Tag: life

What scares you…

In college, I took on a challenge for a short while to do at least one things every day that scared me.  The goal was to challenge the box of my comfort zone, and to experience life more fully than I had been so far.  I learned that doing “something that scared me” didn’t mean that I had to do something dangerous or stupid, like climb the side of a tower.  Fear doesn’t exist only at its most extreme level.  Often, the scary task I took on was as simple as asking someone a question, or admitting that I do not know something people think I know or expect me to know.

One day, it was trying out a longboard.  I have tried skateboarding on my own several times.  Each time has been more advanced than the previous, but each time has ended in a very painful fall…, leaving me quite uninterested in the sport for at least a couple years.  However, I have always wanted to learn to be comfortable with skateboarding.  One day on campus, I was walking across one of the courtyards, and found myself watching someone longboard, and chatting with a couple people.  The longboard guy offered for me to try it out.  I was about to decline the offer, until I noticed that the reason was because I am afraid.  And so, I told him about my current daily goal, that I was terrified of the longboard and why (also something that was scary to express, because being afraid of a skateboard is not something I am exactly proud of declaring), and then I asked if he could help with that fear.

His response was perfect.  He was sweet and kind, and totally understanding.  His attitude alone eased most of my fear.  He gave me wonderful tips and advice for how to do the longboard, and even held onto me for a bit, so I could get the feel for it, before going at it alone.  It was fabulous.  Both the feelings of going beyond my fear and that of riding the longboard were spectacular, and I was incredibly grateful for the experience.

And I wouldn’t have had that experience if I hadn’t consciously taken on doing at least one thing every day that scared me.  I haven’t been doing it daily anymore, but I make a real effort to notice when fear is stopping me in my daily life activities.  Sometimes, I still do not succeed in doing that thing that scared me.  Oftentimes, however, I find myself pulling through, and it almost always turns out wonderfully.

Today was one of those times, where I did something that really scared me, and which embarrassed me just a bit that I was scared of it.  But I did it, and it turned out wonderfully… and it might get even better with time, too.  Today’s was a good one.  A really good one.  🙂

 

As my German teacher later quoted to us constantly, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” (Neale Donald Walsch, I believe)  It truly does.  It truly does.  🙂

 

Post-a-day 2017

Magical life

I live a magical life, and I am grateful for it.  How is your life magical?  I have magic in mine every day.  It is only when I blind myself to the magic, that I begin to struggle in life.  If I keep my eyes seeing, the magic is, well, magical, and life is beautiful beyond compare (not that we really want to be doing comparisons in life, anyway, but still…).  So, let’s bring on the magic in each of our lives, and help the world to be even spectacularly beautiful.

Post-a-day 2017

Song chat

When we were kids, my cousins and I occasionally would speak song lyrics to one another, as though they were lines in our conversation.  There wasn’t much of a goal, besides turning songs into a conversation, but it was way fun.  “Copacabana” and “Baby Got Back” are two notable songs we used for the game/pastime.  I miss it, actually…

Just give it a try, using a song whose lyrics you and a friend or friends know well.  As silly and simple as it may sound, it can be way fun.

Post-a-day 2017

Finishing the chapter

I don’t remember where I heard it recently, but I heard the phrase that was something to the effect of, “How can you expect to move to the next chapter of your life, when you keep re-reading this chapter?”

I really loved and love the wording of this, though the idea is not new to me.  However, the new wording allowed me to look at it a bit differently.  I notice now that I am actually working on just this, proactively so since I heard the quote/phrase.  I have been looking specifically at areas where I am at unease in my current life chapter, and seeing what has me be at unease in them.  Finding those is the first step in moving past them – as soon as I see them, I can do something with them.  So long as they evade me, I am left with only the result of their existence, and cannot seem to do anything differently in those circumstances.  I want to move on to the next chapter of my life, and I see that these are all things I need to handle for myself, so that I don’t have to continue going back and revisiting, re-reading, them over and over again.

A large point on this has been the idea of how certain people (in a particular area of my life especially) perceive me, contrasted with how I have wanted them to see me in the past, and then tumbled together with the questions of Why did I want to be perceived that way? and Do I even want to be perceived that way anymore?  It has been unique, to be sure.  And I am liking the forward movement of it all.

