Tag: surprise

The sun’ll come up ;)

And I’ll be ready 🙂

…

Do you ever start to feel like you might not be good enough for something, or that something you love just isn’t practical enough, and so you might just need to give it up…?

I’ve been feeling that lately.

Yet tomorrow – I can hardly quell the rising butterflies of delight within my chest and lower rib cage at the thought of tomorrow – I will be doing something that is reminding me of exactly why I started doing this in the first place… I do this, because I love lively moments of life, and lovely perspectives within life…, and I find them worth sharing, as far and as wide as is possible.

And it doesn’t matter if I don’t have the fanciest or greatest quality of equipment – what matters is that I see it, and I use that ability to be able to share and forward the love to others.

Even if it isn’t in perfect of perfect focus and lighting and blah-blah-blah… 🙂

And it’s nice to be reminded of that…

Because I am super excited about tomorrow. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Irony

I went to an outlet mall today (filled with almost no one, actually), to go specifically to Lululemon for some sports gear.

You see, the bras I have from there are spectacular.

But my workout have been so good this past year that, well, they don’t fit anymore… they are too big on me.

So, I needed to get some new sports bras, and I wanted to get good quality for something like that, that I would use so often.

So, we go to Lululemon, and sign up on the digital waitlist… the wait is estimated at two hours, because so few people are allowed in the store at once, right?

Right.

Like at certain busy restaurants and eateries, we were to receive a text message when an estimated ten to 15 minutes remained in our wait time, and it would say this and that we should return to the store now.

Unlike these restaurants and eateries, we also received a link that we could refresh at will in order to see where our party was “in line”.

We started at spot number thirty.

We walked around outside a long while – around 8,000 steps worth – before heading back toward the store (where we were parked), and verifying that we still were only around 9th in line.

The doorman told us that, since it was “parties” and not just individuals “in line”, we had plenty of time to go get the ice cream we were considering.

So, we drove to HEB, I did some quick research as to why I couldn’t find a childhood favorite anymore, and I got a very close alternative to it.

We then enjoyed our treats back in the car, and received our text message notification about 45 seconds after pulling into a parking space back at Lululemon.

I then had a blast in the store, and my friend, though not finding anything she was wanting inside the store, found a delightful time outside the store, practicing her handstands, and eventually being joined by one of the store’s staff – perhaps he was on his break? – to share in the doing of handstands, and to display free handstand push-ups (they are bomb, and it is a pleasure to witness anyone doing these successfully)(!).

We headed home after a good while, both of us quite satisfied, both in mind and in belly.

The irony?

If you missed it, the irony was that I was getting new sportswear, because I’d released so much weight/fat from my body through my workouts and healthy eating…, yet I went and had what was likely an extremely high-calorie tub of ice cream while waiting to purchase said new sportswear… 😛

But I didn’t finish it, so, that is good, and it is now in the freezer here, finding a new version of itself after having melted. 😀

Post-a-day 2020

Boiling point?

I might be at my boiling point this week… physically, though mentally regarding the physically…

You see, I have learned to handle acne rather well for my body… meaning that I have learned how to avoid having very much of it.

Unfortunately, my body is extremely sensitive – well, kind of to everything, but that’s not the point right now – to sweat, when it comes to producing acne.

All I need is to have my skin be the level of sticky sweaty – pouring/dripping sweat is fine, but, once it stops, I need to clean off the skin – in order for acne to show up in the very near future in those exact spots.

So, I washed my face three times throughout the night last night, and have done it several times today, simply because of the heat of the place where I am staying this week – it is warm, like 76 overnight and 82 degrees Fahrenheit during the day (And, before you start saying the temperatures are to save money on electricity or to help save the planet, know that the air is set to “ON”, not to “AUTO”…, so it is always running…, but with warm-ish air abouts.)… I couldn’t identify at first why I was so mentally disturbed by the fact that the apartment was kept so warm, but I eventually realized that that was it: the acne concern.

