Panties and Power

I am wearing my Tuesday underwear tonight, post-shower and in my pjs.

I have discovered that my days-of-the-week underwear are something to the effect of ‘my power underwear’.

It isn’t that they are actually my power underwear, but that they carry a similar space and experience as power underwear might carry.

(My true power panties are actually some of my other style that I typically would wear for being out in the world… and they even kind of rotate around every so often, which ones are the true power ones that fill me with confidence as a woman…)

When I wear the days-of-the-week panties, I am excited and delighted; I have fun as child does; I am released of the big stresses in my life, and reminded instead of the little things that really matter most; I get to laugh inwardly at memories I have from them; and I get to enjoy the fact that I typically wear them not on their listed days, and sometimes intentionally so… basically, I feel good in them.

But they also aren’t underwear that I would wear out in public, typically.

Not that we wear any underwear out while in public, but that I wear them while I am out in public… anyway…

They are more so underwear for myself and for me time… my public underwear are all silky smooth, the no-show and seamless kind… these guys are usually for when it won’t matter about panty lines, because I won’t be around anybody else, and so they don’t matter… and I get to enjoy my days of the week all to myself.

So, yeah… they make me feel like a kid and they heal my adult heart ever so slightly whenever I wear them. 🙂

Good thing I have on Tuesday tonight – I’ve been needing some love and healing, now that I’m back home, in the midst of whatever this all is right now.

Siggggghhhhhhhhhh…..

Post-a-day 2020

Homeward Bound

One of my favorite sets of movies when I was a child, it was…

Anyway, I’m headed home in the morning.

Well, in the afternoon, I suppose… I’m packing up in the morning, though, and possibly going to a museum quickly after I do some tutoring, and before I head out.

I’m headed to Dallas area in the morning, and am meeting someone there for a drink or something, and then I’ll be heading home after that, in the later afternoon.

And I might actually be even head to that until almost noon, anyway.

So, I’m headed home at some point tomorrow. 😛

And I’m not opposed to a detour along the way, either… I just need to be able to be in Austin on Monday for hiking.

This time, it will be hot and humid hiking… I likely will miss Madison’s weather greatly. 😛

But that’s okay… the hiking will be lovely, and my skin will be glad to have humidity back in its life… it’s been so dry up north these past few weeks, both in Wisconsin and in OKC.

So… a lot is ready to begin at home… I am almost ready for it to begin… and I am ready to jump on in, anyway. 🙂

This life is beautiful, and this next part of it is likely to be a glorious and fun adventure. 🙂

Here’s to our next steps, y’all: Cheers. 😉

Post-a-day 2020

Shall we sleep?

Some days, without explanation or understanding, I find myself wanting just to curl up on my side, snuggle in my arms and elbows, with no sheets over me, and fall asleep with the light still on.

I think it tends to happen on nights that preceded days to which I am not exactly looking forward…, but that’s not for sure… just a guess, at this point, but a decently educated one, anyway.

Well, getting even less sleep won’t help me here, so I’ll get to sleep, instead of avoiding it, and in a way that I know I’ll be actually able to fall asleep and stay asleep comfortably (as opposed to waking up all achy after a short while, because I wasn’t actually very comfortable in that sideways ball).

God, guide my day tomorrow, please, that I live love and joy, and I be happy, healthy, holy… Amen. ❤

Post-a-day 2020

The friend drop

You know how people have a tendency to disappear for a while from a friendship, when they start dating someone?

I, myself, did it once in high school (and promptly learned that it is not worth it and that I’ll not do it again…, I had been at the other extreme the time before then, spending so much time with the friend and too little with the boyfriend, that I lost the boyfriend!), and it took a long time for me not to feel bad about it regarding the friend that I almost lost.

Anyway, so I think it happens rather regularly in people’s lives, right?

We probably all know someone or many someones who have done it.

But have you ever had two friends doe it at once, because they start dating one another?

I had that happen several years ago… I was extremely excited just these two friends from different parts of my life had met and were dating one another.

But they slowly began to disappear from my life… now, the two are married and about to have a baby, and I don’t remember the last time we talked or even messaged one another… it’s been almost as long as their relationship, really.

