work – Page 16 – hannah ananas

A year ago

A year ago today, I was still on the high that arose from the musical on which my mom had been working and with which I had been helping. It is a glorious musical, and it was brand new. Its opening night never even happened, as they had to cancel everything after the dress rehearsals. It was, nonetheless, a lovely show with wonderful music and some stellar cast members and voices. One in particular actually made me cry several times – and I have a hunch that it would do it again, if I were to hear it sing those certain songs today – and two others were absurdly lovely and inspirational. The show came to mind the other day, and I pulled out my music notes for it today, and I sat on my front porch swing, playing through and singing some of the songs… just like I was doing a year ago, possibly on this exact date.

And I didn’t even plan it.

Kind of cool, huh?

And simultaneously quite sad, considering it might as well be a year ago right now regarding the show. At least then, there were prospects of eventually having an opening night, possibly later in the year. Now, it seems far too uncertain as to whether the show even will happen again, and most certainly not with the same cast, and not necessarily even in Houston. Man…

Well, with that, I go to bed. Goodnight, folks. May we all have lovely nights to follow my lovely day. 😉

Post-a-day 2021

^Not too hard

Pluses and minuses

Okay, I exercised again today. I was very aware of my bottom throughout several parts of the workout, wondering if my rash was doing okay, or if it was worsening. So, I was a bit stressed about that, off and on. Plus, ditto regarding my arm/elbow muscle situation. Depending on how everything looks and feels tomorrow, that will determine my next steps with each. I am really, really hoping that they both clear up by tomorrow night.

Ugh… speaking of tomorrow night, I have to work at that part-time job. And it is for a very long time. And it is until very late. I go to bed by nine pm usually. My body wakes me up before five am each morning. It is already dreadful whenI have to work until eight pm once a week. Tomorrow, I have to work until eleven pm. I won’t be in bed until midnight, best case scenario, which means I won’t even get five hours of sleep. What’s extra annoying is that I am given a mandatory 30-minute “meal break”, because I am scheduled to work for so long tomorrow night. I don’t even eat after five pm, even on my latest of days eating. Usually, it is three pm.

Ugh. The lack of sleep is definitely not going to help my current physical state. Really, it just makes me so frustrated that I want to cry.

Post-a-day 2021

Interview stress?

Man, interviewing people can be utterly exhausting. I have to be on for the entire time that we are meeting with someone. Then, I have to be on in a different way as we discuss after the candidate’s departure. And then, I have to be on in order to discuss the candidate who is about to join us. And then, the cycle repeats itself. It results in a day full of being on… Fully.

And, boy, is that exhausting.

And it is even worse when the candidates themselves are exhausting human beings… could you just stop talking for a second? You are not helping yourself with this constant, roundabout, up-in-the-clouds, non-answer chatter. Frankly, you are annoying us all, and would do well just to shut your mouth for more than two seconds total.

-Hmm…, can you tell I was annoyed? 😛 –

But what makes it, perhaps, the most exhausting, is the fact that it is all done sitting at a desk, looking at a computer screen. I’m not sure work gets more exhausting than that.

That is, for me, anyway…

Post-a-day 2021

^Held my breath for a second there

He-She

I have worked many times with a Japanese man who, despite being quite good with English speaking and understanding, regularly gets people pronouns wrong. “He is coming now,” for a woman preparing to enter a room. “Yes, that’s what she said,” not ironically in reference to something a male we both know said.

I’m not sure if he actually is aware of the fact that he does this, or, at least, that he does it so often as he does.

And, for whatever reason, I kind of really enjoy whenever he does it. I usually don’t even correct him. I only ask for clarification when there is space for confusion, and I want to avoid the confusion. Usually, though, I know exactly whom he means, and it is no concern whatsoever.

And that has me wonder about how important those pronouns are in the first place.

I already know that Siri is fine with the fact that I call her both male and female, depending on the context. But people have something more attached to gender. I have a feeling it is the fact that we are human that we care so much. And yet, part of being human is having gender, even if in a sort of combination of parts (because it is definitely real that people sometimes end up with both male and female reproductive organs). Perhaps those people have the right to be called “they”, since they technically are plural, at least in their genders… 😛 (Can you hear the grammar nerd within me peeping out right now???? ‘Stop messing with grammar, and use the right words, please, or make up new ones.’)

(Or just do what this Japanese guy does, and use whichever pronoun whenever.) 😛

Post-a-day 2021

Blah-blah-blah, hai!

