Tag: future

Moving

Well, I got a decent amount moved today. Still loads to go – literally – tomorrow, and likely Wednesday, too (for the furniture), but today was a good start. I’m not easy, and I think it’s because I’m still not sure how I’m going to manage all the furniture yet. But there is a yet in that sentence, for I know I will figure it out. I’m just managing getting everything done before the end of this coming weekend, so I’m currently feeling the pressure of that timeline (and the goal timeline of finishing Thursday).

God, give me the strength – literally -, please, to make this all happen beautifully and successfully over the next couple days. Thank you for this opportunity. Please, help me to do the best possible with it, that I might be your love in the world. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Rest in the knowledge

‘I mean, I love him, but if he’s not going to take his fitness seriously, then it’s not ever gonna happen,’ she says with casual comfort and clear honesty. ‘If he won’t even stretch, then no way…’ She is not upset in what she says, nor is she concerned. For her, it is clear that, if he isn’t the one, then he just isn’t the one, and she’s totally okay not spending any strain, stress, or brainpower on wishing, hoping, or dreaming for him to be the one. If he’s not, he’s not, and there’s someone better out there. If he is, then he’ll make it clear that he is, which will include caring about his well-being and honoring his own body. How can we love another, if we cannot love ourselves?

Be not afraid. God is with us, even and especially when we feel so utterly alone on the partner/relationship front. God, grant me the serenity to be your love in the world, even and especially in the face of no agreement in my life. Help me to do what only I can do to share your love in the world. Help me to fulfill on all I am capable of doing in this life, through your will and help. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Still have to think about that year…)

Cookies

My girlfriend said her husband didn’t need the cookies, so to eat or take as many as I wanted. So, I took loads. I think she made around 40 cookies. I probably ate ten of them. I left four for her husband. Maybe he had a couple last night already. I took a box of them to school and made the day of several girls – they were certainly surprised to be getting delicious homemade chocolate chip cookies when they showed up to class! Then, I took another box-full of them to the boys’ soccer game tonight, and they delighted in the cookies after the games. One small act of love – my friend baking cookies for me to enjoy on Valentine’s Day – turned into exponentially larger acts of love. Put differently, this loved expressed by one person to another turned into love experienced by roughly 30 different people. And my friend doesn’t even know about it yet.

So, just remember that our love is way more powerful and impactful than we may ever know or likely ever could imagine. And it is always worth it to love, even when it seems almost insignificant.

Post-a-day 2022

(Yeah, almost got the year wrong again… I guess we are going back in time now…)

Guidance

Dear God, I give it all up to you. Guide me, please, to do as you need me to do in this world. Help me to plow the path that only I can plow, in order that your love be abundant through me and my life, a beautiful expression of your love and creativity. I trust in you fully, and I let it all go tonight. Your will be done. In your name, I pray. Amen. Hallelujah.

Post-a-day 2022

(Wow… ^ almost messed it up for the third night in a row here, even though I’ve gotten it so well for a while now)

Gratitude, Dude

I was a bit nervous leading up to today, as I was going to be subbing with the boys again. It had been a while since I’d been with this school, and I’d gotten accustomed to working with the girls lately. I was slightly afeared.

However, by the end of taking role in my first class of the day, I was clear just how perfect it was that I was there today. I love these boys. Within the first few minutes of class, without even trying, they had made me feel so unequivocally at home, I was feeling a sense of total ease, belonging, and love. Yes, they are dopes. And I absolutely love them for it. Don’t get me wrong here: Girls are great. But there is just something about how I’m made that just has the boys feel so much more right for me. Even as a kid, I was more comfortable playing with and being friends with the boys than with the girls. Perhaps it was due in part to my siblings closest in age being boys. I always felt more distant from my sisters, what with there being a nine-year and 11-year age gap between us. Compare that to the three boys that were only seven, six, and four years older than I was, and it makes a bit more sense that I ended up a total tomboy throughout my childhood. I also just prefer the honesty and directness of males, as well as their willingness to be goofy. That makes a big difference for me, too, and played a big role in my seeking out male friendships over the years and to this day.

