culture – Page 9 – hannah ananas

I wish…

I wish I could just go to Japan for a month to teach English again. I wish it were an option only for the alums of our program, so they know that we know what we’re doing and that we won’t need much support. It could be a way for schools to test out having an assistant language teacher with the program. Then, if they like it, they hire a full position. If they don’t, they only had to pay someone for a month.

And we get to revisit the country and culture and the work and students we so love and miss, but without having to commit forever or move fully.

Win-Win-Win situation right there.

Post-a-day 2022

Gymotions

I learned this morning that I need to go ahead and scale things down on Mondays at the gym. I needn’t feel like I am lame or cheating out or anything like that – I just simply cannot do the prescribed work. In the past, we had three levels of capability listed for each aspect of a workout. I was always the lowest originally, and eventually moved up to some of the middle level for parts of workouts. Now, we have only one, the hardest one. I am not on that level on any day. And, now, on Mondays, we are doing movements that are hard for my body period. I absolutely need to scale those down, and a lot. Otherwise, I will not improve and things will not go well for me. We can push when we are being lazy, but it is not a good idea to push when the body is crying with pains and high discomfort in movements. I needn’t cry doing any movements at the gym. But, today, I did, I was just so frustrated with not being able to do the stuff, no matter my effort.

Yeah, it was emotionally rough this morning. And my muscles were, of course, still quite sore going into it all, which didn’t help. At least I’m getting to bed a little earlier tonight…

Post-a-day 2022

Mass

Mass is such an emotional experience for me these days. When I am truly present, I end up in massive and intense tears… I wonder if it always will be this way, now that I am not so afraid to be myself as I am when I’m Church, in love and in need…

Thank you, God, for such passion and love as I have an feel from you when I am in Mass these days… may it continue beautifully. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Had to think about it still, but I got it right twice now!)

Tuesday that felt like Thursday

I dreamt of what seemed to be being married and pregnant last night… I wasn’t openly sharing about it, but I felt pregnant in the dream, though I hadn’t shared it with any colleagues. And, what’s interesting, is that my colleagues were actually for the job I really want to have in real life. So, in an odd way, several hopes and dreams were realized in this odd dream – it was something of a first communion-type event for a Spanish-speaking community, though I only knew for sure one person at the event. But I was thinking about how I might want to do the event for my own child, completely in Spanish, too, but without warning people ahead of time. 😛 Because, clearly I am still myself in dreams(!). Haha

Anyway… there’s that. Also, I helped a few students with some research on their French project today, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. AND I ended up speaking in French with a friend before the workout this morning at the gym. That was both fun and fulfilling… surprisingly so, at that. I hadn’t realized how much of my current self was present in French. It was a cool discovery to make this morning. Guess I need to work on speaking French more often in my daily life. 😀

Post-a-day 2022

Dance, dance, dance…?

Man, I Really miss dancing. I miss the experience of simultaneously expressing myself to music while working with another, and of feeling undeniably beautiful and sexy, womanly… Dancing is awesome, and I miss it! And, especially now that I am so wonderfully fit – and that I am no longer afraid to be a woman, to be powerful, to be desirable and sexy, to be noticed and seen – I want to find my new self-expression in dance.

Man… (The idea of this all came up tonight, because one of, I dare say, the world’s top partner dancers is a sort of buddy of mine, and he reached out this weekend to check in with me. We only just talked tonight, and only for a bit, but it was a fun blast from the dance world, though neither of us has been part of it since the first shutdown in early 2020. I would love to dance with him… As it happens, dancing with him always had me feeling my sexiest, he so beautifully honors his partner whenever dancing. Even when I felt un-womanly and not beautiful in general, I felt womanly and beautiful and desirable and wanted whenever dancing with him. [And no, not in a creeper or weird way. Just to be clear here…] I wonder how it would be now, dancing with him, now that I already do feel beautiful and woman and sexy and desirable as a whole…)

Post-a-day 2022

(Just barely!)

Trans-patio/table Conversations

“Dumm dumm dumm dumm dumm Dummm…”

For those who can’t read notes out of words, that’s the opening theme to Downton Abbey, and the ring tone that played from a nearby table at lunch today. A minute or so afterward, the girl behind me was talking across the patio to the woman who, I’d guessed, was the owner of the source of the ring tone. The girl behind me was mentioning hearing Downton Abbey…, I casually joined in on how I’d definitely recognized it, too. They mentioned about a movie, or possibly another one coming out, and then, If you like Downton Abbey, you should check out Outlander! I said that I was reading the books, and they were great but filled with ups and downs with the joys and sadnesses. The ring tone girl agreed. The girls at the table behind me were intrigued. I mentioned that my mom heartily recommends Outlander, too, the show. We had a few more comments and giggles, and then finally turned back to our respective tables fully as my dad sat back down at our table, rejoining me from his bathroom stop.

