Goodnight

I’m worn out from menstruating. I can barely get myself to get ready for bed, I am so tired, and it is only six PM… and I’ve been trying for an hour and a half to get myself to do it all!

Ugh

Anyway, I worked out at noon today, instead of 5:15am, and it was rather nice. Back to business as usual tomorrow, though! So, I want to get to sleep now. I’ve tidied up and organized a bit more in my bedroom this evening, but it isn’t finished. Much more to do tomorrow. Plus, I want to go get the bedspread I’ve been seeking and have possibly found (online) tomorrow. Need to see it in person to confirm it is right, of course. 10am trip to IKEA tomorrow!

God, bless me, please, that I be filled with this needed rest, to the point that I have all the energy to accomplish it all tomorrow and onward this month. In Your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Yeah, my brain still says 2021 every time here)

Alas, Mass

Tonight, I attended Mass with one of my best friends. I forget how much we have in common when we are apart. But then we find ourselves talking after Mass, discovering that we both cried at this Mass we had both wanted and needed, and, oh, right, we both use celsius temperatures, and we both blah, blah, blah… it’s really cool. I am extremely grateful that we get to live together again, come February. I am also extremely grateful that we have Church together. It is becoming a thing for her to join me for Mass, and, judging by this evening’s service, I think it most certainly will continue and will pick up immensely in frequency. And I think we both are grateful for that.

Thank you, God and Universe. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Oops… almost got it wrong again)

All the little things

And then all the little things come together to give that little, wholesome, undeniable nudge. Suddenly, everything seems much simpler and easier – there is much less worry to be had, and life seems… lighter. Things aren’t solved or resolved. But they aren’t exactly a problem anymore. And, for now, that is enough for gratitude and much easier, freer breathing.

Thank you, God and Universe. Please continue to help me to be Your love in the world. Guide me with clarity to the embodiment of Your love through this life. In Your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Barely got it)

Yikes

Talk about an explosion of emotion… today has certainly had that. Rather, this evening has had that. I have been working on paying attention to and trusting the energetic feelings and pulls I have in life, as they have proven disastrous when ignored and spectacular when followed, especially lately. My whole housing situation would have been a million times worse if I hadn’t followed the weird feelings I was having around that and that I ‘needed to be out of there by just before Christmas, or before the end of the year, or just after the new year started’. That’s exactly what ended up happening, and it only was relayed to me as being so the week of Christmas. I thank God and the Universe that they had given me a lease to sign not only thirty minutes before that dreadful phone call. Sure, it leaves me without my own home for seven weeks, but it gives me a chance to experience life differently and to be living in gratitude and love with my friend who has offered me a temporary home with her loving family.

Anyway, what came up today, especially the part around this one job I have, has been hitting kind of hard for me. Something about it has a really nasty feeling to it. And I use the word “nasty” specifically, as that is the word that feels appropriate for this feeling – it just feels nasty, somehow. It seems that I have a few days before I have to determine what to do for this work thing. Dear God and Universe, please, help me to see entirely clearly what action to take on my part, that I may be Your love in the world in all that I do and in all that I am. Guide me wholly, please. In Your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Gratitude, unbidden yet ever-welcome

And then, one day, you receive a letter in the mail – well, more like a trim-folded piece of notebook paper – that reads, “We sold our company! This non-taxable gift is a token of our appreciation for everything you have done for us and for being down with us through the years[…]” And, what’s placed within that once trim-folded piece of paper? A check for ten thousand dollars.

