Tag: family

Breakdown & Breakthrough: All in a day’s work

Today’s stuff was intense and deep and wonderful.  Rather than explain and describe everything, I turn to selections from the Facebook Messenger conversation I had with my cousin.  As a note that you can understand afterward, I have seven large trash bags crammed in my trunk right now, ready to be donated tomorrow, plus a bag of specifics for my cousin.  I went through two bags of trash – and no, I genuinely do not understand what trash is in the bags for the most part, nor from where it all came, seeing as how I was going through clothing only today…  Anyway, there was hesitation and uncertainty at the start, then paralyzing panic, followed by red-eyed determination, and then finally comfortable relaxation and ease.

At one point, after probably five (of the eventual 8) bags had been moved to the trunk, I opened up my guitar.  I had to cut off the plastic ties that were still around the case from having brought it here on the airplane.  I tuned it up from the extremely loose state in which the strings had been for months, played a song, and then just played around for a few minutes.  All-in-all, it wasn’t even 15 minutes spent with the guitar, but it was blissful, and I was filled with delight by the end of it.  It may seem like little, but having done this specifically speaks volumes about how effective today was – I hadn’t even considered pulling out the guitar until today.  The guitar is enjoyment and relaxation and fun.  Those haven’t really been an option in my life lately.

Anyway, find the selections here, below, and have a wonderful day.  šŸ™‚

………………………………………………………..

Hannah Any chance you read my weblog from last night?
I feel stuck
Cousin i have not
Hannah And Iā€™d like your opinion
Cousin I will add that to my list of goals for today
Hannah I guess, essentially, I have planned to do my clothes today, KonMari style
But I feel like I canā€™t relate to joy sparking feeling
Itā€™s like, because I have so much stuff, it all just stresses me out a little bit
And I feel kind of guilty at having it all in the first place
Maybe not guilt, but something… almost like shame
Cousin I went ahead and read the what you wrote
I hear you. I feel that way every time I move. Which is a lot of times.
Hannah Ha
Cousin I wonder what that ‘shame’ feeling is attached to. Is it a ‘supposed to’?
I’m not ‘supposed to’ have this much stuff?
Hannah Perhaps
I think so
Like that I was wasteful in getting things I donā€™t love in the first place
Cousin that was a different kind of joy at the time though
Hannah Itā€™s currently just a big sense of stress
No specifics to it
Cousin specifically talking about the clothes right now. it sounds like you’re not being able to relate to confront them on a one on one level because you’re dealing with them as a whole emotionally.
Hannah Like I mentioned, my main issue right now is that I canā€™t get that spark joy feeling
Yeah, I think so
Cousin And you know there is no benefit to bringing the baggage of what you “should or should not” have done with any of these things.
That baggage is just more clutter
Even if the purchases you made turned out not to bring a usefulness and sustaining joy, there was at least a small amount of freedom and joy in obtaining them when you did. Otherwise you wouldn’t have done it.
That is all past now. You have grown. You have learned. You did good. Gold starts all around.
Now we get the excitement of meeting this new phase in your life. You get to make all these creative choices again with things you already own.
Like editing the draft of a novel.
And you don’t have to worry about making the wrong decision. Because your life si so abundant.
You may never find those plates from college. That sucks.
But. You didn’t know those plates would bring you joy before you found them.
ANd that may happen again with new plates.
Hannah Yeah
M– has always said that ā€˜If it isnā€™t a definite YES!, then itā€™s definitely a noā€™
[…]
Cousin The ‘definite yes’ thing can be useful, but it can also be a lot of pressure to put on yourself
[…]
Cousin especially because of where you are in your life.
It’s easier to know ‘definite yes’ when you’ve been living with the same stuff in the same place for several years
it’s harder when you’re in flux
there is an episode of gilmore girls actually that deals with that in the last season.
Hannah Ha
Hannah Remember that time I got rid of the multiple black trash bags of clothes?
At the two-Story apartment
Cousin yes
Hannah I did this activity then
It was just the clothes I had at that apartment, but still
It worked great
And I was so happy with it all
Now I finally have everything in one place
I want to do the activity again
I think Iā€™m getting overwhelmed with the fact that thereā€™s just so much sh*t everywhere in my room, in the house, and in my life
And Iā€™m somewhat scared of what life will be when I let go of it all
Slash terrified
Cousin well, I know what you need then
some Tina Turner
Your montage moment is waiting for you whenever you are ready to have it
(and it’s okay not to be ready yet. You can also be scared of it and choose to be a cat instead until you’re ready.)

