The flood waters rise

Perhaps this is a temporary theme in my life right now.  Every year, right at this time, there is a sort of uncomfortable and somewhat scary experience with water.  Last year’s event had to do with the ocean and life, and this year’s is rain and houses.  Last year, I began a journey of self-discovery in the sense of never apologizing for who I am.  This is not to say that I shove things into people’s faces – by no means.  I must still be responsible for who and how I am, however, I need not change myself or my ways for fear of offense or even not fitting in.  In other words, I need not apologize via actual words (e.g. “I’m sorry.”) nor by altering my intended actions (e.g. Suddenly shaving my legs, because it is a cultural standard).  I have spent this past year truly learning how to live that in my daily life.  And the lesson is certainly not finished, as I continue in it every day.  I even fail sometimes, but it happens less and less often, and every instance empowers me, no matter the outcome.

This year, we have a hurricane-turned-tropical storm that has decided to cleanse the Greater Houston Area, and then some.  Hurricanes are typical around here at this time of year.  However, the amount of rain caused in five days by a particularly bad hurricane many years ago, has been dropped to the Earth in only two days this weekend.  And the rain clouds still have another three to five somewhat sedentary days of pouring before they are expected to move along.  We have breaks – there’s one right now – in the rain, so that helps with spirits considerably.  However, not all of the city is above the 100-year flood plane, as we are here.  My sister and her family live in a particularly terrible flooding area, and somehow hitched a ride on a canoe this afternoon, and ended up at a nearby church for safe shelter – her house had what looked like a foot of water inside it, despite its being several feet above the level of the road.  Supposedly, as they were all leaving (two other families were in their house, since they had still had power [the floor was still dry at the time], making it around, I’d guess, 13 people, five of them children aged five years and under), the water had reached the base of the stop sign at the corner by her house.

While my sister has done a good job of keeping spirits throughout the day, and even sent out an adorable photo of two of the kids in a super inflatable boat/raft that one might use for tubing, I have wondered what her thoughts are on all of her things in their house.  It is quite likely that they will lose a huge chunk of their possessions.  In the aforementioned photo, I saw family paintings on the walls, and wondered at them.  They have such a huge history with family arguments and disagreements and, I think, even some police involvement.  Not those particular paintings in her house necessarily, but paintings by that particular family member.  It just had me wonder about the point of it all.  Why did they all argue and share so much anger over things that now could disappear so easily from our lives?  And then I wonder, “Why do we do that with any material objects?”  Anything could be lost at any given moment for this or that reason.  Why do we care so much about these objects in the first place?

And so, I wonder if that is this year’s work.  It has already been on my mind off and one the past few weeks and couple or few months, and this past year’s topic was the same last year, being on my mind here and there already months before my water incident.  And, also like last year, I am granted the option to pursue the idea, to learn by will instead of by requirement or force of any kind.  My house and things are safe right now, and are likely to continue to be safe from this entire storm.  The question is simply one of how much I am willing to let go of the things that I own.  I am scared, but in a very good way.

Post-a-day 2017

The weather continues

Electricity was restored only a few handfuls of minutes after it was lost here in our house last night.  However, the rain has off-and-on taken up temporary residence around us throughout last night, today, and this evening, giving us more water than anyone might ever want in such a short amount of time.  And tornadoes decided to show up with the rain in certain areas throughout the past 22-ish hours.

If we were just talking about rain and wind and thunder and lightning, I’d be quite all right.  But that last little addition to the standing hurricane (now tropical storm) has me nervous about going upstairs to shower or sleep.

It is never a good feeling when this is how your town’s winds look.


Again and still, I pray that we all be happy, healthy, holy.

Post-a-day 2017

Hurricane’s a turnin’

A hurricane has landed in Texas.  Yet again, that is.  It is really quite far south and west of us, and it only landed a handful of hours ago, at most, and yet our power has already gone out.  It isn’t even scheduled to be in our area until it has calmed down significantly, and dropped to a level one, possibly only down to a two.  And that’s on Monday or so.  It’s Friday night right now.