Dear God and Universe, might I have something fabulous like that happen in my life? Help me, please, to make such a difference in the lives of those around me that they would want and be able to give such a token of gratitude to me one day. Bless them so abundantly through me, please. Help me to be Your love fully. In Your name I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Barely got it right)

Arawareru

あらわ

現れる

This is the phrase I have selected for my kakizome this year. Or, rather, we have selected to work together and to spend much time together this year. The fist kanji (Chinese character used in Japanese) is made of two separate kanji. One, 王, means “king; rule; magnate”. The other, 見, means “see; hopes; chances; idea; opinion; visible”. Together as they are, they mean, “present; existing; actual,” and this kanji is pronounced “arawa”. Now, combined with the two kana that follow this kanji, the whole pronunciation is “arawareru,” and it means, “to embody; to appear; to come into sight; to materialize/materialise; to become visible; to come out”. This year, I am all about embodiment in my life – I want to cause to happen all of these wonderful things towards which I have been called and for which I have been longing in my life. God, please, give me the grace this year to embody Your love through manifesting clearly and materializing fully my dreams. In Your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Almost missed it! ^)

1 January, folks

It is the first of January in the year 2022. How absurdly bizarre is that????! It just sounds like the future. Frankly, the 1980s seem closer to now than 2022. And yet here we are, in the faraway year of 2022, with the 80s…, well, a long time past.

I almost feel out of place, anachronistic in this world right now… and in more ways than one. That song I wrote recently is really big for me right now, with its whole thing on feeling I don’t belong and people not needing to be colorblind but just plain loving and kind, to see people for who they are instead of what they are. ::sighhhhhhhhh

Thank you, God, for this life. Please, with the Universe, help me to be Your love and to step forward fully and courageously all the days (and nights and sunrises and sunsets and moments of infinities) of my life. Help me, please, to find clearly my intention for this year, the year 2022 and Reiwa 4, that I might express it through my kakizome tomorrow, which will guide, support, empower, and remind me all throughout this year. Give me Your divine message tomorrow as I discover my kakizome for this year and begin to implement and be it tomorrow. In Your name I pray. Amen.

P.S. This is the first year in a very long time – a hundred years, in fact – that will not have had the wonderful woman of Betty White in it. Thank you, (God and) Betty, for all that you did and all the love that came out of your existence and how you shared yourself so lovingly with the world at large and at small. Thank you.

Post-a-day 2021

(Clearly, that ^ is not correct…)

Post-a-day 2022

(Wow, that seems weird!)

Fitness and food

An old coworker shared a video today from a fitness blogger girl (or something like that) who was saying that, though people have been giving her flak for it, she is not actually against dieting, as people were declaring about her. Rather, she is against the world of “diet culture”. The girl went into a bit of detail about all of that in the video, and my owl coworker commented and added, ‘I love this so much! People can want to make changes because it fits their personal values. It doesn’t always have to be to fit societal standards of beauty or acceptance.’

And I absolutely agreed with her on that. I sent her a quick follow-up message of the following:

“This has actually shown up for me as a bit of a struggle this year! It has been hard for me to share about my fitness goals and progress and struggles, including with food, because most of society doesn’t have similar goals, and can only see a ‘super fit white girl complaining about being fat and being super-restrictive with her food’… because that’s all they know, due to the whole diet culture and stigmas around fitness and food”

And it’s true. People often grow upset, to varying degrees, at my food choices most of the time. I typically eat a Paleo diet, and I do intermittent fasting (where I only eat food during an 8-hour window each day, then no food for roughly 16 hours). It isn’t a big deal, and I don’t make it a big deal. But I do stand up for myself and my goals, and I calmly let people know that I do not want or will not have such-and-such, whenever it doesn’t align with my goals for caring for my body. I want to be the best person I can be, the highest version of myself, and that includes my physical self. When I am physically well, I am best able to do all that I am here to do to make this world a better, love-filled place. When I eat food that makes me feel ill or like junk, I am not at my best. It has nothing to do with negative body-image or a lack of self-love or self-care. True self-care is actually caring for and taking care of oneself, not just using it as a stamp of approval to eat crap foods and drink loads of alcohol without repercussions or follow-up care. Self-care isn’t an excuse to be lazy. It takes work. But it is work that is well worth doing, and with all our hearts. At least, it has proven to be so every single day of my life. And I am extremely grateful for that work and all of its results and rewards so far and yet to come.

Post-a-day 2021

^Last One!! Wow!!!

