Tag: exhausted

Photo Surprise

I’ve had a few awesome opportunities show up for me and my photography lately, and I have been putting forth my efforts to make them happen and happen wonderfully.

However, this most recent one is a big potential opportunity, and it has me a bit scared.

I started going mentally through my repertoire, and came up almost blank in regards to what the person asked to see from me… and I slowly, over about two weeks, allowed panic to rise within me…. and then, of course, doubt at my own quality of work and actual ability began to show up, too…

And then, tonight, I decided to go through my recent photos and just go ahead and see what was on there that I would want to include in my current portfolio… and I was blown down, and completely cleansed of these panicky feelings – I have amazing photos.

Yes, I borrowed a camera for some of them, but I did the photos and edited them and turned them into the amazing creations that they are.

I created them.

And they are really quite good, especially for a beginner professional photographer… and then some, actually.

I mean, for some of the photos I found tonight, whenever I looked at them, I thought, ‘Wow!… That’s an awesome photo!’… before remembering that I was its creator… pretty cool, huh? 🙂

And so, now, all I need to do is compile a set of photos to send her that either meet what she requested to see or are a comparable alternative to what she mentioned… I have the photos, and I didn’t even know it.

Now, I just need to act.

Get ready, tomorrow – you’ve lots coming your way from me (because it is bedtime now, and I will have a productive tomorrow, if I actually go ahead and go to bed now)! 😀

Post-a-day 2019

Yoga, again

I sat for my yoga teacher exam yesterday.

Today, I received a message from the course teacher, informing me that I passed with a 93% grade on the exam.

Woohoo!

She even threw in a little thumbs up icon at the end of the message.

So, now all I have to do is to teach a practice class next week, and then attend as a regular student twelve more yoga classes… and then I will be certified as a yoga teacher.

This weekend, I need to figure out how to get those yoga classes completed before the end of the month… being on a tight budget doesn’t really allow for a sudden burst of spending like that, so I have to figure out trades and discount classes, and just find a way to make it all happen.

Which, I am confident, I can and will do… I just have to do it, and I have just about two and a half weeks to make it happen.

So, let’s do this.

Yay!

Post-a-day 2019

Other nights

Some nights, you have it all together…

You get home, have a well-prepared dinner, you shower and you floss and brush your teeth, you do some reading and stretching, and then you snuggle up into bed and have a fabulous night’s sleep.

And then, on other nights, you find yourself curled up on top of your bed, only partway through the routine, eyes closing partway, and you wonder why you’re still not wearing any underwear, even though you showered literally hours ago…

I guess last night was an “other” night, then… 😂

Post-a-day 2019

Fitness is no joke, and neither are periods

Today, I went to work out, even bough I really didn’t feel like it…

Starting in the middle of the warm-up, I felt like puking, but I took it easy and did the whole work-out, anyway…

I rested consciously immediately afterward, and ate two snack/protein bars to take care of myself…

Immediately after that, after I bicycled back, I didn’t want to put forth the effort, but I rearranged my plans a bit so that I could make myself an appropriate dinner and snacks for attending the show at Miller Outdoor Theatre tonight… to which I walked the two and a half miles with my friend’s dog…

Everything seems to be a bit achey going to bed right now, but I can tell I did a good job with taking care of myself today, all while staying in alignment with what I want for myself and my body and my health in the now and in the near future…

So, even though it looked way different from how taking care of myself usually looks (i.e. resting and relaxing), I took care of myself today, and on many levels.

I very well could have canceled all of it and stayed home, watching movies and resting and eating easy food, and avoiding interacting with unknown scenarios…, but I didn’t, and that’s the point.

So, I thank you, God and Universe and All, for giving me the encouragement I needed today to take care of myself in the right kind of way that I needed and wanted for today. 🙂

Post-a-day 2019

Blister mouth and Morgengrauen

Well, my teeth certainly hurt a lot less.

My upper gums and inner lips, as well as my tongue, hurt something terrible(!) – the edges of the aligners just keep rubbing on everything and making new raw spots appear and new bumps of rawness pop up and out inside my mouth.

So, today was simultaneously better and worse.

… On that note, that last sentence reminds me of a particular line in a German audiobook… she’s just transferred schools, and is describing her second day at school…

Here’s a rough translation of what I seem to recall was in that little section – only three bits I recall for certain, and the rest is just knowledgeable conjecture, but you’ll get the idea well enough… and the book:

‘The next day was better and worse… It was better because the sun shone, I knew where I was going, and I had people to sit with at lunch… It was worse because I fell on the way to my truck in the morning, Mr. Something called on me in math class and my answer was wrong, and, most of all, it was worse because Edward Cullen was not at school.’

