Tag: culture

July 4th

I saw a thing today that said that we live in a country so great that even the haters won’t leave it.

And, you know, I can really relate to that. Yes, given that we are a massive quantity of human beings, we necessarily will have many problems, many disagreements, many misunderstandings. And yet, for being such a large collection of people, I think this country has actually done a really great job overall. New levels of consciousness and awareness and human connection are allowing for new opportunities for growth as a country, as a people, and as individuals. Acknowledging the many problems we have is the first step toward remedying them going forward. And, the fact that people are able to call out society on problems they see is magnificent so far as freedoms go. There are far too many places where such a thing is not only prohibited but extremely dangerous to one’s life. One of our most unique freedoms is the freedom to complain.

As someone said yesterday, I think one thing that would make a humongous difference for people is simply listening, allowing others to be heard. Oftentimes, people begin to get loud, because they feel they are not being heard. So, I intend to continue to improve my efforts to listen, to hear what those around me are saying more and more loudly. And I intend to encourage others to listen. Oftentimes, all it takes to solve a misunderstanding is for one side to stop and listen to the other. At the very least, it can be a starting ground for mutual love.

Post-a-day 2021

Just say it

Sometimes, it feels embarrassing to give a compliment to someone, especially when it is something that others would be surprised at your having noticed.

In my experience, though, it is almost always worth it for all parties involved to go ahead and just give the compliment. Yes, be appropriate in how you set up giving the compliment, and the words and tone you use – have them be appropriate for the context and the receiver -, but just give it. Just say it. More often than not, it is one of the best parts of that person’s day. Possibly more.

Like how my gym owner gave me the compliment about my butt being “perfection”… I almost cried with joy at the compliment. But he also set it up appropriately, easing me into the fact that he was about to say something atypical and that he wanted to make sure I took the right way. That was weeks ago, now, and it still lights up my day most days, at least once, if not multiple times a day.

I was scared to give two separate components to a guy this past week. I gave them anyway. And it turned out very positively.

So, go ahead. Give the compliment. Acknowledge openly the beauty of those around you.

Post-a-day 2021

Nerves

I think I’m nervous. I’ve been hesitant to share with too many people about this whole computer programming and engineering thing. And I think I finally saw today why. I think I’m afraid that I’m not actually good enough for it. I’ve always seen people who do this kind of thing well to be of a caliber above me, somehow. Super brainiacs, so to speak. I’m certainly smart, but I’ve never considered myself to be that smart.

And yet, as I mentioned while speaking of my concerns the other day with the family friend – who, by the way, is one of those super brainiacs and who has confessed complete confidence in me on this endeavour -, what I have done and can do with human languages is, in its core, remarkable. Sure, it is normal and no big deal for me – it is my own brain’s workings, after all, so I know nothing else. And yet, compared to how most people’s brains work around language and languages – especially people who were not born into a multi-lingual or bilingual family -, what mine does is a total anomaly. I’ve always held that I have a math brain…, and that language is just math to me. But who ever crosses that barrier between math and language/writing? Indeed, who ever dissolves that barrier? For me, it just doesn’t exist.

And so, I can see how my brain is already set up to step into that role of super brainiac, in a way. It already is a super brainiac around language education and teaching. Now, let’s have it expand into the real of computer language and art. I am ready to create, and to improve all this junk that is out there everywhere, currently wasting people’s time left and right…

Let’s do this.

LFG

Post-a-day 2021

Hard decisions

Just because it’s a good option doesn’t mean it’s the right option. There can be a multitude of good options available to us. But they aren’t all the best for each one of us. They are all different just as we are all different.

And, even if someone else may think this good option is the best option, it doesn’t mean that it really is the best option for me.

And, just because I can see that this one really is a really great option, it doesn’t mean that I have to pick this option. I am allowed to choose freely, of my own accord. When I know exactly what I want, I can wait for that, create that. I do not have to select or accept something else, simply because it is the best I’ve found so far, the closest I’ve found to what I actually want. Because it, ultimately, isn’t what I actually want.

Even if it is a really good option.

I don’t just want the best so far. I want the best.

If I’m going to put so much effort into something, I want it to be for the perfect option, the one I truly want, and never anything but that one.

Post-a-day 2021

Sharing is caring?

I have begun sharing. Why? Because I care. I care about those who have been hurt. I care about those who can help those being hurt or who have been hurt. I care about those who can prevent others from being hurt. I care about those who want to understand. I care about those who want to help. And I care about those who, simply, need to know.

But sharing isn’t always easy. And it isn’t always perceived as caring. Sometimes, it can merely frighten those on the receiving end. So, I think it is important to be responsible for the listening – will this person be able to hear right now what I next will say, or do I need to set up the conversation differently, so that this person can hear what I am going to say?

Beyond that, though, no matter how jarring it may be to share, I believe that sharing truly is caring. And I care.

Therefore, I share.

Watch out, world. I’m coming, open.

