gave them the weekends as secondary days, so that they still have their own days, and they can be the focus of my free time on the weekends, especially if I didn’t get much done with them during the week.

Anyway, that’s my tentative plan that I will test out, starting tomorrow morning (absurdly early, since I’m subbing).

And I have to come up with my exercise plan by this Friday night, so my friend in D.C. and I can be workout buddies from afar, and both get out of this fitness slump in which we both have found ourselves inwardly wallowing these past many months. 😛

(I’m especially excited about that one.)

Post-a-day 2019

Let go and let God

My best friend asked me today about my relationship with God, for she knows I have been in a new-to-me spot of a bit of distance from God + a disconnect from religion, and that I have been somewhat flummoxed as to what to do about it all.

I thought about it, and discovered that, while nothing big has changed, – there is still this disconnect with religion and my place within it, as well as a distance from God – things have changed – I am not so worried about the religion concern, and I have actively accepted and, even, sought out God in the space around me on a regular basis.

Still nothing too big in the lines of church and religion, but I’ve had a big feeling of, when I consider how I haven’t figured out my place in it all and how I feel like something is wrong about that, I have a filling feeling of, ‘It’s okay,’ and something helps me release a deep breath inside of me.

Whenever this happens, I can tell that it is true… it is only a temporary situation, and it is okay right now, because now is not the time for me to worry about it all and figure it all out…

Instead, it keeps feeling like the time to love and to share my talents… and slowly but surely to let go and let God.

The eternal that is within us all, connects us all, is still there and always will be – I need not fret about what vocabulary to use to address it, when talking about it to others… I just need to let it be and to let myself be with it… you know?

Post-a-day 2019

Accomplishments

Today, I socialized while getting myself some of the good Japanese culture, and even a bit of the language, too.

I made this:

The fancy and “real” one is the white paperboard one, but I messed it up, so I much prefer my practice one on the newspaper (that’s why I put the hanko [stamp] on it, too).

It is the Japanese writing for Anshin, which means ‘peace of mind; freedom from care; relief.’

We did it as an activity called kakizome 書き初め, which is the first kanji one writes in the new year, and it is an intention and wish one makes for the year.

I selected 安心, because that is what I want in abundance in my life this year (I almost considered アットホウム, which is not kanji, but is spelling out a word, and, in this case, spelling out the two foreign words “at home”, because I couldn’t find anything that seemed quite right for what I longed for in my life this year…, but then I found 安心).

安心 was perfect, as soon as someone wrote it down for me… we had discussed the meaning, which I really liked, but it was when I saw it that I loved it.

I don’t remember what the very top part is, but the whole thing includes the word for woman and the word for heart – those two kanji, combined with the meaning?… done deal – let’s do this. 😛

And, so, we did. 🙂

Post-a-day 2019 (The last year of Emperor Heisei, Heisei 31 平成三十一 )

Bedtime routine…

I wanted to go read, because I didn’t want to think about what to write…,

But then I thought about how I would be thinking all along in the back of my mind about things I could use for writing, as well as maintaining that semi-constant reminder that also resides back there to make sure I write before I go to bed…

And so I came and sat down on my magical handmade chair… thing – I think it’s possibly a stool, technically, and “magical” just felt right, because it is special to me, not because it is a regular Hermione Granger or anything of the sort – and picked up the little phone – “little” being totally relative, because it is definitely not Zoolander sized, but it also is loads smaller than the first many versions of phones, as well as the most recent iPad-type mobile phones – here to write something…

Apparently this is what I ended up writing for tonight – and “For Tonight” is the name of a musical that is about to have its world premier here in Houston(!)… 😛

Post-a-day 2019

Moving forward well

As I pursue each day a little bit more of those things I dream about and desperately want to become my reality (though am totally terrified of having become my reality, because, let’s be real, how could I be able and worthy of being that awesome?), I somehow feel a sense of calm and comfort settling over and around and through me and my life.

Preparing for bed at night, I have feelings of excitement and delight – subtle as they are, they are there.

Things are still kind of a mess around me in my life (even physically, for that matter, because I haven’t even finished moving in entirely), but everything somehow feels right – it is all moving comfortably in the direction it feels like it is all meant to go.

Imagine how nice things look when traffic moves perfectly, cars zooming along together in their designated lanes and directions, as though they are designed to do just that…

Even better, imagine those blood cells zooming through our veins, perfectly comfortable, and not even needing to be confident, for they have no reason to doubt their task and/or their ability to complete it – they were made for this, and they are doing it.

That’s how these pieces of my life feel now, and more and more of them keep jumping on the train of properly purposeful movement in their natural flow directions… as I breathe and am nourished, so they move and are bountiful, comfortable, going and at ease.

Post-a-day 2019

Sunday, Moonday

Today was awesome on so many levels, I’m finding it difficult to go to bed (totally separate from the fact that I was given and I consumed caffeine this evening), because it is all so freshly wonderful, and I don’t want to forget or end the awesome day.

I did some errands that I wanted to do – usually a difficult task for me on my own.

I hung out for hours at a coffee shop with a friend, she working on her homework (and eventually abandoning it to chat with people around), and I working on my first interview (!!!!!) for my interview series I am starting as part of my weblog(!!!).

It is totally longer than I would have liked for it to be (an hour [yikes]), but that is okay – it leaves me room for improvement, through and through.