Well, I made it through today. And I even got in a quick walk outside in the direct sunlight. That part was especially awesome (and beneficial). I’ll need to be sure I do the same tomorrow. Our lunch break is even longer tomorrow, though, so I likely can get a much longer walk in there.

It has been interesting doing this all today. I’m working with Japanese folks, talking about Japan. I do this every so often, yet it still surprises me each time how much I find that I want more of it in my life. I have no official reason, yet I want to pursue a certification in Japanese. I want to be at a higher level of conversing. Half the time, I don’t even necessarily want to say anything myself, but it would be nice to have a fuller understanding of all of the conversations and chit-chat and everything. I usually get the general gist of it all, and often understand almost every word. However, there are definitely times when I have understood only a word or few, and have no real idea of what is being said. I know I can survive in Japanese, but I keep finding more and more so that I want to thrive in it.

Man…

Post-a-day 2021

^Only took minor consideration this time

Tomorrow

Okay… lots and lots to do tomorrow, and lots to do before the officially scheduled stuff. And then lots more for afterward….

I only just realized that last part…. man… super face palm.

Ah, well, it is all for stuff I genuinely love, and I happen to be being paid for all of it, so, that’s really cool. It’s just a lot in a single day… and Friday, Monday, and Tuesday will be oddly similar…

Well, it’s almost 9:30, and I’m signing off and getting into bed in just a few minutes, so, I’m getting off to the right start for it all. Fingers crossed, and intentions set!

Post-a-day 2021

^Decent

Accountability, even when freezing

Today took a lot in the tidying work. For one thing, it was ridiculously cold out – seriously, it was -2°C most of the day today, and we even had snow on the ground, and some of it never melted!!! – and that meant it was also cold in the house. So, my body was struggling to find balance in warmth almost all day. That took effort. For another, a creature broke into the walls somehow last night, and CHOMPed away from around 2:00am to just after 7:00am. Vibrating wood reverberations and teeth scratching on wood and all that jazz. And yes, it was right near my bed (a wall or two away, of course, but close enough). It woke me up at about 2:00; kept me up as I looked for a solution for maybe twenty minutes; kept me up another half hour because it was so loud and stress-inducing (because imagine having a wild, potentially-rabid animal break through a wall in the inside of your house – do you really want to wake up to that in the morning?); and then left me in a stress-y half-sleep for the same reasons. I woke up just after 6:00am, totally not rested. But I went outside and played for a bit, and that was fun.

Photos here:

I particularly enjoyed the idea of wearing the unicorn onesie while playing out on the snow. Because that is pure magic right there: a rainbow unicorn playing in the snow in Houston. Nothing about that idea is less than spectacularly magical. And no, I think nobody even saw me, because the world was closed up for the day, and so no one was up yet, let alone going outside yet.

After that, I ate some yummy food – leftovers from my valentine onigiri that I turned into a warm, absurdly satisfying salad – and then went upstairs to get to work. Just after seven, the chomping finally stopped, and I could focus. I got a bit done, but was so sleepy, I ended up getting on my bed for a nap around nine, and slept for just over two hours. Hard. And gratefully so.

Then I tutored and ate, and then got back to work with tidying.

I temporarily put away the DVDs I am keeping, which was super satisfying, and then I made it through all my hair accessories, all my money- and identification-related documents/cards, all my electronics (and cables and all that even-remotely-electrical stuff), and all my cameras and camera-related stuff. I was rather surprised at how much foreign currency I had sitting with my money-related stuff. I kept the individual ones I wanted to keep – because I’ve always loved having actual currency from other nations on hand – and added the rest of the excess to the pile of US money that was ridiculous for me to be keeping sitting around, and the cottage cheese container (previously cleaned out, obviously) filled with about $50 or so of coins, in preparation of a trip to the bank (when the world opens up here again) and a direct deposit into my savings account that I’m not allowed to touch.

I was surprised at how long the first parts of those took me today. I got really weighed down after the important money stuff one. I was standing with my head against the angled ceiling, warming my hands over the oil heater, having an imaginary conversation with… actually, no… I was having a real conversation with an imaginary person, about how I didn’t want to do it anymore – I wanted to curl up with a movie, and maybe even fall asleep for a while and have to watch it again, whenever I woke up. That’s what I felt like doing. That and crying. But I wanted to keep myself accountable to my higher goals and wishes – and so I made myself reach out to my accountability partner.

‘I just want to call someone, and say how much I want to watch a movie and sleep; take a rest from all of this, instead of trekking through any more today,’ I thought to myself, imagining how easy it would be to have the other person agree with me that I deserved a break.