Anyway, thank you, God, for this blessing that has been today. It was glorious. May I continue to be part of the beautiful formation You are offering these boys here. In Your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Bombshell, or just an actual bomb?

Whenever I see those gorgeously fit people – the ones who are basically the epitome of what we’re meant to do with the human body – I find myself just a little bit tense, stressed, on their behalves. I place upon them this ideal, somehow. Since they are practically perfect in this one visible right, they must be perfect in all the other rights, too. Their lives must be in order. They all must have a gorgeously fit partner or spouse, too, and an amazing house and car and job, and, basically, their lives are perfect. Right?
Except, I know their lives aren’t perfect. I know it is just an automatic judgment my brain makes, and that it likely isn’t the truth.
However, I always have found myself envying and, sometimes, slightly disliking these people for that envy, as though it were jealousy (that I can’t have something because someone else has it), even though their fitness has nothing to do with my own.
Now, that all being said, I must say: I believe I have become one of these people. No, I am not in the top tier of them, but I am definitely part of these incredibly fit individuals.
Yes, I am extremely grateful for this, for my intense efforts paying off so well. However, I also have found a certain degree of unexpected stress from my fitness. You see, now when I show up somewhere that is not the gym in anything that shows off my body or fitness, I feel almost weird. I almost feel like I need to hide myself, so as not to upset those around me who are so clearly not on the same level in terms of physical fitness. It isn’t always, but I sometimes see the looks people give me, and I can see that envy, the misplaced jealousy… even, at times, hatred. And these things hurt.
Part of me feels that it would be so much easier just to hide, just to allow the loud voices demanding inclusiveness and equality their way… and yet, where is the love there? When I am hiding myself in shame, in fear… what I have worked so hard towards having… When I am rejected for who I am… where is the love there?
I keep returning to Marianne Williamson’s quote about how my playing small does not serve the world… My hiding does not help… anyone, especially myself. I am here to love and to teach int this life. I am not here to cower. Hiding away or being ashamed of who I am is not honoring myself, my work, or God. I am God’s gift and an expression of His creativity in the world. When I am honoring myself and being my best self, I am honoring God. When I am ashamed of myself and hiding myself, so, too, am I doing that to God…
I understand all of what I have said here. I am convinced that it does not work for me to hide away or feel ashamed for my fitness and my fitness goals and pursuits. Yet, I still feel such pressure at being seen as ‘one of those fit people’.
Why?
I think it is because, to me, being rejected by others has been quite difficult in my life. I have had some very hard rejections from people in my life, on various levels. Oftentimes, they never even told me why I was being rejected, which made it even worse. Now, being rejected for my fitness isn’t about the fitness for me, but about its being yet another rejection.
Yes, that is exactly it. (I can tell, because that is what brought tears to my eyes just now.)
Okay, so, as my silly unicorn calendar said last year, I must remember that, whenever someone rejects me, The Universe is also protecting me from that person. For whatever reason, that person is not needed in my life beyond simply exiting it.
So, the people at my one job might not like me very much. But that isn’t because they know me. It is because they don’t know me. And because they weren’t willing to get to know me. If that is the case, then they aren’t people for my life in the long-run. It’s as simple as that. I want people in my life who both can and will love me. If they won’t get to know me, they never can love me. If I am hiding away myself, then those people still won’t get to know me and still won’t be able to love me. Therefore, be myself truly. If people reject me for that, it is for their own problems and struggles – it has almost nothing to do with me and everything to do with what my presence brings up from their memories about themselves. Being small serves No One and none. Indeed. Again as Marianne Williamson says, being true to myself and letting my own light shine will allow others to do the same for themselves. Though I likely will upset the loud few for being so gorgeously fit and for sharing that fitness with the world around me, the ones who are ready will take the opportunity as – consciously or not – inspiration for their own pursuits.
Therefore, honoring myself with my fitness, sharing it openly, also will be honoring and supporting those around me.
That’s quite cool, actually…
Post-a-day 2022

We work out!