A quick bit on it all: Other people’s opinions of me is none of my business, as I well know, and I have been reminded of that.  Taking that into account, I have been examining why I ever really cared, and found that I wanted them to see me as I found an acceptable appearance… though that was not necessarily exactly how I was.  And so, I am dealing with releasing any wish to be seen as something inconsistent with who I really am and who I really want to be.  I have done stupid things, things I utterly dislike.  I have done wonderful things, things I love.  And I have done stupid things that I love, as well as wonderful things that I don’t much like.  So, what?  Those are things I have done.  They are not I.  They merely contribute to the formation of who I currently am, always helping me to be better than I was in my previous breath.  I have loads of specifics on all of this, but I don’t really want to share them… not yet, anyway.

Here’s to a Happy Thanksgiving weekend, everyone!

 

Post-a-day 2017

A thank-you note

I sent a message to a friend of mine the other night, after reminiscing on how beautiful it was, having him be in my life in Japan.  He is still a quality friend now, despite our being worlds apart.  Open forum was the standard for our time spent together, and life was discussed earnestly and with invested interest in stepping forward with fulfillment and joy.  We supported one another in a way I have not really known before it.  Our lives intertwined just enough to be able to relate to one another, but without conflict or jealousy.  We became friends out of circumstances, but I couldn’t imagine a better friend to have been in his place this past year and a half.

 

These were our messages:

“I want you to know that I am extremely grateful for your friendship. I still regularly recall memories that remind me of how much of a blessing it was last year, having you in my life. Costco holds a warm spot in my life now, and it cracks me up that, of all places, Costco would have a warm spot. 😛 It was like things could feel normal for an evening, in the midst of the craziness that is figuring out life.”

“That was such a nice message to receive in the morning as I got out of the shower! Thanks for the message. I feel the same way about the friendship and how helpful it was and is while figuring out life!
It is funny how such an “ordinary” place like Costco can morph into something else like that”

Yes. Yes, it really is.

Post-a-day 2017

Late-night shared delights

I remember the time I showed someone I love how to shift the gears in a manual car.  Actually, I remember all of the times I have done this.  However, one in particular came to mind tonight, and I smiled at the memory.

We had gotten secret donuts together on the way to drive her home.  She managed to do a good job shifting, as I drove and told her exactly what to do each time.  Afterward, the gear shifter was sticky.  I panicked at first, and then remembered the donuts.  Who’d have thunk that a sticky gear shifter could make me smile, as opposed to recoil in tears?  I cleaned it all off with little concern… something so rare for me.  It meant that I really loved her, as well as the experience.  I still treasure them both. 🙂

Post-a-day 2017

Missing…

I miss my bed in Japan. My bedroom, especially, is one thing I miss most these days. It was a haven for me. No matter what kind of chaos or boredom lurked in my life, every night, my bedroom awaited me in calm, open, and empty space… in beauty. I shut my doors, and was safe in my retreat from everything else. Only love and blessings were ever allowed into my bedroom. I wasn’t even allowed to walk in it if I hadn’t recently showered. Clean clothes, my ukulele and ukulele music, my nighttime books, and water and tissues were just about all that ever went in there, aside from a clean me and my bed.

My bedroom now is slightly larger, but filled with boxes and stuff… a sentimentality to which I am not so sure I still want to cling. I think I am afraid that I will forget the memories, if I get rid of the objects. I do not, for the most part, want the objects, but the memories and the ways I felt. Without the objects, what will remind me?

Post-a-day 2017

ukulele, poke, and cray-zay

(Those all rhyme, in case you were wondering.)

Tonight, again, I spent some time with friends after school.  I napped briefly in the car, while I waited for them to arrive at our early dinner location.  We had a silly time figuring out how to order our Poke (think of a short “okay” with a p in the front), and chatted and ate and chatted some more, before heading outside to chat and dance and do acrobatic bits (because, why would we not do such things?).  We were all a bit tired, but only ended our time together, because the two of them had to go pack (one is moving apartments tomorrow, and the other is leaving to visit Australia for vacation).

At lunchtime, I had a Spanish-speaking lunch with some students, while I played ukulele alongside one of them.  I dragged kids through knowledge, forcing them to think and do well on their tests – I actually handed some tests back immediately, telling them, “No,”  go fix this stuff.  After school, I played a birthday song for a different student, and gave her a guitar string ring I made in Japan (not because she’s my favorite or anything, but because she always steals my jewelry during class, and hopes I won’t make her give it back.  So, I figured I’d give her something of her own that was sort of mine.  It was fun playing the song and singing for her.  I had forgotten how fulfilling it was, when I’d sung for my dad’s 64th birthday (“When I’m 64” by the Beatles, of course).

Yes, I feel satisfied in my day today.  It was good and fulfilling, an oddly uncommon combination for me in recent years.  I am delighted with this having happened twice this week.  I look forward to the next one and many to come.  🙂

Post-a-day 2017