We started going through some question and answer things together tonight, and actually discussing some of it… and I feel so satisfied by the conversation as a whole, so accomplished, satiated… satisfied not as in proved right, but as in filled, whole. I have been wanting to do just this for so long, and we are finally doing it clearly and intentionally, and it is wonderful. We both are learning, I think, both about each other and about how to discuss different things effectively with one another, and both are extremely valuable in any relationship. So, I go to sleep incredibly grateful tonight.
Thank you, God, and thank you, my man, for the communication, the willingness, and the love involved in it all. Thank you, God, for this life. Please, make clear our next steps always in pursuing and fulfilling your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2023
P.S. In class today, we started discussing jobs and work and careers and crafts. (This is French class.) At the end of class, we started reading together an article on the Japanese concept of ikigai. (If you don’t know it, look it up, because it is really cool.) Tonight, as I looked at my memories on Facebook, I crossed a post from this day seven years ago talking about how I had just discovered the Japanese term ikigai and that it was an awesome addition to my vocabulary. How fun! 😛
She says in Spanish, ‘Is there another salsa? A green salsa?’ The waiter replies in Spanish that there is a cilantro, creamy green sauce that is kind of a topping sauce. ‘Yes, could we have that also, please?’ He agrees and thanks are given.
So far, they have gone through almost two normal containers of the red salsa, eaten almost entirely by him, her man, not the waiter. They continue eating the chips with the delicious red salsa.
After less than a minute, a small container of delicious-looking green creamy salsa arrives. It is smaller than the size of a shot of alcohol, much smaller than the regular red salsa dishes on the table. She looks down at the green salsa. He, her man, not the waiter, looks down at the green salsa. The two look at each other briefly before she, with a lightning-fast move, grabs the green salsa and moves it to her far corner of the table, out of his reach.
He does not share food well. He admits it fully. He devours food. Sharing happens only by speed and force, before he can finish eating, or else it usually doesn’t happen at all. They both know that this is why she has taken the salsa. Two normal dishes of red salsa have been eaten entirely by him at this point. She has full rights for her move. But he doesn’t trust her, because he wouldn’t trust himself if he’d been the one to grab the green salsa first (which he’d tried to do).
He retaliates by grabbing the chip basket and moving it to his far corner of the table.
It is a Mexican (food) stand-off. She says as much, chuckling.
They begin negotiations. ‘Let me get a scoop, and I’ll give you three chips.’ ‘Let me get that scoop for you, so you don’t take all the salsa in one scoop.’ ‘No, let me get the scoop, or I won’t give you any chips.’ ‘Then you won’t get any salsa.’ ‘Okay, put the green salsa over here for one scoop, and I’ll give you three chips.’ ‘How about I hold the salsa over here, and you can get a FAIR and small scoop yourself, then give me three chips?’
They reach an accord.
She holds it tentatively to make sure he doesn’t scoop half of it out in one go. He surprised her by confirming that his amount is okay, and even wipes a bit back on the container before asking. She approves. He eats. She asks for her chips. He gives her one.
The container is small, so she breaks the chip in half. She dips and eats one half and dips and gives the other to him. He gives her another chip, and the process repeats, repeatedly.
‘See?’ she asks. ‘I told you I would be fair with the chips and the salsa.’ He just smiles and eats another bite of chip and salsa.
After a while, she has had her fill and hands the container off to him. He devours what is left in mere moments, it seems. They both know she was right to take the salsa, though he doesn’t want to admit it, and that’s okay for both. They got the chips and salsa they had wanted, and they got them together, which was what had mattered most.
………..
I just hope you can see us being idiots at the restaurant tonight. 😛
I have a lot to say. I started wondering back in college if, provided I had someone who wanted to know about my everything every day and always, someone who listened to it all and asked about it all, would I feel such a need to talk so much? I’m regular conversations, I regularly feel like I could write a whole paper on what I want to say ok that particular topic. I even think about it after the fact, and there I find even more things I want to add to the conversation. But the conversation has ceased. I imagine the person is no longer – if ever he was – interested in what I have to say on the matter.
Tonight, I was sharing about college perspectives and my own experience with selecting a college. After sharing what I shared, I then came back to the messages several minutes later to add more. Then, after showering, I recalled that I had forgotten to share something I had very much wanted to share, and I had discovered something else that I wanted to share about colleges and all. And yet, here I am, unsure as to whether it would be valuable to share. I want to share it for this person’s benefit. But would it be too much information at that point? Would it do the opposite of its intended purpose?
I don’t know.
But I shall think on this… I’m leaning toward sharing it as a ‘I know I said a lot, but it’s a big topic, and here’s my third cent on it…’
I think that, if being honest and open with people overwhelms them, frightens them, then that is OK – they are just not the people meant to be in your life right now. They were here so that you could express yourself, and, now that that has happened, they are not meant to be here with you anymore.Perhaps they are not ready for who you are yet. Perhaps they never will be. Whatever the case, there is nothing wrong with their temporary passing through your life. It is just what’s so.
