Tag: adulting

Stressful rest times

The weekend has only just begun, and I’m already greatly stressed, and I have been so for several hours. Having loads of activities over the weekend, when I have work all week long both beforehand and afterward, is just exhausting and stressful for me. Plus, next week is my last week, and there’s much I have to do to make that happen successfully. And the main teacher reached out in a way that felt not very respectful – not disrespectful per se, but not respectful either – this week, disregarded what I offered for times to meet, and so is coming to school in the middle of the day one day, when I already will be swimming with work I still must complete… I am not delighted about it, and am rather stressed about it. Ugh…

God, please help me to experience the rest I need tonight and this weekend, and help me o have a lovely time in all of my activities throughout the next eight days especially. Thank you for this life. Stay with me and guide me, please. Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Love to give love

You know, I sometimes feel best when I am doing something for someone else. When someone has shown an experience of feeling unloved, and I take on something to show that individual pointed love, I, somehow, feel loved. No, I have not really every had anyone do things for me like I tend to do for others in this realm, but that doesn’t make me sad about what I’m doing. When I read these lovely notes from people to this one person, it is as though I get to experience the love tenfold, because not only is someone who felt unloved going to feel the love, but I was gifted a hand in his or her feeling that love. And I love doing and being able to do that.

Thank you, God and Universe, for allowing me such opportunities. Please, continue to bless such endeavors, including this present one. Amen.

P.S. Happy Pocky Day!! And happy ten-year anniversary of Pocky Day!! 11.11.11 to 11.11.21

Post-a-day 2021

Tum Tumm

I’ve had this drum for almost two years now, and I still am not very good at playing it. I haven’t had any lessons of any kind, because I don’t know drum players (for this kind), and I’m just not an internet lesson person (despite my encouraging others to do it regularly!)… man…, how do I sort out my life enough to be able to do all those internet lessons I have been wanting to do these past few years???

I think part of it is financial security. Another part is the predictability of my schedule and life that usually comes with financial stability and security. That makes the routine possible, and having the routine is something I both want and need for my learning things of all kinds. At present, though, I don’t allow myself the mental space for such things, as there is too much else that is more important that I still need to figure out, versus these things I just want to figure out. Yeah…

Hmm…

I’m hoping Thanksgiving week has drumming in it for me(!!!).

Post-a-day 2021

No way

I’m reading a sort of murder mystery ‘with a great plot twist’, as it was recommended to me this week. However, I had a sudden panic that there might be a dude living in the walls of this old house. If that is the case, I can not and will not do this book. No way. A film I was semi-forced to watch last year had that in jt, and it is still haunting for me. I just don’t do freaky crap like that. Ugh! I have too good a brain and memory to waste its effort or space on anything of that genre. I love a good problem-solve or Agatha Christie, but this one has me worried. I already have stopped listening to it close to or after dark, and it’s only the second day (and that rule started yesterday, actually). I asked the girl who recommended it to me, and she hasn’t replied yet. I’ve asked a buddy if he would look up a summary for me to find out about that specifically, and let me know if I need to stop reading it, but I haven’t heard back from him yet either. I think he’ll do it, though, as he tends to understand that I am just plain odd, and so something like that is a crazy yet important request for me. That isn’t to say that won’t comment on how bizarre I am, or even make fun of my total wuss-ness. But that is nothing. 😛

I just need to know if I can read this book or not. I’m already freaked out in bed tonight, and I’ve only just started this book! And someone is teaching downstairs but moved the porch monitoring camera, and that has me super freaked out. This book is scaring me, and it isn’t even scary yet… ugh!

Post-a-day 2021

Completion and New Beginnings

As this chapter comes to a close, God and Universe, please, guide me into the opening of the next chapter calmly, comfortably, gratefully, and wholeheartedly. May I bless the world with who I am and in all that I do, sharing fully your love with all those tied to me and this life. Help me to breathe easily in the knowledge that this all is perfect exactly as it is, and that you will use me perfectly for what only I can do and for what I am created and made to do. Please, give me the courage to do what needs most to be done, and to love truly.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Gratitude

Post-a-day 2021

Empty pockets, empty soul?

Tonight, I attended Mass at one of the wealthiest parishes in town. It was natural that the priest was insistent that everyone take a paper bag for the food drive – it has a list of items on it for one to purchase and then return to the church in the paper bag.

