crazy – Page 47 – hannah ananas

Okay…

I applied to two contract positions this Monday evening for extremely similar jobs at a company for which I very much want to work. I do not officially qualify for either of them, based on the listed requirements on the company’s website. This afternoon, I received an e-mail regarding the lesser-likely of the two positions, asking me to proceed with the next step in the interview process. I have until Saturday to complete a task, which is roughly what I would be doing in the job itself, and to submit my resulting work from the task. If they like what I created, then they will proceed with an actual interview. And so, I have my work cut out for me tomorrow! The person said it should take about an hour. If I am taking longer than that, then I am thinking more and/or putting more detail into it than what they want for this particular activity. (Kind of a really cool parameter, if you ask me! I love limits of explanation like that!)

Fingers crossed, and, God and Universe, may You guide me beautifully to be my best self in this process. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Still thinking 2021 each time…)

Uh-oh, or just Ugh?

My body is worn out right now, and it rather has been all day. Sure, I ate a solid amount of food that wasn’t so great for my body over the past few weeks. But, man, has it really been hitting me hard today for my menstruation. I mean, really, I have had almost no energy or desire to do anything but curl up in bed, and possibly cry, too, as I fall back to sleep.

It’s amazing what food can do, both for the good and the bad health of the body. This 21-day cleanse has come just in time from the gym this weekend. Today was Day 1.

Despite feeling dreadfully exhausted today – and I’m almost certain it is all menstruation and food, as opposed to any actual illness -, I actually accomplished much. Spent time with a friend while we wifi-worked in a bake shop / coffee shop this morning, after working out, of course. I got great groceries. I applied to two remote jobs with Duolingo – I don’t fully qualify for either, but I applied anyway, because I want to work for that company, plus I want better work here for the time being. And I scheduled a birthday breakfast for my dad with my siblings tomorrow morning. And now my brain is finished working for the day. So, goodnight, all.

Post-a-day 2022

(Barely^)

Working it out

In a somewhat bizarre way, my path has felt rather clear today. Things have been odd, compared to usual and typical, but I just rather rolled with them as they were and as I found myself feeling about them (without making it mean anything bad). I spoke up where I felt was important and valuable for me to do so, and that was great. And I felt heard, too, which was an awesome plus to those times.

Thank you, God and Universe, for the guidance today.

It is now raining and getting cold out again, and lightning keeps occasionally popping up brightly and grumblingly from a distance. I am sitting in bed, preparing to go to sleep. And I am looking forward to sleeping, yes. I also am satisfied with today.

Thank you, God and Universe, for all of it, especially the company tonight and the home they have had me join. Thank you for this love. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

All the little things

And then all the little things come together to give that little, wholesome, undeniable nudge. Suddenly, everything seems much simpler and easier – there is much less worry to be had, and life seems… lighter. Things aren’t solved or resolved. But they aren’t exactly a problem anymore. And, for now, that is enough for gratitude and much easier, freer breathing.

Thank you, God and Universe. Please continue to help me to be Your love in the world. Guide me with clarity to the embodiment of Your love through this life. In Your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Barely got it)

Yikes

Talk about an explosion of emotion… today has certainly had that. Rather, this evening has had that. I have been working on paying attention to and trusting the energetic feelings and pulls I have in life, as they have proven disastrous when ignored and spectacular when followed, especially lately. My whole housing situation would have been a million times worse if I hadn’t followed the weird feelings I was having around that and that I ‘needed to be out of there by just before Christmas, or before the end of the year, or just after the new year started’. That’s exactly what ended up happening, and it only was relayed to me as being so the week of Christmas. I thank God and the Universe that they had given me a lease to sign not only thirty minutes before that dreadful phone call. Sure, it leaves me without my own home for seven weeks, but it gives me a chance to experience life differently and to be living in gratitude and love with my friend who has offered me a temporary home with her loving family.

Anyway, what came up today, especially the part around this one job I have, has been hitting kind of hard for me. Something about it has a really nasty feeling to it. And I use the word “nasty” specifically, as that is the word that feels appropriate for this feeling – it just feels nasty, somehow. It seems that I have a few days before I have to determine what to do for this work thing. Dear God and Universe, please, help me to see entirely clearly what action to take on my part, that I may be Your love in the world in all that I do and in all that I am. Guide me wholly, please. In Your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Gratitude, unbidden yet ever-welcome

And then, one day, you receive a letter in the mail – well, more like a trim-folded piece of notebook paper – that reads, “We sold our company! This non-taxable gift is a token of our appreciation for everything you have done for us and for being down with us through the years[…]” And, what’s placed within that once trim-folded piece of paper? A check for ten thousand dollars.

