Sometimes I feel as though I can’t talk about anything without explaining a million other things first…. which then continues the cycle of having to explain more and more, all because I’d wanted to share one little something.
(Perhaps that’s a benefit of having only the same select few people in one’s life forever – never having to do the back explaining…)
Post-a-day 2018
It only takes a trip to somewhere worse to appreciate coming home to a place one was initially glad to leave.
I’ve been doing that a lot recently, but switching between going to somewhere worse and to somewhere better, constantly flipping my perspective back and forth (and, ultimately, leaving me moving in no real direction at all most of the time).
Post-a-day 2018
Sometimes, fear paralyzes more than just the physical self…
Post-a-day 2018
Sometimes, getting creative can be useful not only for the immediate goal, but also for a secondary but equally important one. You see, I didn’t have all my steps in for the day (based on my step goal on my fabulous FitBit) this evening, and so I was pacing forward and backward while talking with my mom. She told me that it was just too weird that I was doing that – literally walking forward and then reversing, while still facing and talking with her – and that I needed to stop walking like that. And so, I got creative. I walked at least five different ways that did not involve a forward-backward trek, and asked my mom how each one was. On the really fast shuffled steps, neither one of us could hold it together – it was just too funny. And so, by being creative and silly, I not only moved my step count closer to my step goal for the day, but I also created an opportunity for my mom and me to bond a little bit more. Mind, body, and soul are doing well. Healthy on all fronts tonight! 😛
Post-a-day 2018
I found out today that my brother had felt unease about his nerdy knowledge on various topics. Quite frankly, I had always admired him for said nerdiness. Whenever he was interested in a topic, he’d do what he could to learn as much as possible in a short period of time. And then, if it was something that he really enjoyed, how continued to learn about it in the years that followed, becoming ever more the genius on the topic. Possibly the best part of it to me was that these often were topics that had almost nothing to do with his work or schooling – it was purely things that interested him. Nowadays, he is still the same about it all, though he definitely has certain topics on which he could be considered an expert after so many years and hours of study and work dedicated to them.
I guess, growing up, I just didn’t know his world of friends and classmates and, eventually, colleagues, because I was so much younger than he was. I had no idea that they didn’t know about his nerdy areas in his life, too. They apparently only knew about his cool, chic, sporty side (from what I understand now). He, it seems, was afraid of being rejected for his knowledge and studies. Now, though, he has begun to embrace his nerdiness, and publicly so (think social media, etc.), and he has been discovering how much respect exactly that aspect of him; especially since he is cool, chic, and sporty, but loves knowledge and nerding out over certain things. He is discovering that he had no need to be insecure about his interests and knowledge. Plus, despite the fact that the public has been responding really well to his nerd side’s being exposed, he already knew that it doesn’t really matter what other people think of him anyway – that’s their own business, not his. What matters is what he thinks about himself. If he is happy with who he is, then there is no reason not to express that in his life. So, he started finally expressing himself, nerdiness included. Now that he has been doing that, he has also found that people are grateful to him for sharing himself and his passions with the world. Super duper win-win, I say. And I am proud of him doubly, for keeping up the nerdy knowledge, and now for sharing it with the world. 🙂
Post-a-day 2018
Have you ever truly put yourself out there, honestly and in the open, and then been rejected? I have, and in many situations and circumstances. However, as much as it hurts to receive that rejection – and, believe me, it really hurts, because that is the best of and the truest of me that is being rejected – it is always somewhat of a good thing. A really good thing, actually, because, you see, if that situation, or those people, or whatever, rejects who I truly am, rejects the inner and outer me, then I find it best that I not be around them – that is clearly not the place for me. And so, despite the pain, it is always relieving and good for me, because, as important as it is to find where I belong in this world, where I am nourished and where I nourish my surroundings in return, it is equally important not to be where I don’t have that. So, the pain is a good thing, after all.
