Mass is such an emotional experience for me these days. When I am truly present, I end up in massive and intense tears… I wonder if it always will be this way, now that I am not so afraid to be myself as I am when I’m Church, in love and in need…
Thank you, God, for such passion and love as I have an feel from you when I am in Mass these days… may it continue beautifully. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
(Had to think about it still, but I got it right twice now!)
Alas, tomorrow, I will be back to judging young individuals on their fitness to be part of a very specific group. We shall see how things go this time ’round. Hopefully, it will go beautifully and smoothly, and we will find some outstanding folks to be part of it all and to bring some wonderful things to the table.
Helping make the world a better place over here, on an individual and global scale! Woohoo! Thank you, God and Universe, for this all. May we continue on such paths with my being your love in the world. In your name, I pray. Amen.
P.S. I can hardly contain my excitement about this soccer game Friday. I even have a tam shirt now to wear, and I am delighted! Ahh! ❤
Post-a-day 2022
(Got it twice now!)
I dreamt of what seemed to be being married and pregnant last night… I wasn’t openly sharing about it, but I felt pregnant in the dream, though I hadn’t shared it with any colleagues. And, what’s interesting, is that my colleagues were actually for the job I really want to have in real life. So, in an odd way, several hopes and dreams were realized in this odd dream – it was something of a first communion-type event for a Spanish-speaking community, though I only knew for sure one person at the event. But I was thinking about how I might want to do the event for my own child, completely in Spanish, too, but without warning people ahead of time. 😛 Because, clearly I am still myself in dreams(!). Haha
Anyway… there’s that. Also, I helped a few students with some research on their French project today, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. AND I ended up speaking in French with a friend before the workout this morning at the gym. That was both fun and fulfilling… surprisingly so, at that. I hadn’t realized how much of my current self was present in French. It was a cool discovery to make this morning. Guess I need to work on speaking French more often in my daily life. 😀
Post-a-day 2022
Man, I Really miss dancing. I miss the experience of simultaneously expressing myself to music while working with another, and of feeling undeniably beautiful and sexy, womanly… Dancing is awesome, and I miss it! And, especially now that I am so wonderfully fit – and that I am no longer afraid to be a woman, to be powerful, to be desirable and sexy, to be noticed and seen – I want to find my new self-expression in dance.
Man… (The idea of this all came up tonight, because one of, I dare say, the world’s top partner dancers is a sort of buddy of mine, and he reached out this weekend to check in with me. We only just talked tonight, and only for a bit, but it was a fun blast from the dance world, though neither of us has been part of it since the first shutdown in early 2020. I would love to dance with him… As it happens, dancing with him always had me feeling my sexiest, he so beautifully honors his partner whenever dancing. Even when I felt un-womanly and not beautiful in general, I felt womanly and beautiful and desirable and wanted whenever dancing with him. [And no, not in a creeper or weird way. Just to be clear here…] I wonder how it would be now, dancing with him, now that I already do feel beautiful and woman and sexy and desirable as a whole…)
Post-a-day 2022
(Just barely!)
My body is extremely sore,
Worn out,
Ground,
Grounded.
But it is also satisfied,
Sated,
Lifted,
And elated,
For it comes from a week
Of releasing what is weak,
Embracing my state
and pursuing my strength,
Letting go of what’s in the way
Of being my best
And fittest
Self.
This week was great
In a really hard way.
Indeed,
I will pass out hard
After a week so hard,
And I will relish
The restoration
Tonight’s and tomorrow’s rest
Will bring.
And I will breathe
Easily,
Freely,
And with increased oxygen.
And,
Next week,
I’ll do it again.
Post-a-day 2022
(Still got it wrong…)
I have done a decent job lately of pursuing my goal of having opera music playing in the evenings at home. I started it with packing the other week, as I found that the constancy of the music helped me feel supported and keep me calm and focused as I went through all the packing and emotional releasing involved with moving. Only one day, for a couple hours or so, did I have one single separate song on loop, a song an acquaintance wrote and played and recorded. It was about goodbyes and ending a long-time relationship, and it felt quite appropriate… until it was not anymore. Then, I moved on to opera and church chant music and the likes.