……………………………………………….

Hannah I just put the second item into the give-away bag, and Iā€™ve started deep crying
Itā€™s like I can see whatā€™s going on for me, but I canā€™t seem to do anything about it
Because it isnā€™t just letting go – it is intentionally clearing the space
So much of what I have is out of necessity
Thatā€™s why I got a lot of it
Also, not really knowing who I want to be right now makes this tough
My current lifestyle leans toward making me feel useless in life
Cousin That’s why I was serious about my last suggestions. You’ve done your logic homework. This is body primal stuff.
Hannah Itā€™s terrifying to let go of the safety that Iā€™ve known
A lot of my clothes are representative of the safety Iā€™ve had in my life
Mostly financially, but also mentally and all
Cousin Absolutely. This actually reminds me a little bit of when you shaved your head
Hannah Really?
I had no struggle with making that move
Haha
Cousin Conversations we had after the fact I mean
About how you had to find different ways to express your femininity
Hannah About having to deal with people seeing me so differently, and having to examine how I wanted to present myself?
Yeah
Cousin Exactly
Hannah Itā€™s like Iā€™m scared to show a grown-up, feminine me here
In Japan, I was okay with it
Cousin New slate, new rules
Hannah There were multiple occasions where I just stared st myself, ā€˜cause I envied the woman I was in that moment and outfit and everything
And here, I feel like Iā€™m allowed to be a kid and/or tomboy
Only
Cousin Another identity to contend with
Hannah
Cousin Grl, YES
This is very much an Artist’s Way date
Hannah Haha
[…]

Hannah With quick folding, most of it went into my dresser, and the rest in one laundry basket!
Hannah I also started noticing differences in feelings as I was folding them up. It were as though, now that I have so much less, I could see suddenly all these individual emotions that were difficult to see before. Before, it was a simple ā€˜good feelingā€™ versus ā€˜not good feelingā€™ with each item. Now that all the ā€˜not good feelingā€™ items are out of the picture, Iā€™m seeing what the different subcategories, if you will, of ā€˜good feelingā€™ are.

…………………………………………………………………………..

P.S.  Sonntag means Sunday.  It’s German.  šŸ˜‰

Post-a-day 2018

Tasty Ice and Salt

Do you know what a salt lamp is? Ā Well, I just realized that I have one. Ā And it’s in my room. Ā And I’m quite excited about it all of a sudden. Ā And, naturally, feel a silliness rising, too. Ā You see, with salt lamps, just like with ice sculptures, I have an urge to lick them whenever I see them illuminated. Ā Okay, the illuminated part isn’t exactly the same with ice sculptures, but the licking desire is.

I remember my brothers’ dad’s wedding over a decade ago (I think that was the occasion, anyway), and how there was an ice sculpture there at the reception. Ā My cousin commented how she wanted to lick it – perhaps it was a swan, if I remember correctly? – when we were standing in front of it. Ā ‘So, lick it,’ was approximately my response.

Sure enough, she licked it. Ā We both did, actually, because her desire rubbed off onto me somehow. Ā (It actually started a trend for me, for whenever parties have ice sculptures. Ā I remember shocking a few classmates, when I casually passed by and licked a huge ice sculpture at a school event.) Ā We were still kids, but we knew well enough that it was not a normal behavior, and so were stealthy about it. Ā But we totally licked the ice sculpture.

Now, I have a similar situation with salt lamps. Ā Though, since they aren’t something that will melt away in a matter of hours, and they’ll stick around for quite some time afterward, and have been around for a while, I don’t lick them. Ā Usually, though, I just touch it gently with a finger or two, and then smoothly lick the salt off my fingers.

Of course, now you know about my sneaky – and somewhat weird, really – habits at parties and salt-lamp-containing spaces. Ā Just don’t give me away, okay? Ā If anything, give the ice sculpture thing a go yourself. Ā It’s surprisingly rewarding, the whole affair. Ā ;D

Post-a-day 2018

::Sigh…

Sometimes I wonder if it wouldnā€™t just be better to get a high-paying job in an office, and start saving up.  Then, after a couple or few years, start the process for adoption.  The only work so far that I have loved doing, without almost any question ever, is doing things with other peopleā€™s kids (nannying).  Maybe having a somewhat terrible corporate job in suits is worth it for having a kid…

I just donā€™t see myself happy each morning and each bedtime in a job like that, and that means bad sleep each night and a tough start to the day each morning.

