Tag: exhausted

Solid words

“It’s just a bad day, not a bad life!”

We all would be wise to remember this, whenever the day turns oh-so-terrible… when life feels terrible, that we have failed at some important part of it all, that we have simply messed it all up somehow…

Every day begins newly within this life, and, as long as we are in this life, we can make it better than it was yesterday. And, no matter how many bad days or hours or events or moments we may have, it is always only that: a bad day or hour or event or moment. They do not define this life, those moments and events and days. Who we are, who we choose to be, how we choose to show up in this life – that is what defines this life. All the rest are just supporting details.

And yes, the details do matter. But they are not the core or definition of it all.

Like we said, when the day goes wrong, “It’s just a bad day, not a bad life!”

Post-a-day 2021

Because I love it

Yesterday, I danced around to and sang along with a few of my favorite songs from the past several years, I made muffins, and I played music out on the front porch. Today, I sat and read from a book, and I am about to sit a read from another for a bit.

After a conversation on Monday, I am opening myself up, once again, to the possibility of doing things I love, simply because I love them. I must not do things only with the aim of something grander, or of gaining more money somehow… I somehow had forgotten that I could and that it actually is good for me to do things simply because I love doing them. I had disregarded the idea, for it was not practical enough, I suppose. But I had, in that, disregarded part of who I am, part of my self-expression. And so, when I recognized that on Monday, I saw what I wanted to do going forward.

The past two days have been like baby steps, I suppose, but I want to be sure I am incorporating these things into my daily life, not having them be a small stint that takes over everything for a short while, and then disappears completely. So, I also did some big deal cleaning up and unpacking that I had been somewhat avoiding, both yesterday and today, and that also felt really great. I was so focused on getting through the KonMari method as fast as possible, I had pushed aside most of the reasons I was even bothering to go through and tidy everything. A huge part of why I want my home tidy, is because I want to have time and space to enjoy the things I love. Therefore, I think it is important that I continue to do the things I love, rather than put all the good stuff on hold for two months while I sort out this other stuff. I don’t need this turning into another full-time teaching scenario, where it feels like my whole life is on hold, waiting for me on the other side somewhere, and then I often end up too tired to do anything by the time I get there.

Life is now. I can enjoy things now while still working towards the improvements I want for everything and for myself. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Post-a-day 2021

^Almost put 2022, again ::facepalm

Pluses and minuses

Okay, I exercised again today. I was very aware of my bottom throughout several parts of the workout, wondering if my rash was doing okay, or if it was worsening. So, I was a bit stressed about that, off and on. Plus, ditto regarding my arm/elbow muscle situation. Depending on how everything looks and feels tomorrow, that will determine my next steps with each. I am really, really hoping that they both clear up by tomorrow night.

Ugh… speaking of tomorrow night, I have to work at that part-time job. And it is for a very long time. And it is until very late. I go to bed by nine pm usually. My body wakes me up before five am each morning. It is already dreadful whenI have to work until eight pm once a week. Tomorrow, I have to work until eleven pm. I won’t be in bed until midnight, best case scenario, which means I won’t even get five hours of sleep. What’s extra annoying is that I am given a mandatory 30-minute “meal break”, because I am scheduled to work for so long tomorrow night. I don’t even eat after five pm, even on my latest of days eating. Usually, it is three pm.

Ugh. The lack of sleep is definitely not going to help my current physical state. Really, it just makes me so frustrated that I want to cry.

Post-a-day 2021

Seriously?!

****Body issues in the following text – be forewarned!!****

I have a ridiculous rash and a strained muscle, so I can’t exercise, and I’m quite stressed today. What is going on with my body right now?

?????!!!!!!!!!!

Ugh!

It’s like a diaper rash, and is along my bum crack. It is possibly from not showering right away after exercising Monday afternoon, but we really aren’t sure. I’ve spent most of the day on my side, letting the area air out and, hopefully, dry out enough. I put some remedy stuff on it all, but I very much dislike being without underwear or pants/shorts/bottoms of some sort, so that has added an extra layer of annoyance to my day. The one positive about it is that it doesn’t actually hurt or itch, the rash, which is a positive sign. However, it is still a rash, and that is not good.

Ugh…

Post-a-day 2021

Agèd

I must be old. I can not describe how… necessary it feels to be home now, after being away for two nights. My space, my things, my clean, my joys and comforts… I haven’t even gotten homes for all of my stuff yet – more than half of it still seems to be sitting in odd spots around the room, or just totally out somewhere. (Actually, it’s more like a third of it doesn’t have an official spot in which it can live yet, and a big part of that is the oil spill I’m still working on cleaning up behind my bed’s head, in front of and on a main storage shelf for my room. Once that finally stops soaking up into the fresh spreads of baking soda that I keep laying and vacuuming up, we should be in really good condition with finishing the tidying for everything.) And yet this place feels right. This is the place where I sleep, surrounded by all of this stuff, and in this bed with these sheets and blankets and all, and these fairy lights and twinkle lights on the walls.

