Tag: culture

Fitness and food

An old coworker shared a video today from a fitness blogger girl (or something like that) who was saying that, though people have been giving her flak for it, she is not actually against dieting, as people were declaring about her. Rather, she is against the world of “diet culture”. The girl went into a bit of detail about all of that in the video, and my owl coworker commented and added, ‘I love this so much! People can want to make changes because it fits their personal values. It doesn’t always have to be to fit societal standards of beauty or acceptance.’

And I absolutely agreed with her on that. I sent her a quick follow-up message of the following:

“This has actually shown up for me as a bit of a struggle this year! It has been hard for me to share about my fitness goals and progress and struggles, including with food, because most of society doesn’t have similar goals, and can only see a ‘super fit white girl complaining about being fat and being super-restrictive with her food’… because that’s all they know, due to the whole diet culture and stigmas around fitness and food”

And it’s true. People often grow upset, to varying degrees, at my food choices most of the time. I typically eat a Paleo diet, and I do intermittent fasting (where I only eat food during an 8-hour window each day, then no food for roughly 16 hours). It isn’t a big deal, and I don’t make it a big deal. But I do stand up for myself and my goals, and I calmly let people know that I do not want or will not have such-and-such, whenever it doesn’t align with my goals for caring for my body. I want to be the best person I can be, the highest version of myself, and that includes my physical self. When I am physically well, I am best able to do all that I am here to do to make this world a better, love-filled place. When I eat food that makes me feel ill or like junk, I am not at my best. It has nothing to do with negative body-image or a lack of self-love or self-care. True self-care is actually caring for and taking care of oneself, not just using it as a stamp of approval to eat crap foods and drink loads of alcohol without repercussions or follow-up care. Self-care isn’t an excuse to be lazy. It takes work. But it is work that is well worth doing, and with all our hearts. At least, it has proven to be so every single day of my life. And I am extremely grateful for that work and all of its results and rewards so far and yet to come.

Post-a-day 2021

^Last One!! Wow!!!

Mad, but out

But then, how often do we see what other people seem to be dreaming and thinking, and find ourselves thinking that they are mad? (The main example that comes to mind for that right now is when someone was dreaming of and hoping to date me, and I am clear that I have no interest in dating that person [and I say “that person” instead of “him,” because it hasn’t always been the case with just men…!]. So, when I see the hope and dreams persist, I think, That’s crazy thinking!)

Separately, I got almost everything handled today. We moved the rest of everything into the storage unit or into my or my mom’s vehicle, and even vacuumed the floor where I once lived. I am going back tomorrow to get my soap and toilet paper from the kitchen and bathroom, to remove the extra and unused boxes from packing, and to remove my bicycle and my Vespa. If the dresser we left outside is still there, I’ll see about having the friend come by to take it to Goodwill. Then, I’ll leave the main keys behind.. if I know where they are, that is. And then I’ll be done there fully. I already left today, my energy and all. But I won’t have anything to do with the place anymore after tomorrow.

And I am quite grateful.

Thank you, God and Universe, for helping me through all of this powerfully. Please, give comfort and ease and rest to the two who helped me, as well as a sense of having served a valuable purpose and a feeling of being fully appreciated for their efforts and doings. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Dreaming madly?

Do you ever find yourself wondering about whether, if people actually knew all your hopes and dreams, they would think you were totally crazy, just absolutely nuts?? I mean, sure, plenty of mine are standard and/or acceptable dreams. But I definitely also have those ones that are…, well, not. I think that, if they were to come true, it wouldn’t be a problem of any kind. But hoping for them, dreaming about them, likely would seem utterly bizarre to most folks. Or, at least, to the folks in my immediate or daily surroundings, they would seem bizarre.

Do you know what I mean?

P.S. We got out most of everything today, and packed it safely and rather effectively in the storage unit. The friend did show up, and he stayed almost the whole day, working with me. My mom helped for about an hour and a half, split between the morning and the late afternoon, after we all had a 3:30pm lunch together. Tomorrow, we must take down and pack all the art, take apart my bed frame and table, and load it all into the unit. We also still have a few more instruments and games and small odd furnishings and such (mirrors, tea kettle, back massage tool, fans, a lamp, a vase…), as well as dishes and mugs and glasses in the kitchen (just a single cabinet, though) to pack and move. Then we have to put the stuff I intend to move with me into my 6-weeks home next week in the very front of the storage unit (including my mattress and chair and lamp). I think we will manage it all. But I intend to get up again early – would you believe I slept until after six today?! – to get started as soon as I can manage safely for my health and well-being. Then the friend is coming back to help finish everything off (and his extremely helpful truck, too!). My mom might even come by again to help a bit, too. Her car, borrowed, was also extremely helpful today.