I was kind of supposed to go take photos with someone this week… now, it is definitely not happening… I already have more acne on my face than when I got here yesterday, plus, I only slept a maximum of a few hours last night, for fear of bugs (I got bitten while aiming to sleep) and for the struggle of the intense warmth of sleeping atop a fabric sofa and wool-like blanket…. so, no photos of me this week, buddy – I need to be not semi-miserable and not annoyed at my physical state to go take such specific photos.

Let’s be real: sitting here, writing this, I keep taking breaks to move my arms away from my body, and to breathe deeply, both in hopes of cooling off even a little bit more… it reminds me of the days of no a/c in the world, when everyone just suffered all summer long, and sat, miserable, on their porches with cold lemonade and a cool rag, unable to get themselves to do anything else, because the mental effort involved in starting any physical effort was just too much for the overheated body and brain to handle…

That’s about how I feel here, breathing in the warm and humid air of the apartment, as though I might just be sitting outside still…, but outside has bugs and wind and rather low humidity, actually… man… not even my deep breathing is relieving, it feels so oxygen-low…

Ugh… okay, you can do this, Banana…

Post-a-day 2020

Sigh…

Well, the unexpected has arrived again, and suddenly… I suppose it can serve for me as a bit of a reminder that I can prepare and prepare, yet still not be ready for what will meet me every time, even I’m a seemingly familiar situation or scenario…

I think that is a good one for me to take forward with this whole book thing and magazine thing I’ve started but about which have begun to panic… “What if I do it the wrong way?(!!)” my brain seems to ask on repeat…

Then I do it the wrong way, and I have the opportunity to learn from that way’s having been the wrong way.

And I can do a better job the next round, because I now 1)have done it, and 2)have learned even more than before the first effort… sure, I may have messed up, but I am better equipped now because of it.

So, basically, prepare as I can, and then just go for it already, ready to get it done, ‘the right way’ or not…, whatever the case, have an open mind and be ready to learn… period.

😛

P.S. It is so warm in here, and I’ll be sleeping on a fleece(? It’s something else, but I don’t recall what it is… almost like wool, actually…) blanket, as there are no sheets for me to use… I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep very well, if much at all… :/

Dear God, please, help my body cool off enough to sleep well and fully these next few nights. **gratitude hands** 😉

Post-a-day 2020

Struggle for love

Some miserable stuff went down today, where one party was absolutely irresponsible regarding its actions and how they affected those immediately involved in the situation, and that party also acted from an irrational and ego-centered place of anger and misplaced hurt.

Naturally, I was the party who found itself utterly unable to breathe normally, was gasping for breath through tears and a fully red and wet face, and who almost actually puked several times from the intense crying… it was very rough and very rough.

But why I share about this is because of one part of one party’s exchange with me…

She said, “I wish you could un-hear all of it.”

I asked her, “Is that what you recommend? That I un-hear it, if I can?”

“Yes.”

And something about that idea was beautiful to me…

What’s more, now, hours later, I’m doing rather well, allowing my psyche – is that who handles these things? – to release the words from my memory, and free me from their harsh, un-loving attack that hit so hard and hurt so much at the time of their issue.

It is, basically, the opposite of going over a past conversation in my head continuously, analyzing it over and over again… I, instead, allow myself to let it go, and to focus on the love I received from the party who wished me the ability to un-hear such mean reaction… I have been able to embrace the love of the scenario, and to release the rest…

Just as my tears and intense sobs released something powerful of their own – my eyes are actually still tingling, though they have been dry for hours – and my body relaxed at the rubbing of my back and the cool water in my mouth and throat, so my mind has been allowing the bad to release itself slowly but surely, and the love to take hold and envelope the mind.

Anyway… please, remember to love, okay? A threat of any kind can go much further for the person receiving it than we might ever imagine… please, be kind and act with love… eve if that only means that you pause before responding, so that you do not shoot out fear or anger as the immediate response, but you can respond with composure instead… and, therefore and ultimately, with love.