Anyway, now that I have a temporary home, as i have been doing various tasks yesterday and today, I went ahead and set up the computer and external hard drive, and turned on the music. I have a playlist of it all that is roughly four and a half days long. Currently, I am just playing everything in order, and starting each time wherever I left off the previous time (using play counts as the guide). I have very much enjoyed it. And I have gotten much done today and yesterday. (Thank you, God and Universe, for the support with all of that!) Speaking of which, I’ll go mark them off on my checklist. I somehow only two days ago committed to having my daily task list as its own Note in my phone, using the checkmark feature. It has gone really well so far, and I intend to continue with it. It is extremely helpful for me to have things written down, and I believe it affects my productivity and encouragement immensely. Thus my having accomplished so much yesterday and today, including things I tend to avoid(!). Anyway, I’m off to do that, to read, and to get to sleep. I’m tired and sleepy this evening, and it’s already just after 8:30pm. I have the morning workout tomorrow at 7:30, then work until 3pm. So, I want to be very well rested and up early to prepare what all food I’ll need to bring with me. (That reminds me: I need to ask about the freezer, so I can see about having the Magic Bullet here for smoothies. They work wonders after a morning workout. And for slimming down… which would be helpful right about now… Hmm… Anyway, adding it to the list for tomorrow!)
Goodnight!
Post-a-day 2022
(Barely got it…. haha)
You’re being messy and getting all pity-party. A bit, anyway. You aren’t earning much money right now. That’s okay. But stop having it be an excuse to have a pity party for everything else in your life and not to get stuff done. The money has nothing to do with keeping your room clean and beautiful, with preparing beautiful, healthy, nourishing meals for yourself, nor with getting all the other stuff done. Especially because you aren’t working much for money right now, this is exactly the time to be getting all that other stuff done. You had a good start, but a good start isn’t enough. Keep up the pace, keep it going, and get it all done. Now. Good work today. Step it up even more tomorrow, while you’ll have the time. You can do this. I know you can.
Stay hard, babe.
*David Goggins’s mirror time, as recommended in his book Can’t Hurt Me.
Post-a-day 2022
(Barely got it right again…)
I applied to two contract positions this Monday evening for extremely similar jobs at a company for which I very much want to work. I do not officially qualify for either of them, based on the listed requirements on the company’s website. This afternoon, I received an e-mail regarding the lesser-likely of the two positions, asking me to proceed with the next step in the interview process. I have until Saturday to complete a task, which is roughly what I would be doing in the job itself, and to submit my resulting work from the task. If they like what I created, then they will proceed with an actual interview. And so, I have my work cut out for me tomorrow! The person said it should take about an hour. If I am taking longer than that, then I am thinking more and/or putting more detail into it than what they want for this particular activity. (Kind of a really cool parameter, if you ask me! I love limits of explanation like that!)
Fingers crossed, and, God and Universe, may You guide me beautifully to be my best self in this process. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
(Still thinking 2021 each time…)
I’m worn out from menstruating. I can barely get myself to get ready for bed, I am so tired, and it is only six PM… and I’ve been trying for an hour and a half to get myself to do it all!
Ugh
Anyway, I worked out at noon today, instead of 5:15am, and it was rather nice. Back to business as usual tomorrow, though! So, I want to get to sleep now. I’ve tidied up and organized a bit more in my bedroom this evening, but it isn’t finished. Much more to do tomorrow. Plus, I want to go get the bedspread I’ve been seeking and have possibly found (online) tomorrow. Need to see it in person to confirm it is right, of course. 10am trip to IKEA tomorrow!
God, bless me, please, that I be filled with this needed rest, to the point that I have all the energy to accomplish it all tomorrow and onward this month. In Your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
(Yeah, my brain still says 2021 every time here)
Tonight, I attended Mass with one of my best friends. I forget how much we have in common when we are apart. But then we find ourselves talking after Mass, discovering that we both cried at this Mass we had both wanted and needed, and, oh, right, we both use celsius temperatures, and we both blah, blah, blah… it’s really cool. I am extremely grateful that we get to live together again, come February. I am also extremely grateful that we have Church together. It is becoming a thing for her to join me for Mass, and, judging by this evening’s service, I think it most certainly will continue and will pick up immensely in frequency. And I think we both are grateful for that.
Thank you, God and Universe. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
(Oops… almost got it wrong again)
hannah ananas 