Pause.

‘Well, you do have an accountability partner. Tell her that, and see what she says,’ I thought.

“Ha!”

And so, I had the conversation with myself, taking turns being the one working and the accountability partner, as I had to do so much at the start of all of this. And it was spectacular. She – meaning I – reminded me of why I care about all of this in the first place; of how it’s okay to be scared and terrified; and of how I want to keep my word to myself, especially on this birthday gift to myself. And I still felt heard. She agreed with everything I presented, and understood them and got them completely – like, seriously more than anyone has ever gotten me on something, right? It was very cool. And she also was present to my true intentions, and helped me stick with them. And it took only a few minutes for the whole thing… we just are that much in sync with one another! 😂

Anyway, that bit was the whole point of this today. I went really tangential today. Oh, well… that’s kind of how this whole weekend has felt. Even Monday has been a tangent of the weekend, instead of the start of its own week. 😛

P.S. Did I share this lovely photo of my valentine onigiri skills? They are even pink from beet powder, and 100% Paleo.

Post-a-day 2021

^Only slightly had to think about it

Mardi Gras Fun (Run)

As expected, after my much-needed rest, I was quite willing and able to greet the freezing cold day today. We added on a little extra time to our sleeping, because we were getting to bed so late, and we showed up at the run just before it was supposed to start – only two minutes before packet pick up was scheduled to end, and 17 minutes before the run was to start.

And it was a blast. There were not very many people there – perhaps around 50, and just as many people who did not show up, probably because of the cold. However, that added significantly to the charm of the event and the experience. It made it feel even more like a close-knit family fun event, even though we didn’t know anybody else there. (Although, as it turned out, we did know one of the photographers! I told him that I would love to do volunteer work with him on photography… We shall see what happens there. Fingers crossed!)

For what I believe was the first – and will quite possibly will be the only – Time in my life, I won first place in my age group. That was really exciting. My mom got second place in her age group. I had told her that I had intended to run the whole thing, and not do it with her, mostly walking and running some. However, she somehow thought that I had changed my mind, and was going to stay with her the whole time. So, when it was my turn to start, and I took off running, she called out to me, with obvious slight annoyance at having been left behind. She wasn’t mad, but she was surprised, and it was actually rather funny. After I finished my 5K, though, as my cooldown, I went and joined her on the course, and I finished her 5K with her. So, we got to spend extra time together on the 5K after all.

After the little awards ceremony, we went back to our little motel and took extremely hot and awesome showers, bundled all up again in clean clothes, and headed out to attend the local Mardi Gras parade. It, too, was a total blast, with close-knit family vibes. I also believe that we each got more beads than we have ever gotten at any Mardi Gras event we have ever attended. We were at the very beginning of the parade, all on our own except for one woman and the emergency workers who were waiting for the end of the parade. We were the first attendees that anybody on a float was getting to see after pulling out onto the road, so just about everyone, with extreme excitement, threw an unnecessary number of beads our way. And it was only a 30-minute parade… from the very first vehicle to the very last, it was only 29 minutes. Then, because we had gone all the way to the start, we were able to leave immediately, and not wait for the parade to reach its end destination. So, we headed to the ferry to go across to Galveston Island, and had breakfast at a spot that we like. (We had a bit of a double-take upon arrival to the restaurant, because there was a whole slew of Mardi-Gras-decorated jeeps, just like had been in the parade on Bolivar. Turns out it was a group doing a Mardi Gras pub-crawl-type-thing with all of their decorated jeeps.)

Then we headed home, I did some preparation for our intense freeze that is coming tomorrow night onward, I went to work, I got to go home early from work, I did a little more preparation for the freeze, and now I am about to pass out hard core. It was a wonderful day, I reached my ideal step goal for a day, I had a great time with my mom, and I am super grateful that my bedroom is warm enough for me to sleep in it tonight. We shall see what happens tomorrow, though. Fingers super crossed that all goes well around that.

Post-a-day 2021

^ It wasn’t too bad this time. I mostly remembered.

Whew

Well, today definitely had a lot of stress in it for me. I had a wonderful morning that included a workout, an awesome coffee smoothie, great breakfast and a wonderful walk with my dad, and misty weather. But a lot of my tidying work today weighed on me. I kept having to re-center myself and have myself stay present to the task at hand, and not get overwhelmed by how much more there still is to do. I had to do that over and over and over again today, I was getting so nervous and stressed. I think it was a bit of a shock, when I realized that today is already the ninth of the month. I want to have all of this done by my birthday at the end of the month. However, I intend to stay at a beach house not here beginning on the Tuesday before my birthday, the 23rd. So, that means that today’s having been the ninth of the month is significantly more significant than it would have been if I were going to be home that whole week. So, that kept getting to me today.