I donā€™t know… sometimes I get depressive, and then desperate, and start calculating what ā€˜makes senseā€™ for life, as opposed to ā€˜listening to my heartā€™.  Come to think of it, Iā€™m not sure Iā€™ve even asked my heart what I/it want/wants to do with my life and time…

Now is as good a time as ever, I suppose.  šŸ™‚

 

P.S.  I’ve noticed that, whenever I get upset in the depressed, my life is going nowhere experience, I have an almost panicked desire to move to Europe, and it is most often France.  It’s not like I have any idea whatsoever what I would do there, or how that would solve any of my current issues.  Plus, it would create the issue of being away from almost everyone I know and love and who loves me, since most of them are in the US.  However, there’s just this feeling that arises that living in Europe somehow would just make everything okay, and in a good way (not just tolerable okay, but good okay).  Anyway, just something I noticed tonight.

Post-a-day 2018

Where are you?

Today, I met with my mom, aunt, and cousins in Galveston. Ā I was driving there from my aunt’s house, which is east of Houston (toward Louisiana), and so was scheduled to ride the Bolivar Ferry across to the island (not normally the case, because there’s a bridge to Galveston Island from Houston). Ā My mom and I usually ride the ferry whenever we go to Galveston, so she scheduled herself to ride the ferry over to meet me as I was first arriving to it. Ā That way, we could ride it together, if only the one direction.

And so, we kept in touch via phone, so that my mom knew about when to get over to the ferry. Ā When I was not too close yet, we spoke. Ā When I was getting somewhat close, we spoke, and my mom headed to the ferry. Ā But, there was no parking, so we spoke again, so that she could tell me that she was not on foot but in a vehicle. Ā Okay.

And then I sent her a message (via the handy dandy Siri) to let her know that I was two miles from the ferry landing. Ā She then called me to tell me that she was about to disembark from the ferry. Ā Okay.

She calls me a minute later, asking, “Are you about to pass me right now?”

I look up, and see no cars parked to the side of the road. Ā I glance left, and see her driving in the opposite direction and I am driving, in the line of cars that has clearly just disembarked from the ferry. Ā Just as I say, “Yes,” I see her face in her vehicle and she seems to look right at me, too. Ā She gives something like anĀ Okay, and hangs up.

I continue on the road toward the ferry. Ā Within a minute, I’m stopped in line behind a car, waiting for the ferry. Ā I see my mom’s vehicle driving up, and am somewhat surprised at how quickly she managed to turn around and get back to the ferry. Ā She pulls up right behind me and stops in the line of vehicles.

At this point, it it clear that we will not make it onto this ferry, and so will have to wait about twenty minutes for the next. Ā Since it is cold out, I grab my scarf and put it on. Ā As I am reaching for my sweater in the passenger seat, I answer my phone with a not-actually-annoyed-but-playing-at-it, “What?” Ā I look up at my mom in the rearview mirror as I answer the phone, and I see her calling me.

She responds, “WhereĀ are you?”

…

For a moment, I am stunned and cannot speak. Ā Then, I begin to laugh and I tell her, “Right in Front. Ā Of. Ā You.”

I see her looking more carefully at the truck (I’m in the truck), and then we both are laughing, barely able to speak.

I don’t even know what we said after that, but the call ended somewhat quickly, and I went and joined her in her vehicle to listen to Canadian French country western music together.

We joked about it throughout the day as a family, because that was just too good to let alone.

Moms. Ā Gotta love them.

 

Also, she bought me this stellar ring today. Ā It has diamonds and everything, and looks totally old fashioned (but clean!) and also totally like an engagement ring (but that wasn’t why I got it). Ā And it probably would have been an engagement ring if it hadn’t ended up in this particular shop (and I hadn’t gotten it). Ā I got it, because I just loved the ring, and it made my heart goĀ doki-doki when I put it on after it was cleaned. Ā I was planning to buy it myself, but then my mom just bought it for me. Ā So we marveled at it in the sunlight together afterward, and laughed at how people were going to think me engaged now, because I justĀ had to show it off to the world, it was that pretty. Ā Anyway… that’s all for now. Ā šŸ˜›

IMG_3298

Post-a-day 2018

Cousin Talk

Our conversation just now:

“I went and put cold water on it – I just leaned over and stuck it under the shower real quickly and stood back up, but then the water rolled down my back and went into my underwear… but oh, well… Anyway, I put cold water on it, and it almost instantly started getting better.  There are parts of it that are already back to normal color..”

