Tag: friends

Irony

I went to an outlet mall today (filled with almost no one, actually), to go specifically to Lululemon for some sports gear.

You see, the bras I have from there are spectacular.

But my workout have been so good this past year that, well, they don’t fit anymore… they are too big on me.

So, I needed to get some new sports bras, and I wanted to get good quality for something like that, that I would use so often.

So, we go to Lululemon, and sign up on the digital waitlist… the wait is estimated at two hours, because so few people are allowed in the store at once, right?

Right.

Like at certain busy restaurants and eateries, we were to receive a text message when an estimated ten to 15 minutes remained in our wait time, and it would say this and that we should return to the store now.

Unlike these restaurants and eateries, we also received a link that we could refresh at will in order to see where our party was “in line”.

We started at spot number thirty.

We walked around outside a long while – around 8,000 steps worth – before heading back toward the store (where we were parked), and verifying that we still were only around 9th in line.

The doorman told us that, since it was “parties” and not just individuals “in line”, we had plenty of time to go get the ice cream we were considering.

So, we drove to HEB, I did some quick research as to why I couldn’t find a childhood favorite anymore, and I got a very close alternative to it.

We then enjoyed our treats back in the car, and received our text message notification about 45 seconds after pulling into a parking space back at Lululemon.

I then had a blast in the store, and my friend, though not finding anything she was wanting inside the store, found a delightful time outside the store, practicing her handstands, and eventually being joined by one of the store’s staff – perhaps he was on his break? – to share in the doing of handstands, and to display free handstand push-ups (they are bomb, and it is a pleasure to witness anyone doing these successfully)(!).

We headed home after a good while, both of us quite satisfied, both in mind and in belly.

The irony?

If you missed it, the irony was that I was getting new sportswear, because I’d released so much weight/fat from my body through my workouts and healthy eating…, yet I went and had what was likely an extremely high-calorie tub of ice cream while waiting to purchase said new sportswear… 😛

But I didn’t finish it, so, that is good, and it is now in the freezer here, finding a new version of itself after having melted. 😀

Post-a-day 2020

Guess(t) what!

I keep going back to how, when I was staying with a friend at her house, – yes, a house and not an apartment – she was very excited to inform me that she had guest towels now.  She was so utterly excited about that fact, likely on account of its sounding so grown-up like, that I didn’t say anything about it.  However, it seems to be that this is her first time of having guest towels, right?  Well, I have noticed in the past that one of the first things I do, whenever I move in somewhere, is prepare for the possibility of a guest or guests coming to stay with me.  This has always included having extra towels for these guests to use, and enough blankets and pillows, as well as a handful of other things I consider to be important to have available for a guest’s use.

Now, one might think that I have guests over all the time, if this is something I always seem to do.  I actually think I don’t often have guests stay over, and it has been almost never for my current place of residence this past year and a half.  However, I definitely have had people come stay with me at each of my other residences…, and plenty of those times were last-minute or spur-of-the-moment or totally unplanned sleepovers.  Because of that, I have always just made sure that I am prepared… you never know when the opportunity will arise, right?  That’s how I see it, anyway, and so I make sure that I am always prepared.

If only we could get the part of me that keeps my living space super tidy to view things that way, too, so that I just would keep my living space always tidy… Alas, it does not see things that way so far, and my clutter-y messiness wins out on a regular basis still.  I am, however, working on improvement in that area, and have improved much already in recent years.  And I have finally accepted that, well, I am messy – not dirty, but messy, untidy – with my living and working spaces.  That acknowledgement has definitely helped me to plan a little extra mental space and time to spend tidying up regularly, and so the tidiness has lasted longer and longer lately, and the messy stages shorter and shorter!

