Tag: family

Trans-patio/table Conversations

“Dumm dumm dumm dumm dumm Dummm…”

For those who can’t read notes out of words, that’s the opening theme to Downton Abbey, and the ring tone that played from a nearby table at lunch today. A minute or so afterward, the girl behind me was talking across the patio to the woman who, I’d guessed, was the owner of the source of the ring tone. The girl behind me was mentioning hearing Downton Abbey…, I casually joined in on how I’d definitely recognized it, too. They mentioned about a movie, or possibly another one coming out, and then, If you like Downton Abbey, you should check out Outlander! I said that I was reading the books, and they were great but filled with ups and downs with the joys and sadnesses. The ring tone girl agreed. The girls at the table behind me were intrigued. I mentioned that my mom heartily recommends Outlander, too, the show. We had a few more comments and giggles, and then finally turned back to our respective tables fully as my dad sat back down at our table, rejoining me from his bathroom stop.

Three of us had mostly held the conversation among our three tables, though five of us had been involved. It was awesome.

And then, my dad asked what we had been discussing. I gave him a quick recap, and then he said, ‘Oh, I’ve seen it. The movie. It’s good.’

Jaw. Drop.

I hadn’t even known about this Downton Abbey film, and my dad has already seen and liked it?? Haha Ridiculously wonderful.

Thank you, God and Universe, for such a lovely surprise of lunchtime today. May you continue to guide me to be your love in the world through all that I am and all that I do. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Barely got it^…)

Uh-oh, or just Ugh?

My body is worn out right now, and it rather has been all day. Sure, I ate a solid amount of food that wasn’t so great for my body over the past few weeks. But, man, has it really been hitting me hard today for my menstruation. I mean, really, I have had almost no energy or desire to do anything but curl up in bed, and possibly cry, too, as I fall back to sleep.

It’s amazing what food can do, both for the good and the bad health of the body. This 21-day cleanse has come just in time from the gym this weekend. Today was Day 1.

Despite feeling dreadfully exhausted today – and I’m almost certain it is all menstruation and food, as opposed to any actual illness -, I actually accomplished much. Spent time with a friend while we wifi-worked in a bake shop / coffee shop this morning, after working out, of course. I got great groceries. I applied to two remote jobs with Duolingo – I don’t fully qualify for either, but I applied anyway, because I want to work for that company, plus I want better work here for the time being. And I scheduled a birthday breakfast for my dad with my siblings tomorrow morning. And now my brain is finished working for the day. So, goodnight, all.

Post-a-day 2022

(Barely^)

“Fit”ting it all in

I had wanted, at the start of this week, tog et in three more workouts before the end of the year. You see, I keep track of when I do them and how many total I have done throughout the year. I started that two and a half years ago when I started at the gym, because I felt it was important data. Sure, you’ve been going to the gym for four years…, but how many times did you actually go to the gym? I wanted to help keep myself accountable as well as see how results lined up with my class attendance.

I keep both count of how many workouts I’ve done per calendar year and per year of gym membership (I started the second week of April in 2019). My first year, I managed 190 workouts, I believe. (It’s all listed on my computer.) Of course, that ‘year’ ended with the gym closing and whatnot with the COVID shut-downs. Then I had major struggles for a while with no gym to attend, and the workouts died away. But, last December, I got myself back at it, after the gym had closed permanently and then re-opened (with higher prices :/…). So, this calendar year, as of Monday of this week, I had done 55 from 1 January to 7 April, and I had done 132 after that. So, I was at 187 for the calendar year so far. I figured, It would be nice to reach a round 90, meaning 190. Still not 200, but I can still make that 200 happen for the gym membership year, which is what matters most to me. For the calendar year, I wasn’t going to be able to make it happen, what with being out of town for moving my grandma last week, and then suddenly having to move myself this week. But I could challenge myself and get that 190 with the remaining days, especially since I intended to be done moving by Wednesday at the latest. (I was clear that I needed all my sleep and energy for moving on Monday and Tuesday, and so was clear that I was not going to the gym early on in the week this week.