What a weekend this will be, huh?  I pray that we be happy, healthy, holy throughout it all, and onward to the next step after the storm.  For now, I shall sleep while it is still cool enough in here to do so with decent ease.

Post-a-day 2017

Shower Surprise

I’m staying at my mom’s house tonight, and so am using my old bathroom and bedroom.  In the shower, she still has two of the bottles (for there were many) of shampoo and conditioner that I had used in high school.  They are from two different sets of shampoo and conditioner, and so they have different scents, but they both take me back.

As I use the shampoo, I remember those 5:20am showers, being barely able to move or see, yet chugging along anyway, so I could get to band on time…, never fully waking up until band practice had been going for at least a little while.  I remember my boyfriend from my senior year… the time we went to see the bats on Waugh Street bridge, and he guessed correctly the brand of my shampoo and conditioner (Herbal Essences)… how he was terrified that I might fall, and grabbed me when I leaned over the edge of the bridge to see the cars below (as if)… how we always did things together with my mom (that occasion included)…

And then I move to the conditioner, which seems to have lost most of its conditioning power in these many years of sitting there.  The same sorts of memories stay in my mind, but then one striking memory produces, and adds itself to the mental exercise.  I recall the morning of my hair surprise.  As I was rubbing the shampoo into my hair, I discovered what felt to be part of a pine needle, or else one of those brown cocoon-looking things that fall from trees and remind me of cattails crossed with pine cones and a thick worm.  “Really?!” I thought.

I had been lying down in and rolling around in the yard the night before, and apparently hadn’t even noticed that I had gottten some of these guys in my hair.  I slept with that in my hair.  How bad is that?

So, I grabbed the twig thing to toss it out the window (which was closed at the time).  As I was starting to pull it from my hair, being careful not to have it fall apart into my hair, I noticed a sort of burning sensation in the joint of my first finger.  As I brought my hand down from my head, twig thing in-hand, I began to panic.  I flung it to the ground in the shower, and began shaking my poor hand that had been holding it.  I might even have shouted, or even begun to cry loudly.  I vaguely remember my mom coming in to check what was wrong as I was crying in the shower… 

“What is it??”

“I just…[sob] got stung…[sob] by a wasp.”

“What???”

“It was in my hair… and I grabbed it… and it stung me.”  The sobbing continued, I believe.

It wasn’t that I was in extreme pain, so much as that I was extremely surprised.  First, I had been surprised at my having left tree stuff in my hair from the night before, rolling in the grass.  And then, I found out that a wasp had somehow gotten in through the closed window, landed on me as I rubbed in my shampoo, and then stung me as I removed what I thought was a stick or pine needle or pod thing.

Perhaps that’s why I left this conditioner here so many years ago.

Post-a-day 2017

More days-of-the-week underwear fun

Tonight, I put on my TUESDAY underwear after my shower.  While I actually did believe today to be Tuesday at one point earlier on in the day, that was not my reason for doing this.  I considered them for a few moments as I stood over my suitcase, and then reached down and grabbed them with intention.  I’m not certain how to put it, really.  It was, in part, a representation of my distaste for today’s events (and therefore today) and my rejection of today (in a sense), and, in part, my rejection of the standards of days-of-the-week underwear as a means of rebelling against something that feels to be beyond my control with my current experience of time and the specific days of this week.  Also, things were much more hopeful on Tuesday.  Tuesday was a good day this week and last.

Today was the bad one.  Although, to be fair, a lot of good has come out of the ending section of today – lots of love, especially.  When Snapchat (which I don’t even use) and the concern of looking good (someone else’s concern) knock you in the face, it’s really nice to have love show up and remind you that you are great, and that those ideas have no bearing on the situation.

 

Post-a-day 2017

Life today

My life is going somewhere.  I know it is.  I can feel it… just waiting for some little piece to tip over an edge, and suddenly the flood will come, the overflowing wealth of the beauty that sits poised to the side right now, waiting… for me?