Anyway, I’m off to sleep – much still to do in the next day or so, before I head home…, and I am still very tired and sleepy after the car ride yesterday.  I went 872.0 miles, with an average of 27.9 miles per gallon through hill after hill in a lovely Jeep Compass for 13 hours and 42 minutes of drive time yesterday, going from Madison, Wisconsin, to Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.  I left at 4:45 in the morning from my brother’s driveway, and arrived in my cousin’s at 20:22 (that’s 8:22pm), meaning I spent 15 hours and 37 minutes on the road, in some capacity or other.  (Though, I really enjoyed the part that involved taking fabulous photos of the Bridges of Madison County, despite the snakes everywhere!)  That’s a lot for a day, especially after having gone to bed at midnight the night before, and struggled to sleep at all due to paranoia around potential bug bites… (It turned out to have been from hiking on Friday that I got the bites, and they just didn’t show up until Saturday morning, all itchy and swollen and red, leaving me to think that something was in the bed, biting me overnight… but, we didn’t piece that together until last night, after I was long gone from the imagined bed bugs that had kept me out of restful sleep those four hours of planned sleep.)

So, anyway, I’m off to sleep now.  Goodnight, all!  😉

Post-a-day 2020

The friend drop

You know how people have a tendency to disappear for a while from a friendship, when they start dating someone?

I, myself, did it once in high school (and promptly learned that it is not worth it and that I’ll not do it again…, I had been at the other extreme the time before then, spending so much time with the friend and too little with the boyfriend, that I lost the boyfriend!), and it took a long time for me not to feel bad about it regarding the friend that I almost lost.

Anyway, so I think it happens rather regularly in people’s lives, right?

We probably all know someone or many someones who have done it.

But have you ever had two friends doe it at once, because they start dating one another?

I had that happen several years ago… I was extremely excited just these two friends from different parts of my life had met and were dating one another.

But they slowly began to disappear from my life… now, the two are married and about to have a baby, and I don’t remember the last time we talked or even messaged one another… it’s been almost as long as their relationship, really.

Slowly, but surely, they each disappeared from the friendships they had held with me, and I now feel like I barely know either one of them.

And, while I miss them, I miss them from before they got together… who they are now as a couple is a unit with which I can’t seem to connect… and so I don’t actually find myself wanting to spend any time with them nowadays… they aren’t the same individual fiends I loved having in my life… as it goes with people’s getting together, they are different from before… and I don’t exactly like them now.

I don’t dislike them, I believe… but I definitely don’t like them.

And I am still undetermined as to whether it is how they actually are now, or if it is more how they simultaneously abandoned me and our friendships… I am thinking that it is both, approximately a 60/40 split, respectively.

Anyway… odd how that came to mind tonight… hmm…

Post-a-day 2020

No, thank you

I seem to do a very decent job of rejecting guys and making it abominably clear that it ain’t happenin’, and then being friends with them (or, at least, good acquaintances).

A man once invited me on a vacation.

Well, he asked me about inviting me on a vacation – ‘What if I invited you on a trip?’ kind of thing.

He, we both knew, had something specific in mind for a guaranteed part of that trip’s itinerary, no matter the destination of the trip.

I informed him clearly that, no, it wouldn’t happen – not doing it that way either, man… but thanks for asking, instead of assuming and all that jazz.

And he, naturally, was bummed, but he also got over it.

Years later, we have turned somewhat into friends.

I call him out on his bs, and never hold it against him.

He calls me on the phone, and has slowly begun talking about genuine things with me, instead of the casual, surface-level chitchat most of the world seems to be comfortable living in.

Today, we were just talking about what we were up to this evening and the past week or so, and I was sharing about my nature time here in Madison, and how, since international travel for vacation is not exactly a thing for the next while, I was considering expanding my goal of visiting Texas parks to include other parts of the country… get to know nature here, so to speak.

One of those places is Utah.

In a sneaky and, basically, magical way, Utah is pulsing with glorious natural wonders.

And I want to spend some time with at least some of them.

When I was sharing about this desire, the guy expressed his total agreement, and said that Utah is truly an amazing place for nature.

