Tag: emotions

Clothes tidying

Wow! So much happened today with tidying up. I’ve finished going through all of my tops – shirts, sweaters, jackets, sweatshirts, etc. – and bottoms – pants, shorts, leggings, skirts; and all of my dresses and skirts. It turns out that I really like wearing light blue… and I mean really like wearing it. Probably because of my eyes, I feel amazing every time I see myself in a mirror with medium and light blue clothing. It also turns out that a massive portion of my clothing is athleticwear… maybe about a quarter of it. And that is in terms of physical space. If we counted actual items, I probably have almost as many pieces in athleticwear as I have in shirts, bottoms, sweaters, and jackets combined.

To be fair, though, I do exercise a lot, and go do athletic-y things a lot.

Anyway, there are a handful of trash bags with clothes to be donated downstairs now. Perhaps there were five of them? And that’s folded clothing, not just heaped in in a messy pile…

I still have my Indian outfits and all the small things – belts, scarves, socks, etc. – to do tomorrow. If I can get through all of them, though, I’ll be finished with sorting the clothing category. And that would be super exciting. 😀

I would like to make hat happen tomorrow. However, I also have two tutoring sessions, maybe three, and one needs a bit of extra prep before I go into it. I also want to make a quick trip to Ikea to check out a particular bedspread. I have my regular and my warm sheets now, so I want to be ready with the comforter/bedspread as soon as I get rid of the old sheets and move to the new ones I love. (Not sure yet where linens lie on the list of tidying.)

Anyway, I’m wiped – if that all weren’t already enough, my body is also menstruating, which always seems to take so much effort, even an easy day seems like I worked hard the whole time. I’ve a touch of a headache, so Imma drink some more water and get to sleep ASAP.

Goodnight, folks. 😉

Post-a-day 2021

^I didn’t mess it up this time 🙂

Another one checked

I am adjusting better each day to scheduling out and committing myself to getting this work done. I even was able to go spend half the day with my mom today, then tutor over two and a half hours, and am still completing my tasks for the day before bed tonight. I brought my reading with me, and I sat down while at my mom’s and worked on that for a while, when she got busy with other things. Then, I did some extra cleaning up at home, even vacuuming part of my room (despite the fact that most of it has piles of clothes now, I vacuumed the most-used part of the floor), which made a beautiful difference. And getting myself to vacuum is usually rough. This was easy, somehow…. this method is rubbing off in more ways than one already.

I know it sounds so simple, why think anything of it? But this is big for me, and in a very good way. So, I am delighted and excited for my accomplishments there. 🙂

Anyway, got to finish that reading and do my joy check practice and order round! (Getting that stretch in, too!!)

Post-a-day 2021

^Totally got it wrong at first…

Wow

Today went much more efficiently than yesterday on the tidying process front. I actually accomplished everything I’d planned for the day. I didn’t do the stretch, and that’s okay. I did accomplish some other tasks that have been avoided for a long time, though. That was awesome. Part of those was going to Target to get a few specific things. In doing my vision board the other day, I discovered that I truly do not want to keep my bed comforters. They are lovely and they have been sources of support and comfort for me for many years. And they do not fill me with joy. Not at all, actually. They make me feel safe like a child. But they make me feel like a child, and not like myself.

So, I looked around intentionally and carefully at some comforters and bedspreads today while at Target, and I got a very good feel for what I am wanting for my own bed now. While looking, I discovered a set of sheets that were just a Wow. moment for me. I thought about it, and I realized that I actually don’t want to keep most of my current sheets (also childhood ones).

— You see, I had a full-sized bed that I had purchased, and lovely sheets and a mattress and all several years ago, when I had been teaching in Houston. But, when I moved to work in Japan, I gave that all up. Because I had bought a set of sheets for winter in Japan, on my visit back to Houston for my step-brother’s wedding, those sheets still belong to me. However, when I returned from Japan to Houston, I was living at my mom’s house for the first while, in a tiny room, surrounded by the boxes of everything that belonged to me (with a handful of exceptions due to my boxes being in the attic or garage). My mom had kept the two twin mattresses when she had gotten rid of the bunk beds a long time ago. So, she had stacked these two mattresses on top of one another, and that was my bed for months. Fun fact: They were about as old as I was. (And so were some of the sheets. The ones I used most, though, were one that I had gotten only fourteen years beforehand.) So, that wasn’t super comfy. I came across this twin bed set at Ikea with a friend one day that could be placed side-by-side as a queen(?) or stacked as a single twin bed with a hidden extra mattress underneath (not bunk beds, but one normal twin bed height). My mom was going to get that set, but then told me to go ahead and pick out a mattress that I wanted to use, too. So, she donated the two old mattresses, and I upgraded to an awesome twin mattress with a bed frame. When I moved out, my mom told me to take the bed with me. Thus the reason I have a twin bed with sheets from my childhood.—

So, I went ahead and purchased the sheets. They met all of my criteria, and they absolutely delighted me. I even did a little jiggle about them. When I got home, I went and washed and dried them almost right away. That’s huge for me, by the way.

