Three papers and presentations to go, but I finally have topics that are not only good topics, but topics that excite me… phew.
At last: something this semester that excites me about this degree.
And yes, I remember fully that I out myself in this program, of my own will and volition*.
*Is that being repetitive, or are they actually different meanings? (Aha – I looked it up, and I found that volition is the power or act of choosing and/or willing something.)
Post-a-day 2018
I regularly feel as though I am a rather unnoticed individual, and I especially felt so throughout school… I am surprised whenever someone from high school remembers me or even knows my name.
And yet, the other night, I was delightfully* accosted by a gorgeous girl from my high school, who declared that I went to that high school, class of ’08, right?.. no, not ’08…, but I went there, right?
I told her that I had, and we exchanged names, unsure as to how she recognized me so easily, knew my face so well…
She pointed out her husband, who was in school with us, and I told her how that made so much sense, since I had known he looked familiar, when I’d seen him earlier.
Up close, I discovered that he had an amazing tie covered in penguins.
It was a great few minutes of the event.
The funny part, though, was that I had no recollection of her face whatsoever… her name was vaguely familiar, but nothing else.
(And we really didn’t discover anything that would have linked us back in high school, so it made sense that I wouldn’t know her in the first place.)
How totally odd to be on the opposite end of the remembering… for the first time in my life, I wasn’t the person calling out someone who had no idea who I was. ๐
It was weird, and I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it – disappointed that I had ‘let her down’ by not remembering her, flattered that I was remembered by someone so distantly connected to me, or something else altogether…
Whatever the case, it was nice to visit the other side and to see how it is on that end for once… perhaps people are as excited when I approach them as I was at the initial encounter with this girl… perhaps so…
*As is in true fashion of graduates from my high school
Post-a-day 2018
Your goal should always be to aim higher than you think you can reach
-George Strake
29 Nov 2018
It was in the middle of a speech that George Strake said that, and I found myself in a whirlwind to write it down as quickly as possible, so that I could return to it continuously in the days to come.
I felt it to be of the utmost importance in my life, both immediately and long-term… and I have done just that, returning to it each day (sometimes multiple times a day).
I started tearing up when he said it, because I could see almost immediately how wonderfully fulfilling such an endeavor could be, while simultaneously seeing how I very much was not undertaking anything of the sort…
I tend to aim right where I know that I will succeed, and only on occasion do I aim a bit higher than I think I can get, but only when the outcome relies on someone else in some way – like someone else’s opinion says how it turns out – and it leaves me not to blame for the lack of achievement in the end…, but it is still very likely that I will achieve what I’d hoped to achieve anyway.
So, here I am now, wondering what I might actually do with this idea – will I pursue it, or merely be afraid of it for a while longer?
I do believe that I will pursue it, but I’m not sure when or to what degree I will do so… I guess it all depends on how much I’m willing to give up around ‘playing it safe’ in life, you know?
Post-a-day 2018
I have to give a 20-minute presentation tomorrow on a 15-20-page paper I haven’t yet written, the research for which I have only just tonight begun reading… and had to stop reading, because money (aka real) work last night went so late that I didn’t get enough sleep to be at a level of quality functioning today…
I imagine I’ll manage something decent for the presentation, but ugh, this being exhausted so often and having to do work I don’t particularly want to do is just really exhausting. ๐
No wonder I feel ill.
P.S. I am a long-time procrastinator, so the last-minute work is nothing new – just the exhaustion from other stresses and whatnot combined with the procrastination is new and stressful.
Post-a-day 2018
Tonight, I did photography for a corporate Christmas party…, and I loved it.
It was more like play for me than work.
And I got paid for doing it.
I think this was my first time being paid for doing photography (aside from the small handful of photos that went to the college campus newspaper back when I got involved with it while in college).
Thinking about that now, I recall a recent talk from a local musician, and something she said about her process to becoming an effective full-time musician.
โDid I pay all my bills… doing this thing I love? Okay… maybe I can do it again next month…” -Kam Franklin
Quicker and quicker, I slither and slide toward that goal, and tonight was a perfect example of a great scoot forward.
Post-a-day 2018
I kind of grew up in a world where nobody could see how people could party or have fun without alcohol… and yet I have never been able o see why people can have fun with it.
To me, alcohol has almost always shown up – for the party and having fun version of it – as a means of escaping real life, forgetting about what’s going on right now in one’s life, and numbing the mind enough not to be able to have genuine interactions, thereby keeping (or even creating) a distance between individuals.
Without alcohol, one kind of has to face and to deal with whatever is going on in one’s life, one has to face the people around oneself, and one has the opportunity to be genuine and close with those people, and have true connections and build real relationships… it is definitely difficult a lot of the time, but it more than pays off through the genuine connections and relationships that come out of it.
Also, when I consider how people use alcohol for the former purpose, I begin to feel sick with sadness.
That’s always been my own experience of alcohol on the party front.
I’ve learned through certain specific individuals how alcohol can be a fun – almost nerdy, even – something to have among friends and/or family, when it is used for its flavor, uniqueness, and quality, and not for its potency nor for the purpose or outcome of drunkenness.
