fitness

Bedtime

I’m tired. And I want to be held. And I’m tired of going to bed alone. And I’m tired of not exercising enough.

I did actually get in some exercise both yesterday and today, though both were only partial exercise. However, they were more than I did the previous two weeks, which was an improvement, and I am grateful for that. I hope to do some tomorrow, too. Even that little bit today helped and that chunk yesterday helped, too.

I also wakes the dog today. It was the longer route, and we went kind of fast. I kept up my pace, which meant I was basically dragging the dog along by the final third of it. But it was good for us both. I got depressive today, which felt all the more terrible than I had been feeling lately for lack of sleep and for rodeo stress – aka people being stupid very unnecessarily. So, going outside into the sunlight and also doing a brisk walk we’re both helpful. And the dog’s being with me helped me feel like I had company. (I had thought my husband and I could spend the day together today, but hadn’t known until last night that he had his onboarding stuff at the office all morning today, then flying all afternoon. So, sad for the day’s plans, but good for his work, for his mental health, and for our income.)

But we got to have a Costco pizza pie for dinner (and a hot dog for me) to celebrate Pi Day together. We even shared one of the coffee freeze things that are delicious, which is rare for us – my husband doesn’t exactly share single servings of things, so that was big. We had a great little date night out at Costco, and we also got my grandma’s coffee things and fresh organic blueberries for myself (I’d say we got them for ourselves, but he never ate his half of the last batch, and they went bad, so I’m not bothering to share this time. Not in a mean way. Just in a practical sense. If he wants some, he can take them, but I’m not leaving any for him intentionally this time.).

I’ve been really wanting fresh fruits and veggies lately. I want all those awesome smoothies and juices from these couple super healthy smoothie places. But that’s super unaffordable. Why the stuff without all the added junk is so much more expensive is still baffling to me. It tastes better and is better for us, plus is easier to make, but costs loads more. I just wish I were better at making smoothies. I somehow mess them up 60-70% of the time and make something terrible, though healthy. That 40% where it is tolerable or delicious is giving me ever-decreasing confidence in trying to make them at all anymore.

But I really want a good smoothie. I can make this one morning one really well still. But making ones that don’t have too much sweet (to where they don’t give me gas) has been difficult for me the past few years. That’s why I stopped making them altogether, really. I need veggie smoothies, but don’t have any good recipes. I always just made it up. (Also why they often sucked.)

Anyway, I’m worn out. Off to snuggle with my stuffed animals and sleep half-upright, because that pizza was so bad for my digestion, I can’t even lie down flat without risk of things going back upward right now (hours later). Ugh…

Anyway, goodnight, folks! Sleep well, sweet dreams, and May God bless you beautifully and unexpectedly this week.

God, be with us all newly this week, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

I’ve gotten lazy as of late, and it is not okay. My mind is also not okay, because of it. So, I need to sort out myself and see what I need to make this happen. I weight more than I am comfortable weighing right now, and that is not cool. My natural instinct is to eat less, which isn’t always the right answer. Presently, the answer is very much to exercise again. Almost no exercise in two weeks is too long for me, both in mind and in body. Too long by a lot.

So, I’m going to do a touch of ab work right now, even though I’m lying in bed to go to sleep. Then, I am going to do at least what I consider a half-workout tomorrow whenever I get up. It’ll be abs and some weight movements, but nothing to crush me or to crush my will to work out the next time. Something I can handle in my current state of fitness, but that still stretches me for growth in my fitness. And I’m looking forward to it, though I am a bit too tired right now, going to bed so late.

At that, goodnight!

God, help me to sleep well tonight and to do well tomorrow, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Returning

I’ve worked out normally again for the past three days, and it has been marvelous. I have been so sore that I moan and groan every time I go to sit on the toilet or bend over. My hamstrings in particular are shaking like they haven’t in a long, long time. It is much like when we first started working out – and that same friend is doing the sprite with me now – and it is amazing. We both are hurting in such a good way, and it feels oh-so-good to be back.

And it feels like I’m actually being myself again, which makes it all the better.

Thank you, God. And thank you, friend. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

A question:

When did I stop mattering? Or, rather, when did I stop being good enough? Worth it?

It was, almost, easy for quite a while for me to take care of myself. For me to go to bed early to get enough sleep, to wake up early with my natural body rhythm, to exercise greatly, to feed myself very nutritious foods almost always… to take true care of myself. It took little mental effort for so long…

Then something changed.

I don’t know what specifics it was or when, but something big changed inside. Something snapped for me. I have a feeling it was in August when the stuff went down with the gym… actually, yes, that was exactly it. (Haha. Duh. Already blocking it out, I guess! Better work on completing it instead, or I’ll be stuck in this cycle and state for even longer.) Yeah, that gym stuff really shat on me, for lack of better phrasing.

