And tomorrow, one of my best friends gets married.
Post-a-day 2021
Tag: emotions
After midnight
Exhausted, feeling slightly ill, I roll onto the bed. It is so very late, and there has been so much action today, my mind, body, and spirit are all practically brimming with tears. They need rest. They need the door shut. They need the fresh air and lack of stimulation.
And so, we shall sleep… hopefully, very well.
Post-a-day 2021
Smutty
You know…, I might just actually really like those smutty romance novels after all…
Not that I hold them as high royalty among novels – nothing like that. But so far as storytelling goes, some of the smutty ones are spectacularly told…, even if they might be 80% smut… Because, I believe, smut told well is worth hearing… and, if for nothing else, then for spectacular ideas…
But the good ones actually have great stories to go with them – fairy tale fantasy and smutty fantasy all in one. š
However, Iām not sure yet. Iā going to do some research on the top-rated romance novels, and give them a go, see how I feel about them. Iāve mostly only read stories that have unexpected smut strewn throughout their stories, stories that focus around something else, with the smut only as a tiny piece here and there. So, we shall see…
Post-a-day 2021
Tremble
O-o-o-oh, sometimes, it causes me to tremble…, tremble… tremble…
Perhaps one of the most powerful expressions of sadness and pain – an expression that communicates clearly to and elicits reaction from onlookers – is the unexpected tremble of the lips.
That powerful, easy, comfortable part of the body, somehow losing its ability just to hang out, hang around… it takes no effort for our lips just to exist. Perhaps that is what makes that tremble so powerful, so effecting… our pain is so great, that not even our effortless body parts can remain calm, they shake with the volume of such pain.
Post-a-day 2021
Usefulness
Sometimes, one of the hardest things in life is being not useful, not being used – being available and offering to be of use, but having everyone deny the offer. Yeah…, sometimes, that can really, really suck.
And, on the flip side, sometimes, one of the most fulfilling things in life is being of use, being used.
Oddly enough, either end of that spectrum can be exhausting…
Post-a-day 2021
Lieutenant Michael Murphy
Today has been Memorial Day, a day for remembering, honoring, and extending gratitude to those who have served in the military, whatever branch they may have been, and who died during that service. In their honor and memory, I now always honor specifically Navy SEAL Lieutenant Michael Patrick Murphy and the 18 others who died for Operation Red Wings on 28 June, 2005, through my practice of the workout now called “Murph”. While it is a thing worldwide, today was a bit extra special for me.
One of my cousins used to live in San Diego and work among the SEALs. He was not technically a SEAL, as he was brought in in a non-traditional way, but he worked and trained alongside them for many years. One of his best friends from that work was on the first helicopter that had aimed to rescue the original four SEALs from the reconnaissance mission that had gone so terribly sour. That helicopter was shot down before any aid could be given, and all those in it died.
Below are all of their names, both those from the original four and those who died while aiming to rescue those four. I list them here, that those who read this might offer up a prayer, a positive intention, some light, some love, and/or some gratitude for the efforts of these men to make the world a better place by giving their all, both physically and mentally, as well as for those efforts continuing all the way to the end of their lives. Being in the military is more than about guns and fighting – it is about being one’s best self, such that the country itself has the opportunity and ability to do that same. Therefore, I am always grateful to those who serve in the military, and I give my love to each of these men listed here, that their souls may be at peace, and their families, too.
Navy SEALs
LT Michael P. Murphy
SO2 Matthew Axelson
SO2 Danny Dietz
SOC Jacques J. Fontan
SOC Daniel R. Healy
LCDR Erik S. Kristensen
SO1 Jeffery A. Lucas
LT Michael M. McGreevy Jr.
SO2 James E. Suh
SO1 Jeffrey S. Taylor
SO2 Shane E. Patton
Army 160th SOAR
SSG Shamus O. Goare
CWO3 Corey J. Goodnature
SGT Kip A. Jacoby
SFC Marcus V. Muralles
MSG James W. Ponder III
MAJ Stephen C. Reich
SFC Michael L. Russell
CWO4 Chris J. Scherkenbach
Post-a-day 2021
Mass
I did the second reading on Friday. My grandma’s cousin, the priest presiding over the Mass, had asked me to give a brief reason for and explanation of what I was going to do, just before I began. And so, with some trepidation, deep breathing, and many tears, I said, “My Opa’s first language was German. So, I will do the second reading in German, for him.” And then I did.