I now have a taste for what is good to do beforehand and during the interview, both for myself and for the person I’m interviewing, and that is a big part of the first one, anyway – it is, after all, a learning experience.

So, look out for that one coming soon – it’s really interesting, though I do say so myself!

Then, tonight, while waiting for the moon magic to happen, I was asked to go for a drink with someone, and I semi-accepted (also a sort of big deal for me).

I somehow got everyone working at the place interested in the moon, merely by sharing about it and going to check its progress regularly, and so the person who invited me for the drink, after I reminded him that he was planning to go for a drink and that I was going along as company, he and I hung out watching the moon instead, before we each went home, and I pulled out the tripod to go for some quality photos.

So, I not only didn’t end up in a situation and circumstance I disliked, but I was honest and ended up doing exactly what I wanted, merely by sharing and being honest.

And the moon was awesome… photos to come (once I get them organized on my computer that currently is charging. 😛

So, a good day on many levels for me. 🙂

Hasta mañana.

Post-a-day 2019

Photos!

Okay, one ended up not happening after all, but the first photo thing happened today, and, not only was it a successful photo shoot, but it was also an awesome adventure!

I was doing photos for a friend who is a curator at a museum, and so I got to go see (and photograph, of course – that’s why I was there) the new museum setup before it has even opened its doors to the public!

It was something wonderful to see, and also a delightful learning experience regarding all of the objects and models and things on display within the museum!

I really enjoyed the whole time of it.

Then, looking through the photos tonight – which I was rather terrified to do, and which I only did because I’d given my word to the friend that I would check over them tonight – I discovered that almost all of them looked great!

I just need to redo a few, which was already expected, anyway, due to the fact that not everything was finished being set up in the museum yet.

So, yay!

Also, when going through them, I went ahead and loaded the previous two rounds of photos I’d done… and those.. were.. awesome!

I was totally inspired by my own photos – a concept which then doubly blew my mind with inspiration!

How cool is that?!

Yay!

Post-a-day 2019

Passions…?

Tomorrow, I have on my schedule, somewhat unexpectedly, two very different photo sessions scheduled.

Ones where I take the photos for someone else…

And one of them has even requested my photo-taking ability for pay…(!!!)

I am sometimes terrified, whenever I see my current place and undetermined path from the eyes of those around me…, and it is times like this that I can trust that feeling deep inside me that I am exactly and perfectly in the right spot and heading in the right direction for me and my life right now.

🙂

Post-a-day 2018

Memories

My cousin and I were talking tonight about old, old memories in our lives.

Growing up, I had a situation that was incredibly unique at the time (and that still is a bit unique nowadays), in which my parents each had children from a previous spouse, only had me together, married when I was three, and divorced one another when I was four.

My siblings on my mom’s side not only lived in the same neighborhood as I did, but my mom and I were regularly at their dad’s house, spending time with them and, even, their dad, who was my mom’s first husband, but with whom my mom was no longer involved in such a relationship.

My siblings on my dad’s side moved to Georgia (until they kind of moved back, off and on, one by one, starting when I was about nine), and so were only around for certain holidays and for what I guess to have been about a month each summer.

My cousin pointed out that she remembered being often at the place my mom and I lived for many years together after she split up from my dad, the one that was in the neighborhood with my brothers and their dad.

I, too, recalled that they often were there visiting us, and we often were at their house (two hours away, by the way) visiting them.

She then presented the interesting and confounding concept of accepting the idea of someone seeing one’s cousins more often than seeing one’s own siblings…, because that’s really how it was in the first decade and a half of my life, so far as my mom’s sister’s children and my dad’s children were concerned.

I have many more memories from earlier childhood with those cousins than I do with my siblings on my dad’s side.

Certainly, I saw my brothers from my mom all the time, almost daily…, but my cousins were, as I can pull up old school activities and projects to show, some of my favorite people in the world, and they were often on my mind, because I saw them often…, such was not the case with my siblings on my dad’s side.

Sure, I cared about them, and I had spectacular memories from the brief time we all spent in the same house when my parents were married to one another, but I really think we could say that I had more a relationship with and attitude towards them that people have with cousins, rather than one with siblings.

So, my half brothers were like my brothers, my cousins were like my half siblings, and my other half siblings were like my cousins… relationship- and attitude-wise, anyway.

Kind of crazy, huh?

I hadn’t really ever thought much about it, because, as my cousin also pointed out tonight, it can be amazing what kinds of things we just accept as children, not concerned in the least about whether they are uncommon or absurd.

I guess the absurdity doesn’t surprise me, of course, because, well, even now, absurd is normal in my life, as this same cousin so graciously pointed out to me a few years ago. 😛

Post-a-day 2019

Facing the struggles

When we notice something that is extremely difficult for us, but is normal for others, is it something worth addressing face-on?

What if it turns out to be something that is better left undone, like rudeness to waiters or cursing, and we already do not do it?… is it still worth facing and evaluating?

I understand easily the value of reevaluating something negative we do, but does it work the other way around, too?

In the dreaded words of Dagny Taggart, it seems to me that only benefit can come of the evaluation – either we are reinforced in our good behavior and ways of thinking, or we are reconstructing our behavior as we deal with our poor ways of behaving and thinking.

It is a win-win situation… or something much like that, anyway.

Perhaps my first step of this will be to stay home alone and be productive (not just sleep all day), and voluntarily so… I could use some evaluation in that department…

Post-a-day 2018