Month: August 2021

Reminders and Surprises

I think we are given exactly what we need, exactly when we need it in life.

I have not recently been earning loads of money. I began this week a short-term teaching position that pays much higher than my recent earnings. I was looking forward to getting a few things handled, financially during this time working here, earning more money. I also am prepping for some really fun new work to begin once this teaching position finishes this Fall.

However, I had a chunk of a filling – a filling that never should have been replaced, was replaced poorly, and has been falling apart ever since – fall out the other day, to the point that it must be fixed now, as I cannot bite effectively anything at all with any front teeth. I called the old dentist and asked if they would do anything about the filling. After an extremely frustrating telephone call, I thanked the office person, and evaluated my options. I needed to find a new dentist.

I almost immediately called the dentist who was recommended to me by a dentist buddy of mine (who lives out of town), and whose website I had rather liked. Of course, I hadn’t let all the frustration release yet from the first phone call, and so was practically sobbing as I chocked out my explanation of why I was calling their office. The office girl was wonderful, though, in all ways, and even got me an appointment for that afternoon. Suffice it to say that everything about this dentist’s office felt right. I signed up for the yearly dental cleaning etc. plan with him, and have a cleaning and check-up scheduled for next week.

The repairs on my teeth, however? He definitely listened to me and heard me in everything. He seems genuinely to care about my situation, rather than as though it is just a job. He does dentistry, because it helps make a positive difference in real people’s lives almost every day. So, the plan for fixing my teeth to the full way I want them to be long-term is just over eleven hundred dollars. And, from comparing prices elsewhere, that’s actually quite a decent price, since he’ll be doing teeth whitening with it. (Because, let’s be real here: I want beautiful, straight, white teeth. I’ve got the straight part finally, and they’re white-er, but not all the way to where I want them. And the fillings [both front teeth need them] are part of the beautiful aspect.) However, it is still $1100.

But maybe I can handle that, especially with the 6-month payment plan option.

However, something large and loud hit my windshield on the highway. I was shaking afterward, it had been so terrifying, and the crack so loud. The windshield insurance I had purchased took days to get back to me, at which point the crack had spread. They said they wouldn’t do anything for such a crack, as it was longer than only a few inches…. ‘So, what is the point of your windshield insurance? It would cost less to get a chip filled anywhere, than the fee I pay monthly for your nonsense insurance…. What are you actually insuring???’ And so, when I went to a glass repair shop today, they said the crack had now expanded too much for safety, and that they would not even plug it to stop it from running further…, but they would have done so, had I not waited on the response from the insurance place, and the crack hadn’t grown so much… UGH…

So, how much does the replacement cost? Oh, a thousand dollars. Because the car is too new.

I pray to God that the manufacturer’s warranty or something will cover some part of this replacement. I have an appointment with the dealership tomorrow morning. (They give shuttle rides from the dealership via Uber, but won’t give return rides. So, you can drop off your car to them, but you can never get it back…) This way, though, since I have an appointment, they can handle the other problems I’ve had with the car lately, of which I had to get videos, in order to prove I wasn’t making up the problems. But I have the videos now…

So, we’ll see how that all goes…

Anyway, so all of this is happening, right?

I go to a resale shop, meeting my mom there, to find some work pants for me. Yes, fitness is great, but not fitting into the only business work clothes I have is not great. So, I need new work pants…. aka more money needed to be spent… ugh…

We find nothing, and that’s okay. I trust the World and God.

As I am leaving, I am presented with a situation that reminds me of the value and importance of commitment, intention, and just going for it, no matter how odd or uncomfortable it may be socially or emotionally – when it is what needs to happen, just do it. That is how we help make the world a better place, step by step, day by day, interaction by interaction, person by person.

And all of my monetary frustrations, though they did not disappear, suddenly were not so important as they had seemed. No, I don’t know how I will manage all of this yet. But that “yet” is what makes all the difference. At some point, I will manage it all. I trust that, as I believe in myself and my life and the world around me. I am not here to suffer, but to make a positive difference in the world through being my whole, fully self-expressed self.

And so that is exactly what I shall do. I am nervous, but also calm now. I can only do what I can do, and stressing about something serves no one.

Post-a-day 2021

Going brown

Tonight was the first half of my brown belt test for American Karate.

I did, really, quite well. I hit well over the maximums on everything except sit-ups – because 76 sit-ups in two minutes, keeping the hands on the head is not easy, so I only got 60. We only needed 40 push-ups for maximums points. I got 62, and all with quite good form and pacing. We needed over 100 kicks in each category for max points… I had 118 as my lowest count. On some exercises, I even surpassed the kid who has been actively training for this for years. That was very surprising for me. And I surpassed my own scores in everything, from the time I had done a run-through of the test just for fun, months ago. I had no knowledge of my being in a path to take the test a year and a half sooner than expected. Not until three weeks ago, anyway.

I still need to learn the katas. I only was just exposed to two of them last week for the first time, though, I know the third one already. Then I also have to make my own kata, and perform it. I’m confident that that one will be rather easy for me, actually. So, I need to learn the two katas, really.

Otherwise, I will do everything else required for the test this coming Thursday night at class: running and a boatload of techniques. Then, we’ll practice the katas after that, and I’ll perform the katas, probably, one day next week.

