Tag: body

I’m doing loads better tonight.

I finally no longer have to slide down the stairs, nor do I have to do a wonky side-to-side granny hobble, pulling tremendously on the handrail to get up the stairs… I can actually walk up and down them, albeit slowly and carefully.

I went to the gym this afternoon, and kind of did the workout.

I completely skipped the strength portion, because finding a two-rep max on deadlifts was a solid no for my knees at present, so I did a 500m ski on the ski machine instead, since that didn’t really require much from my knees.

On the workout part, I did standing squats (only so low as I could go without it hurting my knees, which was just below a 45° angle) instead of these jumps from kneeling to squatting (which I can hardly do when I’m well, let alone right now), followed by frog jumps for distance… otherwise, I just did the easiest version of each movement, with the lightest weight options.

It was not the kind of hard that workouts usually are for me at the gym, but it was, I could tell, really good for my body to be moving around and using my muscles, albeit with minimal strain.

Everyone else seemed to feel utterly exhausted at the end, leaving me alone in my missing out on the experience, but I was okay with it – I’m the one who rolled all across the road two nights ago but still showed up to work out today.

And I’m okay with that. 🙂

On a separate note, I’ve been wondering quite recently more and more about a someone else in my life… Universe, could you be a little more clear for me about this??

What am I meant to do now, and who is getting ready to show up for me?

What are my final steps for right now?

I suppose I could start by cleaning up my clothes in my room tomorrow… I did pass up an opportunity to do work I love tomorrow, in order to stay home and rest and get some things done before the weekend… hmm…

How amazing that would be… clean my room for this weekend, and meet this person by Monday evening…..?

Wow… that would be really cool…

Separately, tomorrow is my stepsister’s birthday… and my bruises have finally really started to come in… they are looking dreadfuller and dreadfuller as the time passes tonight. 😛

Post-a-day 2019

Spin cycle update

The other day, when I was caught in the rain, the black from my glove rubbed off on me in a kind of purpley black. I thought that had happened again tonight…

Turns out, it is just bruising finally coming through on my palm

………

That’s two messages I sent to my mom tonight, after I’d gotten home.

I only went out briefly today, after having amassed a grand total of not even a thousand steps for the day by three p.m., in an effort to rid myself of my cabin fever and to get in some steps, all while carefully aiding my recovery by moving slowly but surely on flat surfaces.

I walked around Target for a bit, and was surprised to find it a loud and somewhat annoying environment.

So, I rather quickly left and went to hang out with my mom at the office where she works, so I also could work on some photos and use the Internet.

I made a quick and delicious pasta puttanesca again when I got home – with zucchini that I spiralized myself, of course – and then headed upstairs to get ready for bed.

Fortunately, I had already done it last night, so it didn’t take me long to figure out what all I needed on the first run (meaning super slow limping hobble) up to my floor, in preparation for the process of showering.

So, when I hobble back down to use the bathroom again in a bit, right before going to sleep, it will be only the second time I’ll have had to go down tonight…, which is much more ideal than the constant up-and-down I usually do each night.

Anyway, the point of all of this is really to share with somebody how my day was – lonesome a bit, but only in the send that I didn’t really have much of any physical contact today, and was somewhat surprised to find that it was all I really wanted, aside from ice packs… to have someone hold my hand, or lean against my skin somewhere, just to prove his or her existence and presence (and thereby love for me)…

I actually daydreamed about it… an arm or a thigh, just casually pressed against me, much like how a dog or cat will snuggle up against a person, when it wants to be nearby to sleep, but not necessarily to be pet.

I wanted someone to be with me in my room, so I could rest without worry, and know that I am being watched over and cared for…

My chest actually longed for the pressure of a hug or hand today, the feelings of slight panic taunting me ever so slightly… I wanted someone to quell the stirrings of panic within by his/her loving touch.

(And no, this is not at all in an erotic sense, but in a caring for someone, loving someone sense.)

But all my family is too far away for that, and my friends, too…, so I just daydreamed instead, breathing deeply, as is my custom, and going to walk around Target, so I could at least be around people, even if I had no loving touch from any of them.

