Tag: stress

Dreaming madly?

Do you ever find yourself wondering about whether, if people actually knew all your hopes and dreams, they would think you were totally crazy, just absolutely nuts?? I mean, sure, plenty of mine are standard and/or acceptable dreams. But I definitely also have those ones that are…, well, not. I think that, if they were to come true, it wouldn’t be a problem of any kind. But hoping for them, dreaming about them, likely would seem utterly bizarre to most folks. Or, at least, to the folks in my immediate or daily surroundings, they would seem bizarre.

Do you know what I mean?

P.S. We got out most of everything today, and packed it safely and rather effectively in the storage unit. The friend did show up, and he stayed almost the whole day, working with me. My mom helped for about an hour and a half, split between the morning and the late afternoon, after we all had a 3:30pm lunch together. Tomorrow, we must take down and pack all the art, take apart my bed frame and table, and load it all into the unit. We also still have a few more instruments and games and small odd furnishings and such (mirrors, tea kettle, back massage tool, fans, a lamp, a vase…), as well as dishes and mugs and glasses in the kitchen (just a single cabinet, though) to pack and move. Then we have to put the stuff I intend to move with me into my 6-weeks home next week in the very front of the storage unit (including my mattress and chair and lamp). I think we will manage it all. But I intend to get up again early – would you believe I slept until after six today?! – to get started as soon as I can manage safely for my health and well-being. Then the friend is coming back to help finish everything off (and his extremely helpful truck, too!). My mom might even come by again to help a bit, too. Her car, borrowed, was also extremely helpful today.

Post-a-day 2021

^That year is almost up(!!!), I just realized

Progress so far

Well, the plan worked somewhat. I definitely felt somewhat ill by mid-morning, and so had to take a rest and gather myself energetically, lying on the floor, somewhat of a mess, for close to twenty minutes. But I ended up feeling loads better after that, and was really able to get to work.

I went to Mass at 9:00, as I woke up just after 7. I could have stayed up, when I awoke just after four, but thought better of it (and also was afraid of the day’s tasks, so took some time to avoid it beneficially with some needed sleep). I had expected to be up still in time for the 7am Mass, but I wasn’t. I ended up staying in bed until just after 8, diddling on my phone for a while (but getting actual things done on it, too), and then closing my eyes again for a final snuggle away from it all before my alarm sounded for me to get ready for Mass. Mass went well enough, and I picked up a stack of boxes from the store.

When I got home, things were slow-moving initially. I ate a bit and took my supplements, but struggled to think clearly. I eventually managed to sort out what felt and still feels like too much clothing for six weeks. And then I got to packing boxes and moving things downstairs to the first floor. After my little rest, I really started moving quickly and effectively with things. It was also easier not to feel so miserable and sad after the rest, though I continuously reminded myself to focus only on the one task at hand (instead of the whole mass of to-dos), so that I could keep calm-ish about everything.

Going to bed now, I have packed the suitcases for my six weeks. I have boxed and moved down: desk, sewing, art, nostalgia paper, music, incense, karate, and sport supplies, as well as most of my clothes (hanging and folded), my teas, movies and CDs, and (most) electronics. The goal is to move all of that and my furniture into the storage unit tomorrow.

Then, I can box up and load the rest on Tuesday, with or without help. But, tomorrow, I have help from someone who happens to have a truck coming to work with him. I am extremely grateful at the fortune of this particular friend’s having offered to help me. I still don’t know how to pack the books or the records, but I’ve got a big bulk managed thus far, and I am grateful.

Jude, please keep looking out for me. God, please continue to bless me, that I pursue and fulfill my role in this life to be Your love in the world. In your name I pray. Amen.

P.S. Happy birthday to my paternal grandfather, Grandpa. He died several years ago, but I still remember him on his birthday, with gratitude. ❤

Post-a-day 2021

Two things

One: I cannot seem to stop thinking about and feeling those feelings from my dream this morning, those of having met and been with my partner in life, my man. Even when I am not thinking about it, the feelings are there, in the background, ever-present. I am nervous now to sleep, for fear of no longer having the still-strong memories of being with him at last.

But then I also wonder what I need to do to go ahead and step forward in real life, so that I can make happen for real what manifested in my dream this morning…

……….

Two: I am back at the house in Houston now, about to go to sleep. Tomorrow, I am thinking I will go to Mass in the morning – though I usually prefer the evening Mass – while I am still all clean from having showered tonight. Then I can pack and lug boxes and such downstairs all fay after that, and not worry about getting dirty and sweaty while at all of that, as well as not have to keep track of the time, which tends to give me a certain level of added stress whenever I am waiting for something happening later in a day.