I casually asked, in a sly yet joking voice, “Do you wanna take me to Utah?”, knowing that he would remember his offer from years back, and he would know that I was making a joke about it.

He replied, with no actual hesitation, and in a voice so sober as I have only occasionally heard from him, “I would take you anywhere.”

Aww… that’s sweet of you, I told him, and we moved on along in the conversation.

It was a simple comment, and, though it could have been interpreted quite differently when not hearing it said, it was clearly a genuine compliment, both in its meaning and in the speaker’s sincerity in speaking it.

It warmed me, hearing that phrase from him this evening.

He knows that I won’t take him up on his initial offer, and so he wasn’t just saying it in hopes of getting me to go – not at all.

He was saying it, because, in a way, he meant it.

And he still wants me to agree to it, his original offer…. a fact that, in its own odd way, warms my heart ever so slightly…

Because it is nice to be wanted…, even physically and sexually…. I won’t deny that it is especially nice to be wanted by someone so entirely desirable as this guy is, either.

And, even for his little bit of genuine meaning it with his statement, it was well worth hearing him say it, and knowing that the compliment of being so desirable was still there.

Especially now, when I’ve been working so hard on my physical body, I appreciate such a compliment (especially when it is absent of the ridiculous vulgarity too many people seem to express so openly these days)… and it is especially sweet, because this guy doesn’t even know how I’ve physically improved in the past year plus, yet he still holds such an opinion of me…

Compliment, indeed, and I’ll take it! 😛

“I’d take you anywhere,” said a deep, kind, and sober voice over the phone… and, for that few seconds, she took flight in the traces of human love found in that statement, and imagined what kind of person would take her anywhere… she doesn’t really see that happening with him, but she believes that someone is out there, getting ready for her and all the absurdity and love she has to offer, and that she is seeking.

Post-a-day 2020

True friends

“I only have about ten minutes, so, nothing about me – just tell me about you…”

He begins to list questions related to things and areas in my life.

“…and how is your social life? Do you even have one right now?…”

And the questions continue in a quick flood…

“…How is your body? Are you still gorgeous, or even more goddess-like now?…”

Eventually, the questions end, and he sits quietly to listen for the next ten minutes, attention focused…

…

Some friends, in even the tiniest of conversations, remind us of what true friends are… they are the ones who, when we’ve been in a tough spot, without their even seeming to try, say exactly the right thing to warm our hearts, and often thereby put us right at the edge of tears…

As I said, in taking with him, my heart felt so loved… breathing was so intensely filling and satisfying, my heart was so loved by him…

That is a sign of a true friend.

And, though we are a whole world apart from one another, I am grateful for the friendship and all of the love that has poured out and continues to pour out from and for it, like an everlasting waterfall…

Thank you, true friend, and thank you, God for the help… I needed this, and tonight especially… thank you, both and all.

Amen. 🙂 ❤

P.S. It is particularly important to me that this is a heterosexual man who expresses honestly and openly his thoughts and opinions, even with women, allowing for a spectacular and genuine friendship between the sexes… (When Harry Met Sally wins no fight here!)

Post-a-day 2020

Friends first

I think I am learning valuable lessons constantly in life.

Tonight, I have finalized the learning of the idea that, when visiting a friend, begin immediately to do the intended activities – typically one-on-one hanging out and talking about specifics and non-specifics from life since we last were together, in my case – instead of allowing anything else to take over the time, and then leave you having to stay up miserably late, and then having to go to bed from exhaustion and a need to wake early for work etc.. the next day, which always cuts the conversation short…

Even if you will be together a long while, do it at the start, so that the necessary is completed, and there is now room for surprises and deviations for any expected plan.

Actually, this applies to basically everything in life, but I have only tonight discovered this specific version of it.

Just some food for thought, as I struggle to see straight from exhaustion… 😉

Post-a-day 2020

Let’s talk about sex (some more), baby

Somehow, I have found myself thinking about pornography lately.