It’s interesting to see how subtle crap like that can have someone go from physically fit and strong, emotionally powerful, empowered, eager for life, and inspiring to a mere shadow of herself, both in terms of presence and in terms of the physical body. As I said to my mom the other day, referencing my being, my energetic space, “I keep getting smaller.” But the same could just as truly be said about my physical space. I’m down likely no body fat, but purely muscle loss of about ten pounds. I was already at nearly-prime physical fitness when I weighed 124lbs last year. The fact that I weigh 114 right now is starting to be a bit scary. Ten pounds is a massive change when one is only 124lbs to begin.

To add some extra context, when I was athletic in college, I weighed about 125-126. Later, when I was not doing great with my physical health and fitness, and I had gotten very sedentary (but never fat), I weighed 130lbs. Weight fluctuated between 128 and 130 on any given day for a few years. After a year at the gym, my muscle mass was way up and my fat was way down – yes, I did body scans for relative comparison over time – and my weight had only gone down about five pounds. So, in my prime physical fitness, I weighed about 124-125. That’s only a 5-6-pound difference from my heaviest. I’ve been in the same five-pound range my whole adult life. Now, in a matter of months, I am suddenly down ten pounds.

Not a great feeling in the mind.

I also have felt that I am, through allowing this struggle, torturing myself. And it hurts all the more that I can’t seem to figure out how to stop it, how to heal it for good. All efforts so far have been necessary, fear-based, and only meant to be temporary. I know they won’t solve anything, but I also know every little bit helps right now.

I think I might just want to sit with this tonight, sit with this sadness and the open-ended space for what I want to create for what’s next. Something is always next, and we always have a say in it. So, I will sit with this all tonight and see where it leads me for tomorrow’s considerations and inspirations.

Thank you, God, for this able-bodied brain and true logic. Help me to use them well, especially concerning my health and well-being. Help me to let go of the anger and the hurt and the need to fight back and attack and scream and yell at them for being so horrid to me. Help me to say to you what I seem to need to say and where I feel I need to be heard. Hear me, please, and help me to release and complete all of this pain and frustration I’ve been carrying around and by which I have somewhat literally been starving. And, if it be your will, please, teach those people not to be jerks – help them to see the light of you, so I don’t have to feel like punching them in the face anymore. That would be great, too. Thank you for a sense of humor. I appreciate when you make me laugh at absurdities. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. In your name, I pray. Amen.

P.S. If you want to pray for my healing and my completion with all those events last year, I would appreciate it and I welcome the loving prayers. 😉 Thank you, too.

Post-a-day 2023

Testing

Test number three: passed!

Tonight, we did the timed sit-ups and push-ups and various kicks, all timed, as well as all of our karate techniques, not timed. Only a few of the group didn’t meet the requirement – we have to get maximum points available for this test, versus just meeting a minimum points on the lower belt level tests – and so have to re-do the push-ups tomorrow (and continuing each night until they get enough).

I barely met my max points for the sit-ups, and it was the first time I’d ever done it. I got over 76 sit-ups in two minutes, and it was tough. I genuinely don’t understand how others can get more than that, because I never stopped and I didn’t go slowly at all. Guess I’m just so out of touch with what youth bodies can do, I can’t even fathom it! 😛

Granted, I think they only had to do 78 in those two minutes, possibly 80. So, only four more sit-ups. The push-ups, however, the boys had to get 71, I believe, in the two minutes. But my gender and age only requires 40. That’s 40 push-ups in two minutes! I still took my time and rested and shook out my arms throughout it tonight, and I got around 53 or so. (I knew I was going to get the forty, so paced myself and didn’t push it. It was the first thing of the night, after all, and I didn’t need to drain myself right off the bat.) Push-ups are clearly a non-issue for me. But that sit-up speed… whoo… someone mis-judged what women over 22 can do on that scoring system! Only 40 push-ups compared to 71 for the boys, but 76 sit-ups compared to their 80? That just doesn’t balance out.

Anyway… it went mostly well tonight, I believe.

Afterward, we practiced our little presentation we’re doing for the black belt ceremony, and it went really well.

Now, I’m ready to pass out. Goodnight, all! Thank you, God. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Test day

Tomorrow is test day. We have a 45-minute cap to do a three-mile run interspersed with 100 each of push-ups, sit-ups, double kicks, and air squats. Afterwards, I have to take the written test (which is actually just a long multiple-choice test, but that I mostly could do without the choice options, anyway).

Then, tests two and three of eight will be completed toward achieving my black belt in American Karate.

God, give me the strength, balance, speed, and endurance for this tomorrow morning, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Let’s do this.

