Why does education and race have to come into the conversation? Well, because there’s usually a very good reason for a stereotype. But being upset about the situation and merely perpetuating and allowing the stereotype to continue serves no one. Acknowledging where things truly stand, and then doing something to improve the education that perpetuates the stereotype, however… Now, that would serve us all, and very, very well.
Post-a-day 2021
I am cold, but not ashamed, sitting naked on the floor.
I have been putting together ideas for how to approach a particular class that I’m teaching. You see, I absolutely love teaching – I can’t stop getting excited about it, when I have the opportunity actually to do it. I just love teaching and helping people learn things. And teaching foreign language, despite its struggles, is one of the most exciting things I have ever been able to do in my life. I really wish that I could devote more of my life to doing just that: teaching foreign language.
I think I always got so frustrated with teaching, even though it was mostly foreign language, because of the books I had to follow. I would do my best to use the books, but despised how terrible they were, not just in terms of accuracy, but in terms of how ineffective they were in creating someone who genuinely could say, “I speak this language.” And so, I would make a belated effort to come up with something better, while keeping on track with the required timing of the course, and covering whatever silly info the book had thrown in as ‘important’ for the course. Actually, of the courses – I was never just teaching one, but usually three to five courses in French, all at once.
And I think that that is how I grew so exhausted. The frustration combined with the inefficiency and knowing that I could do so much better, if only I had the time. Yet, when summer came around, or any other longer break, I was already too exhausted to do anything about it all, and too overwhelmed by the frustrations and inefficiency in which I had been living for so many months already. It was easier just to give up. And, eventually, it was easier just to walk away. The state requirements were too stupidly set up for my efforts to be worth it on my own, it felt.
And yet, there was something else. Something I hadn’t realized until, perhaps, this week… maybe, even, until today.
I had not found a place where I truly wanted to put forth the effort. I had not found a school for which it felt my efforts would be worth it.
And yet, as I mentioned, though I never take work home with me, I am sitting here on the floor, most likely at home (because I’m definitely not sitting around in my office naked), working. But this isn’t work for me. It is something I am excited and impatient to do. So, I am doing it. Well, I was doing it. Once I hit the point of being done for now – no longer thrilled by it -, I closed up shop for the night. I likely will revisit it all tomorrow and Saturday, and possibly will go in to school on Sunday or Monday for the more “work” part of it all, the labor that isn’t so fun, but necessary for it all to be great.
And, you know, I excited about that. What kind of weekend is that? A wonderful one, filled with a sense of accomplishment and helping make the world a better place, and making a positive difference in the lives of those around me, on the lives of people I love.
So, I can hardly wait to get back to work. For now, though, Imma get up, get dressed, and get to sleep, because I’m exhausted.
Goodnight, all.
And may God and The Universe bless us all with love. 😉
P.S. If you got that song reference, it is extra fun, because I really have been torn about all of this teaching stuff lately. I thought I had left teaching for good…, but then I got an e-mail and phone call this summer, and here I am, teaching for the semester… and loving it in the most ironic of ways.
Post-a-day 2021
I told the boys in last period today, before class started, that I was exhausted and that I was rather borderline in tears, and requested that, therefore, they aim, please, to be a bit more gentle in class today, be kind, help me out. They seemed stunned, and some even openly asked what was up for me. I just told them that there were just a lot of things with which I am having to deal at present, both in- and outside of school, and I’m exhausted.
And, though they are very young and forgetful and ridiculous and lacking in self-control, they actually did a very decent job today. Several of the boys helped keep others in check, such that I didn’t have to tell them each to hush so often as usual. It was still tough, but much improved from usual, and their genuine sweetness shone through. It made me love them even more… which made me want to cry for a whole ‘nother reason! 😛
Post-a-day 2021
Well, I saw “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” in the cinema tonight. Though it’s release date for the US was actually 16 November, in celebration of the 20th calendar year, the local theatres had a showing of it twice this week, and I went tonight! I still remember seeing the original release, and being so frustrated with all the changes from the book. 😛 Nonetheless, I love the film series as a sort of off-shoot from the books, a quick way to remember and jump into the world of them, without having to read the whole books themselves. Plus, those kids got to be gorgeous as they grew up. 😛
So, happy 20 years, Harry Potter, the first film!
Post-a-day 2021
Do I write poetry?
Or does poetry write me?