I don’t know what it is, but something is waiting to happen.  And I don’t know if it is up to me or to time alone, awaiting someone else to come into the picture… but it is coming, and soon.  I have six weeks.  I am grateful for this upcoming beauty and joy.  Let’s do this.

Yes, let’s.  🙂

Post-a-day 2017

Whoops…!

Feminine stuff coming… beware  😛

………………

When we are little, wetting the bed is a common thing.  It is even acceptable and expected up to a certain age.  Eventually, though, without any definite limitation, we reach an age where bed-wetting is just not a thing anymore.  We have grown out of it, just as we were expected to do.  I feel as though getting blood on one’s underwear is a similar situation.  When we are young teenagers, it is all too common (and expected) for use to have leaks and errors of judgement that lead to menstruation making its mark on a pair of underwear or dozen, and maybe even a few pairs of pants and/or skirts and shorts.  However, at some point in time, at an undefined age, we grow out of such a thing.  We are accustomed enough to the circumstances of menstruation, that we no longer have this think called leaking onto our underwear.  We grow up.

And yet, here I am, a good decade past that approximate age, washing out blood-spotted undies.  And it isn’t even that it was the sudden start of my period unexpectedly, and so I was unprepared.  I already wear pantyliners for regular discharge, – we all have it, and I truly don’t understand how women manage to be comfortable every day with it rubbing around and into their underwear all day long – and so am, in a way, always prepared for the start of my period.  The thing is, I actually forget about my period while I am on it.

Now, I am truly grateful that I have such a comfortable period that I am even able to forget that I have it while I have it.  It just has me suddenly realize that my pantyliner in full of blood, and, ‘Oh, goodness, when did I put that last tampon in?’  Really, the only concern is getting blood all over the place (not that that’s great or anything, but still…), so that isn’t half bad in the long run.  I just all too often get blood all over the place on my undies.  In a way, I suppose I’m used to it, because I forget so often (at least, I used to forget really often, and it has slowed down some now, but it still happens regularly).  I even have (or had until this past year) certain underwear that I wear on certain days of menstruation, because they are older, and they can handle a date with blood (as opposed to my newer and/or nicer underwear).  They are usually the only ones that are getting close to being thrown out, but are holding up enough physically to be used still.

I think I’ve only had one or two , possibly three occasions a year, really, in which I’ve had to clean out blood from underwear these past couple/few years.  So, I’ve definitely improved from how often I had to do it before then (every month, multiple times a period).  That still doesn’t change the part where I’d kind of hoped, thought, expected to be past this altogether.  Maybe once or twice in a decade, as part of an extreme accident of some sort.  But not so regularly that I still typically wear my period underwear on those certain strong flow days every time.  Meh… whatevs.  It is what it is.  Here’s to being good at cleaning underwear!

 

Post-a-day 2017

 

Freedom’s Indecision

The trouble with having freedom in my future is that freedom can sometimes means too many options to focus.  Right now, I know what I am doing for the next six weeks.  After that, I’m really not sure.  My current job will be finished, and so my life is open to options from there on out.  What will I do next?  I have total freedom (within the bounds of financial abilities, of course).  And with that freedom comes an uncountable number of possibilities for what I could end up doing.

It feels like I have a new path I am considering pursuing almost every day.  One almost could ask me, “What’s today’s fancy, Hannah?”  And I’d have a different answer almost every day.  A week ago, I wasn’t too sure about my cat, and I found myself wondering that I rather preferred his living with a family with other cats, and who wants him.  This weekend, I have felt as though all I want is to move into my own apartment and to live with my cat again.  (Despite the fact that I said several times this past year that I probably never want to live alone again.)

