Right about now, I am missing my old Golden Retrievers. It has been roughly 16 or 18 years since the father died, and a handful of years fewer for the sun… and yet, here we are, missing them, almost suddenly.
I want those hugs and loves and belly rubs. That was an amazing time in life.
And I want something more nowadays, please.
Post-a-day 2022
‘Arise,’ they told her.
‘Do it like this,’ they said.
‘It’ll be perfect,’ they promised.
But these were lies they said.
And so, instead of stepping up to being who they expected her to be, she stood up for who she truly was made to be.
And the world never was quite the same,
Once she’d set it aflame
With all that she truly was.
Post-a-day 2022
… that was an awesome concert.
Gwen Stefani is another one of those artists who played an important role in my childhood. I remember singing the choruses to two of No Doubt’s songs while dancing around in the living room at our original house when I was only about four years old. They were “Spiderwebs” and “Don’t Speak”. I didn’t know what most of the lines meant, and I even had a few words wrong (“I gotta scream my phone calls,” instead of screening them, because had no idea that screening a call was something that existed), but I loved those two songs. To this day, I can still see the image I had in my mind of this woman climbing around and walking inside this massive spider web, while her landline phone was ringing in the distance. The phone was yellow, by the way. I genuinely thought she was telling a story of how she was doing crazy stuff, like walking in an actual spider web – she was out living life – instead of sitting around, waiting for the phone to ring, waiting for calls. I’ve related to it that way ever since it came out almost 27 years ago, and I have no expectation of that changing at his point – if it hasn’t changed already, I think it won’t at all.
So, all that being said, Gwen Stefani is kind of on par with Ricky Martin in terms of how it played a role in my early childhood. Naturally, when she sang “Don’t Speak”, therefore, I cried a bit.
And then, for Spiderwebs a coupe songs or so later, I went nuts jumping around and dancing.
I did that on several songs, of course, many of which I had either forgotten had been Gwen Stefani’s songs or that I had never known were Gwen Stefani’s songs.
Of course, she ended the concert with “Hollaback Girl“, and I then discovered that it wasn’t, “Mmm this much. Mmm this much,” but “Mmm this my sh**. Mmm this my sh**.” Rather different lyrics, yes, and the real ones don’t actually fit musically as well as my version of them. So, I’m sticking to my original understanding of the lyrics on this one.
All in all, it was a great and fun concert. And she even declared, “Praise Jesus!” at one point, which was baller in a whole new way. And no, Blake Shelton did not show up. She said early on that he was “babysitting” her kids… and my friend said, ‘I believe that is just called ‘parenting’.’ 😛 But the concert was filled with songs, and she even went over by about ten minutes, she had packed so much music into it. It was great.
Thank you, God, for the absolute blessing that was tonight and today on all levels. Please, especially, bless those who showed love to me today in particular, that they feel your love more fully tomorrow. Please, guide us all to be your love through our lives. Help us to be who you made us to be. And thank you for this opportunity of life. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
My mom aske me the name of my friend’s most recent child today. I had no idea, but imagined it would be names from the bible, and so I said the first two male Bible names that came to mind, adding that it was something Catholic like that, though I was truly only guessing all of it.
After a brief pause, my mom says, ‘Wait… but isn’t it [first name in Spanish] [second name in Spanish]?’
My eyes merely widened. ‘Seriously???’ I wanted to know. Was my mom really remembering correctly? And had I just pulled two names out of nowhere that were the right names, just in English instead of Spanish? Then my mom adds that it might actually just be the first name in Spanish and the second in English (as the second isn’t spelled any differently in Spanish versus English, but merely pronounced differently).
So, I looked it up on Facebook. I had sent my mom the original post about the baby’s birth, and that was the only time she or I had seen his names, anyway. I kid you not, it was exactly as my mom had guessed, and as I had thrown out randomly. The names were right, just that the first was the Spanish version of itself. My mom nailed it, and I was blown away.