And no, not in the sense of indulgence or grossness or anything like that.

In the sense of this question: How are people supposed to be exposed to the body, and to sexual interaction initially, to be informed on the subject and not have to be afraid of it all?

The unfortunate answer side seems to have only one measly answer: pornography.

And, while I very much dislike the intended use of pornography, I could understand it from an educational approach… well… the more vanilla side of it all, anyway.

It had me thinking how, in a traditional normal household, a child is somewhat likely, at least once in his life, to walk in on his parents having sex, right?

Right.

That exposure, to me, seems important and possibly necessary for that child.

However, I feel that that exposure alone is not enough for the child to develop a healthy relationship to the concept of sex.

How is he supposed to learn what a positive versus negative relationship with sex is?

How is he supposed to understand truly what is normal (and versus abnormal) for the human bodies of a male and female in the world of sexual interaction?

Many people, I suppose, would say that that‘s the whole point of someone’s first sexual interaction: awkward discovery.

(But many people don’t have that opportunity, and for many reasons…. It could be age difference, personality difference, an abuse history, or even fear of the whole thing…)

But what if it didn’t have to be like that most of the time, with so many people living in worry about getting it right or being good enough or knowing what to do or what is normal?

I’ve mentioned before about how these cave-people books talk about how certain women would be selected each summer to be the sexual guides for all the newly-established men of the tribes, and, when females were declared women, they would have a special ceremony, for which a specific man was selected to be the first sexual encounter for the newly-established woman.

No, they aren’t exactly the same approach, but they both have value, and I think a combination of them would be supremely valuable for a people as a whole.

What a beautiful way for people to learn the human body and sexual interaction in a healthy and loving way…

Granted, it only worked because the whole tribe would select carefully and consciously the people who would be the sexual guides, and there were various restrictions and rules about it all to keep everyone safe, both physically and emotionally/psychologically.

However, it worked beautifully, and everyone had a positive foundation in the realm of the human body and sexual encounters and relationships… they also knew when things were off, and were comfortable reaching out to others about it, because the body and sex were not taboo topics.

Hmm… anyway… just some thoughts… I don’t have plans to revolutionize the world with this, and I know it isn’t perfect, but I think it would be a great brainstorming start for our time in the world…

Post-a-day 2020

Running Men

It seems I am making men run these days… first my conversation exchange buddy, and then, perhaps only days later, a guy I know from high school… so, who’s next on the list, World??

And I haven’t even told them to start running or anything… they have simply determined for themselves that they want to start running for their own health and well-being…, in some way or other, because of me.

How odd… I make men run… and without telling them to do so… and they aren’t running away from me…

😛

And I don’t even really run anymore… haha

Though, if my belly hadn’t been hurting today, I likely would have done a semi-long run (just a few miles, probably) to get in steps for my Weekend Warrior Fitbit contest with a girlfriend from college this weekend…

Anyway…, it is almost 11pm, and I can barely see straight, I’m so sleepy… I need to sleep better at night…

Fingers crossed that I sleep well tonight! 😉

Post-a-day 2020

Meet me here, and stop fixing me

I think I prefer most people not knowing about my problems, because most people try to fix my problems.

When someone asks how I’m doing, and I share about something that isn’t going well, I’m not asking for advice – I’m just sharing, the same way I would about something that is going well in my life.

I usually can handle my problems rather well on my own.

And when I want and need help, I say clearly that I want and/or need help.

And, sometimes, if someone asks if I want help or guidance, I’ll say that I do…, but I usually am not looking for that, simply because I am sharing about something.

I think that’s part of why my cousin knows most of my most desperate problems… I call her and tell her that I am seeking guidance and help and please, tell me that I am not totally stupid for wanting this in my life, etc… and she does just that.

And, when I am not seeking a solution, and say that I just need to share, she lets me.