I did not take a bag, though I did consider it. I am not financially stable in a way that I can safely sacrifice the money it would cost to get all the items. Because it would be that for me, a sacrifice. I have barely been able to afford my own groceries and life bills lately. I cannot safely provide them for others, not right now, no matter how I may want to do so.

And so, as I was leaving Mass, the priest asked if I had gotten a bag. I told him that I hadn’t. ‘Why not?’ ‘It is not something I can do right now,’ I reply with best coming to my eyes. ‘Why not?’ ‘Because it requires money, which I do not have at present.’ ‘Ask your parents!’ he declares jovially, but allows me to thank him for Mass and pass without a bag.

I was fully crying by the time I reached the curb.

I immediately evaluated what was happening, of course. I was equating my financial situation with my personal worth, as well as my success as a person and adult and one worthy of being loved. And it sucked. And that was okay.

I reminded myself that being in my present situation isn’t bad. It is just what’s so, and my discomfort is merely a clear sign that I want to change something about it all. And so, what do I want to change about it all? Well, I want to teach. And at this particular school. If I need to wait another six months or hear and a half before I get to do that for real, that’s okay. Until then, I will continue to make myself better for my work, as well as make a difference in the world in my daily life. And I will make true efforts to have more money coming to me and reliably so. I can do this. And, as I mentioned to someone else today, failing at something doesn’t mean I am bad. It just shows how I can improve and allows me an opportunity to do so. Alors, let’s do it, Banana. We can do this.

Post-a-day 2021

Way too cold in the bathroom*

One of the greatest experiences of my life is still, on those cold nights in Japan, snuggling into my bed on the floor, the lamp on beside me, next to my book of the moment, and curling into my comforter and wool sheets (sheets, of course, brought from the US for my Ikea full-sized mattress) and fancy, cool-warm pillow (due to the memory foam and the intentionally not-wool pillowcase), after touching the tatami floor with my fingers and through my socks when rushing to the mattress, and shivering that initial full-body shiver as it begins its efforts newly to warm itself. Those moments of first relaxation, cuddled up like that in my bed, so lovingly and cozily held, those are some of my absolute favorite and most fulfilling moments of experience. It is as though, despite all the struggles and pains and aches of the day, as well as those yet to come, those warm and loving arms of my bed were there for me, ready and willing and able to hug and to hold me exactly as I needed, and whether I’d known it or not beforehand.

So, the cold and bitter winter bring back some of the best of memories.

*Which is why they sell the toilet seat stick-ons everywhere for wintertime use. And, of course, they are all different patterns on the fabrics, so they are included in the ridiculously cute nonsense known by all in Japan.

Post-a-day 2021

Bread

When I correctly answered spontaneous trivia questions posed to the audience at a Taiwanese tea ceremony presentation this morning, my coworker turned to me – he’s white Anglo, but a Mandarin teacher – and asked, “How do you know all this stuff?” Yesterday had been a surprising exposure of my Día de Muertos knowledge and experience, and a few other things had come up in the past week to show how I had grown up participating in many cultures. And, while I sat in on his Mandarin I class last week and this week and blew him away with my random knowledge of Mandarin and of character radicals, I am certainly not part of the Mandarin department, and have never been to or studied about China or Taiwan.

I smiled and said to him, “My family is very not-white.”

To solidify such a statement, let me merely add that my hand is covered in mehndi right now, as I helped my mom for a presentation and event she was doing tonight for Diwali, and I wanted to play with some henna just for fun, since I’m wearing an Indian outfit tomorrow… As I said, we are very not-white… 😛

Happy Diwali, y’all!! 😉

Post-a-day 2021

Ce soir…

L’opéra, l’opéra, l’opéra at last. After nearly a two-year delay, Houston Grand Opera has returned to the stage officially, and we attended our first show tonight. It was lovely. Also, it was Carmen, and I love the music from Carmen. Sure, the story and lyrics are still totally typical dramatic and repetitive opera, but, goodness, that music is especially spectacular. I’m a big fan. (And I had a fan that I used during the performance, when it was a tad too warm early on. Then Carmen kept pulling out fans and using them herself. However, hers were used very much in a sultry, seductive way, and mine was merely used to cool my face and neck.)

Thank you, Georges Bizet, for this wonderful opera whose success you never got to see or know (He died only three months after its debut, and the reviews were not so great at the time.).

And thank you, God, for this opportunity in my life, and this gift to the world.

Post-a-day 2021