Eventually, I got some love from my mom, but it was tiny in comparison to what I had been aching for all day, so it only eased the feeling temporarily.

It was nonetheless valued and valuable for me.

Now, I am home, carefully getting the rest of my steps before bed, considering the finally darkening spots around my body that are the near-only visible signs on my body of what happened last night…

And the palm of my hand looks like I’ve smeared ink on it somehow, again, just as it did when my glove got soaked in the rain… if only that were the cause of tonight’s “stain”… ::sigh

Anyway, I’m feeling better physically, but I’m really tired tonight… I’m thinking my body put forth a lot of effort today in dealing with healing, and so all the other little bits just put me over the edge baring exhaustion…

On that note, signing off for now, off to heal my body some more, and then discover more bruising in the morning. 😛

Post-a-day 2019

Prayers of Gratitude

I have been thinking lately more and more about prayers of gratitude.

In my daily e-mails, one mentioned a short while back how we are always quick to flood the universe with our prayers in times of need – Oh, please help me with this – but that we often miss out on the opportunity to express prayers of gratitude – Thank you for the flowers, the air, the people around me…, for my life, my health, my home, my hearing…, for that act of kindness shown to me, for my ability to show love just now, for my ability to accept love from myself And others…

And so, I have been somewhat focusing on prayers of gratitude lately.

Tonight, as I drive myself the remainder of my journey home, I was delighted and relieved that my prayers were clear and of gratitude:

Thank you for showing me safely but clearly to trust myself.

Thank you for putting someone behind me who cares so much and is helping to take care of me.

Thank you for keeping me safe.

Thank you for putting someone behind me who stopped and was paying attention.

Thank you for helping me do what needed to be done.

Thank you for keeping us both – the bike and me – safe, despite our scratches.

Thank you that we received only scratches.

Thank you for the love that is following me right now.

Thank you for letting this terrifying event be in such safe, love-filled circumstances.

Thank you for keeping me alive and well, both for my sake, and for hers.

And for those in my life.

Thank you for my life.

There likely were others in there, too, but that was the main flow of my thoughts (along with the occasional, Man that was ….::hefty-shaky exhale…).

I am grateful for the angel who was driving behind me, and who, though she repeatedly expressed that she didn’t know what to do to help, did exactly what was needed to help – and, aside from all of the conscious efforts to help, her attentiveness quite definitely assured my safety.

Had she not been the one behind me, someone paying attention, I might not be here right now… it was a simple and small accident, but her attentiveness kept it so.

Thank you, God.

And thank you, R.

P.S. All my gear took perfect care of me – I rolled probably three times, without ever touching anything with my head, and lots of parts of me hurt right now, but my skin looks impeccable, because my clothes did exactly what they were worn to do… (minus one tiny spot that, through the jeans, still broke the skin and bled a little bit, but it is a tiny spot that looks more like I tripped and scraped my knee than that I fell around 30-35mph and went rolling across the road)…

P.P.S. Icing has been helping with pain and swelling, and the hot shower just now helped immensely with the pain everywhere.

P.P.P.S. And no, I was not on my phone – not at all… I am just glad that the girl behind me was not on her phone.

Post-a-day 2019

Stretchy

Yesterday, sitting on the floor, legs together straight out in front of me, I stretched forward with both arms, grabbed the bottoms of my shoes, dropped my head, and stretched a bit deeper…

… and my head touched my knees.

!!!!!

This was the first time in my adult life that I was able to touch my head to my knees.

And, you know what?

I just tested it again, just now, and it happened again(!).

Wow.

I started this ’30 Days to a Standing Split’ stretch plan a couple months back, and, though it totally failed on the standing split part, I felt the basic stretch routine was a good habit worth keeping in my daily life.

So, to this day, I stretch the same set of stretches every day, usually just before bed.

I’d been noticing general and overall improved flexibility and movability in myself already, like my arms going ‘farther back and up’ when I stretched them behind my back, hands clasped, but I hadn’t had anything clearly and distinctly different until this week.

At last, with this head to knees thing, I have a specific, measurable result from this stretching(!).

So, extra yay!

