A pause…

So, we do Duolingo every day, right? As we both sat in the living room just now, pulling up Duolingo, I begin my second lesson just as he clicks to start his, only a couple minutes behind my beginning with my first lesson. And what does his screen show him?

But what did mine do? Start my next lesson like nothing was different! As we sat right next to one another… bizarre and goofy, right?? 😛

Oh, well… so it goes!

Post-a-day 2022

Uh-oh, or just Ugh?

My body is worn out right now, and it rather has been all day. Sure, I ate a solid amount of food that wasn’t so great for my body over the past few weeks. But, man, has it really been hitting me hard today for my menstruation. I mean, really, I have had almost no energy or desire to do anything but curl up in bed, and possibly cry, too, as I fall back to sleep.

It’s amazing what food can do, both for the good and the bad health of the body. This 21-day cleanse has come just in time from the gym this weekend. Today was Day 1.

Despite feeling dreadfully exhausted today – and I’m almost certain it is all menstruation and food, as opposed to any actual illness -, I actually accomplished much. Spent time with a friend while we wifi-worked in a bake shop / coffee shop this morning, after working out, of course. I got great groceries. I applied to two remote jobs with Duolingo – I don’t fully qualify for either, but I applied anyway, because I want to work for that company, plus I want better work here for the time being. And I scheduled a birthday breakfast for my dad with my siblings tomorrow morning. And now my brain is finished working for the day. So, goodnight, all.

Post-a-day 2022

(Barely^)

Tum Tumm

I’ve had this drum for almost two years now, and I still am not very good at playing it. I haven’t had any lessons of any kind, because I don’t know drum players (for this kind), and I’m just not an internet lesson person (despite my encouraging others to do it regularly!)… man…, how do I sort out my life enough to be able to do all those internet lessons I have been wanting to do these past few years???

I think part of it is financial security. Another part is the predictability of my schedule and life that usually comes with financial stability and security. That makes the routine possible, and having the routine is something I both want and need for my learning things of all kinds. At present, though, I don’t allow myself the mental space for such things, as there is too much else that is more important that I still need to figure out, versus these things I just want to figure out. Yeah…

Hmm…

I’m hoping Thanksgiving week has drumming in it for me(!!!).

Post-a-day 2021

Intentionally Picky

I do not claim not to be picky. Indeed, on the important things, I will not settle – I accept only exactly what is perfect, and what is perfect happens also to be exactly what I want.

For example, when I want an apple, there is an image in my mind, on my taste buds, on my teeth of exactly what I want. If it is a deep pink, small apple, with hints of yellow and near-red, then I simply will deny any other apple available to me. It is not snobbery. It is merely being aware of what it is I want – and why I want it, specifically – and being conscious enough to acknowledge that anything else is superfluous. For whatever reason, my body wants that apple. Not a green one; not a red one; not an underripe pink one… that one. Consider the idea of needing a bunch of protein, and someone offers a handful of grass to eat. It just doesn’t make sense to consider the grass as an answer to the need for protein. Whatever is in that apple is only in that apple and in the right amounts.

Now, that might be a somewhat terrible comparison, but it was meant well. ;P

Today, I spent some… time… on Bumble, the dating application. Recall my pickiness with apples and just about anything else in life – I’ve gone years in search of the right shirt and skirt combination, never settling (though, I did recently find the skirt!). Men are no different. What I am seeing in a partner, in a mate in life follows the same guidelines and criteria of either being exactly what I seek or superfluous.

And I think I broke Bumble.

It just kind of… ran out. Of options, I mean. When I had swiped “no” after the who-knows-how-many-hundreth person, the application seemed just to give up, saying, ‘Nope. We don’t have anyone for you right now. Check back again soon.’

Note the following screen:

Yeah. So, that happened. And, even when I closed the application and relaunched it, the screen happened again… and again and again and again.

And so, i accepted Bumble’s quiet yet oh-so-loud message, and closed it up, not even the least bit of concern in my mind. When it is time, it is time. And right now is the time not to bother with the online dating application. Perhaps it never will be again. And perhaps it will be one day. For now, however, my message was clear: Be here, in person, and life will meet me where I follow my heart.

I guess I am signing up for that volunteering next week after all. 🙂

Post-a-day 2021

^Had to think about it again… and I was doing so well! Haha

Today

I have hit a wall with my daily life. With the freeze and its nonsense, I only made it through the sorting part of the KonMari method. That was my true requirement goal by my birthday, so I did achieve that goal. However, I had intended and planned to finish tidying completely by March 12, and that did not happen.