Do you ever have so much that you want to say and share with the world that it just feels like it would take far too much time and effort, either for yourself or regarding the other person’s time and patience, and so, you just say nothing at all?
Or when, simply out of some degree of fear, you just don’t say what you really, truly want to say in a given situation?
I wonder how many wonders in life are lost that way, how many friendships never discovered nor deepened…
Perhaps it would be a service to all creation, if we were to start asking people directly and openly what they would like to share with us today, each day we meet them. And then, if we actually listened to what they had to reply each time.
I have begun sharing. Why? Because I care. I care about those who have been hurt. I care about those who can help those being hurt or who have been hurt. I care about those who can prevent others from being hurt. I care about those who want to understand. I care about those who want to help. And I care about those who, simply, need to know.
But sharing isn’t always easy. And it isn’t always perceived as caring. Sometimes, it can merely frighten those on the receiving end. So, I think it is important to be responsible for the listening – will this person be able to hear right now what I next will say, or do I need to set up the conversation differently, so that this person can hear what I am going to say?
Beyond that, though, no matter how jarring it may be to share, I believe that sharing truly is caring. And I care.
Therefore, I share.
Watch out, world. I’m coming, open.
And that openness has reached a whole new level. So, get ready. And let’s do this. ❤
It’s funny how, when we are comfortable and confident enough just to speak openly about the things that matter to us, even when one of them might typically be considered as out of place within the current setting, those things end up being exactly what was needed to be said; those things end up being something that gives value beyond expectation to both the conversation and the relationship between those involved in said conversation.
And it’s funny how often I forget that all, and how I am alway at least a little bit surprised whenever it happens.
But it happened twice today, and beautifully so.
In the morning, I shared comfortably about my current menstruation status, and then the conversation turned into my sharing all about how accurate testing body temperature can be for knowing what is going on within a woman’s cycle…, and then I sent a whole link of information on it all to the person after the conversation, because, as it turns out, she has quite irregular cycles and is currently working towards becoming pregnant. Aka my comfort in sharing openly 1) allowed and empowered her to share openly, too, and 2) created a beautiful connection of tools for her current and future endeavors regarding something extremely important to her and her life.
Later today, after a hesitational moment to consider that I truly wanted to proceed with my next idea and comments, I ended up discovering a crazy and fun connection between me and another person at work. And then, through that connection, we found another connection, deep and intense, as I continued to share openly and comfortably and confidently. And then, once more. And it was awesome.
And that I was so entirely comfortable in all of it was awesome. I didn’t even hesitate by the time we got to the last part. It was so easy, I didn’t even have to think about whether it was safe to share about my experience of abuse, or whether it was worth sharing or whatever – I just automatically knew that it was, because of the previous connection in the conversation.
And now the two of us experience one another in an wholly new and positive and loving way. And it was completely worth the risk of sharing that atypical sharing. Totally worth the risk…
I talked openly about sexual abuse with someone yesterday. And about body parts. And sexual intercourse.
There was no anger or wrong-making or freaking out. We just talked. Questions were asked and answered calmly, honestly, and genuinely. And the conversation eventually comfortably and naturally moved onward into something else.
And nothing was weird. And we both gained an unexpected degree of value from the conversation.
And wouldn’t the world be a better place, if we could have informative, open, and safe conversations about more of these traditionally taboo and sensitive topics?
My world certainly has improved since they have become part of my everyday life. It was really, really scary at first, and difficult. And awkward and uncomfortable. Now, though, it has become quite normal and easy. And I am grateful for that every time such an opportunity and conversation arise.
Post-a-day 2021
^Right in the middle of typing it, I caught myself, and so got it right 😛
I shared about some grammar concerns today with someone new. It didn’t exactly go very well, so far as accepting and understanding go. I was left with an experience of having been not heard, not believed, not trusted, and considered bizarre in a negative way. I merely shared that there were errors in the copy of almost everything official that I had read by this company, and that I wanted to reach out to the right individual or individuals to begin creating the corrections for all of those errors. I even gave various general examples of the error types that I had found. After doing that, I was asked what kind of errors I had found. I repeated myself almost verbatim in answering the query.
And I know that I care about language and grammar loads more than any average human being is likely even capable of caring – I get that. But it doesn’t make it suddenly not suck when I experience someone not only distrusting and disbelieving me but also verbally responding with words that suggest that I am a negative anomaly in the world. Because it does suck when that happens, and that does happen.
And I get that this person likely was very tired and rather surprised by the concept I was presenting. That also does not make it suddenly not suck, how that person responded to me.
So, I just wanted to share that – that it really sucked in those moments of someone, whether knowingly or not, invalidating me and my concerns for the betterment of this company.
Yeah.
I guess this is an opportunity for me to look at how I might do the same to others, especially when I am tired or sleepy. 🙂
hannah ananas 