My teeth are straightening out their kinks, my muscles are rearranging and growing, and my flexibility is improving drastically… I feel like moving around a lot of the time, and I jump up rather easily from any resting period in my day or night… getting out of bed is, somehow, no big deal – I almost bounce on the balls of my feet every morning, as though preparing to do some jumps or something similar…

My body is finally showing up how I want it to be showing up in my life, and I can see quite clearly how it is the result of my taking genuine care of my body, and having true concern for its well-being… it still is not quite like a temple, but it is darn close, and is improving every week… (still working on the whole exfoliation and skin hydration side of things) 😛

Now, if I can just get my clothes and owned items organized and handled (i.e. Marie Kondo the rest of my living space) I think I’ll be set to meet the man of my dreams – I will be being exactly the person I want to be and to whom I want him to be attracted, you know?

And, somehow, that idea is kind of terrifying… like I never actually expected to become that person, that woman… she was always just a dream, and not one even to consider trying to achieve, let alone actually achieving…. but anything is possible.

Message to self:

So, let’s stick with it, Banana, and make things happen.

It is okay to be afraid… it is not okay to settle, even if it is due to fear… stand for your best life and your best self, Banana, in all ways, always.

I love you.

Have a wonderful and blessed and beloved night, World. 😉

P.S. I just realized that the stretching was actually Monday evening, not yesterday… anyway… 😛

Post-a-day 2019

Summer days

I was just invited to a swimming party.

I realized that I was feeling a sense of anxiety, and I asked myself its source.

I discovered it was about being seen in a swimsuit (of any kind, really), which has been frustrating for me in recent recent years, due to my poor physical fitness level.

I quickly evaluated my body, to verify the reason for the concern.

I then chuckled silently, as I recalled that I clearly don’t have that same problem anymore, especially considering the fact that I almost ditched my shirt during our workout today (It was just so hot and humid today, and the tank top felt like it was holding warmth in!).

It’s a new feeling for me to be back to swimsuit ready at the drop of a hat, and to be fully comfortable with the thought of swimsuits and whoever might be around while I’m in one.

And it is a very good feeling. 🙂

Thank you, gym, and thank you, God, for getting me to this gym where beautiful magic is happening, at long last.

Post-a-day 2019

Fatness

I entitled this “Fitness”, but the phone decided to change it to “Fatness”, when I went to click on the writing section, and the phone offered/suggested alternatives to what I’d written… it still somewhat applies, so I’m leaving it… it’s like a Freudian slip for the technology age. 😂

So, after class today, I was talking with one of the coaches about when I might expect to see visual results with my body from these workouts.

We talked briefly about my diet, and then he requested to speak honestly.

“Of course(!).”

“When you first came in here…[…], you looked kind of sedentary…[…] Now, you already have definition in your body… in your legs… in your – you look like an athlete…[…] before, …” (makes faces) “… Now, you look like an athlete.”

It’s been a month of these classes, and I’ve attended 23 of them so far.

I checked my activity log for running, walking, and biking – and I only log my bike ride to and from the workouts, as well as any runs of a mile or more in the workout, not the actual workouts themselves – and I already have almost half the number of activities and half the distance covered that I had in all of last year… and I’ve gotten almost all of that this past month.

I had one activity, a 3-mile hike/run through the hills in Redlands, California, when I went with a friend who was moving there, logged this year otherwise… nothing else.

So, in one month, I’m already almost halfway to all of my official exercise activities last year.

Pretty cool, huh?

I mean, totally bummer that I had so few last year, but we can’t change that, nor can we change the mental struggle that kind of ran the show regarding all of that…, we can, however, embrace the freedom that is the new state of affairs, where I am now governing my fitness and my fitness activities (not some mental freak-out), and I am actively pursuing genuine and somewhat intense physical fitness.

So, woohoo!

Yay!

And, though I’ve felt that my progress visually is slow – aka my belly and haunches and inner thighs still seem so ugh – it is nice to have the positive encouragement from the coach today, as well as my sneaky shoulder muscle for when I brush my teeth. 🙂

Yay, for mental and physical fitness! 🙂

Post-a-day 2019

Progress

I never did do a ‘before’ photo for my workouts… and I’ve been a bit bummed about that this past week and a half or so.