Post-a-day 2023

Ouch

“You oughta see yourself,” she says, chuckling. “You look like…,” and she makes motions with her arms that are very clearly imitating a monkey.

Oh, I know, Grandma… I am incredibly aware… 😛

After the workout yesterday – mile run, 100 pull-ups (modified to difficult ring rows), 200 push-ups (modified to dumbbell push-ups for my wrist), 300 air squats, and another mile run, both runs with a 10lb weight vest on me – my arms are in big time muscle soreness. I hadn’t done push-ups in months because of my wrist, and I suddenly shot out 200 of them. It’s no wonder they hurt today, but boy, do they hurt! I actually woke up in the middle of the night last night, they were hurting so badly. I was rubbing and stretching half the night after that. Then, today, I couldn’t quite get my arms to bend normally, so, every time I itched my face or wiped my mouth or brushed back a lock of hair, my overly rounded arm shape made me look and feel just like a monkey.

Fortunately, all the vitamins and food and water and stretching and low-grade use of those muscles today has helped significantly. They aren’t healed fully, but they are much better than this time last night!

God, thank you for the blessing of this pain, this reminder always to take care of myself and be grateful for my body and its capabilities. Please, help me to heal fully that I might pursue fully and fulfill your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Muscle aches

After reaching my goal of workouts in a year l, from April 8 to April 7, though excited about reaching the goal, I was delighted no longer to have such a strict regimen in terms of gym attendance. I no longer have to go so many times per week, as I was doing, but I have the choice about going once again. And the chiropractor agreed with me that it would be best for my body for me to step back a bit from the workouts. I was pushing myself too hard with them and with their frequency.

So, now, I have been going the past week and a half half as often as I had been doing – three days per week instead of six – and it has felt great. My overall stress has gone down in terms of scheduling and sleep, and my body has started to receive the rest and relaxation it needs for real recovery – these workouts are not easy. The workout today had a repeat movement fro the past few weeks, and I was able to do it significantly more easily than I had even one week ago, the difference was immense. My muscles still ache, but I am now able to work on the lack of range of motion in my arms, rather than simple being able to move from the buildup of lactic acid and such from the workouts.

Thank you, God, for this much-needed rest and restoration of my body; and thank you for the fitness that this gym offers and provides for me and others. Please, bless us with continued and improved health and well-being, that we might better fulfill your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Day one!

Today was day one of my fourth year at my gym. I started it off with a regular 5:15am workout – workout #1 – and then headed to school for the day. Though I definitely didn’t get enough sleep the past two nights, it was still a great day and time. I hung with my mom after school, then went to church for crawfish and prayer and the Divine Mercy stations of the cross (my first time ever doing them). It was an awesome day, and I am incredibly grateful for having been granted all of what today has been. Thank you, God.

I got 190 workouts in my first year at the gym. The second had the mandatory shutdown of gyms, so I only did 124 (boo). But, my third year, I took seriously again, and I did 201 workouts for the year (yippee)! My goal four year four is 202 workouts. Let’s do this! LFG ❤

Post-a-day 2022

We work out

Today, I pushed myself at the gym, and it worked out well. I wanted to stop during the run, and felt a need to do so, and so I did. I got a sip of water and let my stomach rest, and then went for my final 400 of the mile. It didn’t feel great.

You see, I went at noon with my friend today. But I don’t know how to go at noon. Not anymore, anyway. I just end up messing up my food, and regularly start feeling sick during the workout. Today’s workout involved a mile run, twice. Naturally, I felt like I might puke after only ten seconds or so of running… and do recall that I typically very much like running.

Initially, my left knee and right ankle were feeling a bit rough during the warm-up stuff. So, I used a pvc pipe to roll/rub out the surrounding relevant muscles on my left leg, and a bit on my lower right leg, too. When went to start the first run of the workout, while I was already nervous about the absurd cold outdoors, I was also nervous that I’d have to give up after the first 400m lap, or even soon… as my knee began to hurt, I intentionally engaged certain muscles more in my left leg, hoping that things might warm up and start feeling okay.

And they did!

And the wind was intense, pushing me out of step more than once.

And it started to rain on the second mile run of the workout! Only two of us stayed out for the whole run on the second mile – everyone else went inside to switch to the bikes after the first lap (of four or three).

And the second run actually felt decent. It didn’t feel good, exactly. Not at all. But, on the section in between the runs, I kept having to pause on the Russian twists to burp… a lot. So, I thought running might be easier on my belly after all that burping. And it truly was.

It was a bit of a crazy workout today, what with my body going nuts in a few different ways and the weather going nuts in its ways, but I really enjoyed it as a whole. Thank you, God, for this crazy and wonderful workout and day. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022