I usually am utterly comfortable not having any alcohol in my life, however, I have learned to appreciate these somewhat nerdy joys that can be part of alcohol consumption… and I usually participate (as do most of the others) with a mere few sips of whatever the specified delight is, and am fully satisfied in the small, unaffecting amount.
But I also can see easily how alcohol could cease entirely to exist in my world; it just isn’t a requirement, even for those nerdy times – we can always get nerdy about homemade juices and smoothies and holiday drinks instead (and we often do, anyway).
And I never cared for nor was interested in alcohol for everyday consumption – I want water or tea at the end of the day, or maybe some gelato…, but not alcohol.
I’m not opposed to alcohol, I think – I was fine when with a close friend at bars and hangouts where he would have beers (but not at all to the point of drunkenness) and I might have a taste of whatever he had… I just don’t have much of any interest in it for myself.
But perhaps I do have an opposition to it, along with drugs, whenever used for becoming drunk…
Drunk on love, not alcohol, folks – that’s my motto for all of this. ๐
…
Just some thoughts on my mind tonight…
Post-a-day 2018
I am bursting at the seams with joy and delight tonight!
Remember just the other week, how I kept running into ๆธก่พบ ่ฌ (Ken Watanabe) things all over the place?
Remember how one of them was that quick-change from the Tony Awards, and how it made me really wish I could see that performance of his, in “The King and I”, even though it ended, like, over a year ago?
Believe it or not, due to a reason I know not, that production is, for two nights only, being shown in select movie theaters here in the USA.
Obviously, I (re)arranged everything, and I attended tonight’s showing of the performance.
It was spectacular, and almost even better than an actual live theater performance, because everyone and everything was so much bigger and easier to see, up there on the big screen. ๐
And, let’s be real here, I hadn’t seen the show since I was itty bitty, so I totally balled my eyes out at the end…
Also, the curtain call always makes a show feel complete – this one was no excuse – and I think that’s what’s missing from regular films, is a curtain call… a tiny nudge back to real life after the show, and a chance to show one’s extreme appreciation for the performance just given.
Plus, clapping and cheering and hollering, with a glint of tears in the eyes, is a totally fun way to end the event.
Anyway, thanks, whoever you are, who decided to show this performance for me tonight – miniature dream just came true! Woohoo!
Post-a-day 2018
Siri is a great buddy, but occasionally gets the message a bit mixed up on the butler/personal assistant front. I’m staying temporarily at my mom’s house right now, because the hot water went out at my new place, but won’t be finished for another few days…, and it’s gotten really cold out, so I didn’t really want to take freezing cold showers. Therefore, I gratefully accepted my mom’s offer to stay here until the hot water was returned to the new place.
That being said, let us turn to the fact that I had already had a bag packed from various stays elsewhere in the previous week-ish, due to Thanksgiving and moving and all. I did have some clothes to wear still, but I had now run out of underwear in that bag. So, I planned that on my way home (to my mom’s house) from class, on the first night that we’d determined that it wasn’t just a one-night deal but a several-undetermined-number-of-nights deal with the no hot water, I would stop at my new place to dig up (almost literally, since I’d done a terrible packing job and nothing was unpacked yet, really, and most of everything was pushed together in a currently un-useful fashion in this one room) whatever I would need for the now-extended stay. I could borrow socks from my mom, and I already knew that a bra was in my dirty clothes there (so I could just wash that), and I had clothes and could borrow clothes. So, all I really needed was underwear, when it came to clothing. And then I needed to bring my laptop for the various things I would need to do on it this week.
Naturally, I was brainstorming all of this while driving to class, and so couldn’t write anything down. But I knew I would forget if I didn’t have a reminder after class somehow. And so, I asked Siri to remind me. And I cracked up when I happened to glance at a stoplight at what she was writing.
I didn’t need to correct it, because it was clear to me, anyway, what the reminder meant. Plus, I enjoyed laughing at it, and knew I would enjoy it as a reminder later on. And, sure enough, I was right – I loved it later. More than that, even, was how much I enjoyed getting to mark as completed the odd task.
This is not the first time I’ve had an odd accidental reminder, and not even the first in the past week. Add to that the actual odd reminders that I ask Siri to give me (and on a somewhat regular basis). We now have some really odd data to be going back to Apple for stats and improvement… I regularly wonder what the people who see these Siri conversations think when they see how absurd people are with her at times. And I always enjoy the thought that my silliness and absurdity, both accidental and natural, just might bring some utter joy and delight to their lives here and there. It definitely does to my own life, anyway. ๐
Post-a-day 2018
Because I don’t know what else to say or do, I step forward and fill the space. It is no longer a void, but a possibility, and I am at the center of it all.
Post-a-day 2018
When my best friend and I talk, even about the most serious or important of things in life, we never fail to be utterly ridiculous somewhere in there, and crack ourselves up to the point of tears.
Today was no exception, as our planned important and serious conversation had a solid beginning that included my pushing the laptop camera quickly backward, as a means of expressing a digital version of tackling someone, and then we even somehow used the phrase “like a butt flapping in the wind”.
Best friends are great.
Thanks for that, God. ๐
Post-a-day 2018
