Tag: being silly

Nasty creatures and decay

Well, they exploded all over again today – by the time I went up after lunch, there were about forty of the disgusting things up in my room, doing their odd version of mixing and mingling with one another.

I still didn’t cry, but I definitely felt the panic within me.

However, I acted as was necessary to move things forward with clearing them out of there, hanging several flypaper ribbons around the room, covering my clothes with blankets, and getting the **** out of there myself.

I prepared myself mentally for the possibility of not sleeping in there tonight, as they were kind of all over, and, though I wasn’t seeming to be freaking out at the time, I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle staying in the room without cleaning it… and I knew that they might not all be gone yet, too.

This was a fortunate mental preparation, as I am currently sitting on a pallet on the floor of the yoga room, getting ready to go to sleep, feeling oddly exposed out in the open, likely to be found by the first teacher tomorrow morning.

Nonetheless, I am rolling with it… this is what I can afford right now, and this is the neighborhood in which I want to be living right now, so this is where I live… sucks and all…

Anyway… sweet dreams and restful sleep unto us all tonight. 😉

Post-a-day 2019

Yikes

Twenty.

It sounds like an entirely reasonable number, right?

Even twenty to thirty of something sounds reasonable, low in number, even.

However, this idea seems to disappear, whenever we consider things that aren’t meant to be in groups more than just a few.

For example, toes… on one person.

Kind of weird to consider, right?

Even worse than that, however, is blood flies… in one’s bedroom…., to be discovered when one arrives home late at night after a long week, and just wants to go shower quickly and get to bed within the next half hour, before 11pm, even…

Two and a half hours later, I sit on my knees on the floor of my room, hunched on the ground, typing this.

I have myself killed approximately thirty flies at this point, and the hanging flypaper has handled around four.

I spent about ten minutes downstairs a little while ago, hoping things were finally handled, but giving some time for any loners to move to the overhead light.

Unfortunately, two more had appeared by the time I came back up here.

Now, I am almost paranoid about getting ready for bed – if I go shower, and then have to deal with more, that’s eew, but, also, if I go to bed, but they aren’t finished, will I be the warmest thing in the room, once the lights are off?

They are attracted to the light and heat…

I have lit a candle underneath clove, peppermint, and eucalyptus oils, and so am considering leaving my downstairs door open, so that any others would leave my room due to the smell, and head to the light and the warmer temperature of the room at the bottom of my stairs.

But I’m just not entirely convinced yet that it is safe to proceed.

In case you’ve forgotten, flies are one of my greatest fears in life – totally absurd a fear here, but that in no way changes the fact that the fear is there.

No, I did not cry tonight… however, I think a big part of that was the slowness of the things, so the situation was much less panicky than last time.

I certainly cursed a lot.

But that is to be expected – extreme stress brings it out of somewhere within me.

I was debating whether to go to the gym in the morning, and so perhaps this event was a means of forcing me not to go – I will not have had a reasonable amount of sleep by 7:45am, when I would need to awaken (given that it is currently just after 1:30am).

Dear God, please let me learn whatever lesson I need from this now, and give up having this happen, please – I would like very much to be finished with these things, and for them to leave my life permanently.

Amen.

Post-a-day 2019

Just chillin’ after work?

How do you spend your afternoons and evenings after work?

Napping in your chair at your desk, because you hear rain and thunder (despite a stated 10% chance of rain)?

Followed by finally leaving after you awaken, accomplish some more work, and hear that the rain has stopped?

Followed by stopping for gas just in time for a torrential downpour, with extremely strong winds blowing in varied directions, shooting sheets of water every which way, on three-minute increments?

Which leads to just sitting on the ground, already soaked in your jeans, semi hiding behind your bike as wind/rain protection?

Followed, finally, by a release in the rain that allows you to resume being soaked by it, but that is safe enough for driving again, and so you head home super cautiously, get super soaked, and arrive he to blue skies and no rain, because the clouds have pushed through so quickly, but flooded street sides and driveways bottoms?

Despite a 10% chance of rain?

Yeah, that’s about how I spent my afternoon and evening today, too.

😂

And this was after the initial explosion

Post-a-day 2019

Some days, part something

Some days, you just end up staying late at school, working well and being sociable and comfortable with coworkers and friends….., and you arrive home well after 10pm, although your desired bedtime is 9pm…

… and you determine that it is okay not to do the gym in the morning, because you need to take at least one day off a week, and you are helping a friend do unpacking and home arranging right after work tomorrow, and so it would be good to be not exhausted from lack of sleep by 6pm…

… yet you are so tired right now, you can even seem to figure out how to get your teeth and body cleaned (or even how to get up off the floor of your room), and you wonder if you’ll make it to bed anytime soon to have the delayed morning alarm even worth it…

Some days… 😛

Post-a-day 2019

Two weeks

I have these two weeks remaining, and then my role will be different.

I actually cried today in class, due to how much I would be missing everyone – I just have come to love them so much, and it has been surprising how much that seems to be.

However, I am awaiting with gratitude and delight the new schedule I will have, as well as the opportunity I will have to pursue photography again, to work actively on my thesis, and to organize my room and visit with family out of town.

