Bedtime snuggles

I roll over in bed, curling up underneath the sheets, and I pull it close to my body, pressing it to my chest and upper belly, giving just enough pressure to my sternum and flex to my arms to release those comfort hormones in my brain… I can feel them releasing as it presses into me, my whole body easing, if only briefly. Why only briefly? Because a folded-up long-sleeve shirt only does so much as a stand-in for a life partner / man… But it helped for a few seconds, anyway.

P.S. I almost forgot to mention that I I finished with everything today for moving out – it is all completed, and I never have to return there, if I so wish it. What’s funny to me is that, as I am so completely done with the place, I had already moved on from it and partly forgotten about it. Life has continued without it, and that is clearly great by me. Thank you, God and Universe, for such a blessing as not only being finished but being so far past that that I forgot all about having some that today. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

The Body Talks

Let’s talk about sex, baby.

Well, sort of… That’s what my body kept saying to me today.

Today was a day in which my body felt like it was in a state of panic.  In a way, it was in a state of panic (or bordering on panic, anyway).  To my body, this panic was expressed as a painful desire, né need to procreate.  

“Hannah, I need to reproduce – it is what I am designed so well to do, and I’ve waited so long already… let me go!!”  


Such was the sort of conversation my body and I had today.  It complained and begged and reasoned, and I sighed and just accepted the complaints.

Now, the kicker to all of this is that I am almost entirely comfortable and at ease now (despite being quite sleepy).  Why is that?  The same reason (-ish) that my body has been panicky lately – I need physical contact in my life.  Good, real, physical contact, corporal contact, person-to-person skin-to-skin touch is an absolute necessity for me.

And living in Japan has given me almost none of that.  It has quite truly driven my body into a state of panic, in fact.  

How did I go from freak-out to calm?  I hung out with friends and went dancing with them.  In this time, I leaned on them, they leaned on me, we rubbed backs, hugged (the real kind), held hands, stood with our arms draped on one another’s shoulders or around the waist or hips, touched this or that spot on someone to get his/her attention.  In short, we had a nice amount of physical contact with one another.  No, it was not anything compared to what I am accustomed to having back in the US, – we are So touchy-touchy in Texas, and especially at dance there – however it was tremendous when compared to my average day and week of zero physical contact here in Japan.

I went to a dance event in Korea just a couple weekends ago.  I danced like crazy there, and I hugged people and had lots of physical contact with people who love me and whom I love.  I think that going from a weekend jammed full of corporal contact and love, back to the solitude and non-touching life I have here right now, my body had a sort of shock.  After having gone so many months with only a bit of physical contact here and there in a month, I was accustomed to it.  But, after spending a weekend filled with physical contact, it has been difficult to go back to the zero-touching lifestyle.

And so my body cried for a while, until it at last had some loving physical contact this afternoon and tonight, at which point it is ready to take on this next week (until I head to the beach next weekend, at which point the physical contact occasions will resume). 

So, instead of listening to the crybaby body make excuses about its evolution and its original design for existence, I just get myself some physical contact, some hugs and snuggles and such, and things work out beautifully.

Cheers to loving physical contact! ❤

Post-a-day 2017

Saturday Mornings

It is nights like tonight and weeks like this past week that have me wish for a Friday night and Saturday morning with my cat. We would typically stay up way late on Friday night, because I finally had no desired bedtime for once, although I was exhausted already from my week.  And then, on Saturday morning, we both would sleep in.  

It was always a sort of drowsy mix of hanging out and deep sleep, all the way to midday or early afternoon.  I’d get up to use the bathroom now and again, maybe even put on a movie for a while before falling back to sleep, and off and on snuggle with my kitty cat.  He would move around on the bed as he wished, sometimes putting good space between the two of us.  However, for the most part, he would snuggle right up to me, usually against my head or neck (and sometimes actually on them), a sort of loving, pillow-like comfort, which I felt brought me a special sense of ease and calm similar to hot cocoa and a fire when it’s cold out.

Yeah, I miss that right now.  I’m even nervous that he won’t really recognize or like me once I’m back home.  Or that he’ll be lonely without other cats (his lives with three right now).  Not much for me to do about that until I get back to the same town as he, right?  Right.

Anyway, the point is that I want to sleep in tomorrow, and snuggle off and on with, I guess, my cat as I do that.
Post-a-day 2017

My Elephant

I snuggle at night with a large plush elephant from IKEA.  He’s kind of a temporary substitute for my cat, his trunk usually resting across my neck throughout the night.  My cat, who usually sleeps across my neck (when he is with me, of course), is kind of a temporary substitute for a person, I think.

But I still can’t imagine, no matter how creative I get with ideas, how a person could be as comfy or as cozy as my big stuffed animal or my soft, fluffy cat.  Or be as adaptable as they are.  I feel like I would just tell whoever it is to get off me and to give me space.  Yet these animals are currently acting as sorts of placeholders for said whoever… quite a thought, me thinks. 
Post-a-day 2017

Stuffed Animals

I love stuffed animals.  Really, I do.  I sleep with them almost every night (when I’m at home, anyway), because they give me constant comfort.  These creatures love me for everything that I am and for everything that I am not.  They snuggle and cuddle willingly with me as much as I want, and none of us minds if someone wants to scoot away a bit during the night (though falling off the bed is always a ghastly event, and we work together to bring back the overboard sleeper).

Right now, I have a large elephant from IKEA, who pretends he’s a person, wrapping his “arms” around me whenever I sleep on my side; and I have a small (though, normal for a stuffed animal) dog who typically sleeps on my chest, and who came to me probably a decade or so ago from my childhood best friend, Jennifer.  They are both incredibly soft and wonderful snugglers.  I love having them in my life and I love them.  No matter my day and no matter how I’m feeling, these guys are ready for me each night, and they hold me just a tight as before, surrounding me with love (as best only two can manage when it comes to the surrounding part).

In college, a friend was staying over at our flat one night (I had a full-sized bed), and she said I slept in the jungle, because of all of my stuffed animals.  I really did have a lot at that time, though.  A small, round tiger; a very large Pink Panther; this same dog here; another dog, too, I think; and a few more I don’t quite recall at the moment…  Essentially, it could feel like a full house, even when I was the only person in the mix.  And, possibly the best part is that none of them cares about getting smushed, so I can roll and turn and crush and cuddle however I please, and they’ll all be happy as ever.  

Stuffed animals are possibly better than real people, actually.  I always struggle to snuggle comfortably with people – it’s almost effortless with my stuffed animals, though. Ten minutes max, and I’m out, totally happily asleep.  With people, I shift and adjust and squiggle, until I finally give up and roll away to rest solo.  Yeah,… maybe I needn’t worry so much about having a husband or anything – we wouldn’t be able to snuggle at night like I’d want anyway, so I might as well stick with the stuffed animals.  ;P  Hehe
Post-a-day 2017