I am still nervous. That’s okay. I’ll go pick up the boxes from the store after Mass, and then come back and hop to it. I’m thinking I’ll start with my art stuff and my hanging clothes. Then I can just move down all the already-packed tubs and boxes of kimono, books, blankets, scarves, shirts, jackets, etc. I also will fold and pack up the laundry on my floor. That I will keep with me for the next six weeks. I think I had probably better pack my six-weeks bag first, actually. Set all of that somewhere particular, and then start to pack up all the rest. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Well, then, I have a plan that feels good for tomorrow’s goals. Mass, box-pickup, pack for the six weeks, take down to first floor all that is already boxed, start boxing art/desk stuff and hanging clothes, and breathe calmly and fully all day long. It’ll be easier to pack all the other stuff once the already-organized and -boxes stuff is out of the way. Then, Monday morning, I can go start sticking it all into the storage unit before packing all the other stuff, art and shoes and toiletries and rocks included.

God, grant me, please, the grace to handle this all effectively and beautifully and safely and lovingly tomorrow and this week. Help me to be your love in the world through this necessary shift. And, please, help this shift to be the source of my being your love more fully and more powerfully than ever, both presently and going forward throughout life.

P.S. Please give those green eyes some extra love and fulfillment tonight and this week. I hurt for their bearer and all that that one bears so heavily right now. Allow me to lift that weight and fill that individual with such love as frees – the love that You are.

In Your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Exhausted

You know, I’m not sure where I stand right now. In fact, I am lying half on my side and half on my back in bed right now… in an annoying double-decker bed that made it extremely difficult to do my bedtime stretches just now. I also have to remember to be careful getting up and out of the bed, too, because it is a very low top bunk. I can’t sit up in this bed.

Anyway, it was nice hanging with just a few family members tonight. We watched the rest of “The Santa Clause”. Apparently my mom and I know that whole movie… very well.

I really am exhausted tonight… my brain is barely functioning right now. Oh, God and Universe, give me the strength to get through all of this moving and work nonsense beautifully and effectively, and the courage actually to do it all. Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Skintimacy

Quote of the day

“Look, I know sex has greatness in its own right, but all I really want… is naked cuddles,” she declared.

Talk about unpopular opinions, this one likely would throw a lot of people through a loop. But, hey, if intentional and conscious physical intimacy is the goal, then it makes sense, right? Instead allowing oneself to cross over to an animalistic degree of human function – that part of humanity designed to procreate without having to be told how to do it -, there is an opportunity to be extremely intimate without loss of full consciousness and presence and without procreation. It is definitely a valuable idea, I dare say. Indeed, it would be much more intimate as a whole than sexual intercourse would be.

But can people actually do that and only that??? Interesting inquiry…

Post-a-day 2021

Max

It looks like three hours is my max drive time for what I can consider ‘an easy trip’. Going back to Houston last night, then turning to come right back tonight was tough, especially with most of the driving being done at night, and a good chunk of it past my regular bedtime.

Anyway, I’m here now, alive and well. So, that’s good and I am grateful. However, I shall sleep hard core now.

Thank you for the safe travels . Please, bless me tonight and tomorrow that I might be your love. Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Is it only Tuesday??

Alas, the saga continues (as does life, most of the time!). However, things are looking better already… in a way, anyway.

I have found and reserved a storage unit just down the road from where I currently have all of my belongings. I intend to return this weekend and pack up everything into boxes and such, then move it all into the storage unit on Monday, with a bit of rollover into Tuesday, Wednesday at the latest. I intend to stay elsewhere Tuesday night already. I hope my mom can help me pack and move bulky (but light) things. My aunt might also be able to help pack. We shall see after this weekend.

I have found, I believe, the right kind of hole to join for six weeks, starting on Tuesday. My gym partner has stepped up beautifully to support me with her spare bedroom in her home. We will talk tomorrow afternoon to get into details of it all.

Tomorrow morning, I must make it look like no one lives here. So, I’ll be managing shoving all of my food goods into my bedroom – ugh! But I am limited on time tomorrow, so I’ll be doing it super fast and then heading out the door. I have to go drop off something at the shop and then meet someone for lunch in the other direction at 11:30am. From there, I will be dropping off that friend on my way out of town, as I head back to be with my family for the rest of the week.

I have a major impulse to pack now. But that really doesn’t work. I need to go to bed, so I can get up and exercise in the morning, so I can get all the food stuff handled asap in the morning, then shower, then go run two errands, and then head off for lunch. (Yes, I had already forgotten about the second errand, I know. That’s why I have reminders pop up on my phone in the mornings!)

So, still loads and still not settled entirely, but I’m chugging through rather effectively so far. God, give me the strength and grace to keep it up and to continue to be your love in this life. Amen.