Talking with my stepbrother tonight, I find myself really wanting to pursue coaching and teaching.  It has me wonder if I don’t just get excited about other people’s dreams and their passions, and I long to have the dream, the desire, the passion that they have about something, as opposed to the actual something.  Do I want to coach and teach, or do I simply want the clear desire and love that my stepbrother showed for the two activities tonight?  To be fair, I really did love coaching lacrosse (assistant coaching, anyway), so I’m not looking at something in which I have no background or foundation here.  Nonetheless, it is still something into which I am looking regarding my future and my means of making money.

Anyway, … that’s what I have for tonight…

 

Post-a-day 2017

I can’t walk right…

I walk on the wrong side, too.  Whenever I’m on the stairs, or even if I end up in a sidewalk/hallway sort of situation most times, I don’t even realize that I’m in the left side until I reach oncoming traffic.  At those times, I resort to my Japan automatic behavior of scooting simply to the middle of the stairwell, as opposed to switching sides entirely.  While escalators and roads were set sides, stairwells and walkways often had signed alternate setups for walking (due to high traffic in train stations and such), so I regularly was too confused when either there weren’t signs or people united them.  It quickly became a habit of mine, especially at school, just to put myself in the middle of the stairwell, and to let people go around me as they pleased.

And now I find myself always starting on the left side, and pushing quickly to the center as people approach, just like in Japan.  I find it amazing, the habits we build in life.

Post-a-day 2017

the wrong side of the road…?

I have been three days riding my bike (bicycle) now, and I still am not fully accustomed to it.  A car was a reasonably easy adjustment, because the driver seat is on the opposite side of the car, making it significantly easier just to flip everything for the road.  I also have spent hours upon hours driving in the US, and only a handful of days doing it in Japan.  Bicycling, however, is a rather different story.

I spent a good number of days riding my bike part of the way to work at my last US job, and I used my bicycle for a good amount of my getting around town (combined with the local busses).  But that in no way adds up to how much I have driven in Houston.  In fact, I think it is quite likely that I actually spent more time riding my bike on the roads in Japan than I ever have in Houston.  I think I’ve spent more calendar days using a bicycle on the roads in the US – I’m saying “on the roads”, because I know I have spent more time and more calendar days using a bicycle in the US than in any other country, but not necessarily as an alternative to a car as a means of transportation – than in Japan, but the days I spend riding in Japan included a LOT of road time every time I went to and from work.

All that said, despite however terribly it may have been said, I have spent a lot of time riding my bicycle on the left side of the road, following traffic in Japan this past year.  This means that I kind of have a really strong habit of getting to the left side of the road whenever I ride.  I have consciously pushed to the right these past few days, but it has been tough.  Especially when there are no moving cars around, I really struggle.  I find myself already going to the left side, before it clicks that that’s the wrong side here.  (Hey, I’m glad it does click, though, and fast!)

As I approached a road with a huge median in it yesterday morning, and there were no visible moving cars on the nearer side of it, I suddenly discovered how much my instincts have been “messed with”, so to speak.  I truly had no idea which way to check for traffic, as I approached the road (I was on a path perpendicular to the road.).  Even though it seemed like no cars were around, I went ahead and stopped at the edge, because I wanted to figure this out.  After a handful of seconds, during which I get quite silly and out of place, a car came along on the far side of the road, the opposite side of the median from me.  It was coming from the right.  Unfortunately, that didn’t have anything click for me – there was no Aha! moment for me, and I was disappointed.  However, I am smart, and so I immediately deduced that cars must come from the left on the side by me, if they’re coming from the right on the far side of the road.  I was just a bit bummed that I was having to deduce, instead of just suddenly remembering and knowing.

On a handful of other occasions, – possibly two or three handfuls, actually – I have found myself heading to the left side of the bike trail or the road, but it is always under the same circumstances: I am alone, and I am turning.  So, if I keep that in mind, and just focus whenever I’m about to turn, I’ll be in good shape in no time.  (As if I haven’t been thinking this all week already…)

Anyway, just thought I’d share all of that, because it’s kind of fun (to me, anyway).

Post-a-day 2017