Sending love to you all tonight especially. 😉 May you love yourself truly, such that you are able to learn to love the world around you, no matter who is there in it.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can totally make me cry hard core for a while… whatever the case, though, be is sticks or stones or threats or poems, I shall heal, and I will continue to love myself, and, thereby, the world, too. 😉

Post-a-day 2020

Creativity is the key, and the door does not exist

The thing is: At any given moment, there are an infinite number of possibilities as to what could happen next.

Our futures aren’t set in stone.

Sure, there are several paths that are the more likely and most likely and almost definite next moves, based on our past behaviors and ways of thinking and all…

But that doesn’t mean they are the only possibilities, the only options…

All the others are still out there, in every moment – any given moment still could go any direction, despite what came before it.

And we get to choose that next move…

No matter what, anything is possible.

And I think it is important to remember that.

Even if we fall into the deepest despair in life, we can still choose to make a different move from those “most likely” and “almost definite” moves… we can choose whatever we like.

Anything is possible, and the limit is only that of our imagination.

So, let’s get creative, and start expanding our move vocabulary. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Homeward Bound

One of my favorite sets of movies when I was a child, it was…

Anyway, I’m headed home in the morning.

Well, in the afternoon, I suppose… I’m packing up in the morning, though, and possibly going to a museum quickly after I do some tutoring, and before I head out.

I’m headed to Dallas area in the morning, and am meeting someone there for a drink or something, and then I’ll be heading home after that, in the later afternoon.

And I might actually be even head to that until almost noon, anyway.

So, I’m headed home at some point tomorrow. 😛

And I’m not opposed to a detour along the way, either… I just need to be able to be in Austin on Monday for hiking.

This time, it will be hot and humid hiking… I likely will miss Madison’s weather greatly. 😛

But that’s okay… the hiking will be lovely, and my skin will be glad to have humidity back in its life… it’s been so dry up north these past few weeks, both in Wisconsin and in OKC.

So… a lot is ready to begin at home… I am almost ready for it to begin… and I am ready to jump on in, anyway. 🙂

This life is beautiful, and this next part of it is likely to be a glorious and fun adventure. 🙂

Here’s to our next steps, y’all: Cheers. 😉

Post-a-day 2020

No, thank you

I seem to do a very decent job of rejecting guys and making it abominably clear that it ain’t happenin’, and then being friends with them (or, at least, good acquaintances).

A man once invited me on a vacation.

Well, he asked me about inviting me on a vacation – ‘What if I invited you on a trip?’ kind of thing.

He, we both knew, had something specific in mind for a guaranteed part of that trip’s itinerary, no matter the destination of the trip.

I informed him clearly that, no, it wouldn’t happen – not doing it that way either, man… but thanks for asking, instead of assuming and all that jazz.

And he, naturally, was bummed, but he also got over it.

Years later, we have turned somewhat into friends.

I call him out on his bs, and never hold it against him.

He calls me on the phone, and has slowly begun talking about genuine things with me, instead of the casual, surface-level chitchat most of the world seems to be comfortable living in.

Today, we were just talking about what we were up to this evening and the past week or so, and I was sharing about my nature time here in Madison, and how, since international travel for vacation is not exactly a thing for the next while, I was considering expanding my goal of visiting Texas parks to include other parts of the country… get to know nature here, so to speak.

One of those places is Utah.

In a sneaky and, basically, magical way, Utah is pulsing with glorious natural wonders.

And I want to spend some time with at least some of them.

When I was sharing about this desire, the guy expressed his total agreement, and said that Utah is truly an amazing place for nature.

I casually asked, in a sly yet joking voice, “Do you wanna take me to Utah?”, knowing that he would remember his offer from years back, and he would know that I was making a joke about it.

He replied, with no actual hesitation, and in a voice so sober as I have only occasionally heard from him, “I would take you anywhere.”

