Tag: future

Facing the struggles

When we notice something that is extremely difficult for us, but is normal for others, is it something worth addressing face-on?

What if it turns out to be something that is better left undone, like rudeness to waiters or cursing, and we already do not do it?… is it still worth facing and evaluating?

I understand easily the value of reevaluating something negative we do, but does it work the other way around, too?

In the dreaded words of Dagny Taggart, it seems to me that only benefit can come of the evaluation – either we are reinforced in our good behavior and ways of thinking, or we are reconstructing our behavior as we deal with our poor ways of behaving and thinking.

It is a win-win situation… or something much like that, anyway.

Perhaps my first step of this will be to stay home alone and be productive (not just sleep all day), and voluntarily so… I could use some evaluation in that department…

Post-a-day 2018

Money, money

I figured out what to do with that money.

I talked with my brother today, after thinking about different things, and we both agreed that it was a beautiful and practically perfect in every way use of the money… and I’m terrified in a good way about it all, which shows how good of an idea it is.

So, yay! for that.

Also, did I mention that I’ve been wondering what I might do in my life, if I had someone to fund me in whatever I chose?

I’ve been thinking on that these past couple or few days, because I had this sudden realization that I actually quite likely could find someone to fund something I really wanted to do, and quite likely could make it into a monetary gain for myself with whatever it is, anyway, so it is well worth considering what I would do, if I had the someone to fund me…

It’s been tough to start out, because I’ve grown quite accustomed to cutting myself off on those absurd dreams that require money I really don’t have right now…, but I’m growing into the thinking style, and am liking it more and more – I’m excited to see what I come up with. 🙂

And, of course, terrified, because I know myself, and I know that even a simple idea in this case has a high chance of turning into actual actions. 😛

Kind of like the whole “Be careful what you wish for,” thing in a positive way, because I so totally might make it happen, and new adventures can be really scary – in a good way, but scary nonetheless.

Post-a-day 2018

Future reasonableness

People ask me what I’m going to do with a Master’s in English, whenever they hear that I am in grad school…

I’m never too sure what to say to their question, because I mostly only plan to have it be a fun fact that people discover out of nowhere about me, and that then surprises and impresses them…

So, essentially, I plan not to talk about it and to be awesome… beyond that, I’m not sure yet – it’s another year and a half away from now.

At some point, I would like to be my own sort of JK Rowling, going from super struggle to extreme financial success by writing.

Somehow, I don’t see most people accepting that as an answer to the question of what I see for myself in my future… the unreasonable has almost always seemed reasonable, even standard and normal, for me.

But it’s what I am aiming, dreaming, and striving toward, the unreasonable….

Well, here’s to the unreasonable being normal for me:

Cheers! 😉

Post-a-day 2018

Teeth

I was thinking tonight about a recent opinion I heard (I think I heard it, anyway, but I might have read it) about teeth in the USA.

I think it might have been from a comedian, and he was contrasting Japan’s (or a country’s with a similar situation) teeth with those of the USA… in Japan, everyone’s teeth are different, and very noticeably so… in the USA for his first time, he noticed that everyone has the same teeth – orthodontia’s being standard has removed the individuality and the personality of people’s teeth here.

I had never thought of straight teeth being a means of stripping one of his individuality or personality.

Even now, though, months into digesting this idea, I find that I still want my teeth fixed up with orthodontia – I still want those straight pearly whites.

For me, I notice teeth in people… when they are bad teeth, it is difficult to see anything else… when they are good teeth, they kind of receive a mental check mark, and I move onward, seeing more of the person…

For me, clean and straight teeth allow for me to see more of a person… the crooked or stained teeth end up being a distraction.

Certainly, those shiny bright white teeth are also a distraction, because they are just so totally unnatural-looking… but that’s not the kind of teeth I’m aiming to see and have – those are a bit absurd (Think Ross Geller in that episode of “Friends” where he gets his teeth whitened, and they end up in a room with blacklights, making him extra freaky.).

Nonetheless, I still have that mental space reserved for preparing myself a way to have orthodontia and a tad of teeth whitening at some point in my life… I want my personality to show in other ways, not from the teeth I never would have picked, you know?

Yeah… something like that

Post-a-day 2018

Nerding into the finish line

Tonight was great.

I turned in the hard copy of my paper (digital copy was earlier today – I just couldn’t get to campus until after work), and then somewhat spontaneously went to dinner with a friend from college (finally, it worked out for both of us).

Dinner was great.

The restaurant we picked, which the friend had picked at random from the two options I gave, was shut down, and so we went to the other option, and the pumpkin red curry special was just what I’d needed and wanted on this cold and windy night.

I ran into an old friend from dance while having dinner, and that was fun.

The friend and I having dinner together talked a lot about boats, because he works with boats and art, and then we finished a crossword puzzle.

It was a nerdy affair, and I definitely loved it – a rather perfect end to the semester for me, really.

Post-a-day 2018

That paper…

So, that paper, the one that was due yesterday… I still haven’t written anything for it.

I have done extensive research for it, learned loads, and have ended up fully confident in my belief that the book’s history is absolutely absurd and somewhat hilarious (though it might not have been to those involved at the time), but I haven’t written a word of the actual 12-15-page paper that is due on it.

The thing is, I can’t figure out how to argue something about this book.