Slowly, but surely, they each disappeared from the friendships they had held with me, and I now feel like I barely know either one of them.

And, while I miss them, I miss them from before they got together… who they are now as a couple is a unit with which I can’t seem to connect… and so I don’t actually find myself wanting to spend any time with them nowadays… they aren’t the same individual fiends I loved having in my life… as it goes with people’s getting together, they are different from before… and I don’t exactly like them now.

I don’t dislike them, I believe… but I definitely don’t like them.

And I am still undetermined as to whether it is how they actually are now, or if it is more how they simultaneously abandoned me and our friendships… I am thinking that it is both, approximately a 60/40 split, respectively.

Anyway… odd how that came to mind tonight… hmm…

Post-a-day 2020

No, thank you

I seem to do a very decent job of rejecting guys and making it abominably clear that it ain’t happenin’, and then being friends with them (or, at least, good acquaintances).

A man once invited me on a vacation.

Well, he asked me about inviting me on a vacation – ‘What if I invited you on a trip?’ kind of thing.

He, we both knew, had something specific in mind for a guaranteed part of that trip’s itinerary, no matter the destination of the trip.

I informed him clearly that, no, it wouldn’t happen – not doing it that way either, man… but thanks for asking, instead of assuming and all that jazz.

And he, naturally, was bummed, but he also got over it.

Years later, we have turned somewhat into friends.

I call him out on his bs, and never hold it against him.

He calls me on the phone, and has slowly begun talking about genuine things with me, instead of the casual, surface-level chitchat most of the world seems to be comfortable living in.

Today, we were just talking about what we were up to this evening and the past week or so, and I was sharing about my nature time here in Madison, and how, since international travel for vacation is not exactly a thing for the next while, I was considering expanding my goal of visiting Texas parks to include other parts of the country… get to know nature here, so to speak.

One of those places is Utah.

In a sneaky and, basically, magical way, Utah is pulsing with glorious natural wonders.

And I want to spend some time with at least some of them.

When I was sharing about this desire, the guy expressed his total agreement, and said that Utah is truly an amazing place for nature.

I casually asked, in a sly yet joking voice, “Do you wanna take me to Utah?”, knowing that he would remember his offer from years back, and he would know that I was making a joke about it.

He replied, with no actual hesitation, and in a voice so sober as I have only occasionally heard from him, “I would take you anywhere.”

Aww… that’s sweet of you, I told him, and we moved on along in the conversation.

It was a simple comment, and, though it could have been interpreted quite differently when not hearing it said, it was clearly a genuine compliment, both in its meaning and in the speaker’s sincerity in speaking it.

It warmed me, hearing that phrase from him this evening.

He knows that I won’t take him up on his initial offer, and so he wasn’t just saying it in hopes of getting me to go – not at all.

He was saying it, because, in a way, he meant it.

And he still wants me to agree to it, his original offer…. a fact that, in its own odd way, warms my heart ever so slightly…

Because it is nice to be wanted…, even physically and sexually…. I won’t deny that it is especially nice to be wanted by someone so entirely desirable as this guy is, either.

And, even for his little bit of genuine meaning it with his statement, it was well worth hearing him say it, and knowing that the compliment of being so desirable was still there.

Especially now, when I’ve been working so hard on my physical body, I appreciate such a compliment (especially when it is absent of the ridiculous vulgarity too many people seem to express so openly these days)… and it is especially sweet, because this guy doesn’t even know how I’ve physically improved in the past year plus, yet he still holds such an opinion of me…

Compliment, indeed, and I’ll take it! 😛

“I’d take you anywhere,” said a deep, kind, and sober voice over the phone… and, for that few seconds, she took flight in the traces of human love found in that statement, and imagined what kind of person would take her anywhere… she doesn’t really see that happening with him, but she believes that someone is out there, getting ready for her and all the absurdity and love she has to offer, and that she is seeking.

Post-a-day 2020

Nature days

I’ve been up north for over a week now, and I hadn’t even noticed it.

I had some definitely intense decompressing that happened at the start, and then have begun truly embracing the weather and the nature here in the more recent days.