Looking forward with gratitude to it all! Thank you, God and the Universe. I am grateful and delighted, and I am just the right kind of nervous. 😉

Post-a-day 2021

Whatever happened to movies?

Whatever happened to watching movies?

And I don’t mean simply in the theatre. I mean watching them period.

It feels like everyone my age and younger doesn’t watch films. They put on a film – or sometimes attend one in a theatre – , and then spend a handful of seconds or minutes here and there, all throughout the film, checking their phones, or giving their attention elsewhere entirely.

Many of them talk during the film, too, and not just at the music or quiet parts – when actors are in active dialogue.

Half the time, that all then leads to their missing some vital piece of the story or a character, they end up asking questions and talking over even more of the film and dialogue, or they just miss it all completely and have no idea that they missed anything at all.

I no longer wonder at my being given so many recommendations for terrible films – none of these people are even paying enough attention to know if the film is terrible or not. They only see snippets, in the first place, and most good films will seem boring, because they are missing all the wonderful parts that make a great film great.

But does this really surprise me much? I think not. I have experienced consciously for years a lack of people’s being present in life. The same person will tell me the same thing multiple times, as though it is important and new… I pay attention and am present in those conversations, and therefore could tell the story myself, in his or her own words, I’ve heard it so many times.

I’m growing tired of this. Conversations on repeat is exhausting, especially when they carry so much emotion on the telling side.

I watch a film to be an immersed observer of an alternate world for a short time, to experience life from another’s perspective. I do not watch it to fill the time between my comments, to keep me company because I am uncomfortable being with myself. Sure, I have put on a movie to keep me company before, but it is always something I know well, and I don’t talk all over it, even then. Just like I don’t talk all over others, when they are talking to me.

But, even in the cinema, people have their phones out, and seem to have no idea of their disregard for the story that is telling itself on the big screen up front. That is someone’s hard-worked art – a lot of someone’s’, truly. If people aren’t here to experience and honor the set, why bother? They can look at their phones at home or anywhere else, talk with their friends (and over their friends) anywhere else. But either be here or be there – do not pretend you are in either place, if you will not be there fully. Pick a place, and be present there, fully. Period. It is a disservice to all creation to do any less.

Post-a-day 2021

Today…

I walked on water.

Granted, it was frozen water, but it was still super cool, because it was a glacier!

I also ate and drank some of it, which was way cool, too, both literally and figuratively.

And then, I swam in its runoff lake. That felt quite near freezing…, because it literally was.

What a great water day!

Thank you, God and Universe, for this silly blessing that was today’s water adventures.

Post-a-day 2021

Trippin’?

I am taking a trip tomorrow, and very early on the morning. I intend to be at the airport at 5:00am. So, I need to leave the house about 15-20 minutes earlier than I usually do, when I go to the gym.

I am going somewhere entirely new for me, somewhere I have never been. I am staying with someone I barely know and whose habits and way of living are almost entirely unknown to me. The person is a male dentist and homosexual, so I think the two bode well for a clean living space. (That and the fact that I saw a photo of him on his bathroom, showing me an outfit once, and the bathroom was tidy and seemed clean.) However, I do not know for sure.

I do not know the specific plans for the days and evenings and nights. I think we are supposed to be going out at some point, even, to hang and be social and hear music and dance around… he even has a date for me…

I don’t know what or how we will be eating, or when. I don’t know when he goes to bed or wakes each day, or what his intended times are for this trip.

I’m not sure he has any idea of my regular sleep schedule…

And I scheduled this trip all of a sudden one day, when Southwest was having a sale. I considered it briefly, then reached out the next day and booked the flight.

Who on Earth planned this trip? Certainly not the Hannah I know… She is much too cautious to do such a thing without having a better understanding of details on all fronts.

Dear God and Universe, please, help me to have a safe, wonderful, fulfilling trip this weekend. Gratitude and love abound in me – help me to share them with the world around me this weekend, please.

Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Breathing

Well, some stuff happened, some stuff shifted, and some stuff was removed entirely. And, you know, I feel loads better already. I’ve gotten myself more out of my head in the first place, and it helped even further to have everything happen as it did today to shuffle things around. I put things into place today to help me prepare for some of the more stressful things over which I have control, and that has been extremely helpful. My brain is very tired right now, though, after so much having happened today, and I’m struggling to make sense even of these thoughts right now… alas, I shall sleep… I am grateful I set things up to get me to bed early enough for a decent night of rest.

Post-a-day 2021

Headspace

I have gotten very, very in my head lately. It is just about time for me to allow it all to flow freely outward, to release the tidal wave that has been building, to be transformed into a mere splash as its energy dissipates in the release.

Many things are about to happen. As the dog in the book said today, this often means struggle for us humans. Living fully now can be extremely difficult, when we are expecting something big or something in the near future. I have multiple big things in the very near future right now. I want to be here for all of them…, which means I want to be here now, too. I will be with them when it is time to be with them. And now is not their time.

So…, hello, now. 😉

Post-a-day 2021

Teehee

I got to see the boy again today, doing more amazing gymnastics with such grace and fun… and yes, the little girl in me jumped with joy. The woman in me was practically rolling around on the ground, laughing, but also fully appreciated the reasons for the little girl crush – that boy can gym. There’s no doubt about that!

Post-a-day 2021