Totally cool yet still bizarre, right? I had completely forgotten everything about that kid’s name in my conscious mind, but my subconscious had held onto it somehow – way cool!
Post-a-day 2022
P.S. N, if you’re reading this, yes, this was about your son. ;P
God, I am trusting you. Please, please, guide me that your will be done – let my will be yours – and I pray that I love pursuing it with all my heart. Guide me to be your love and light expressed through all that I am in this life. Give comfort and ease to my family members who have been in pain lately, please. Grant a fulfilling and peace-filled passage to C as she moves out of her earthly body, please – let her know what she needs to know to be free, please, and help her pass through and to you fully. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
(Same deal!)
I’m staying at my sister’s this weekend while they are out of town. I think that is the perfect time to move my bed out of my friend’s house. That way, I can adjust things at the apartment as needed before I actually have to stay there on Sunday night. But I can prepare myself mentally Friday and Saturday nights while at my sister’s house, and then my brain likely can adjust better to the idea of moving there when it had already been moving and has been somewhere it considers ‘away from home’ already. That way, I won’t be moving from ‘home’ to ‘somewhere strange and not as nice’. Instead, I’ll go from ‘home’ to ‘my sister’s house’ and then to ‘another place’, where I will start to adjust over time to have it feel like a ‘home’ of its own.
I like this idea. God, help me, please, to enact it well! I trust in your timing and in all you do and wish. Help me to manifest and to embody it all through and for you. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
(Yup. Still hesitating.)
I took a step today that shall begin my process of moving into the apartment where I am paying rent. Sure, most of my stuff is over there. But I’ve still been living at my friend’s house. I have been – and still am – scared to move there. I love the company and the lifestyle and the cleanliness here, and the newness of the house’s renovations… and the feeling of complete safety with them here.
God, give me the strength to do what I must do in order to move into this apartment. Help me with this transition, please, and help me to maintain this amazing connection you have allowed so unexpectedly to form between me and my friend and her little family, even as I move into my own apartment and out of their spare bedroom. Give me comfort and confidence in your will through this endeavour. In your name, I pray. Amen. And thank you for this life. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
(Definitely still have to think about that year!)
I never went to read my Facebook birthday wishes from people… Tomorrow will be a week after my birthday, and yet I still haven’t done it.
I wonder why…
Perhaps to avoid disappointment in how few I expect there to be, combined with an enjoyment of life out here, real life… I feel no need to go check them, though I also am a touch nervous to go check them.
Post-a-day 2022
“Come spend time with your family, Hannah,” says my friend to entice me to stay and watch the pairs ice skating with them, instead of going to the bathroom and then bed.
Naturally, I went to the bathroom, and then came back to the living room to spend time with my “family”. I still have to go to bed asap, as I must be at school for five AM tomorrow, but this was silly and fun to have some “family time”. We’ve been living together since the first of the year, and it’s been really like family… truly, it has been a blessing.
Thank you, God. May we continue to share your love and light in the world. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
‘I mean, I love him, but if he’s not going to take his fitness seriously, then it’s not ever gonna happen,’ she says with casual comfort and clear honesty. ‘If he won’t even stretch, then no way…’ She is not upset in what she says, nor is she concerned. For her, it is clear that, if he isn’t the one, then he just isn’t the one, and she’s totally okay not spending any strain, stress, or brainpower on wishing, hoping, or dreaming for him to be the one. If he’s not, he’s not, and there’s someone better out there. If he is, then he’ll make it clear that he is, which will include caring about his well-being and honoring his own body. How can we love another, if we cannot love ourselves?
Be not afraid. God is with us, even and especially when we feel so utterly alone on the partner/relationship front. God, grant me the serenity to be your love in the world, even and especially in the face of no agreement in my life. Help me to do what only I can do to share your love in the world. Help me to fulfill on all I am capable of doing in this life, through your will and help. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
(Still have to think about that year…)
hannah ananas 