“Wow.  That’s just… crazy that it did that,” he laughs quietly.

“Yeah, the vibrations irritate it and make it react, I think.  Like I said, I think I’ve had it happen before with some other massage thing or something, so I’m not worried…  But it’s getting better, so…”  and I shrug.

I continue after a few moments of observation of his resumed task, “What are you doing?”

I repeat.

Concentrating on making a fold that doesn’t want to fold, he replies, “I… uh… I’m… making a sheath.”

“Out of paper?  See if Allison has some leather you can use for it… Wait.  You have leather.  Make a real one out of leather.”

“I don’t have any that’s sturdy enough.”

“Oh,” I sigh.  “Okay.”

 

That’s how all people’s 2:30 in the morning looks, right?  šŸ˜›

Post-a-day 2018

 

Bedtime perfection

Tonight, sitting in a chair that traditionally belongs in an office, at a desk, and not in a living room with a blanket on it, I paused in my book reading to focus on the music that surrounded me.  My cousin was playing at the piano.  He had gone through many pieces throughout the evening, and even in his current sitting.  I had last paid close attention when he switched to “FĆ¼r Elise” – not that I have anything against it, but I’ve heard it so many times, that I don’t often enjoy focusing on it anymore… plus, I was sitting in this same room as this same cousin learned to play this piece over a decade ago; I wasn’t in a mood to listen to him figure it out all over again.

But the current piece, now it was something different.  It struck me as perfection in the moment.  I was in a dimmed room, wearing my pajamas, reading while sitting in a comfortable chair, listening to perfect, full, live piano music.  It was as though I were in a novel of Jane Austen’s, or something quite similar (only we don’t marry our first cousins these days, and I think they did back then…).

Once I had paused to take note of the piece, I couldn’t go back to my book; I had to sit and enjoy the piece fully.  It was perfection in a scenario and in the music for that sort of moment.  I felt filled with the understanding that anything is possible in my life, and comfortable with all that had happened in my day, as though this were a perfect completion and letting go of it all.

And then, I couldn’t help but document it somehow – this is how I want my life to be.  This is the bedtime scenario I want more than once in a blue moon.  Man, where are you?  Or, at least, housemate, where are you?  Come to me soon, please, and stay with me.  I want this in my regular life.  God, ready me as I need to be ready to have this in my (at least) weekly life, please.

Tonight was magic turned reality, and I loved it.  I hope to dream this just-created, extended piano version of “La la lu” tonight.

The Brief Documentation

Music is magic, when used properly.  Remember that.

Post-a-day 2018

The answering machine commands

Tonight, as my cousin and I had a pause in our music-making, we heard our grandma’s voice on the answering machine, telling us to pick up the phone.  My uncle rushed into the kitchen and picked up the phone, and then spoke with her for a little while, while my cousin and I moved to and sat quietly at the warming fire.

Not one of us had had any idea that the phone was even ringing.  We were simply playing the opening song from Jesus Christ Superstar on the piano (well, my cousin was playing that part), and singing along to it with the odd word discrepancy here and there (It’s amazing how well I can remember the words, despite having not heard it in possibly years.).  With that song, as you must know if you have ever heard it, it is impossible not to sing and play passionately and, well, loudly.  So, it’s no wonder, really, that we hadn’t heard the phone ringing, even though the phone is actually quite loud when it rings…  If you don’t know the song, look it up and listen to it.  Imagine playing and singing that in your living room for some evening time fun.  (Hint: It’s a blast.)  ;D

Post-a-day 2018

Speaking of mountains…

I brought my Mt. Fuji hiking stick to show my cousin (who’s in town(ish) briefly) and aunt and uncle, because I knew they could and would appreciate not only the accomplishment it represents, but also just how cool the stick itself is.

In showing my cousin the stick tonight, we got into questions about hiking mountains and the experiences tied to them.  The absolutely silly part of that particular mountain experience was the fact that, while at the top of the mountain, finally resting, we were told that we needed to rush off the mountain, because a typhoon (hurricane) was coming.  Cool.  So, that made for a hurried departure from the top, and inadequate preparations for the painful and long, bathroom-less and water-less descent.