I guess I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, though I hadn’t really noticed it until just now. I’m preparing for something, something I plan to have happen soon, and I can see that I am afraid of it, because of how people might respond to it, how they might reject me (or, as is incredibly likely, and already common for me, anyway, so I’m not sure why I’m even worried about this part in the first place, misunderstand me). But, just as I’ve shared here, I suppose it is actually a good thing. I need not put it off for fear – if I will be rejected for that piece of my self-expression, even if it is someone misunderstanding that piece of my self-expression, then perhaps it is best for me to have that happen sooner, rather than later, so that I can create the space to be surrounded by the people and the world that are good for me and for whom I am good. My waiting around for this serves no one, it seems, and my going ahead with it actually has potential benefits for many. Huh… wow.
Post-a-day 2018
Today, my cousin compared my lesson planning talk with that of her brother’s talk about trees. You see, he, her brother (and my cousin), got really into trees, and studied forestry at Stephen F. Austin State University, in Nacogdoches, Texas. He used to talk about toy cars and action figures, and even eventually video games, too, like a little nerdy kid who is somewhat obsessed and awed by the specific toys and all that they can do/represent, as well as all of their background information. You couldn’t really get him to shut up about the toys when he was little, or the video games when he was around high school aged. In college, this talk turned to being about trees. He even named his dog after “his favorite tree species”.
So, now, fast forward to today. My cousin, the forestry cousin’s older sister, said to me that my teacher talk about lesson ideas and planning lessons – and this is about any topic, be it actual foreign language teacher, which I actually did for high schools, or dance lessons, or my art & yoga classes, or whatever teaching opportunity I might have – reminds her exactly of her brother and his tree talk.
Does that not say something distinct and pointed about me and teaching? 😛 Clearly I like it. (I also happen to be very good at it, it turns out. Total blessing, and I am incredibly grateful for it.)
‘Okay, but I’m not going to get a dog and name it Lesson Plan,’ I laughingly retort.
After a slight pause for inhale, she replies, ‘Hannah…, I could see you coming up with a more creative and better way to name the dog Lesson Plan.’
‘You say that…’
‘Oh, did you think I was joking? Because…’
‘No. You say that, and I know that you aren’t joking.’
I was just worried that I really might be that nerdy about it, because I could totally see myself doing something that silly somewhere down the road. 😛
Post-a-day 2018
Delirious talkings late at night between cousins make for ingenious ideas.
Mark tonight as the night we developed and discussed the special foreign language idea, and pondered at how we could end up discussing it in a year, after its having become incredibly successful, and yet so meager and delirious had been its beginnings.
Let us see what happens…
Post-a-day 2018
It is very difficult for me to ask people for things, to make requests of others. No matter the situation, no matter the request, it is always somewhat – if not extremely – difficult for me to make the request. Of course, people seem to feel as though I have a comfortable confidence when making these requests, and have admitted to me of having no knowledge of my difficulty in making requests. But that is simply because I make sure I am as ready as possible before making the requests. I am usually the only one present for the inevitable turmoil that precedes a request for me. Occasionally, my mother or best friend is around for part of the paranoia, and so they understand it a bit. However, most people have no idea what it takes for me to make the simplest of requests of them.
All of that being said, perhaps one could understand how devastating it can be for me when I am denied a request, especially one that I might have expected to have been granted easily enough. I am always so willing to receive requests from others, and yet I cannot practice what I wish to receive from others. I suppose I have just had a little too much rejection of sorts in the past, that I lack the confidence now.
Post-a-day 2018
I was all set to go to bed in the next ten or fifteen minutes, and excited that I was going to bed at the perfect time. But then I had a missed call from my cousin (via my uncle’s phone, since my cousin doesn’t have a regular phone with signal and all), and it was time semi-sensitive, so I called him back. 45 minutes later, I’m right back where I started, minus the excitement. Gotta love family. ;P
Post-a-day 2018
hannah ananas 