Dear God and Universe, might I have something fabulous like that happen in my life? Help me, please, to make such a difference in the lives of those around me that they would want and be able to give such a token of gratitude to me one day. Bless them so abundantly through me, please. Help me to be Your love fully. In Your name I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Barely got it right)

Some skin at the gym

Two or three fingertips press gently on my skin, just above my left hip, halfway between my hip an dry navel. Two or three others do the same on the outer edge of my right side waist. I am in a workout bra and leggings, and the skin-to-skin contact is like a jolt of electricity to my body. But not in a sexual way. It is in an empowering way, as though that contact literally has given my body more power.

We are at the gym, in the middle of the strength part of the workout, transitioning to the second half of the strength work. The hands of the fingers belong to a slightly older man who loves me, just as I am. I love him, too. He was gently preventing us from colliding as we passed one another, and several other people were suddenly right around us, doing the same thing, nearly running into one another. Everyone, of course, just barely misses collision, likely thanks to several hands gently guiding their owners and others away from one another. And, like I said, it wasn’t sexual, those fingertips on my skin. But it was certainly sensual, lighting me up with capability and power. I could feel the spots where they touched for hours afterward, continuously reaping further rewards from that small yet impactful energetic exchange. Thank you for the love, my body kept saying, almost like a mantra, both to me and to him. Thank you for that.

And, golly, it was wonderful. I am grateful. Thank you, God, and thank you , Universe. Please, continue to bless me with Your love, and continue to guide me to be Your love in the world. In Your name I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Barely got it!)

Home-y

Well, it feels like I have a home for the present. Thank you, God and Universe, for this amazing and loving friend. I am on my mattress on the floor of a previously empty room that now has odd bags and suitcases and such of my poorly packed clothes and necessities… and it actually feels like a for-now home. I am extremely grateful. Thank you for the immense love here. Help me to continue to be your love. In Your name I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Totally messed ^ it up again)

1 January, folks

It is the first of January in the year 2022. How absurdly bizarre is that????! It just sounds like the future. Frankly, the 1980s seem closer to now than 2022. And yet here we are, in the faraway year of 2022, with the 80s…, well, a long time past.

I almost feel out of place, anachronistic in this world right now… and in more ways than one. That song I wrote recently is really big for me right now, with its whole thing on feeling I don’t belong and people not needing to be colorblind but just plain loving and kind, to see people for who they are instead of what they are. ::sighhhhhhhhh

Thank you, God, for this life. Please, with the Universe, help me to be Your love and to step forward fully and courageously all the days (and nights and sunrises and sunsets and moments of infinities) of my life. Help me, please, to find clearly my intention for this year, the year 2022 and Reiwa 4, that I might express it through my kakizome tomorrow, which will guide, support, empower, and remind me all throughout this year. Give me Your divine message tomorrow as I discover my kakizome for this year and begin to implement and be it tomorrow. In Your name I pray. Amen.

P.S. This is the first year in a very long time – a hundred years, in fact – that will not have had the wonderful woman of Betty White in it. Thank you, (God and) Betty, for all that you did and all the love that came out of your existence and how you shared yourself so lovingly with the world at large and at small. Thank you.

Post-a-day 2021

(Clearly, that ^ is not correct…)

Post-a-day 2022

(Wow, that seems weird!)

Fitness and food

An old coworker shared a video today from a fitness blogger girl (or something like that) who was saying that, though people have been giving her flak for it, she is not actually against dieting, as people were declaring about her. Rather, she is against the world of “diet culture”. The girl went into a bit of detail about all of that in the video, and my owl coworker commented and added, ‘I love this so much! People can want to make changes because it fits their personal values. It doesn’t always have to be to fit societal standards of beauty or acceptance.’

And I absolutely agreed with her on that. I sent her a quick follow-up message of the following:

“This has actually shown up for me as a bit of a struggle this year! It has been hard for me to share about my fitness goals and progress and struggles, including with food, because most of society doesn’t have similar goals, and can only see a ‘super fit white girl complaining about being fat and being super-restrictive with her food’… because that’s all they know, due to the whole diet culture and stigmas around fitness and food”

And it’s true. People often grow upset, to varying degrees, at my food choices most of the time. I typically eat a Paleo diet, and I do intermittent fasting (where I only eat food during an 8-hour window each day, then no food for roughly 16 hours). It isn’t a big deal, and I don’t make it a big deal. But I do stand up for myself and my goals, and I calmly let people know that I do not want or will not have such-and-such, whenever it doesn’t align with my goals for caring for my body. I want to be the best person I can be, the highest version of myself, and that includes my physical self. When I am physically well, I am best able to do all that I am here to do to make this world a better, love-filled place. When I eat food that makes me feel ill or like junk, I am not at my best. It has nothing to do with negative body-image or a lack of self-love or self-care. True self-care is actually caring for and taking care of oneself, not just using it as a stamp of approval to eat crap foods and drink loads of alcohol without repercussions or follow-up care. Self-care isn’t an excuse to be lazy. It takes work. But it is work that is well worth doing, and with all our hearts. At least, it has proven to be so every single day of my life. And I am extremely grateful for that work and all of its results and rewards so far and yet to come.

Post-a-day 2021

^Last One!! Wow!!!