Now, they are folded lovingly, awaiting my future bedspread/comforter. Hopefully that all will happen in the next week or so!

For tomorrow, though, I must do some more reading, and then, hopefully, go through the thigh-high mound of stacked shirts and tops. It was difficult today not to go ahead and pull out so many things that I know I don’t want to keep. But I will follow this process properly now, and all the way through.

At that, I bid you a lovely night! 😉

Post-a-day 2021

^Only slightly had to think about it this time 😉

Cold, cold, cold

Brrrr!!!

It is cold tonight. I have been chilled to my bones for most of today, actually. My fingers are still super sore from the cold water from brushing my teeth several minutes ago. (They are separate taps/faucets for cold and hot waters, so I can pick “seasonal cold” or “scalding hot”.) And my toes will need socks in order for me to fall asleep, despite my flannel sheets.

And did I mention that I am exhausted?

I woke at 4:20am, exercised at 5:15, went to school to sub, worked on some things there, taught some lessons, worked on some photos, went home and ate, napped for ten minutes, went to the store job to start at 3:00pm, got home just before 9:00pm, sorted through a few things, showered, and am now, finally, almost ready for bed at 22:07… That’s almost 18 hours of going today. And I didn’t go to bed early last night either. I suspect tomorrow morning will be a bit tough for me to convince myself to get out of bed – cold and exhausted are not a promising combination. 😛

Nonetheless, I would like to exercise in the morning, so that my day works out as planned, and I get to nap and do all my work for the tidying schedule! Yippee!

Goodnight, folks! 😉

Post-a-day 2021

^Thought somewhat ahead this time

And so, it begins

So, today started it all for real! I did my first day of work on tidying up my physical space life, and thereby my entire life, today. I read the life-changing magic of tidying up by Marie Kondo a few years ago, and it did me so well, I cannot properly describe it all. However, I did not do her program – the one presented in the book – fully at the time. I was not ready for that. But I was ready to begin working with her method.

I grew up, as my dad mentioned yesterday, in a very different world at home than a tidy and concise and non-excess and non-cluttered home. On both sides of my family, my parents had grown up in a world where one may waste nothing. By default, that turned into the idea that getting rid of something, if it is even able to be repaired and possibly be used again, is wasteful. And so, even when things were no longer being used or of use to us in any way, those things would get stuck somewhere in the sidelines of our homes, taking up space without benefit. We rarely even donated things. I was the youngest girl cousin, so I got all the hand-me-downs from everyone. And, whether I liked them or not, and whether they ever fit me or not, I was them stuck with them. I had no sister or cousin to whom I could hand down anything, so I had to keep everything.

Waste not. Right?

But through reading and working with Marie Kondo’s book, I discovered an entirely new and empowered outlook on items. It aligned beautifully with how I had often felt, especially in recent years, and it expanded even further than I ever had delved or dared to consider. And it gave empirical data on many of those ideas and practices. And so, my life began to alter as I did the work with her book.

But I did not complete the work, and I knew that I was not completing it at the time. And I was okay with that. I just wasn’t ready yet. If you haven’t experienced it yourself, I tell you: there is a lot of emotion and psychological dénouement that happens through following her method. And it is in an amazing and transformational way.

Now, as I have been working so much on my participation in life (mind), as well as my physical presence in life (body) and my self-expression, I realized that it would be not only unfair but untrue of me to leave out my living space from this work. Especially considering my efforts to be somewhere specific with my physical fitness by my birthday this year, it only made sense that I put a completion date on cleaning up fully my living space, such that it, too, will reflect who I truly am and want to be in this life right now.

So, I reached out for an accountability partner. No one replied. I took that as a sign that I was meant to be my own accountability partner. I created a Google Doc that I shared with myself. I have homework each night for the following day’s tasks. I share at the end of each day how it went, what I did and didn’t do, and what my plans and intentions are for the following day. I, as the partner, give feedback and congratulations as I see fit and/or necessary. So far, through all 24 hours of it, it has been awesome. I now have four weeks to go, max.

I am quite excited about tomorrow, and I am still entirely nervous and terrified. 🙂

Post-a-day 2021

^Phew! Almost missed it again…

Yikes

When did I turn into such an old person? When the schedule was Finally released for the week ending with February 13, I was utterly annoyed and frustrated that, not only was I scheduled to work until 9pm one night and 9:45pm another night, but I was schedule to work those two back-to-back.