But, today, Thursday, I got up (later than usual) just after six and did a running and core workout in the crazy fog and dark that was my mom’s neighborhood this morning. Then, I met my brother on a walk to see his dog again before he left town – yes, all I wanted was to be able to play with and hang out with the dog, but all I was allowed was walking with him twice… so it goes – and walked roughly two miles with them. Then, as a means of heading home after the walk that ended at his dad’s house, elsewhere in the neighborhood, I did the same running and core workout again. Nuts, I know. So, I racked up roughly 9-10 miles today from running and walking. And I could barely hold myself up for the second round of the core work. And I’ve got a blister between two of my middle toes on my left foot, which is annoying but healing somewhat quickly. (Of course, I poked it with my knife, because it was too much with all the fluid in it earlier… Anyway…)

But I’m glad and relieved I managed the two workouts today. And my other brother, who has been very not-active in life lately but who has just moved back from Japan, has agreed to go to the gym with me tomorrow morning. It’s a good 35+-minute drive into town for that, but it is worth it for my brother to go do it with me. I think he could really use the physical workout and the mental and emotional release it has to offer with it. If he ends up liking it, and he finds a place close to the gym, I likely will get him a punch card for him to be able to go several times without the high price tag.

Anyway, I’m excited for him to go with me in the morning. And I’m excited to round out the goal of 190 for the year and 135 for this leg of year gym year. And I’m nervous but glad to be going at all. The past two weeks have been bizarre for me, and I miss my gym and its people and energy and release and health. I don’t know how the next six weeks of my life will look, but I am glad to have tomorrow morning sorted somewhat, and positively so.

Thank you, God and Universe, for the help and support and courage for all of this lately. Please, help me to be Your love in all that I do and in all that I am, as Your creative expression in this world. In your name I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Bedtime giggles

Lying on the bed, only slightly chilled with no socks on my feet, I chuckle from the belly as my mom describes and displays how her husband regularly gets the sheets wonky and twisted and pulling tight across her in the middle of the night while they both sleep… or, at least, while he sleeps and while she starts to panic with claustrophobia under the suddenly taught and uncomfortably snug sheets.

We are at a spectacular Airbnb this week, as we help my grandma move into an assisted living complex. It seems like a really great place. We are here before her, as we are aiming to set up the bulk of the apartment before she arrives tomorrow afternoon/midday-ish. It has been a lot, but it seems to be going well so Fant. Plus, we have been really enjoying one another’s company, especially tonight at the Airbnb. My mom and aunt and uncle, and my brother and his wife and I are all here. The dynamic has been quite pleasant. We shall see how things alter tomorrow, when a different uncle joins us. He is very different from us in many, many ways. Fingers crossed we all have a wonderful time tomorrow and tomorrow night, too. There is much to be done in the morning – very, very much. Hopefully, we will manage it all so well that we have little to do in the afternoon/evening, and my grandma is impressed with her new home and likes it. God, help us succeed, please, in being your love in the world and, especially, in the life of my grandma tomorrow and this week. Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Tea and honey(quartz)

I really hope I remember to make the tea with the protein powder before I leave in the morning… and pack my salad in the ice chest, and the ice cubes, which are actually whisky stones, which are actually honeycomb quartz… it will be the first time for me to use them. I’m still unsure as to what I am putting in the container to drink with them… maybe just water, since it likely will be hot where I will be working all daytime tomorrow.

I am in charge of wiping down just about everything before it gets put in the moving truck tomorrow. My grandmother has spent 91 years in residence of Port Arthur, Texas. Monday afternoon, she will arrive to her new home in a community in Wimberley. Talk about change… but we are thrilled for her, and she seems to be quite delighted about her decision, too.

Alas, I must sleep these four and a half hours granted to me now, before my alarm sounds in the morning. Goodnight!

Post-a-day 2021

Uhm, what?