P.S. Happy Solstice on this shortest day of the year!

Post-a-day 2021

We have a…

23-19!!!! We have a 23-19!!!

But, golly, does it feel like we have such a panic sort of situation over here in my life today?

Ugh…

In short, we were approved this afternoon to move into the apartments we’ve been loving and wanting. After months of figuring things out, we finally have it sorted regarding where we get to live, my good friend and I.

Not even half an hour after that informative call to me, I was being informed by my current place that, surprise, I have to make myself scarce immediately (and my visible stuff), and I have to have everything out completely by 10 January. Absolutely not cool.

I have nowhere to store things and I have nowhere to live for six weeks, starting next week.

But I’ll figure it out. Things always work out, somehow. God and the Universe take care of their beautiful Creation, and I am part of that Creation. So, I pray that I be granted the clarity and the brainstorming needed to make this a spectacular situation, filled with love and joy and beautiful, both coming from me and coming to me. Jesus and Universe, I trust in You. Guide me clearly, please, and give me the courage I need for this, please. Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Bedtime giggles

Lying on the bed, only slightly chilled with no socks on my feet, I chuckle from the belly as my mom describes and displays how her husband regularly gets the sheets wonky and twisted and pulling tight across her in the middle of the night while they both sleep… or, at least, while he sleeps and while she starts to panic with claustrophobia under the suddenly taught and uncomfortably snug sheets.

We are at a spectacular Airbnb this week, as we help my grandma move into an assisted living complex. It seems like a really great place. We are here before her, as we are aiming to set up the bulk of the apartment before she arrives tomorrow afternoon/midday-ish. It has been a lot, but it seems to be going well so Fant. Plus, we have been really enjoying one another’s company, especially tonight at the Airbnb. My mom and aunt and uncle, and my brother and his wife and I are all here. The dynamic has been quite pleasant. We shall see how things alter tomorrow, when a different uncle joins us. He is very different from us in many, many ways. Fingers crossed we all have a wonderful time tomorrow and tomorrow night, too. There is much to be done in the morning – very, very much. Hopefully, we will manage it all so well that we have little to do in the afternoon/evening, and my grandma is impressed with her new home and likes it. God, help us succeed, please, in being your love in the world and, especially, in the life of my grandma tomorrow and this week. Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Tonight’s brain crowding

Three things:

Firstly, I know life isn’t fair, but it is different to be prepared for it regarding myself and having to witness the utterly hypocritical meanness of one person being directed unfairly and so harshly to someone I dearly love. Those are the moments when I most want to be loud and fierce, both verbally and physically. For now, I step away from the situation and aim not to speak much, if at all. I do not believe anything would be resolved by my outrage being expressed so directly. It’s part of the whole, ‘Why do you expect her to behave any differently than she always does?’ idea – if the person is always nasty, righteously self-centered, and hypocritical, what is one more nasty, self-centered, hypocritical action on the hundreds of thousands already passed? But it still hurts when I must witness directly those incidents, and when I must see immediately how they affect someone I love so dearly.

…………………..

Secondly, have you ever found yourself wondering if a person does not, in fact, have an extremely distinct voice, but, perhaps, you have only attuned yourself, intentionally or not, to notice that voice above the crowd? That that voice, perhaps, is not so distinct as a voice, but as the person behind it and his/her importance in your life in particular, perhaps??? Yeah…

……………………

Finally, I still hold that we get exactly what we need exactly when we need it, and that we end up exactly where we need to be exactly when we need to be there. Golly, it has been rough and tough this week. Someone asked if a lot of curve balls had been thrown my way this week, and I said that it was more like someone was throwing a bunch of basketballs at my face instead, in the middle of torrential rain and lightning while I held an umbrella… and there just weren’t any rules at all. He said it sounded like I was playing the wrong sport.

And I think that was the best line for me, both in terms of the positive comedic effect of it, and in terms of the idea behind it. Perhaps I had been playing the wrong sport in it all. You know, had my eye on the wrong ball…. Perhaps… So, I’ll look to see what I have been missing this week. Why has it been so hard, leaning toward desperate? What have I let myself get stuck on? What game have I thought the Universe was playing with me? How can I turn this all into fully-positive stress, instead of just semi-positive stress and a lot of negative, hopeless-feeling stress? God, give me the clarity to move forward with all of this beautifully and positively, please. Bless me with the courage to take on this stress with glee, like a beautiful math test – which, somehow, has come up in multiple conversations in the past few days….(WHY?????? Haha; love it, though!) – that I can hardly wait to take on and expertly master and sort out. Through You I do all – help me to be Your love fully, now and always. Amen.

Post-a-day 2021