You see, I’ve felt as though I’ve not really made much progress in my fitness… not visually, anyway.

I have no full-length mirror to access at the moment – flea situation still, you see – and so I only get to see my stomach, really, on a daily basis.

And it doesn’t seem to have altered much since we started CrossFit classes.

Perhaps it has, and I haven’t noticed the ever so gradual change…, but it seems slight, if it has, indeed, changed at all.

I almost have a sense that my arms really are more defined than before, but I can’t be sure about it… when I flex my tired muscles, not much shows up still…

So, it feels like I’ve no visual results with all of this… and I’m definitely half in it for visual results – bikinis and swimsuits and awesome outfits are in my future, so my body needs to get into shape, literally.

And I’ve been getting a bit down and out about this all, wondering morosely if it’s all worth it, anyway, if I’m apparently doing it all wrong and not getting any actual positive results.

However, tonight, while brushing my teeth – of all things, right? – I noticed something…just past the outside edge of my collar bone, there is a semi-deep indention… on the other side of the intention is an extremely solid-looking shoulder muscle(!).

I mean, I couldn’t have flexed that muscle if I’d tried, but there it was, flexed, shining casually in all of its toned, 3-D shapeliness…

So now, at the very least, thanks to CrossFit, I look like and extremely fit and BA individual whenever I brush my teeth. 😛

Not my long-term or short-term goal is, but I’ll take it for now. 🙂

Thanks, CrossFit!

Post-a-day 2019

Ick

I hope you’re comfortable with discussion of bodily parts and dirtiness, because that is what follows here. 😛

I’ve just got to say: What is the deal with toenails?

Every time I shorten them, or even clean some fuzz (from the socks I’d just removed) out of them, it smells so stinky!

My feet typically do not smell bad.

And I never notice anything coming from the toenails.

Except, of course, when trimming them.

Am I really struggling that much with keeping them clean?…. is it actually that dirty underneath them, because I don’t clean them well enough???

That’s the only explanation I can imagine… and it totally freaks me out.

Totally.

I mean, am I carrying around grime in my feet all the time, and it only goes away by cutting the nail free, and, therefore, the creepy contents beneath it???

Eeeew!

That’s just gross.

And, the thing is, it is always the same smell… it never changes, if it is there at all.

Okay, I must get something I can use specifically to clean underneath my toenails every single night, a solid scrape of clean, since clearly soap and water don’t do the job.

Yikes… what a discovery… especially for someone who has panic around dirtiness…

Haha… that irony is actually hilarious… so long as I don’t think about the actual dirty, of course… 😛

How clean are your feet and toenails, really?

Post-a-day 2019

Caffeine

My protein shake thing had caffeine in it… I can still tell… twelve hours later… it is past one AM, and my eyes are only just starting to droop a bit, and my body grow slightly weary…

I have to get up to sub tomorrow, which means leaving home at around seven AM… which, rather, I suppose, is today, not tomorrow… and just thinking about it makes me feel exhausted…

I am so tired, so sleepy, but my eyes and body are not having it… the caffeine won’t let them relax.

But it is beginning, at last, to give in, ever so slightly…

So, I suppose, I shall see if it will allow me to fall asleep now…

Fingers crossed!

P.S. I bought a plane ticket today to visit Japan this coming winter… woohoo!

Post-a-day 2019

BruiseFit much?

It’s only been about a week and a half that we have been gym-ing…

I’ve attended eight classes in the past nine days, taking two days off over the weekend…

Today, throughout the day, I kept finding new marks and bruises on various parts of my body…

I have no idea when or how specifically I obtained these bruises – the cuts and scrapes I know – but I am guessing that they all have the same locational origin: the gym.

I wonder how many more I’ll find tomorrow, and how much worse the already found ones will be…

As for the most recent discovery just barely below my elbow, on my back arm, directly where I usually place my arm onto a desk or a table (That’s how I discovered it in the first place, putting pressure on it via a tabletop, and suddenly withdrawing in pain.) it has already gone 3-D since I first discovered it.

Yikes…

What a life this is… 😛

Post-a-day 2019