On a similar note, my cousin had a time on a sacred mountain in India (that part is important), where he had his own troubles with water.  Because the mountain is sacred, you see, it is said that no shoes may go on the mountain – it must be hiked barefoot.  My cousin respected this declaration, though his companions did not.  He also discovered afterward that it apparently is rather common even for native Indians to wear shoes for the trek.  Oh, well… Anyway, so this mountain is rocky, and there isn’t exactly a clear and clean path to follow.  By the time they reached the summit, his feet were scorched, and needed a rest.  He had brought plenty of water (carrying at least two two-liter bottles in his pack, plus his regular water bottle, I believe.), so they were in no specific hurry to get back down the mountain.  So, he and his companions set down their gear to give their backs a rest, and walked around the summit a little bit.  When they returned to their bags, what did they find?  Well, they found monkeys… stealing, you guessed it, the waters.  Did the monkeys take other things, like food or small things?  No.  They took the water.  Kind of makes you want to laugh hysterically and punch a monkey at the same time, doesn’t it?  šŸ˜›

Just know: I really do love monkeys.  I just would want to punch almost anybody who stole all of my water in a situation like that, be it person, monkey, or zebra.  Fight or flight leans to fight in that circumstance for me, it seems.  šŸ˜›

Anyway, fun mountain stories, huh?

Post-a-day 2018

Full Moon Dreams

Today was the first day of the year.  Tonight was the closest the full moon will be to us all year – it is called a Super Moon, and this one in particular, as I understand it, is called the Wolf Moon.

Occasionally, we do collages – my mom and I, and sometimes others in our family – with the full moon, following the theme of the specific full moon.  They are specifically dream boards, done in collage style, using magazines that my mom pulls out from somewhere.  Tonight’s full moon, the Wolf Moon, brought with it the question, “What are you hungry for?” for the dream board making.

We went out and looked at the full, bright moon at 20:24, while it was at its fullest here, and admired its brightness, shining directly through the clouds.  We even – well, I did, anyway – got a brief view of it without all of the clouds, through one of those occasional holes that do appear in the screen of clouds that sometimes occur at night.

When we came back inside a minute or two later (it is darn cold out tonight), we began our boards.  My mom’s and my own always look drastically different from one another, yet someone tied.  Even through our artwork, one could tell that we are mother and daughter – entirely different people who share so much, one could never list it all.

As I made my dream board, I kept saying in my head, “I am hungry for…”  Over and over again, I said it as I flipped through the unsatisfactory pages of the magazines.  This is one of the funny, read “odd”, things about these dream boards: It always feels like nothing will be quite right, and yet the board turns out somehow perfect-feeling in the end every time.  The trick is just to flip through, almost passively, and just notice what is on the pages, while keeping in mind what the topic of the search is.  In doing that, things will just pop out, and, when they do, I pull out the page, set it aside, and continue flipping, almost without pause in the flow of the flipping.  At the end, I kept feeling that I needed space.  I hadn’t found anything that really fit it.  I flipped through the last magazine and found a large, white sofa.  It had space.  So I went with it.

Putting it all together was intended by my mother to be on this piece of cardboard she’d taken from a cookie box I’d just recycled today.  However, I almost never do that, because what I pull out for my dream board never fits on the cardboard.  I did put the collage together on the cardboard, though; it was the support for pressing the pages together as I glued them in place (which was because the carpet gave in too much).  My mom laughed when I mentioned that afterward.  How I put it together was almost exactly as I’d unconsciously laid it out on the floor while tearing the chosen parts out of the pages I’d set to the side.  It was just kind of almost finished already for me.  It almost always is.

So, I looked at it all to take it in before gluing.  Yes, space was still not properly represented.  I knew exactly what page I wanted.  I found it quickly, tore out the whole thing, and then discovered that I wanted to use the whole thing.  I easily stuck together everything rather quickly, and then my board was completed.  Though, the glue was really crappy, and that made it kind of odd, mashing the stick glue onto the magazine pages as the stick bent oddly one way or another.

Anyway, I was happy with my dream board when I finished gluing.  I always make it a point to put it somewhere that I will see it easily and often (and hopefully in a good mood), and this one is no different in that sense.  It rides on my wall in my bedroom, next to my door, in a spot that I couldn’t miss it, even if I tried.  And it is lovely.

