Not a kiss whore

“I’m not a kiss whore…”

Laughter…, “Whatever – it seems like every time you go, you kiss someone(!).”

“Yeah: all two times, I kissed one person each time.”

Both laugh, totally tickled.

(Recall last week’s adventure.)

……….

This was near the end of my conversation tonight with my mom.

I had been telling her about my day at the Texas Renaissance Festival (RenFest) with a semi-friend today (we worked together briefly, and have always gotten along and talked forever whenever our paths have crossed), and had just shared with her the most delightful part of the day for me.

You see, a long while back, perhaps two years ago – long being relative, obviously – I met someone who really attracted me while at RenFest.

It wasn’t so much sexual attraction – I want to date you attraction – as it was simply attraction – I want to be around you attraction.

He had mentioned specifically about a possibility of our becoming friends, if I would like, and I agreed, and we met up to pursue this… so I thought, anyway.

And, when he received multiple calls in a row, and I encouraged him to take the call, and he answered with, “What’s up? I’m on a date,” I chuckled at his obvious use of the term in order to get the person to hurry up and leave him alone.

At the end, when he asked if it were okay to kiss me, therefore, I was thrown – and I mean really thrown… I denied the request, and then felt really uncomfortable and mean and a bit weird… and for a while… I felt justified in giving my honest answer that I did not feel comfortable kissing him or letting him kiss me, but I still felt weird and, somehow, bad for the following year or so, give or take, off and on.

(See my comment about the meeting here, embedded within a conversation with someone else.)

He came to mind somewhat often, though we only swapped messages a handful of times again.

I thought of him whenever I was going to or at RenFest, but somehow missed him – whether by accidental forgetfulness or intentional avoidance (my own, I mean), I am not entirely sure.

But I didn’t see him again.

That is, I didn’t see him again until today.

Remember how I have had this whole beautiful transformation happening within and without me this past year+.

Well, that gave me a whole new experience of the idea of this guy when I considered him today.

Suddenly, it was clear to me that I wanted specifically to go talk to him, to clarify with him what had happened for me back on that date I hadn’t known to be a date, to find out how and a little bit of what he was doing now – still the art, and, of so, what? – and to request and to receive a kiss from him.

Perhaps the kiss last week ha some revved up, but I truly believe that it at least made things clear for me in a way they had never been before: a kiss was a kiss, and it is okay to want to kiss someone.

And it is okay to want not to kiss someone.

(And, of course, not to want to kiss someone is okay, too!)

Who I am now wanted to kiss him.

Who I was two years ago couldn’t and didn’t want to kiss him then.

I wasn’t certain about the kiss today until I started talking with him, but I was at about 90% certainty before I even saw him.

I just couldn’t seem to stop smiling while talking with him – I almost felt like my cheeks were growing red with the constant huge smiling I was doing.

(Fortunately, my teeth look amazing now, thanks to my invisible aligners from Smile Direct Club, and I smile almost all the time now, anyway.)

I wanted to complete that circle of events from our afternoon spent together… and I also wanted to kiss this man for the sake of kissing him.

And so, as we were nearing the end of our conversation, and I was letting him know that I’d bring him omiyage from my upcoming Japan trip, and we could meet up in January, I had a final analysis of the question and determined wholeheartedly that I wanted it: “Could I have a kiss?” I asked.

I had already told him all about our unknown date and my thoughts at the end, and he had assured me that he was not offended and that all was well, and so, ‘Of course,’ was his reply to my single additional comment regarding ‘making up for before’.

And he stepped and leaned forward toward me, and we kissed(!).

Hard and whole, and 100% consensual on both sides.

And I almost felt like giggling with laughter in delight at both the fun of and the absurdity of the situation, as well as the fact that I JUST KISSED A BOY!!!! AND I LIKED IT!!!

(Thanks, Katy Perry.)

I smiled gargantuously* (yet again), reiterated my plans to reach out and on omiyage, and wished him farewell, and then he wished me the same.

It was lovely.

And I couldn’t seem to stop smoking for quite a while afterward.

He had offered to me to try out being friends again, and also offered a date again, if I were interested.

I told him that I’d think about the date part, but that the friend go was a definite.

And I felt amazingly self-expressed and confident in myself on more levels than I could count and identify.