And I’m still annoyed about it, but that was almost half an hour ago, now. Who gets so upset about having to be out of the house so late? And on a Friday and Saturday, nonetheless?

In case there was doubt before, I believe this shows with significant support that I am like an old person with my sleep schedule and evening habits. Getting home after 7pm bothers me already. I wake up around 4:30am every day, and that’s without an alarm. When I get home after 7pm, I don’t manage to get everything done to get to bed until at least 9:00. And that’s if I hurry. So, working until 9pm means that I won’t be getting to bed until close to midnight. My mom wanted to do a fun run that next morning on Bolivar peninsula, by Galveston Island. Harms an hour and a half away from me. Do you think I want to do that run now?

What’s most frustrating, though, is that I was available to work the whole rest of the week, all day, any day. Yet, I was scheduled for the one time that truly mattered – late the night before the run.

So, now I can’t do the run. It just would be far too stressful for me. We already were considering strongly staying the night down there, simply because all public bathrooms are still closed up. If we did that, I wouldn’t get to bed until probably close to 1:30am, only to be up to run at 8:00am (meaning out of bed around 6:30, most likely).

Ugh.

Let me sit with this and see how I feel.

Ugh!

(Obviously, I know how I feel right now. I mean to see how I feel after the initial anger and surprise have subsided.)

Post-a-day 2021

^Well, I did get that right tonight, so that’s fun

The full moon is my sister

Anyone else have a night filled with interrupted, unrestful sleep every time there is a full moon?

I often don’t even know that there is a full moon. I just find out the next day, when someone tells me, often in response to my comments on how surprisingly terribly I had slept that night. Last night was no exception.

Basically, in some way, I feel like the full moon is my sister – it makes its presence known just by being nearby, we are so connected.

Perhaps that doesn’t make enough sense for you, but I don’t have the words for it right now. We just are family, it feels.

…

In a separate note, in the middle of writing that all, my actual physical sister called me. She wanted me to meet the husband of her coworker, and to talk to him briefly. Why, you ask? So that I could speak to him in French. He is from Belgium, you see.

And so, basically, I was my sister’s party trick for the night. 😛 Never you worry, though, because it was all in genuinely good humor, and it was quite a delightful chat and brief FaceTime with all three of them.

At one point, the coworker told me that they will try to hook me up with Belgian men here in Houston. They are great, she said, because they have great beer, chocolate, and waffles. I pointed out to her that I do not drink, really, in the first place, but I also don’t do gluten and usually don’t do grains at all, so I don’t drink beer. I don’t actually like chocolate. And, again, I don’t eat wheat and grains, so no waffles either… Her pause of intense contemplation was quite comical.

“I don’t think we would get along, then,” she declared, certainly tipsy. My sister and I both pointed out that, with me along, she never would have to share the beer, chocolate, or waffles. She was baffled yet again, and then conceded that we probably would get along very well, in that case, however, why would I want a Belgian, then? 😛

So, all-in-all, it was hilarious and delightful and great experience. Thanks, sister, for this ridiculous anecdote. 😉

Post-a-day 2021

^Actually got it wrong at first, this time…

Legal versus face-to-face

I feel like rules on paper can make anyone feel inadequate for something. I have been working off and on somewhere for years – years – and I read some updated guidelines for my “position” today. There are other, newer people who needed the guidelines, so they were hastily written, and we all had to sign off on having read them. Now, remember that I have done work there for years. I have been comfortable doing the work there, and in a very at-home kind of way.

Yet, after reading the guidelines/handbook today, I was slightly terrified. No, none of it was technically new information. However, having the legal-esque writing about rules and regulations and possible results and responses to breaking any of those rules made it kind of sound like a place I wouldn’t want to be. They kind of scared me. Like I really would have to watch my back and watch myself, so as not to make any errors, even by accident.

And listen, none of these rules are rules that I would have been breaking in the first place – not in the least. And yet, I was somewhat terrified. Now that it all was laid out in front of me, in black and white, so solid and unforgiving, it was scary.

That’s one reason I believe humans always will be necessary for certain things. A handbook doesn’t communicate the culture of a place – hardly at all. Based on this handbook today, the place is rigid, and bit frigid, narrow-minded, and super strict. And yet, I know the place to be none of those things. It is a wonderful place, full of genuine people who care about making the world a better place, now and in the future. That’s why I love it so much.

And I do not love that handbook.

I believe that handbook exists merely due to our absurd development in culture for people to sue one another for unreasonable claims. And that – every level of that idea – is saddening to me. That is usually an interaction of the lowest forms of ourselves, not the highest. When we are at our best, love is our central, driving force. And here is no love in suing like that.

Anyway, that’s all on that for now. Goodnight, folks.