Around 1:30pm today, I was worried. I hadn’t gone to the gym. I guess I had forgotten…, but how did that happen, I wondered? I thought back to when I went to bed last night, and how I got up this morning… and just a sec.. I did go to the gym this morning… What??

Yes, I had gone to the gym this morning. But so much had happened since then, I had felt like it was a totally different day already – the gym felt so, so long ago already. Bizarre, of course, but phew! I was worried there for a minute or two.

I was still restful today, but differently. I did accomplish a bit of the laundry this evening, which was a good start. Now I just need to progress tomorrow or Wednesday – going to help pack up at my grandma’s house out of town tomorrow. I managed important tutoring stuff this morning, providing help on literary analysis essays. I went to a stage production of Truman Capote’s “A Christmas Memory” with my mom at noon. It was great acting, to be sure, and we both enjoyed the little production and seeing a new stage. Though, I was exhausted and my eyes were closing a bunch throughout the show. Yes, I absolutely followed the whole thing, but my eyes definitely did not see the whole thing.

I can home and took a nap after the show, as I was so tired, and then went for my laser hair removal session. I had purchased what is called a Brazilian extension/extended area package. Aka -****Warning for real-body language coming up here**** – the labia, the anus, and the inner edges of the buttocks. However, I didn’t know about the labia part when I first got the package. By the time I tested how things felt and worked up the courage for myself, I had them start doing the labia, too. I’ve finished with all the rest of the lasering of hair, but now am making up for the lost time/sessions on the labia. It was really hard for me to say the words or loud for this, and I still am working on it, but I have improved much in my confidence, willingness, and comfort with the conversation and words, and I am grateful. The fact that I am writing this with real words at all speaks volumes to my improvement.

Anyway, I’m planning on a Secret Santa gift for a coworker. She likes Pocky and Anime, among other things. We have a $10 limit. So, I got her a Costco package of Pocky for $9, and am writing out three sheets of calligraphy for her in Japanese. One will be the name of our company in Japanese, one will be her name correctly written in Japanese, both of those using the foreign words alphabet, and one will be kanji of her name in Japanese (the Chinese characters that have the same pronunciation as her name in Japanese, and give a new meaning to her name with each character’s individual meaning). My mom and I both think she’ll enjoy it all, especially since she’s a huge anime fan. Usually, that spans a broad spectrum of just about anything tied to Japan and Japanese language. I hope she really enjoys them all. I know I would love such a gift! … Speaking of which, I wish I had people who thought out and planned it things like this for me more in my life. I love planning and plotting and, finally, giving gifts to people. But I sometimes end up just a little bit sad afterward, because almost no one ever does anything similar for me. Just my mom, really.

Anyway, in that somewhat sad note, I shall sign off for the night. I think I need to allow myself to experience this sadness, in order to allow it to be heard, at last, and to set it free. So, I shall sleep from here and feel the sad if no special presents for right now.

P.S. My mom and I celebrated Hl. Nikolaus day today together. We both brought each other things that had been ‘left’ with shoes in our own houses for each other. It was absolutely silly, but quite wonderful. I always loved December sixth as a child, and I’m glad I get to love it again. Last year, he brought me all the fixings for and a sewing machine itself. This year, he brought me spices, sweets, heart-shaped agates and stones, and some of the greatest leggings ever. I am quite grateful!

Post-a-day 2021

“$1500 for a leather bustier?”

“It lifts and separates. Plus, it’s not like I’m actually paying for it.”

Well, I have taken two half steps regarding my by Christmas goals and intentions and its addendum. While not undergarments per se, I procured today, somewhat unexpectedly but with much delight and enthusiasm, a leather corset. Yes, corsets are kind of instead of a bra, but this one is of the style to be worn on the outside of one’s clothing or, simply, as one’s clothing. Think steam punk kind of corset. Heart shaped neckline, green alligator print center panel, and dark green, smooth leather for the rest of it, with tarnished silver clasps in two columns in the front and laces in the center back.

And oh, my gosh, does it look amazing. On me, I mean.