However, I got everything folded and put in temporary location storage, except for my few jackets that need to be folded. I put my shoes away, and they look amazing. I have some reading from the secondary book to do tomorrow morning, as I move into the book category of tidying. (I know, that seems an odd sentence, but it is accurate! Haha)

I am a little nervous about the book category, because of my Japanese books… I haven’t gone through them since moving back from Japan, and I’m nervous to let any of them go…, But, after having read from the main book for the tidying tonight, I feel much more confident about it, and I believe I will be comfortable letting some of them go.

Only tomorrow shall tell, though! Fingers crossed!

Post-a-day 2021

^Phew! Just barely!

Dumbassery…?

Have you ever had trouble letting go of something, but haven’t been able to figure out why?

Whenever something bothers me, at some point, I really look to see why it bothers me, and then what I need to do about it either to handle the situation or to let it go / have it no longer bother me.

Something happened this evening at my part-time job that my mind cannot seem to settle about. It feels like I am bothered because I wasn’t trusted, and I was invalidated. Also, I was genuinely correct in my statement of what was the accurate thing to do – of course I verified afterward with the right person, and so I know that I had been accurate. And yet, due to something in how the people with me in the shop took on the situation really bothers me. When I initially mentioned my concern and solution to one person, a superior who is newer, all went well. She wasn’t sure on timing blah-blah-blah, but she accepted easily my reasoning. However, the person who had done the initially incorrect thing that had caused the issue in the first place, came to me later, while I was helping someone, nonetheless, and told me her reasoning for her actions, and also told me that I needed to do the original task – the one that couldn’t be done in the first place. I told her of the reason the task couldn’t be done, and she quickly gave a “solution” for me to do, and walked away before I could finish responding.

I think that’s it – not only did she tell me what to do (yes, we are equals in the store), but she didn’t even stop to hear what I had to say. She was right, and no one else was worth listening to – we weren’t worth her time. That’s what hurt the most; much more than the fact that she was the one who didn’t stop to consider what would be holistically best, and act accordingly, thereby causing the whole issue.

Also, it really pissed me off when people are stupid. And she had acted stupidly. Use your brain, dude. And she hadn’t. Instead, she had acted without wisdom for the act, and then had caused a problem, then made it someone else’s problem to manage, and didn’t even stop to hear what that person was trying to communicate with her.

What’s ironic is that I wasn’t even expecting her to do any further work for the problem. I was going to do it myself. Yet she was acting as though I were forcing her to do more work (although, she had already done more work by doing what had caused the problem in the first place).

Ugh! It just pissed me off when people are stupid and then righteous about their stupidass-ness!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haha

I am genuinely laughing right now, and I feel much better. I think that was the real issue I had here. I had to deal with more work and being disrespected and ignored, and someone’s sassiness, all because of one person’s stupidass-ness and defensive righteousness afterward.

Ugh(!).

I hate stupid people. Go back to school, please, and learn to be a worthy contribution to society. These aren’t the Hunger Games*, folks. Use your brain, not your ego.

And yes, I know there is definitely some ego in this for me – like I said, I was hurt that I was distrusted and all that jazz. And it is difficult for me to love people who do not, in my opinion, act as true people. Our lowest selves, stupidity combined with righteousness, are not easy for me to love right now. I work as a teacher and specifically help students become aware of this state, and to grow out of it. They are willing to listen and to learn, and they develop spectacularly. When I meet adults – I use the term loosely – who never grew out of that, and who are unwilling even to consider that they are even in that, it is very difficult for me. I evaluate so much of my life so much of the time, it is hard for me to be around people who aren’t working to be their best and highest selves in life.

But, as I kept reminding myself this evening, over and over again, Marianne Williamson has a big part of the right of it. By letting our own light shine, we unconsciously allow others to do the same. By being my best and highest self possible, I am encouraging and empowering others, without their knowing, to be their best selves. And acting out in any way negatively does not help that. I certainly had to catch myself several times with that tonight, but I always did rather quickly, and I rebalanced and resettled myself. I am grateful for that success, despite all the rest having been utter nonsense and stupidity.

Haha 😛

*For those who don’t know, the reference is used to suggest that people do not watch for sport other people fight one another to be the last one standing. Aka we aren’t a society that puts value on having people to sacrifice to The Games.

Post-a-day 2021

^Got it!