My friend came with me to the gym Saturday morning. She was a total trooper and did an awesome job. She is probably close to the most out-of-shape she has ever been in life right now, having not been able to get things sorted out with exercise time and all after having her baby almost a year and a half ago.

Yet, a few hours after the workout, she’s talking to me suddenly about the punch card she’s getting for the gym and what times and days she’s planning to go this week… And she says that, if she likes it and can make the timing all work okay, she will end up signing up for a subscription when the punch card runs out.

I was blown away and overjoyed. I hadn’t even brought up the idea of her ever coming with me again or signing up – I had merely invited her to come work out with me for one day. So, that made it extra-cool that she was interested in potentially joining the gym.

And, due to an atypical schedule for her tomorrow, instead of going in the morning with me, I’m going to babysit later in the day, so she can go then. AND there’s a chance her husband might be able to make his work schedule line up to go with her tomorrow to try it out himself. And that was her idea completely.

No matter how it all goes, I am grateful to have been able to make even the slightest difference in the health and well-being of my friend.

Thank you, God, for such love and opportunity. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Reading itch

I very distinctly had a desire today – a pull, more like – to read religious books, books that somehow use religion as a foundation for whatever they want to communicate… could be about building a relationship with God, about being a woman today of God, about Church itself, about prayer… whatever. But “Church books” is what came to mind specifically.

Guess I’ll start reading the book Church gave out the other week, then. It was meant to have a book study with it, and I even signed up online to be in a remote group (since I don’t live near that church), but I haven’t heard anything from that since signing up. Perhaps it is time for me just to start myself. If a group pops up later, I can still participate, even if I have already read the thing in its entirety.

Let’s do this.

Thank you, Life, for being a beautiful opportunity for me, and thank you, God, for joining us. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Dreams coming true yet?

My mom mentioned to me today something that she read just this past week about reaching for our dreams. The question she gave me was “If you woke up tomorrow, and your dream were fulfilled, what would be the first thing you would notice that told you that your dream had been fulfilled?“
I thought about this question. It somewhat baffled me, because I could not easily come up with an answer. Why is that? Well, if my current dream were fulfilled when I woke up tomorrow morning, I still would start my day the exact same way I do right now. I would get up early and go to the gym. I would exercise with delight and rigor. And then I would head to school. Only at this point would I have the noticeable sign, as the bag I had packed for school would be a bit different and where I showered would be different (at school versus at the gym).
While the exercise was interesting simply for the idea of what one thing would give it away, should my big dream come true, what was more fascinating and valuable to me was that my day would begin the exact same way. Put differently, I am already, in part, living my dream.
And that is quite cool.
Sure, I don’t have the specific work and finances and all the follow-up details and activities that come with those, but the person I am being, the habits I am pursuing… those are already exactly part of my dream life being fulfilled.
So, how do we level up now to the next step in fulfilling this dream? That is the question.
Post-a-day 2022
(Just a touch of hesitation now…)

Gymotions

I learned this morning that I need to go ahead and scale things down on Mondays at the gym. I needn’t feel like I am lame or cheating out or anything like that – I just simply cannot do the prescribed work. In the past, we had three levels of capability listed for each aspect of a workout. I was always the lowest originally, and eventually moved up to some of the middle level for parts of workouts. Now, we have only one, the hardest one. I am not on that level on any day. And, now, on Mondays, we are doing movements that are hard for my body period. I absolutely need to scale those down, and a lot. Otherwise, I will not improve and things will not go well for me. We can push when we are being lazy, but it is not a good idea to push when the body is crying with pains and high discomfort in movements. I needn’t cry doing any movements at the gym. But, today, I did, I was just so frustrated with not being able to do the stuff, no matter my effort.

Yeah, it was emotionally rough this morning. And my muscles were, of course, still quite sore going into it all, which didn’t help. At least I’m getting to bed a little earlier tonight…

Post-a-day 2022