And I am powerfully grateful for it all.

P.S. Not to mention, I go to bed already between 8:30pm and 9pm, and wake up between 4am and 6am (if I “sleep in”)…

Post-a-day 2021

^I swear, I almost put 2022… ::facepalm

Drained

I think it is an extremely important social skill to know when people in a room do not want to listen to music and when they want the music turned down. Extremely important.

And yet so many people seem not to have this skill…. and they often seem to claim control of the music.

Ugh.

I’m just drained beyond reason – overstimulation is 100% a thing, and not being able to get away from it is extremely stressful on and exhausting for the body. That applies for the mind, too, actually. I have had too much experience with this from dance, the gym, and various other social situations. One thing I have truly enjoyed and loved about the quarantine lifestyle is that I do not have to be in or be missed from those environments. That seems to be going away again now… not so much a fan of it, though…

Man.

Post-a-day 2021

Cold sleep

It is cold, and I feel it. From the air conditioner, not from outside. I go back and forth between shivering and being slightly miserable without shaking. There was no blanket down here for me to use, let alone a comforter. I found a throw upstairs, but it isn’t very heavy/warm. I likely will have to sleep fully clothed tonight.

And then some.

Glad I brought the thick wool socks for possible hiking (which almost definitely will not happen).

I am also very tired, and also sleepy, increasing, I believe, my sense of annoyance and stress.

Dear God, please help me sleep well tonight and awaken rested and comfortable tomorrow and the next day.

Especially considering that my body decided today was finally the day to start menstruating… what impeccably terrible timing. I think it is aiming to make a point, and I might be understanding that point: I need to take care of myself, no matter what others do or want to do.

And now, to dress and to sleep.

Post-a-day 2021

Energy levels

What is it with our bodies that, whenever we sleep in and have a relaxed day, we end up just as if not more tired than the days when we get up early and exercise and do loads of things throughout the day? We still reach the bed at the end of the day exhausted. Today, I let myself fall back asleep after my regular body alarm wake-up, and I passed out immediately and hard. I got an extra two hours of solid sleep then. I did not exert myself almost at all throughout the day. Yet, here I am, barely able to keep my eyes open or sit up straight, and it’s only just after seven p.m. That’s only 13 hours of being awake today, and not even doing very much.

I really think that there is some kind of balance between being active and getting energy from that activity, and being restful and getting energy. If we do too much of either, the scale is tilted and we begin to lose energy. But, if we do just the right amount of each, we end up more energetic and able than ever.

So, while I would have said that today was possibly too restful, I must disagree now. I realize that I went to bed really late for me last night – 10:30. So, I only got just over seven hours of sleep. My body has shown me again and again that it needs more than that on any normal day, let alone when I am already behind on sleep. So, today, I think, was my body just being tired period – it would have been tired if I’d exercised, too, which is why I didn’t go today. I didn’t want to hurt myself. However, I do definitely have the days on occasion when the rest is too much, and tilts the scale the wrong way. Of course, I totally have the energetic days that tilt the scale too far, too, but those make the clearer sense.

Speaking of sense, I’m losing mine for the night, so I’m signing off now. 😉

Post-a-day 2021

Interview stress?

Man, interviewing people can be utterly exhausting. I have to be on for the entire time that we are meeting with someone. Then, I have to be on in a different way as we discuss after the candidate’s departure. And then, I have to be on in order to discuss the candidate who is about to join us. And then, the cycle repeats itself. It results in a day full of being on… Fully.

And, boy, is that exhausting.

And it is even worse when the candidates themselves are exhausting human beings… could you just stop talking for a second? You are not helping yourself with this constant, roundabout, up-in-the-clouds, non-answer chatter. Frankly, you are annoying us all, and would do well just to shut your mouth for more than two seconds total.

-Hmm…, can you tell I was annoyed? 😛 –

But what makes it, perhaps, the most exhausting, is the fact that it is all done sitting at a desk, looking at a computer screen. I’m not sure work gets more exhausting than that.

That is, for me, anyway…

Post-a-day 2021

^Held my breath for a second there

Sleep awaits

It is 19:15, and I can barely keep my eyes open. I slept roughly 11 hours Friday night, then seven hours last night. But both nights seemed to have an edge to them, making it slightly stressful sleep for part of each, though probably half of the night Friday night.

What’s great about this, though, is that I am sitting on my bed, finishing my final tasks required in order for me to go to sleep for the night. Just need to read and stretch now, and I’ll be good to rest. And, boy, can I hardly wait.

I wait with impatience, as the French say. 🙂

Post-a-day 2021

^Okay, I genuinely didn’t even know what year it was just now. It wasn’t a confusion between last year and this year. I just didn’t know the year, period.