If she has something she deems valuable to share back with me, she asks if it’s okay to tell me what came up for her… sometimes the answer is ‘No, not right now,’ and she is okay with that, and she respects that.

And I do the same for her.

Sometimes, we just want to be heard and not fixed… sometimes, it only takes being heard, for us to be able to fix everything ourselves anyway.

Oftentimes, when I share about something that is bothering me, I am just sharing that I am struggling, so the person with me can understand where I am, and meet me where I am… I am not asking for a solution.

Tangentially…

Today, someone shared with me about a very painful incident within her life.

She said she probably would cry, and then she did… and her crying didn’t last very long – I gave her the space to express herself, and I didn’t get all sappy and apologetic with her about it, but merely acknowledged and accepted what she was sharing and the pain she was expressing… and I didn’t feel sorry for her, but just accepted her where she was, accepted things as they stood, and met her where she was.

And now, we have a fabulous plan going forward with things, and she not only trusts me but feels extremely comfortable with me… and I think a large part of that is that I didn’t deem her situation as having anything wrong with it that needed fixing… it was just what was so in her life, and I needed to met her there in order to move forward into tomorrow… and I did… and we are doing something together now because I did.

And I’m actually really excited about it. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Love, love me do

Today, I have been angry and frustrated and annoyed with most of the world around me.

The simplest of things have sent me emotionally flying off the handle.

Though, I have maintained calm enough in my interactions so as not to have this be obvious and/or offensive to anyone today… the whole digital interaction certainly makes that easier to manage.

Nonetheless, I have felt myself ready to curse and throw things at people throughout the day, and have been borderline tears at almost any given moment.

For weeks, I have already been stressed as people ask me, “How are you?”

I already wrote and shared a song that declares ‘No, I’m not okay, so, please, stop asking… I’ll get there eventually, but just stop asking for right now, please.’

I have begun opting to decline answering the question and to move forward in the conversation… people find it odd, but they get over it, and I don’t have to be further stressed in attempting to answer the question.

(Because no, I will not lie and say that I’m fine, when I am not fine… period.)

Today, too many people were asking me about how I am, and in various ways… I wanted to yell and throw things at all of them…. and at the people who couldn’t get their s*** sorted when I explained how to do such-and-such for them…

It’s been rough and tough for me today, and on many levels…

And no, it is not premenstrual syndrome, aka PMS… wrong time of the month.

My closest friend here in town left today, moving to VA.

And I don’t miss her yet – nothing like that – but I have been presented more and more strongly with each passing day the question of whether I am living my life properly right now.

She’s not only my closest friend here, but the only one I see regularly… and I usually see her multiple times a week.

And it usually was just to hang out – nothing special (which made it all the more special as a friendship).

This now presents me with the fact that I have no close friends, and no daily friends here anymore.

I don’t have anyone to check in with or who will check in on me… I don’t have anyone just down the street anymore… I don’t have anyone to love me simply by spending time with me.

I’ve thought a lot about it today… what I want most right now is to have someone:

1) Tell me that I am loved,

2) Tell me, practically speaking, that what I am pursuing in my life right now gives value to the world around me, and will continue to do so the further I pursue it,

3) Tell me that I am on the right path for myself and my life right now – and that he/she has full faith in my ability to succeed profoundly with it all, and

4) Laugh with me… a lot… until my body hurts so much from the laughter, I don’t know if I can take it anymore.

For now, though, I will do my nighttime stretches and reading, and I will go to sleep.

The irony of this is that my daily reminder today is “Today, I remember to love and to be loved”… I still haven’t marked it as completed…

One fun plus to all of this stress and crying tonight – I managed not actually to cry until this evening for the first time, when a friend who knew I was struggling actually called me to check in for real on me – is that the slight bit of allergy edge to my nasal cavity right now makes it smell like a swimming pool whenever my nose starts to fill up with snot… and so, I am transported to sunny pool days of my childhood right after I blow my nose every time (from the crying)… and that makes me smile genuinely. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020