Also, today, somehow, I developed a semi-plan to take a few road trips on my lovely Vespa.

I want to learn some skillage first, so I can handle anything that may arise with it, but I definitely am looking forward to these little road trips… man, I really am… 😀

Anyway, I’m off to sleep now – can you believe I actually did some extra work tonight on a really fun activity I’m excited about doing with the kids???… yeah, neither can I… – because I am exhausted, and I am getting up again around 4am to work on myself and to get going on everything for school for the day immediately afterward.

Yippee!! (Haha…, it is exhausting, but I am managing it appropriately, and am even honored that I have the opportunity to pursue everything as I currently am.)

Post-a-day 2019

Being myself

Yesterday, I listened to the German audiobook for “Bis(s) zum Morgengrauen”, which is somehow one of of my favorite audiobooks (the beginning and first third of it, anyway), while I made brunch and sunflower seed butters.

All turned out delicious.

I did not leave the house the entire day.

The entire day.

And I was totally okay about that.

At night, I hung fort my prayer flags, and then a bunch of paintings that I pulled out from a corner box.

My space is finally looking like I live here – I think this is the longest I’ve gone without making my space home-y.

Usually, I do it right away, hanging things and making my space feel like home…, but, for various reasons, I was concerned about doing it here, and so never did it, which meant I never fully unpacked and that I never fully felt at home here.

After last night’s decorating, I’m actually excited to come home and do some more throughout the week – and I already feel so welcomed whenever I enter my space, and it is lovely.

Today, for the second day in a row, I slept in past 9am (which is not necessarily all that late, but seems like it when compared to a 4:10am weekday alarm).

I again listened to my beloved audiobook while cooking and eating brunch and lunch, as well as cooking dinner for the week.

I then power washed the whole front walkway and house steps and front wall – and it looks amazing now!

I talked with a friend briefly while doing part of it.

I then rushed upstairs to clean off my legs, put on some socks, grab my white tennis shoes, and then head off to a gallery closing party I’d wanted to attend.

I even invited someone to go with me after I was already on the way, and didn’t really expect it to be a yes on the other person’s part.

It was a no, and I went anyway, and comfortably.

I had asked myself what the person I want to be would do…, and she very clearly would have gone to the opening alone, and so I went with confidence.

I even tried out those glasses the eye doctor gave me way back a few years ago, to see if they might work out (I had some trouble catching lacrosse balls the other week, and hit myself, causing me to be worried about my eyesight.).

At the closing party to this blacklight art show, I felt like I was walking into a college party – it was dark, blacklight lit, and smelled of pot and alcohol and a little bit of sweat.

And yet I walked in confidently and comfortably, and merely laughed at the idea altogether: college after college (again).

See here some choice selections from the show:

Cool, huh? 😛

Afterward, I went to Whole Foods to pick up my new helmet, and then stayed there a while to get my necessary steps for the day, as has been my practice on previous occasions, as well.

Eventually, I returned home, ate a final bit of food, enjoyed my homemade sunflower seed butter, had olives as a kind of dessert to my dinner, and then came up to get ready for bed.

I am going to bad far too late, but I have not yet perfected being exactly the person I want to be, so I accept it – I did loads that was true to myself this weekend, so I’m actually rather okay with having this one thing be off.

Here’s to amazingly restful and refreshing sleep tonight! 😉

Post-a-day 2019

Sharing is caring (world peace edition)

Is it wrong to be excited about sharing a negative experience with another?

I mean, to feel excited at discovering that a friend and I each have gone through similar bad experiences – is that so bad, feeling excited about it?

At first glance, it sounds off – being happy about not just myself but someone else having to go through a bad experience.

However, upon consideration, my opinion of it improves – in fact, it even seems a wonderful thing, this excitement.

You see, it is not that I am excited that we each suffered – not at all.

I am excited that we are able to share so fully and deeply and truly with one another, be so vulnerable and open with one another, and that we are both able to find someone who understands…, and, possibly most importantly, someone who loves us nonetheless for what we share openly.

And, in having that excitement happen, and in having that sharing and love happen, we are bringing positive out of two negative situations.

So, in a way, I guess it’s like multiplications: two negative stories, when shared across our two lives, make a positive.

(Yes, I enjoyed that dorky/nerdy moment.)

So, yeah…, share away your tough and deep and true stories, people – be open and vulnerable with one another.

I think it might just be one of the best ways for us to learn to love each other best.

Aka world peace. ❤ ❤ ❤

Post-a-day 2019

Wordplay

There is something about watching my students strain with the effort of counting by hand their 100-word-minimum essays at the end of their test that brings to me a flood of joy, tumult of joy.

First, their unreasonable reaction of having to count by hand 75 words the other day on a partnered assignment – now that was too much, and I merely scoffed at their shock that they had actually to Count the words…

Automatic word count on the computer has spoiled them, and they know no other way of obtaining a word count – some actually didn’t understand how they were supposed to know how many words they had, if it was hand-written… I just looked at them with doubt and distaste, and let them figure out (finally) that they have to count it themselves.