Or, perhaps, I write poetry,
and poetry rights me…
I experience an extreme
lack of understanding
from the people I meet.
They do not see me
almost at all,
though they believe
that they see all.
If I cannot express simply
who I truly am,
how could someone else define me
with just a glance?
Ender said it,
and I felt it, because
How can you judge me,
If you do not first know me?
And how can you know me,
If you do not first love me?
It is little wonder
i feel so alone.
I’m surrounded by judgements,
So,
barely seen,
barely loved,
barely known.
But by myself.
Post-a-day 2021
I wrote another song this week. I was hesitant to share it with the public, as my opinions are not exactly the most vocally common… However, I felt that it was the piece of love that I needed to share with the world right now, and so I sucked it up, let it all go, and shared the song. The following is all I said with it.
“I was deeply distraught regarding many, many experiences, both firsthand and secondhand, recently, and I finally started to write about it on Sunday. My frustrations came out in verse, as has been common for years for me. As I wrote them, I was able to release them, and was left, instead of with despair, with the hope of stepping into something of value and filled with love. These words were what was left filling the page, and _________ asked for some ukulele… So, here we have another ukulele song! ;)”
Post-a-day 2021
I had a hunch that my friend was extremely good at the acrobatic aerial work she has been doing these past few years, though I hadn’t seen her practice since she started really practicing kind of as a full-time hobby and part-time job a few years ago. She was already a natural in her early days, and not kept getting better and better. Even as a semi-newbie, she was still asked to perform with seasoned individuals in circus performances of varied types. Now, she is several years into it all, and a few years into major practice and work.
Tonight, as I watched her practice for real for the first time in years, I saw what I expected to see in her actions and skills and grace and success, of course. But I also saw in the faces and in the comments of the others present, those practicing and teaching others, what I had long suspected: she is spectacular. Even the owner of the gym had her students stop to watch, she knew it would be worth their time to observe. Of course, when everyone inevitably commented to and lauded her about it all, she was extremely humble and grateful for their kind comments, likely feeling they were over exaggerated. Though, they most certainly were not – she is just that good and that humble.
I am extremely grateful to be friends with her, and I am so proud of her for all that she has accomplished in this field. She has become one of the best around, all through her own hard work and dedication. Anyone who has the opportunity to be her student is supremely blessed to be a le to work with someone so loving and gentle and caring, yet also so supremely talented and effectively self-trained.
Post-a-day 2021
Talk about friendship… I just sent this message to someone who has only more recently entered into my life:
Please, take this the best way possible:
1) I purposely fully undressed before brushing my teeth (before showering) tonight, because I felt like you would be proud.
2) I likely will think of you close to 90% of the time I walk around without underwear on from now onward.
Just wanted you to know 😂
Clearly I love and trust her.
I went to a late dinner tonight – though, I only had churros, and intentionally so* – with two other younger adults, early twenties. Afterward, the girl was discussing how she was annoyed at the guy’s behavior, that he was rude and that the dinner was pointless.
I disagreed with her. I told her that I felt the guy was lonely. He invited us to hang out for a quick dinner, as he put it, and then he told us that he had plans for afterward. When just he and I had been hanging initially, I really enjoyed hearing all about his work and his passion for it. I think he’s a really nice guy who wants to be loved and accepted, and is a bit lonely, and is still working on how to handle all of that.
She said to me, “That’s a really mature way of thinking about it.”
My first thought, after my initial stun, of course, was, Well, duh…
The irony of that thought did not evade me. 😛
Having observed her behavior at the dinner and time the three of us were together, and listened to her words and her guidance of the main conversation, I knew she did not see it how I did (at least, not until I shared with her about it.). And yet, I couldn’t imagine seeing things the way she (and sometimes the guy) saw and evaluated things. I just don’t think that way. To use her phrasing, I almost always think maturely about it all. Anything less makes no sense to me.
But my aunt always said I was born 25 and only ever got older…
*They were my chocolate bar the priest told me to eat this weekend, my intentional small pleasure.
Post-a-day 2021
I think that, if being honest and open with people overwhelms them, frightens them, then that is OK – they are just not the people meant to be in your life right now. They were here so that you could express yourself, and, now that that has happened, they are not meant to be here with you anymore.Perhaps they are not ready for who you are yet. Perhaps they never will be. Whatever the case, there is nothing wrong with their temporary passing through your life. It is just what’s so.
Post-a-day 2021
hannah ananas 