I had expected to do much more sooner, but I apparently wasn’t ready for it… today, even, I finally woke up after having slept for ten hours (with bathroom breaks, as usual)… clearly, I was still struggling to catch up on my sleep.

But things in my brain have been healing, and my body is beginning to understand the healing, too.

Hopefully, it all is rolling well now – I want to enjoy my time here by doing more than just catch up on sleep, you know? 😛

On a separate note, I might have two spider bites on my back… not sure, but they seem like massive welts from a bite of some sort, but they don’t really hurt… they just sting a tad if I scratch at them.

So, I put some special stuff on them just now, and we’ll see how they are in the morning… fingers crossed that they improve dramatically overnight, and that the rest of my skin stays well and smooth.

Anyway, I’m off to sleep… here’s a small teaser from today’s afternoon activities.

Post-a-day 2020

Whew!

Man, was today a lot(!!!).

We hiked and frisbee-ed, and I photo-ed while they bouldered and swam.

There was intense thinking, visceral activity, and choo-choo breathing, along with a combination of utter terror and extreme, satisfied joy.

And I had a great time being photographer, climbing my own routes to get to the good and various photo angles.

I can hardly wait to share them, these photos… yes, this trip has been very good for me so far… 🙂

Thank you, God.

Please, continue to guide me as I release these restraints I have been carrying, and free myself of these painful fears and stresses in my life… I can do this, and I am grateful for the living opportunity that lies all around me with this present moment.

Thank you for it.

Amen.

Yeah…, today was absolutely exhausting and totally awesome… thank you… 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Space vs Person

Have you ever been attracted to the space of someone, yet found absolutely zero physical attraction to the person, and also no real attraction to all too many details of the person and his/her life?

It is one where you feel that, if you were to close your eyes, you could be content, even delighted, being with this person…

Because, just listening to his/her voice, you feel somehow entirely at ease and filled with… well, something satisfying, comforting, and just a tad exciting…

But, you know that, as soon as you open your eyes, that feeling will be gone…

And so, you enjoy the idea with a secret smile, and just move on in life, without the person as your partner…

Do you know that one?

Yeah… it’s a weird one, I dare say…, but I have definitely been there.

Post-a-day 2020

Pinky

…And The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain…

Loved those guys when I was little.

Tonight, I was talking with my brother (the neuroscience one) about how language and math show up in the brain, specifically grammar and foreign language for the language stuff, and then algebra for the math stuff.

It turns out that, the algebra shows up with lights all over the brain, whenever we do it.

Language understanding and production are from specific, individual areas that interact with one another.

And the functional parts of language (think syntax) actually work more like the algebra does in the brain, with lights all over the place.

And so, it makes perfect sense that languages have seemed to me to be the same thing as algebra – I have always referred to them as math, and in various ways, and that is exactly how I see them in my head.

We even talked about how, algebraically, I personally see sentence structure across the languages.

Basically, we turned my nerdy question into an even nerdier conversation, and it was awesome.

Now, I know that I definitely want to see a brain lighting pattern test of my brain, especially around math and languages and grammar!

Post-a-day 2020

Nerds

We research in my family.

When we are interested in something, we start learning about it, and we tend to do lots of research on it.

Presently, I am preparing to use a used Prius for a while.

Someone was very upset and expressed concerns of my sanity and logic in doing this.

So, to satisfy my initial belief that it was a reasonable idea, and not just plain crazy, I started looking up important things about Priuses, in order to learn more about them… whatever might be important to know, you know?

In sharing a small bit of what I’m learning with my cousin, she replies, “You will now be well versed on the Prius. I’m imagining you building a PowerPoint presentation”.

And, while I chucked inwardly at the intended joke, I also totally saw the seriousness of her statement, and had to agree: I could so see myself doing that.

In fact, I kind of did for physics class in high school at one point… we researched various hybrid cars and their overall effects on the planet…. let’s just say that, fortunately, things have improved in the hybrid world since then…

Anyway… I think I already have enough information to give a really good ten-minute presentation on using used Priuses…

Total nerd, right?

And I love being it. 😉

Post-a-day 2020