Sure, I could say its history is absurd, but is that actually acceptable, and do I actually want to look up the definition of “absurd”, and then develop how the book’s history lines up with it?

…

Maybe… not too bad of an idea, actually… huh.

Let me see if I can somehow compare it to something like a soap opera or telenovela, but more clever and better related to the book and time period…, then, I think I could make it all work out okay.

Ugh.

Other parts of my life just feel like s total mess, and having these papers makes it feel like I can’t address the real stuff in my life, and it just feels like I’m focusing on something stupid that pales in comparison to the rest of my life…, and I can’t seem to make it feel worth my real time, effort, and attention…

But I signed up for this program, and I am definitely capable of producing results…, so, I guess, let’s do it.

Then I can always look back at it as a face-palm sort of event in my life – one that totally improved me as a person, but really(?), that’s the route you picked, banana?(!!!???)

Yeah… exactly.

Post-a-day 2018

Goals

Your goal should always be to aim higher than you think you can reach

-George Strake

29 Nov 2018

It was in the middle of a speech that George Strake said that, and I found myself in a whirlwind to write it down as quickly as possible, so that I could return to it continuously in the days to come.

I felt it to be of the utmost importance in my life, both immediately and long-term… and I have done just that, returning to it each day (sometimes multiple times a day).

I started tearing up when he said it, because I could see almost immediately how wonderfully fulfilling such an endeavor could be, while simultaneously seeing how I very much was not undertaking anything of the sort…

I tend to aim right where I know that I will succeed, and only on occasion do I aim a bit higher than I think I can get, but only when the outcome relies on someone else in some way – like someone else’s opinion says how it turns out – and it leaves me not to blame for the lack of achievement in the end…, but it is still very likely that I will achieve what I’d hoped to achieve anyway.

So, here I am now, wondering what I might actually do with this idea – will I pursue it, or merely be afraid of it for a while longer?

I do believe that I will pursue it, but I’m not sure when or to what degree I will do so… I guess it all depends on how much I’m willing to give up around ‘playing it safe’ in life, you know?

Post-a-day 2018

Work love

Tonight, I did photography for a corporate Christmas party…, and I loved it.

It was more like play for me than work.

And I got paid for doing it.

I think this was my first time being paid for doing photography (aside from the small handful of photos that went to the college campus newspaper back when I got involved with it while in college).

Thinking about that now, I recall a recent talk from a local musician, and something she said about her process to becoming an effective full-time musician.

“Did I pay all my bills… doing this thing I love? Okay… maybe I can do it again next month…” -Kam Franklin

Quicker and quicker, I slither and slide toward that goal, and tonight was a perfect example of a great scoot forward.

Post-a-day 2018

Alcohol

I kind of grew up in a world where nobody could see how people could party or have fun without alcohol… and yet I have never been able o see why people can have fun with it.

To me, alcohol has almost always shown up – for the party and having fun version of it – as a means of escaping real life, forgetting about what’s going on right now in one’s life, and numbing the mind enough not to be able to have genuine interactions, thereby keeping (or even creating) a distance between individuals.

Without alcohol, one kind of has to face and to deal with whatever is going on in one’s life, one has to face the people around oneself, and one has the opportunity to be genuine and close with those people, and have true connections and build real relationships… it is definitely difficult a lot of the time, but it more than pays off through the genuine connections and relationships that come out of it.

Also, when I consider how people use alcohol for the former purpose, I begin to feel sick with sadness.

That’s always been my own experience of alcohol on the party front.

I’ve learned through certain specific individuals how alcohol can be a fun – almost nerdy, even – something to have among friends and/or family, when it is used for its flavor, uniqueness, and quality, and not for its potency nor for the purpose or outcome of drunkenness.

I usually am utterly comfortable not having any alcohol in my life, however, I have learned to appreciate these somewhat nerdy joys that can be part of alcohol consumption… and I usually participate (as do most of the others) with a mere few sips of whatever the specified delight is, and am fully satisfied in the small, unaffecting amount.

But I also can see easily how alcohol could cease entirely to exist in my world; it just isn’t a requirement, even for those nerdy times – we can always get nerdy about homemade juices and smoothies and holiday drinks instead (and we often do, anyway).

And I never cared for nor was interested in alcohol for everyday consumption – I want water or tea at the end of the day, or maybe some gelato…, but not alcohol.

I’m not opposed to alcohol, I think – I was fine when with a close friend at bars and hangouts where he would have beers (but not at all to the point of drunkenness) and I might have a taste of whatever he had… I just don’t have much of any interest in it for myself.

But perhaps I do have an opposition to it, along with drugs, whenever used for becoming drunk…

Drunk on love, not alcohol, folks – that’s my motto for all of this. 😛

…

Just some thoughts on my mind tonight…

Post-a-day 2018

Moving

I am moving again, and I have even less of an official deadline this time as I did last time… and that’s making it difficult to pack up and actually move.

I’m also ever so slightly terrified at living all alone (mostly because of the neighborhood, and the fact that, on the odd occasion, something goes wrong in it, but also a bit because I like the feeling of someone being in the house with me, and knowing that we can help to take care of one another).

But I deep cleaned the carpet today, and so can move in furniture Monday (Ah! So soon!), and even some more boxes tomorrow (to the wooden floors part).

I guess I am scared…, and I’m doing it anyway, because this is my next step forward on this path I’m pursuing… and I’m delighted about that.

Post-a-day 2018