Happy Wolf Moon, everyone.  For what dreams are you hungry?

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Post-a-day 2018  (The first one, anyway)

A different kind of Christmas gift-giving, I suppose

I’m not sure when or exactly how I stopped the regular giving of Christmas presents, but it feels like it has been a long and slow progression from standard present-giving to no present-giving at all.  This is not to say that I do not give love to my loved ones – I certainly do.  It is just that I give my love in the form of concern, interest, and time.  I plan out things for us to do together, and I get us to go do them together.  I find a way to get myself halfway across the country to be with the family members who have been on their own in recent years, missing the family.  And I make things like this seem like they are only natural, and why would anyone not do such a thing.  Not as a way to show off or anything, of course, but because they are just so easy to me.  Kind of like the ends justifying the effort, and therefore making the effort almost no strain at all.

And so far as giving physical presents are concerned, I do still give those from time to time in life.  However, I give them, because there I something I want to give to someone, there is something I want to do for someone.  It usually is not tied to any particular holiday or day.  It is tied merely to the fact that I care about the person, and there is something I want to give to him/her.  I re-made an acquaintance a few years ago, and, after only two meet-ups and discussions, I left a present at the person’s front door in secret.  It was a book I felt sure this person would love, and that I wanted this person to be able to experience, after our discussions together.  (Turns out that it was a total hit.) I’m not sure we ever saw one another again, due to various circumstances, but that was okay.  That is life sometimes.  The point was that I gave the present freely and genuinely, and expected and wished for nothing in return.  My only hope was that the book be enjoyed, and it was.

For me, that kind of thing is normal.  I give, because I want to give, and there usually is a something specific that I want to give.  At Christmas, I used to feel a need to give to everyone I know.  And I would be almost frustrated at being unable to do such a thing.  I guess this is how that situation has evolved over recent years, with last year, alone in Japan and with very little income, being a rather large factor in how Christmas looks this year for me.  When I accepted that it really wouldn’t work to do most anything physical for people, I suddenly noticed how I didn’t really like the whole situation in the first place.

It’s like how I made strong efforts to figure out what kind of scarf a friend of mine would use, and made one for him for Christmas.  And he gave me some socks from home, that were socks for a type of shoe that I never even wear, and were a color that I definitely don’t even own (and on purpose).  We definitely discussed this all after the fact, and even laughed about it.  We just had totally different attitudes toward the gift-giving.  I had thought about giving him a good scarf a long time before Christmas.  Due to my laziness mostly, I believe, I didn’t end up making it until the week before Christmas, using Christmas as my back-up plan for giving him the scarf (kind of a no later than this date thing for giving him the scarf, because i might never do it otherwise).  But I had found out material and color and style and everything that would be appropriate and most helpful for his scarf.  He, on the other hand, had wanted to give me a Christmas present, and so looked for something that would be suitable for a Christmas present between new friends.  His gift was totally appropriate for such standards.  Quite frankly, though, spending time together would have been much more valuable to and appreciated by me than a pair of socks that have nothing to do with me.  Plus, it’s a better way of life, being less wasteful with our resources.  šŸ˜›

Anyway, this all just has to do with the fact that I don’t like doing the mandatory or obligatory presents for holidays, and might even dislike it.  Yes, I like that it gives a specific opportunity to consider something special to give to another.  No, I don’t like how often we give/receive things no one seems to want or to find useful in life in our society right now.  And so I have let go of participating in it.  I think my dad’s side of the family will struggle for at least a few more years with the idea, still wondering why they should give to me, if I am not giving to them – hint: I have told them that I do not need anything given to me for Christmas or my birthday, but, if they desperately want to give me something, they can give me a pony.  I think a pony is the only thing for which I have asked for my birthday since I was around 13 or 14.  Not that I expect one, by any means, but it would be spectacular to have a pony given to me for my birthday.  Otherwise, there’s nothing that comes to mind without feeling wasteful in the world.

It kind of takes away a bit of the feeling of Christmas, not exchanging presents with everyone.  However, I currently am happy without the presents – all I ever really want is time together with the ones I love.  The presents are almost upsetting to me, considering my background with stuff and feeling incredibly wasteful if I ever get rid of anything.  I usually prefer receiving nothing, so I don’t have to feel bad at either not using it or at wanting to give it away or throw it away, when its time has really come to an end.

Post-a-day 2017