Post-a-day 2021

^That year is almost up(!!!), I just realized

Skintimacy

Quote of the day

“Look, I know sex has greatness in its own right, but all I really want… is naked cuddles,” she declared.

Talk about unpopular opinions, this one likely would throw a lot of people through a loop. But, hey, if intentional and conscious physical intimacy is the goal, then it makes sense, right? Instead allowing oneself to cross over to an animalistic degree of human function – that part of humanity designed to procreate without having to be told how to do it -, there is an opportunity to be extremely intimate without loss of full consciousness and presence and without procreation. It is definitely a valuable idea, I dare say. Indeed, it would be much more intimate as a whole than sexual intercourse would be.

But can people actually do that and only that??? Interesting inquiry…

Post-a-day 2021

Breakthroughs of all sorts

踏み出す, fumidasu, stepping forward into that is next – that is my kakizome for this year, my intention expressed through calligraphy and hung in the wall where I see it almost every single day, multiple times a day, both consciously and unconsciously.

Today, I really did that – I stepped into who and how I want to be. In a situation that made me very nervous, I went ahead and spoke up, asked for what I thought I wanted, messed up a bit, figured it out, asked for what I really wanted – an extremely unreasonable request for the rest of my life -, and then I got it.

And It Was Spectacular. It was just what I needed, on all accounts. I am extremely grateful to God and the Universe for supporting me through all of this and for helping me speak up, now, and ask for what I want and need, especially when I am most uncomfortable to do so. Thank you, God and Universe. I love you all.

Post-a-day 2021

“$1500 for a leather bustier?”

“It lifts and separates. Plus, it’s not like I’m actually paying for it.”

Well, I have taken two half steps regarding my by Christmas goals and intentions and its addendum. While not undergarments per se, I procured today, somewhat unexpectedly but with much delight and enthusiasm, a leather corset. Yes, corsets are kind of instead of a bra, but this one is of the style to be worn on the outside of one’s clothing or, simply, as one’s clothing. Think steam punk kind of corset. Heart shaped neckline, green alligator print center panel, and dark green, smooth leather for the rest of it, with tarnished silver clasps in two columns in the front and laces in the center back.

And oh, my gosh, does it look amazing. On me, I mean.

We were at RenFest, and I had just wanted to try the styles on to see how I liked the idea of, one day, getting a leather corset for myself. I always saw this blue and black one on the front gate of this particular shop, and kind of longed for it or something like it in my life.

So, after much hesitation and working through if mental struggled, I asked if we needed to have on a shirt to try on the corsets – all other women had been in blouses, so far as I had seen, and my piece-of-leather top would not work with a corset. When the answer was an emphatic negatory, I asked if I could go ahead and try one on, then, and if someone would dress me in it. The man who had originally stared conversation with me about the shop and its/his family told me that I absolutely could and that he could help dress me. So, he did. And he did a wonderful job.

I loved the straight-across one I tried first. Actually, it was second, because the first straight one was actually too large. He was clear about that quite quickly, when the laces went all the way in, almost immediately. But, once I got the next size down, I found that I liked the straight one on me.

I spoke up, however, and requested to try on the other shape just to see it on me, too, even though they’d said it tended to be more of a style worn by bustier women, a group of which I am certainly not part. They thought there were none around in my size, but the one guy came walking up with two in his hands – they had been on front display, and so hadn’t been tested at all or purchased. A blue and a green one. The blue was very much the blue of a friend of mine, and not my liken of blue. The green was an earthy, olive-y green. I selected the green to try, though after hearing my mom’s opinion and hat of the shopkeeper’s. When he had finished lacing me into it, and I turned to look myself over in the mirror, I was somewhat shocked. Not only did it look nice on me, it looked gooood. Kind of to the point that a small part of me wondered who else – beside myself – had a sudden urge to grab me and rip my clothes off of me in a fit of instant and utter desire and lust. It looked that good. I looked that good.

I knew I wanted it. I knew I wanted to be the person who would wear it confidently and proudly, yet humbly and gratefully. As it would be a significant investment, however, I took my time considering whether to purchase this one, here and now, or to wait for another time, even possibly to have one custom-made instead. To consider whether this green would be as much of a delight as my earlier-desired brown.