Three of us had mostly held the conversation among our three tables, though five of us had been involved. It was awesome.

And then, my dad asked what we had been discussing. I gave him a quick recap, and then he said, ‘Oh, I’ve seen it. The movie. It’s good.’

Jaw. Drop.

I hadn’t even known about this Downton Abbey film, and my dad has already seen and liked it?? Haha Ridiculously wonderful.

Thank you, God and Universe, for such a lovely surprise of lunchtime today. May you continue to guide me to be your love in the world through all that I am and all that I do. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Barely got it^…)

Feedback

Today, I was scared to give feedback. But 1) I knew it was important feedback, and 2) I have been working on being courageous and speaking up about things that are important to me in my life. And so, I declared that it would be better done than not, and I went and asked first if I might give a bit of feedback, and then, upon receiving the all-clear, I communicated kindly and clearly what the feedback was and why I felt it was so important (i.e. multiple others had mentioned it as their experience, too). I was sharing feedback about a new coach at our gym, but to the owner. He was grateful for the feedback, and he understood immediately what the issue was and why it mattered in our classes so much (without my having to say anything further about it). He thanked me for the feedback, and he even told me that it helps when it is coming not simply from him but from us, just through him.

It was a really cool experience for me. Sure, I was still a bit odd and nervous, but it went well and accomplished its outset goal. Plus, I got to be courageous. And that was certainly swell.

Thank you, God and Universe. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Missed again…)

Working it out

In a somewhat bizarre way, my path has felt rather clear today. Things have been odd, compared to usual and typical, but I just rather rolled with them as they were and as I found myself feeling about them (without making it mean anything bad). I spoke up where I felt was important and valuable for me to do so, and that was great. And I felt heard, too, which was an awesome plus to those times.

Thank you, God and Universe, for the guidance today.

It is now raining and getting cold out again, and lightning keeps occasionally popping up brightly and grumblingly from a distance. I am sitting in bed, preparing to go to sleep. And I am looking forward to sleeping, yes. I also am satisfied with today.

Thank you, God and Universe, for all of it, especially the company tonight and the home they have had me join. Thank you for this love. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

All the little things

And then all the little things come together to give that little, wholesome, undeniable nudge. Suddenly, everything seems much simpler and easier – there is much less worry to be had, and life seems… lighter. Things aren’t solved or resolved. But they aren’t exactly a problem anymore. And, for now, that is enough for gratitude and much easier, freer breathing.

Thank you, God and Universe. Please continue to help me to be Your love in the world. Guide me with clarity to the embodiment of Your love through this life. In Your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Barely got it)

1 January, folks

It is the first of January in the year 2022. How absurdly bizarre is that????! It just sounds like the future. Frankly, the 1980s seem closer to now than 2022. And yet here we are, in the faraway year of 2022, with the 80s…, well, a long time past.

I almost feel out of place, anachronistic in this world right now… and in more ways than one. That song I wrote recently is really big for me right now, with its whole thing on feeling I don’t belong and people not needing to be colorblind but just plain loving and kind, to see people for who they are instead of what they are. ::sighhhhhhhhh

Thank you, God, for this life. Please, with the Universe, help me to be Your love and to step forward fully and courageously all the days (and nights and sunrises and sunsets and moments of infinities) of my life. Help me, please, to find clearly my intention for this year, the year 2022 and Reiwa 4, that I might express it through my kakizome tomorrow, which will guide, support, empower, and remind me all throughout this year. Give me Your divine message tomorrow as I discover my kakizome for this year and begin to implement and be it tomorrow. In Your name I pray. Amen.

P.S. This is the first year in a very long time – a hundred years, in fact – that will not have had the wonderful woman of Betty White in it. Thank you, (God and) Betty, for all that you did and all the love that came out of your existence and how you shared yourself so lovingly with the world at large and at small. Thank you.

Post-a-day 2021

(Clearly, that ^ is not correct…)

Post-a-day 2022

(Wow, that seems weird!)