And that openness has reached a whole new level. So, get ready. And let’s do this. ❤

Post-a-day 2021

Quote of the day

“I think the takeaway quote of the day is, ‘Not even Vanilla Bean.’”

She had said, “If you don’t stretch, all you can do is Vanilla. And I mean you’re stuck with not just Vanilla, but super bland Vanilla… not even Vanilla Bean.”

Folks, stretching the whole body is immensely important, period. It also allows for loads more opportunities in life, especially in unexpected ways, when we keep the body stretched out, strong, and ready for anything.

Be prepared, and Life will meet you all along the way, and in unexpectedly wonderful ways.

Post-a-day 2021

Cookies and cake

At what point is it just too much cake? When do we determine that we have had enough, despite our body’s ache and desire to have more, our very pores proclaiming its merits and immense deliciousness? What defines that line?

If we haven’t ever thought about it, perhaps we do not have such a line?

Perhaps we will get lucky, so to speak, and find that the cake suddenly doesn’t taste quite so good as expected this time around…, and the next is even worse…, and, eventually, our body stops informing us that it wants the cake, and we only have our brain with which to contend… and, perhaps, that, too, will stop begging, as it adjusts to the distaste of the too much cake…

Post-a-day 2021

Work’s working…

I don’t know how, but the work at my part-time job seems…, well, easier. I am not as worn down by it as I once was each shift. Yes, it takes a lot of energy, and I leave tired. But it is not in the same way. I feel energized throughout most of the workout time, actually bouncing around and dancing here and there and everywhere, in little bits. And, when I leave, I am not slightly miserable. I am just tired, with no negativity tied to it.

I like this.

And I really don’t know what has changed. Perhaps it is threefold…

1) I left and returned, as I mentioned about relating to places as home. I have to leave once before it can feel like home. I was gone for just over two weeks, following the family member death recently. I am now back at the shop, and it has felt like a small sort of comfortable return to home.

2) Certain things regarding function at the ship have improved. That always feels good, and much of it was a huge part of my daily frustrations.

3) My attitude has altered. I no longer see it as a necessity and my forever future, but as a beautiful, fun, and slightly silly opportunity in my life that is helping me exactly where I am right now, and reminding me that everything is perfect in how it is and how it happens. I am here on purpose, both for me and for the world at large, for both known and unknown reasons.

Okay, and a tiny 4) There are some new people, and I like their energy and their overall cuteness as people. 🙂

So, yeah… I’m liking this.

Post-a-day 2021

Love is the answer

“Give him a taste of his own medicine.”

But I don’t want to do that. I dislike when he does it to me, because of the lack of love, acceptance, and care I experience when he does it. I don’t want to cause anyone else to feel the way I keep feeling over here. Even if it is the person helping me to feel so poorly. In fact, his doing it makes me want to do the opposite – show love, essentially – even more than I already do.

If I want to sort it out, I think I need just to talk with him directly about it, be straight about it all. Fire doesn’t extinguish fire, after all…

Post-a-day 2021

Man, oh, man…

Do you ever have a sudden 180, and go from feeling proud and confident and comfortable to feeling absolutely undeserving and unworthy?

One of my best friends connected me with someone last year. We got along well, but he wasn’t about being not in the same location. Okay, fine. My friend and I both were surprised by that, but it is what it is, and he wasn’t open to options.

Nonetheless, my friend encouraged the connection, and the guy and I stayed in contact, and I even went so far as to have him be a sort of fitness buddy, with whom I discussed this and that around our similar workout regimens. It was cool and fun.

So, we finally meet in person, at my friend’s wedding. And we get on really well. And I feel great about myself and confident and comfortable. And it’s an amazing time.

Even after the wedding, I am still in that space and the guy and I are still getting along.

Then, my friend wants to know what I thought after meeting the guy in person. I share. We discuss. It is silly, yet fun. She then speaks to one of the major drawbacks I had crossed with the guy. And with that information, she unknowingly blows my mind.

Yes, that drawback is still the same drawback. But now, this guy is more attractive than ever…

To the point that I, confident and comfortable I, feel as though I am not on the right level for him, that I am not worthy of him.

And then begins the positive feedback cycle, swirling ever downward… he doesn’t like me, and no wonder: I’m not good enough. I’m a failure in so many ways already, and, now, because of them, I’m a failure with this, too… And so it continues.

I have listened to my responses, and I have let them go each time. I have felt the physical reaction to such an emotion, and I have allowed it to be just what it is. And I have looked inside to see what had me lose my value as a person, simply because of money (because that’s what it was really about).

I’m not all the way there yet. But I am improving. I was in a significantly worse space only hours ago, than I am now. I don’t feel great about it all – not at all. But I am feeling less and less crap and anger, which is a beautiful sign so far.

Now, to sleep through the night and see what steps I will take tomorrow. Those steps will be toward clearing up this struggle for myself. I feel inadequate, because I know I can do better than I have done, but I let something stop me, somewhere along the line. So, let’s figure out who or what it was, and get past it already.

Post-a-day 2021