We were at RenFest, and I had just wanted to try the styles on to see how I liked the idea of, one day, getting a leather corset for myself. I always saw this blue and black one on the front gate of this particular shop, and kind of longed for it or something like it in my life.

So, after much hesitation and working through if mental struggled, I asked if we needed to have on a shirt to try on the corsets – all other women had been in blouses, so far as I had seen, and my piece-of-leather top would not work with a corset. When the answer was an emphatic negatory, I asked if I could go ahead and try one on, then, and if someone would dress me in it. The man who had originally stared conversation with me about the shop and its/his family told me that I absolutely could and that he could help dress me. So, he did. And he did a wonderful job.

I loved the straight-across one I tried first. Actually, it was second, because the first straight one was actually too large. He was clear about that quite quickly, when the laces went all the way in, almost immediately. But, once I got the next size down, I found that I liked the straight one on me.

I spoke up, however, and requested to try on the other shape just to see it on me, too, even though they’d said it tended to be more of a style worn by bustier women, a group of which I am certainly not part. They thought there were none around in my size, but the one guy came walking up with two in his hands – they had been on front display, and so hadn’t been tested at all or purchased. A blue and a green one. The blue was very much the blue of a friend of mine, and not my liken of blue. The green was an earthy, olive-y green. I selected the green to try, though after hearing my mom’s opinion and hat of the shopkeeper’s. When he had finished lacing me into it, and I turned to look myself over in the mirror, I was somewhat shocked. Not only did it look nice on me, it looked gooood. Kind of to the point that a small part of me wondered who else – beside myself – had a sudden urge to grab me and rip my clothes off of me in a fit of instant and utter desire and lust. It looked that good. I looked that good.

I knew I wanted it. I knew I wanted to be the person who would wear it confidently and proudly, yet humbly and gratefully. As it would be a significant investment, however, I took my time considering whether to purchase this one, here and now, or to wait for another time, even possibly to have one custom-made instead. To consider whether this green would be as much of a delight as my earlier-desired brown.

While I considered, several women, eyes bulging when they registered me, commented supporting comments to me or near me about the corset on me. The shopkeeper kindly informed me that 1) several women had said I needed to get the corset, and that 2) I looked spectacular in it. He was being genuine, and it meant a lot that had had given his personal opinion, as I knew he was not just trying to be flirtatious or just sell something.

Seeing as how it was actually quite cold out, I eventually removed the corset, and dressed back in my leather too and skirt and faux-fur cloak to finish considering with a not-shaking body and a warm conscience. Once dressed again, I could think more clearly. I wanted first to see the dark green leather in the sunlight. I wanted to confirm that it stood out as clearly not-black in sunlight. I’m not a black person. Earthy tones and natural tones galore, sure, but not black.

The second thing was the tougher thing. I told my mom, ‘I have a small part in me that worries I will be slutty, a slut, and whore in this,’ and, ‘I think I just need to be told that it is okay and safe for me – for me – to wear this.’ Due to my history with certain men, there is still a part of me that is scared with things like this. While I am always gentle with her, I always acknowledge what she has to say before firmly telling her what’s truly so. When my mom said what I felt I needed to hear – though I already knew it to be true – that scared girl within me calmed down, and I finally was able to choose freely for myself.

Naturally, I chose the corset.

And, boy, am I glad I did. I can hardly wait to wear it.

Post-a-day 2021

Turkey Day, run away

Today, we ran the Turkey Trot, my mom, folks from my gym, and I. A handful of them ran the 10k, and another handful and my mom and I ran the 5k. I surprised myself.

Of course, it was pouring rain off and on for the start of both runs, but cleared up fully just as the 5k started (at least, until an hour and a half later, when it wasn’t too relevant anymore). I had my running rain jacket on until the start of our run, at which point, as the skies looked clear and the rain had stopped, I tied it around my waist. An annoying appendage for a whole 5k, but it was worth it for keeping my body and hair and clothes mostly dry before the run.

My shoes ended up soaked, but not until about a third of the way into the run.