Post-a-day 2021

^Barely got it

Exercising and Sharing

I really slept in today, but I woke up the second (or fourth) time around 7:30, and then got up and dressed and went downstairs and did the workout from yesterday. Yay!

I had to make modifications, of course, because I do not have all the tools the gym has, and the workout was supposed to be used at the gym this week (but it has to close for the week for COVID-related safety). But it was still a great and a tough workout, and I felt very pushed, and in a positive way.

And I was grateful that I did the workout first thing today. That probably felt better than the workout itself.

I then taught an outdoor workshop for kakizome 書き初め, as part of an Art & Yoga class, and it was awesome to do! Sure, the people involved had their varied life issues that arose, but it still was a great experience, and I am glad and grateful that I was able to share kakizome with more people. And that is despite the fact that they do not see it as I see it. It also gave me an odd sense of reaffirmation for myself, that I am looking at things and approaching things in my life in a very good-for-me-and-the-world way, and that I am perfect being right here, right now, all the uncertainties and unknowns included. I am grateful for this life and for this particular piece of it – thank you, Universe. My ball of energy is rolling beautifully, and I am loving being at its center.

So, how is your ball of energy, your life, doing today? I hope it is helping you to roll onward powerfully, whatever that May mean for you and your life. 🙂

P.S. Just before bed last night, I saw an e-mail that my flight in a couple months – fingers crossed on that trip – was changed dramatically in terms of timing. I was very annoyed, as it was the second such e-mail of the day, and this was a huge change. I checked the website to see if there were a different flight I preferred. The prices were almost half what they had been when I initially booked a few weeks ago! So, what did I do? I promptly canceled my original booking, and I rebooked with the new prices. It had been with points, but I gladly will make the effort in order to spend 5,000 points instead of 8,500! Cha-ching!! And thank you, airline, for allowing such a possibility. Much gratitude from here.

Post-a-day 2021

^That one was oddly easy for me

Back in the day, just now

Anyone else out there ever find yourself contemplating men like you’re back in the 1800s, preparing for marriage?

I haven’t even gone on a date with any guys, yet my brain has been evaluating the pros and cons of each as though we are considering not only a date but a brief courtship followed by marriage and likely many children.

Yes, the first is very handsome, but it really would be a true delight to have someone who so dearly values, appreciates, and wants you, as does the second. He would dote on you so, and that would be lovely.

Or would it become annoying, since you do not share his same affections?

Would he be hurt that you do not and cannot see him as he sees you? Or would he be all too honored to offer his high pay and devotion to you for the rest of your days without a doubt? Likely the latter.

But would you be willing to accept such a relationship, and give up the possibility of marrying for mutual love and devotion? Give up your freedom for such security without intense love? Perhaps love can develop over time – it is difficult to resist someone who longs for you so. But you would not know until you are much further down the line. At which point, it may be too late to turn away…, especially after all he has given you, and all you have encouraged his efforts…

But, as Miss Charlotte Lucas said, it is better for a husband and wife to know nothing of each other at all at the time of their marriage, and to spend the rest of their lives getting to know one another and falling in love at our leisure…

And then, on another hand, something more like this gentleman would be wonderful for genes to pass on to your offspring – you would make a fine pair in that sense. And you would look lovely standing together. That other gentleman ought not to be considered, when it comes to genes one wants to pass on to one’s children…

These are real thoughts that I notice passing through my mind on any given day. And I don’t even necessarily use them for any actual decisions in anything. But I can’t deny their accuracy. It would be nice to be with someone who practically fawns over me, and wants nothing more than to take care of me as best as possible. But could I ever marry for logic over love? I think not. It would have to be logic and love.

And, of course, this all seems utterly ridiculous, because, well, I haven’t even been on a single date with anyone, yet these are the thoughts going through my mind. It really is as though I am in the 1800s and a date is a very likely forward step toward marriage.

Perhaps I really do view it that way, thus my aversion(?) to dating in general. I don’t want to date someone if I am unwilling, even in the slightest way, to consider a significant partnership together in the future (e.g. marriage). Or, rather, if I just can’t see it (not that I am unwilling to consider it, but that I consider it and come up with nothing of value). So, I’m not averse to dating, but I won’t go on a date without valid reason. And ‘to have fun’ or ‘to see what I like and dislike’ are not valid reasons for me. I do those all the time, and I don’t need a date for them to happen.

Nonetheless, this all reminds me of what Mr. Darcy had to say in chapter six, once he admitted to enjoying such fine eyes on a certain woman’s face, and Miss Bingley asked him when she was to wish him joy.

“That is exactly the question which I expected you to ask. A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment. I knew you would be wishing me joy.”

I am certainly that woman, in a way…

Anyway… just my thoughts of the week. ;P

Post-a-day 2021

^I’m almost going in reverse here – I nearly missed it again!