Various factors contributed to that, and that is okay. I have allowed myself to be stopped by those factors, and that is the scariest part of it all. It calls into question whether I truly am ready for this, and ready for what comes out of this. And I think today helped me to see that all clearly for myself. The biggest thing is that I am scared. Just like how not exercising Saturday and Sunday makes it somehow extremely difficult to get myself back into the gym on Monday, having those days off leading up to my birthday made it extremely difficult for me to get back into all the work that awaited me back home. Add onto that that I also had to unpack everything from the week-long stay, and I had an overwhelming amount of work to do at home. And I let myself be overwhelmed by and stopped by it.

I am now back home after the March 12 weekend trip, and I am truly feeling the strain that could be my daily life going forward. I lost sight of my goals with the tidying. And I saw that today. I also saw how losing sight of the tidying goals had affected me in other areas of my life. I had been free and easy and interested in the online dating platform, but now it has been intensely stressful, and so I have mostly avoided it. I was comfortable on my own in a day before, and would take myself outside to walk or run, just so I could be outdoors for a while each day; now I am not doing any of that, and I feel a strain underneath everything every day. I mean, come on, I got myself a minor virus and a resulting butt rash – how can one possibly argue that I am not stressed?

And I haven’t even had a busy schedule lately. I even watched two whole series online. I don’t do that unless I’m miserable, by the way. One show, if it’s short, and I can do it in a single day or day and a half of exhaustion, sure. More than that, and you can bet that I am avoiding life somehow, either consciously or unconsciously. I spent an extra four days of time devoted to watching these shows – I was borderline depressive here, and definitely avoiding things.

Now, I’ve gone through another couple vacuums of the baking soda that is soaking up the petroleum-based oil from the oil heater that exploded by my bed (and all over a shelf). (Unfortunately, the dry-wet-vac started spewing baking soda all over part of my room on the last set, so I have a bit more of that still to clean up, and then I need to empty the vacuum tomorrow before using it again.) I will aim to get at least one more round done tomorrow, if not two. Hopefully, that will allow me to clean up the shelf tomorrow or the next day, and start using it soon. I need to wash the sheets and stuffed animals that got the oil all over them, and I would like to do that in the next couple days, or four at most.

I also cleaned out and put away today my large suitcase from the recent trip. I want to finish unpacking the remaining items, and to put away the smaller suitcase tomorrow. I have photos I am going to do tomorrow, probably for a few hours, but I want at least to get that done, because it is doable. The main thing I can’t do is finish sorting where to put what of my clothes and such right now, because an entire storage shelf is out of order, due to the oil spill. So, while I’m sill sorting out the oil spill stuff this week, I want to handle the smaller things that I can handle right now. And unpacking is one of those things. So is washing those sheets.

I pulled up the dreamboard I had made for my tidying process today, and it almost made me cry. It is so lovely and so much of what I want in my life. And I had gotten scared and stepped away from it. But I made myself look at it today, and that was a very good idea. It reminded me not only of exactly what I want, but how much I truly do want it.

So, giddy up, partner. You can do this, my love.

Post-a-day 2021

^Barely a pause, but a pause nonetheless

Sans wifi…

Students found out today that I have no television and no wifi (which means no Netflix) at home.

‘But what do you do at home?’ they ask, concernedly.

Well, tonight, I made this, while listening to a crazy mix of music (through my speakers) on a iPod I found that I think my dad handed down to me years ago…, possibly with a good part of the music included…

And now, I’ll go to reading as “Silver Bells” sings along gently on the speakers…

Farewell, digital world – goodnight.

Post-a-day 2019

Life and Language

No, I don’t watch television.

Do you watch Netflix, Hulu…?’

I don’t have Internet, wifi at home.

“Your life is boring,” he declares, matter-of-factly.

The other kids begin to panic, eyes wide at his blatant statement of potential rudeness to the teacher.

I laugh heartily, tell them how to say it all in French, and then mention how I’m actually really busy a lot of the time, and that my life is actually rather interesting – a fact which even takes me a bit by surprise in the moment.

I laugh and smile some more while they recover.

Later in the day, I am told…..

Actually, I am so tired, the memory I was intending for the past few hours to share has decided to go on vacation for a while…

I guess we’ll find out later, if it ends up coming back… 😛

Post-a-day 2019

The world turned upside down

The internet went out for a little while tonight…, and I find it somewhat hilarious that it was sort of a huge deal for the others in the house, and I almost couldn’t have cared less.  I did, after all, live several months wihout internet at home, both in the US and in Japan, and I even spent some months without cell service or phone service of any kind either…  I kind if enjoyed the certainty of quiet that it allowed.
  Knowing that no call or text or e-mail would arrive on any device whenever I was at home, was like breathing freely in a whole new way.  And all the important people knew my situation, so they knew to show up at my door if they wanted anything immediate, or to plan enough ahead to tell me to go check something at a certain time, using the WiFi down the road.

I almost miss that.  I certainly miss the reliability of work and income I’d had at the time.  😛  But that’s not really the point here, now, is it?

Post-a-day 2018