I pushed myself, and very much so. I have not trained with running, of course, so I had no idea how fast I could go. My ankle bone was out of place only five weeks ago, and has felt still a bit wonky this past month, so I haven’t really been running even in the workouts at the gym lately, and those are just 200-800m runs. And yet, here I was, prepared to walk, if at any point my foot/ankle needed it, running a 5k and giving it my best.

At just about halfway, one of the girls from my gym popped up next to me, calling me a smokes something or other. I, too, had expected her to be far ahead of me, and I had been keeping an eye out ahead for her, just in case I might be able to catch up to her. But she had been behind me for the first mile and a half. From then onward, though, we ran together. Apparently, my presence alone pushed her. Her pace thereby challenged me. And I, even aloud, gave a, “F***ing S—-,” in regards to our gym owner and programmer. He makes some amazing get amazingly challenging programming, and he is always challenging us to push ourselves. Always safely, but truly. And this morning, he was stuck in my head. I felt like a little kid who wanted to make his teacher proud, planning to tell him just how much I had stayed on top of myself to keep it up, lift up my legs more, take longer strides, breathe deeply, and crush it.

And, in multiple ways, I did. He always says that, it we’re throwing up, we’re doing it wrong. So, I limited myself there this morning – I was getting very close to my body’s demanding a vomit, and so shared that with the girl, just to let her know that I might not be able to stay with her. I only got a few meters behind her on the final quarter-mile stretch, finishing only a couple seconds after she finished (which, oddly, was finishing my race a few seconds faster than she had hers, as I began behind her at the start). Regarding results, I looked it up. Had I done the timed race, I would have been ninth in my gender-age category. And that is really cool. What’s most important to me about it all is that, by pushing myself and keeping on top of it and letting go over and over and over again if my mental strains, I ended up getting, without any running practice in the recent past, my fastest 5k time ever. And my EVEN 8:20 splits (8:21, 8:29, and 8:23 to be exact) we’re not only the fastest I’ve gone on a 5k, but the second fastest mile time I’ve had period.

Basically, it was really cool.

After the run, I grabbed some cookies and bananas, and rushed to the kids’ 1k run to see my nephew and nieces finish their run (if they were even there, which they turned out to be, since the rain had cleared up). I didn’t see them run, but I did see them all just after they crossed the finish line, and the point was for them to feel supported, which they did. So, when, upon surprising them with my presence, I congratulated them and offered them cookies and then a banana, too, I think their days were made.

Anyway, the whole affair certainly made my day. And running into two of my old students made it extra-special. My legs are sore, especially my lower thighs. They can really feel my lack of running, I suppose, though they were clearly able to take it, thanks to all the programming at our gym. Hopefully, they’ll feel okay tomorrow!

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving, folks. I grateful for all, and I send out my love to you, whoever you are, whenever and wherever you are. May God continue to bless us all. Amen.

P.S. On the dating app, sometimes guys say that their personal hell is families who do 5ks on holidays. I suppose one for me would be families who don’t. I am grateful for my blood family and my gym family. We were a dream team this morning, k-ing on a holiday, even in the pouring rain. Thank you, God, for these families of mine.

Post-a-day 2021

Missing… nothing

I had dinner with my dad tonight for the first time in quite a while, and it was just wonderful. In a way, I have missed having breakfast with him every week, and the occasional dinner these past few months. However, I have been so bizarrely and utterly fulfilled by my work that I haven’t really missed him. We have still chatted on the phone to check in, and we’ve had breakfast or lunch a few times since August, as well as plenty of texting. But that had been enough – I haven’t needed more lately. And I only just noticed that.

Perhaps, after this Thanksgiving week ends, I will be needing more time with those who love me clearly, as I very likely will be missing all of those kids and that amazingly fulfilling work teaching and being at school every weekday. I don’t miss it yet, because school isn’t in session. I think it will hurt on Monday, though, especially after a whole week off.

Dear God and Universe, please help me to transition with ease into my next role in fulfilling your will in this world through me. Amen.

Post-a-day 2021