“Fit”ting it all in

I had wanted, at the start of this week, tog et in three more workouts before the end of the year. You see, I keep track of when I do them and how many total I have done throughout the year. I started that two and a half years ago when I started at the gym, because I felt it was important data. Sure, you’ve been going to the gym for four years…, but how many times did you actually go to the gym? I wanted to help keep myself accountable as well as see how results lined up with my class attendance.

I keep both count of how many workouts I’ve done per calendar year and per year of gym membership (I started the second week of April in 2019). My first year, I managed 190 workouts, I believe. (It’s all listed on my computer.) Of course, that ‘year’ ended with the gym closing and whatnot with the COVID shut-downs. Then I had major struggles for a while with no gym to attend, and the workouts died away. But, last December, I got myself back at it, after the gym had closed permanently and then re-opened (with higher prices :/…). So, this calendar year, as of Monday of this week, I had done 55 from 1 January to 7 April, and I had done 132 after that. So, I was at 187 for the calendar year so far. I figured, It would be nice to reach a round 90, meaning 190. Still not 200, but I can still make that 200 happen for the gym membership year, which is what matters most to me. For the calendar year, I wasn’t going to be able to make it happen, what with being out of town for moving my grandma last week, and then suddenly having to move myself this week. But I could challenge myself and get that 190 with the remaining days, especially since I intended to be done moving by Wednesday at the latest. (I was clear that I needed all my sleep and energy for moving on Monday and Tuesday, and so was clear that I was not going to the gym early on in the week this week.

But, today, Thursday, I got up (later than usual) just after six and did a running and core workout in the crazy fog and dark that was my mom’s neighborhood this morning. Then, I met my brother on a walk to see his dog again before he left town – yes, all I wanted was to be able to play with and hang out with the dog, but all I was allowed was walking with him twice… so it goes – and walked roughly two miles with them. Then, as a means of heading home after the walk that ended at his dad’s house, elsewhere in the neighborhood, I did the same running and core workout again. Nuts, I know. So, I racked up roughly 9-10 miles today from running and walking. And I could barely hold myself up for the second round of the core work. And I’ve got a blister between two of my middle toes on my left foot, which is annoying but healing somewhat quickly. (Of course, I poked it with my knife, because it was too much with all the fluid in it earlier… Anyway…)

But I’m glad and relieved I managed the two workouts today. And my other brother, who has been very not-active in life lately but who has just moved back from Japan, has agreed to go to the gym with me tomorrow morning. It’s a good 35+-minute drive into town for that, but it is worth it for my brother to go do it with me. I think he could really use the physical workout and the mental and emotional release it has to offer with it. If he ends up liking it, and he finds a place close to the gym, I likely will get him a punch card for him to be able to go several times without the high price tag.

Anyway, I’m excited for him to go with me in the morning. And I’m excited to round out the goal of 190 for the year and 135 for this leg of year gym year. And I’m nervous but glad to be going at all. The past two weeks have been bizarre for me, and I miss my gym and its people and energy and release and health. I don’t know how the next six weeks of my life will look, but I am glad to have tomorrow morning sorted somewhat, and positively so.

Thank you, God and Universe, for the help and support and courage for all of this lately. Please, help me to be Your love in all that I do and in all that I am, as Your creative expression in this world. In your name I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Bedtime snuggles

I roll over in bed, curling up underneath the sheets, and I pull it close to my body, pressing it to my chest and upper belly, giving just enough pressure to my sternum and flex to my arms to release those comfort hormones in my brain… I can feel them releasing as it presses into me, my whole body easing, if only briefly. Why only briefly? Because a folded-up long-sleeve shirt only does so much as a stand-in for a life partner / man… But it helped for a few seconds, anyway.

P.S. I almost forgot to mention that I I finished with everything today for moving out – it is all completed, and I never have to return there, if I so wish it. What’s funny to me is that, as I am so completely done with the place, I had already moved on from it and partly forgotten about it. Life has continued without it, and that is clearly great by me. Thank you, God and Universe, for such a blessing as not only being finished but being so far past that that I forgot all about having some that today. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Amen.

Post-a-day 2021