Aww… that’s sweet of you, I told him, and we moved on along in the conversation.

It was a simple comment, and, though it could have been interpreted quite differently when not hearing it said, it was clearly a genuine compliment, both in its meaning and in the speaker’s sincerity in speaking it.

It warmed me, hearing that phrase from him this evening.

He knows that I won’t take him up on his initial offer, and so he wasn’t just saying it in hopes of getting me to go – not at all.

He was saying it, because, in a way, he meant it.

And he still wants me to agree to it, his original offer…. a fact that, in its own odd way, warms my heart ever so slightly…

Because it is nice to be wanted…, even physically and sexually…. I won’t deny that it is especially nice to be wanted by someone so entirely desirable as this guy is, either.

And, even for his little bit of genuine meaning it with his statement, it was well worth hearing him say it, and knowing that the compliment of being so desirable was still there.

Especially now, when I’ve been working so hard on my physical body, I appreciate such a compliment (especially when it is absent of the ridiculous vulgarity too many people seem to express so openly these days)… and it is especially sweet, because this guy doesn’t even know how I’ve physically improved in the past year plus, yet he still holds such an opinion of me…

Compliment, indeed, and I’ll take it! 😛

“I’d take you anywhere,” said a deep, kind, and sober voice over the phone… and, for that few seconds, she took flight in the traces of human love found in that statement, and imagined what kind of person would take her anywhere… she doesn’t really see that happening with him, but she believes that someone is out there, getting ready for her and all the absurdity and love she has to offer, and that she is seeking.

Post-a-day 2020

Nature days

I’ve been up north for over a week now, and I hadn’t even noticed it.

I had some definitely intense decompressing that happened at the start, and then have begun truly embracing the weather and the nature here in the more recent days.

I had expected to do much more sooner, but I apparently wasn’t ready for it… today, even, I finally woke up after having slept for ten hours (with bathroom breaks, as usual)… clearly, I was still struggling to catch up on my sleep.

But things in my brain have been healing, and my body is beginning to understand the healing, too.

Hopefully, it all is rolling well now – I want to enjoy my time here by doing more than just catch up on sleep, you know? 😛

On a separate note, I might have two spider bites on my back… not sure, but they seem like massive welts from a bite of some sort, but they don’t really hurt… they just sting a tad if I scratch at them.

So, I put some special stuff on them just now, and we’ll see how they are in the morning… fingers crossed that they improve dramatically overnight, and that the rest of my skin stays well and smooth.

Anyway, I’m off to sleep… here’s a small teaser from today’s afternoon activities.

Post-a-day 2020

True friends

“I only have about ten minutes, so, nothing about me – just tell me about you…”

He begins to list questions related to things and areas in my life.

“…and how is your social life? Do you even have one right now?…”

And the questions continue in a quick flood…

“…How is your body? Are you still gorgeous, or even more goddess-like now?…”

Eventually, the questions end, and he sits quietly to listen for the next ten minutes, attention focused…

…

Some friends, in even the tiniest of conversations, remind us of what true friends are… they are the ones who, when we’ve been in a tough spot, without their even seeming to try, say exactly the right thing to warm our hearts, and often thereby put us right at the edge of tears…

As I said, in taking with him, my heart felt so loved… breathing was so intensely filling and satisfying, my heart was so loved by him…

That is a sign of a true friend.

And, though we are a whole world apart from one another, I am grateful for the friendship and all of the love that has poured out and continues to pour out from and for it, like an everlasting waterfall…

Thank you, true friend, and thank you, God for the help… I needed this, and tonight especially… thank you, both and all.

Amen. 🙂 ❤

P.S. It is particularly important to me that this is a heterosexual man who expresses honestly and openly his thoughts and opinions, even with women, allowing for a spectacular and genuine friendship between the sexes… (When Harry Met Sally wins no fight here!)

Post-a-day 2020