While I considered, several women, eyes bulging when they registered me, commented supporting comments to me or near me about the corset on me. The shopkeeper kindly informed me that 1) several women had said I needed to get the corset, and that 2) I looked spectacular in it. He was being genuine, and it meant a lot that had had given his personal opinion, as I knew he was not just trying to be flirtatious or just sell something.

Seeing as how it was actually quite cold out, I eventually removed the corset, and dressed back in my leather too and skirt and faux-fur cloak to finish considering with a not-shaking body and a warm conscience. Once dressed again, I could think more clearly. I wanted first to see the dark green leather in the sunlight. I wanted to confirm that it stood out as clearly not-black in sunlight. I’m not a black person. Earthy tones and natural tones galore, sure, but not black.

The second thing was the tougher thing. I told my mom, ‘I have a small part in me that worries I will be slutty, a slut, and whore in this,’ and, ‘I think I just need to be told that it is okay and safe for me – for me – to wear this.’ Due to my history with certain men, there is still a part of me that is scared with things like this. While I am always gentle with her, I always acknowledge what she has to say before firmly telling her what’s truly so. When my mom said what I felt I needed to hear – though I already knew it to be true – that scared girl within me calmed down, and I finally was able to choose freely for myself.

Naturally, I chose the corset.

And, boy, am I glad I did. I can hardly wait to wear it.

Post-a-day 2021

Fearing love

I’m in love with a stripper…

Okay, obviously, I am not, but do you remember that song? It’s been chilling in my head tonight, and it has me wondering: How often do people find themselves in love with an unavailable, non-option individual? How often can people’s love not be reciprocated? And, on that note, how often can they be reciprocated, yet they are not?

I think there might just be a lot of lost love out there. How do we help those who feel so unloved, who have intense unreciprocated love or merely a denial of love, possibly again and again?

Perhaps we need only begin with loving ourselves fully and truly, and then, when we see ourselves fully, we can see and therefore love others truly and fully for exactly who they are.

Just a thought… I shall consider deeply my role in this in my daily life, especially where I presently feel most uncomfortable sharing and being love with and for others. Those uncomfortable ones are probably the situations most in need of my love, I do suspect.

God and Universe, please, give me the strength and the will to be your love in all that I am and all that I do.

Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Way too cold in the bathroom*

One of the greatest experiences of my life is still, on those cold nights in Japan, snuggling into my bed on the floor, the lamp on beside me, next to my book of the moment, and curling into my comforter and wool sheets (sheets, of course, brought from the US for my Ikea full-sized mattress) and fancy, cool-warm pillow (due to the memory foam and the intentionally not-wool pillowcase), after touching the tatami floor with my fingers and through my socks when rushing to the mattress, and shivering that initial full-body shiver as it begins its efforts newly to warm itself. Those moments of first relaxation, cuddled up like that in my bed, so lovingly and cozily held, those are some of my absolute favorite and most fulfilling moments of experience. It is as though, despite all the struggles and pains and aches of the day, as well as those yet to come, those warm and loving arms of my bed were there for me, ready and willing and able to hug and to hold me exactly as I needed, and whether I’d known it or not beforehand.

So, the cold and bitter winter bring back some of the best of memories.

*Which is why they sell the toilet seat stick-ons everywhere for wintertime use. And, of course, they are all different patterns on the fabrics, so they are included in the ridiculously cute nonsense known by all in Japan.

Post-a-day 2021

Bread

When I correctly answered spontaneous trivia questions posed to the audience at a Taiwanese tea ceremony presentation this morning, my coworker turned to me – he’s white Anglo, but a Mandarin teacher – and asked, “How do you know all this stuff?” Yesterday had been a surprising exposure of my Día de Muertos knowledge and experience, and a few other things had come up in the past week to show how I had grown up participating in many cultures. And, while I sat in on his Mandarin I class last week and this week and blew him away with my random knowledge of Mandarin and of character radicals, I am certainly not part of the Mandarin department, and have never been to or studied about China or Taiwan.

I smiled and said to him, “My family is very not-white.”

To solidify such a statement, let me merely add that my hand is covered in mehndi right now, as I helped my mom for a presentation and event she was doing tonight for Diwali, and I wanted to play with some henna just for fun, since I’m wearing an Indian outfit tomorrow… As I said, we are very not-white… 😛

Happy Diwali, y’all!! 😉

Post-a-day 2021