Der erste Brief an die ThessalonicherĀ
Das Schicksal der Verstorbenen
13Ā BrĆ¼der und Schwestern, wir wollen euch Ć¼ber die Entschlafenen nicht in Unkenntnis lassen, damit ihr nicht trauert wie die anderen, die keine Hoffnung haben.Ā
14Ā Denn wenn wir glauben, dass Jesus gestorben und auferstanden ist, so wird Gott die Entschlafenen durch Jesus in die Gemeinschaft mit ihm fĆ¼hren.Ā
15Ā Denn dies sagen wir euch nach einem Wort des Herrn: Wir, die Lebenden, die noch Ć¼brig sind bei der Ankunft des Herrn, werden den Entschlafenen nichts voraushaben.Ā
16Ā Denn der Herr selbst wird vom Himmel herabkommen, wenn der Befehl ergeht, der Erzengel ruft und die Posaune Gottes erschallt. Zuerst werden die in Christus Verstorbenen auferstehen;Ā
17Ā dann werden wir, die Lebenden, die noch Ć¼brig sind, zugleich mit ihnen auf den Wolken in die Luft entrĆ¼ckt zur Begegnung mit dem Herrn. Dann werden wir immer beim Herrn sein.Ā
18Ā Trƶstet also einander mit diesen Worten!
Post-a-day 2021
Childhood parent
Today, I got to hear a recording of my mom when she was 15, turning 16. It was a tape recording of a phone call for fathersā day, and her birthday was going to be the following day. The recording started with my Opa, her father, talking to his father. He then handed the phone off to my grandma, who sounded a lot like my mom sounds. Then my two uncles went on, in age order, and then my mom. I cried, and so did my mom, when she started speaking. I somehow felt myself wanting to give that little girl a hug…
I had never heard her voice other than how it had sounded in my lifetime. I had heard people mention that she had gone off to college (at Rice), and had come home sounding all snooty (versus the strong southeast Texas accent of where sheād grown up and where my grandparents remained, even after their children had grown up and moved out). To me, my mom has always sounded like the regular Houston accent. Whenever she is with her family, she always ends up talking just like they do. However, she otherwise speaks with the extremely neutral Houston accent. (Truly, even US Americans find it hard to believe that Houstonians are from the South, because we really just donāt sound like it. Only our use of āyāallā makes it clear that we are southern.)
However, on the recording today, I heard a bright-eyed, teenage, southeast Texas girl speak with delight. I almost couldnāt hear my mom in her at all. She most certainly was southern and from southeast Texas, but I was shocked at how little she sounded like my mom.
On the second listen, though – it was only a minute or so that she was on the call – I began to find her in the girl. The way she spoke, and the intonations, the cadence and emotion – those were all clearly my mom. But that accent and voice… I could tell she was a lifetime away, unaware of what life would bring her beyond age 16 and a driver license after her drive training over the next couple weeks…
It was bizarre, but I would love to hear more from her. The tape had a whole section of her and my aunt, who is younger, singing the songs from Godspell (my uncle was in the musical back then), and I really heard my mom there, in the singing. That was super cute.
Anyway, I am wiped, and on multiple levels, so Iāll go attempt sleep, now. (Itās set to 79Ā° in here, because my grandma doesnāt have the body structure and function to keep the body heated anymore. Apparently, she even uses a heated blanket to keep warm enough overnight… with the 79Ā° air…) Weāll see what happens…
Post-a-day 2021
Compliments
This has been a week of compliments for me. First, the perfection butt. Then, my singing and song-writing…., a few times. At a restaurant tonight – we went for margaritas, not for food -, as I was walking back to the table from the bathroom, a waitress said something to me. I thought that I must have misunderstood, so I replied with a few blinks, a frown of confusion, and a, āWhat was that?ā She then repeated herself.
I had not misunderstood.
She had said, and this was not our waitress, but one I hadnāt seen until this point, āWoah…, your body is awesome.ā
I thanked her, and continued my way back to the table, contemplating my many responses to the situation.
I ended on gratitude and excitement and encouragement. š
Post-a-day 2021
Day one
The visitation and rosary and family hangout afterward all went really well this evening and tonight. I kind of only touched my emotions on the sad part of the emotional spectrum, and I feel like they might kind of explode outward tomorrow…, but I guess thatās okay. Hopefully, Iām able to make it through the reading reasonably well. Iāll be doing it in German, which was his first language and our extra special bond, just the two of us. So, I shared that I would like to do my reading in German, and print the English in the worship guide. It was approved with flying colors by the ones in charge. However, our cousin the priest, whoāll be saying Mass, told me to mention what I was doing and why I was doing it just before I began the German reading… that part might just be my emotional undoing…, so, we shall see on that part. Perhaps Iāll be so nervous about its being my first reading in a Mass, I wonāt even notice the emotions that usually would arise for such a statement.
Anyway, at the family hangout tonight, after everyone had been eating a while, I went around and handed out the party favors, as I called them to myself. They were pains au chocolat, the French pastry that I usually call chocolatines, which is the name used in Southern France. As I passed them out to everyone, I said on repeat, āBecause everything is better with chocolate, especially pain.ā
Some of them got it immediately. Others took a few seconds or a couple minutes, and got it once they realized I was repeating the same phrase to everyone, which suggested something important in the message and word choice. A few definitely did not get it…, but they did like the pain au chocolat I offered to each of them.
(The irony, of course, is that I actually donāt like chocolate. I do love chocolatines, though [pain au chocolat]).
Post-a-day 2021
hannah ananas 