Then, the fact that they tend to annoy me just about every day with their nonsense and casual rudeness of chit-chat while I’m talking or when I ask for silence – “quieter” and “silence” are not the same thing, just FYI – plays a role.

When they sit down in class, all backpacks against the back wall, with only writing utensils and any notes they want to use – but nothing digital – and receive the article and accompanying packet that says they must complete it for a trade by the end of class, they suddenly realize that this task is important.

I take almost everything for a grade in class, but I think that most of them do not check their grades regularly, and so have no idea that I do this.

Today, wit bit written clearly at the end of the instructions on the packet, it somehow finally clicked for them: This is for a grade.

After I told them to begin, the room was silent.

And it remained silent.

This was the first time this class had ever been silent for more than about 30-45 seconds at a time…

… and I could not stop smiling.

I actually had to turn around and cover my mouth, I just couldn’t stop smiling at their lasting silence – they were also not only silent, but working, too.

We’ll see how they did… if they followed instructions throughout the quarter, they ought to have middle to high A’s on the exam… if they haven’t, well, then they won’t have so good grades…tant pis.

And so, nearing the end of this silent hour, I delighted in watching them, just for once, suffer a task, especially one that has always seemed so commonplace to and for me…

A whole new round of smiling popped out of my mouth at that point, and I loved it. 😛

Post-a-day 2019

The music returns

Man…

I started playing music in the evenings last week… I found an iPod that apparently was discarded to me by my dad (as it has his business card in the case and loads of music that seems very much like it would have been his music), and charged it, plugged it into my speakers, and played it on shuffle.

It was great.

Especially the part where Christmas songs popped in on occasion.

I loved having the music playing in the background all evening, as it made my space feel so warm and welcoming and loving.

I even put on my unicorn onesie (handed down to me, not purchased) while I did a little art project, and the whole evening was super lovely and fun.

And I was on my own.

And the two of those don’t often go together for me, which made the night all the better.

So, I’ve begun playing music from the iPod somewhat often in the evenings at home, as of this past week and a half-ish.

The other day, I had a strong desire – enough so to follow through with it – to pull out my trumpet.

I’ve played occasionally with a school instrument at my various schools these past several years, but I hadn’t taken this one out of its case since, possibly, about seven years ago.

But I really loved playing around on it.

i then guitared last night, and that was lovely.

Today, a student showed me a silly video of another student of mine playing the saxophone (we were talking about music and playing instruments during class today), and I was inspired to pull out and play my saxophone tonight.

It, too, was a lovely time.

And there seems to be something almost magical in the air around music in my life right now – I feel somehow that it is returning to me because it is time for music to be a strong part of my life again (not because my interests have changed in any way).

I hear music on the horizon, and I am delighted.

Post-a-day 2019

Insane in the membrane

Tonight, I had a bit of a breakdown: a sort of explosion of tears, accompanied by a few choice curse words – which meant I was really upset, as anyone who knows me well can attest – and a total overflow of frustration.

All because someone used my brand new blender, the blender which I hadn’t even yet used.

Someone used my glass and my fork (and didn’t even wash the fork), and I just went ahead and cleaned them, and moved on with my night.

But, when I opened one of my labeled private cabinets, I felt almost violated, definitely invaded – I could tell someone had moved things around in there, and I quickly discovered just what had been used… and, when I did, it was just too much for the end of this day.

It was time to cry.

I even said a few rounds of meditation before driving home today, because of the day up to that point.

I was settling down emotionally and mentally and physically by the time I arrived home and was riding my dinner.

And this sudden discovery, combined with that bit of everything else that hadn’t yet finished clearing, was just too much in the tank.

Tears and verbal expression of my stress were necessary.

I am still not st all happy about it, but I can tell that I mostly will be over it by morning… I might even forget about it, but the blender is a specifically sensitive subject (because it was specifically researched and selected, and costs hundreds of dollars, and, due to an error that occurred, was just this week replaced by the company… I do not let people use this blender, because I take extra special care of it, and I’m the one who pays for it, so I get to use it.), so that forgetting might not happen, after all.

I sent an e-mail to the community about it, and, knowing that I was so upset, I called my mom and asked for her help in composing an e-mail that expressed the necessary information, communicated clearly, and wasn’t pissed off like I was at the time.

(All my stuff is clearly labeled with my name – how could I not be annoyed at someone’s using my stuff, even if it were just stupidity on his/her part?… I kind of hate stupid people in the first place, remember?…)

Nonetheless, there was a lot of emotion at play today, on many accounts and on many levels of emotion.

Add to that the layer of sleepiness I reach by 8pm after waking at 4:10am, and we have a no-surprise cry situation when presented with high stress.

I can’t experience the feeling fully right now, but I do look forward to cracking up at the fact that I cried my eyes out – snot everywhere and everything – over a blender. 😛

P.S. One of the hardest parts for me about being a schoolteacher is the part where I cannot, for the sake of what most schools consider to be propriety, share openly with students about certain things, even if it is something that could and likely would make a huge difference in their lives, and something that would promote an amazing culture in the school and in the world at large…. ::sigh……

Post-a-day 2019