Yes, it was lovely.

I have come so far.

It is amazing.

I am amazing.

But I am still not a kiss whore, just FYI.

Post-a-day 2019

Blister mouth and Morgengrauen

Well, my teeth certainly hurt a lot less.

My upper gums and inner lips, as well as my tongue, hurt something terrible(!) – the edges of the aligners just keep rubbing on everything and making new raw spots appear and new bumps of rawness pop up and out inside my mouth.

So, today was simultaneously better and worse.

… On that note, that last sentence reminds me of a particular line in a German audiobook… she’s just transferred schools, and is describing her second day at school…

Here’s a rough translation of what I seem to recall was in that little section – only three bits I recall for certain, and the rest is just knowledgeable conjecture, but you’ll get the idea well enough… and the book:

‘The next day was better and worse… It was better because the sun shone, I knew where I was going, and I had people to sit with at lunch… It was worse because I fell on the way to my truck in the morning, Mr. Something called on me in math class and my answer was wrong, and, most of all, it was worse because Edward Cullen was not at school.’

I find yet somehow hilarious that I read the German versions of those books, and also that I totally love the German audiobook of the first one… I don’t even bother with the English ones, but I still pull up the German audiobook and have a bit of a listen from time to time… and I always love it… though, the beginning has a few lines and bits missing in the audiobook version, which I rather dislike… not sure why they were edited out in the first place… bleh(!).

Anyway… good chat…. have a great night and day, everyone, whoever you are, you lovely, God-blessed soul, you. πŸ˜‰

P.S. We were totally supposed to go on a fabulous hike tomorrow morning, however, the torrential downpour that has just begun outside is expected to last through later tomorrow morning…. soooo, that’s kind of been canceled, and we’ll just head back to Houston (from Austin) shortly after we get up naturally and have some breakfast/brunch…

Post-a-day 2019

Invisapain

I started my first week of invisible slingers today (instead of braces on my teeth).

I always wanted braces, but my mom couldn’t afford them, so I never had them.

My teeth aren’t terrible, but the small details of crookedness and twists have bothered me for decades, and I want that beautiful, generic, white and glistening smile that all my braces friends have gotten.

I even looked into pricing as an adult, and I still couldn’t quite afford the braces scenario for myself…, but it has been on my someday guarantee list for some time now.

Now, thanks to a friend of mine, I have a super-duper affordable option for teeth straightening…, and today was my first day using my orthodontist-approved and -monitored plan…

It totally sucks.

I mean….. the pain totally sucks.

The aligners are probably already doing a very good job at what they’re designed to do.

However…,

My tongue, my teeth, and my gums have been in constant pain since about fifteen minutes into it all.

I actually put them in last night, because doing it just before bed is recommended so that the mouth adjusts to having something in it more easily… instead, however, I woke up after three hours, needing to urinate, and I had to take out the top one, because I was in so much pain, I couldn’t fall back asleep.

When I took out the bottom one this morning, planning to go down to eat breakfast, I passed back out and slept so well, I didn’t regret it at all.

Post-breakfast, however, I’ve been doing what I’m supposed to do, and it has totally sucked.

I went this afternoon and bought a solid nail file and filed all the edges that had rubbed my tongue totally raw, and that helped a bit (but the tongue is still raw and in pain).

Then I added a drop of clove and peppermint oils each into my litre and a half water bottle, and have been drinking that all evening, and that is helping dull some of the pain (at last!!).

However, everything still hurts, and I very much dislike it.

I am hoping things will improve drastically in the next 24 hours and greatly in the next 12 hours… otherwise, I might need to figure out a new plan of action for this whole thing… I never expected so much pain… they always just said that some people experience “some discomfort”, but no one mentioned anything about pain…

Ugh..

A friend of mine is halfway through her use of these, and she never had such pain – just the common discomfort…, but she said that even that improved, and that she hardly feels a difference when she puts a new set of aligners in her mouth now… boy, I hope I can get to that point, and quite soon, please(!).

Dear God, please heal my mouth, and please ease my pains such that I might continue to straighten my teeth, but that it be comfortably done… Amen.

Here’s to strong and good intentions for my mouth(!): cheers.

Post-a-day 2019