I find yet somehow hilarious that I read the German versions of those books, and also that I totally love the German audiobook of the first one… I don’t even bother with the English ones, but I still pull up the German audiobook and have a bit of a listen from time to time… and I always love it… though, the beginning has a few lines and bits missing in the audiobook version, which I rather dislike… not sure why they were edited out in the first place… bleh(!).

Anyway… good chat…. have a great night and day, everyone, whoever you are, you lovely, God-blessed soul, you. 😉

P.S. We were totally supposed to go on a fabulous hike tomorrow morning, however, the torrential downpour that has just begun outside is expected to last through later tomorrow morning…. soooo, that’s kind of been canceled, and we’ll just head back to Houston (from Austin) shortly after we get up naturally and have some breakfast/brunch…

Post-a-day 2019

A bedtime prayer

Dearest Sleep,

Engulf me, please,

For the next eight or nine hours,

So that I might awake

Refreshed and ready to go,

Ready to take on the world

And to use my unique talents and me-ness

To serve the world

By being myself

Fully,

For the greater glory of God,

I offer this prayer and this intention.

Amen.

Post-a-day 2019

What’s the point?

Aimlessly I pace, pause, glance…, repeat… until I realize that it is not aimlessly after all… merely fruitlessly…

“What is my aim?” I ask, originally expecting an answer about what topic to use for writing…

“To provide beautiful inspiration through new perspectives,” is the reply, clearly referencing more than just tonight’s aim of finding a topic about which to write…

So, we’ll roll with this idea…

“Did I know this already?”

“Yes, I believe so… perhaps you just set it aside with all the off-and-on panic you temporarily embraced, and forgot its depth for a while…, but you knew it already, yes.”

……

I seem to have done this much lately, letting fear and concerns get in the way of what I want to do in the world with my life, what I am almost committed to doing… perhaps it is because I’m not committed to doing it that I allow myself to push it aside(?)… yes, that would not surprise me…

Fear and concern show up, and, instead of allowing them to be expressed and then move onward, I have embraced them a bit here and there… fortunately, I always seem to let them go, however, I think I could use some work on letting them go much sooner than I have been doing.

Every time I release the fear involved in something, say photography, I end up doing something spectacular or having something spectacular happen to or for me…, so I think it is high time I spent a bit more attention on creating a commitment to providing beautiful inspiration through new perspectives in what I do, and to allowing fear and concern to express themselves and then be released immediately…

I can do this, I know, so let’s just do it already. 🙂

Smiles away! 🙂

Post-a-day 2019

I had the best day with you today

Some of the best days are the ones where you not only don’t pull out your phone, but you don’t even realize that you aren’t pulling it out… you come across it in your bag, say, near the end of the night, and you think, Oh, hello, phone… Haven’t seen you all day!, and then you continue on just as before, without doing anything but leaving the phone where it already has been hanging out all day.

Yep… some of the best days are like that… like today… 🙂

Though, just as Pooh and Piglet always share, I suppose that every day is not only like today, but it is today… “My favorite,” he always says… 🙂

Post-a-day 2019

::sigh… snore…

Today was a really good day, all around, it feels… I’m going to bed later than I’d like, but it’s only because I did so much work After Dinner.

And that’s because I spent time before dinner buying groceries from three different stores, in preparation for my mostly raw vegan time, which I’ve been wanting to do for a while now.

And so, I started with lunchtime today doing the pure foods deal, and I had a fabulous salad for dinner (which always seems like such an unfulfilling idea, but that worked out really well tonight, even though the salad was of my own devising).

I’m actually looking forward to breakfast (and lunch) tomorrow, and I can hardly stop thinking about it all… I love drinking my meals, despite how odd or hospitalized it sounds – there’s just something so refreshing about having a meal out of a smoothie and some veggie juice (and no, I am not left hungry afterward, so long as I follow a balance of nutrients with them)… I love it.

And now, I shall go to sleep, so I can dream of smoothies, and then actually have one.

Yay!

Post-a-day 2019

Let’s Nike it

The music is playing on my head again… the music from our routine, I mean…

Is it because I want to do the routine?…, because I want to be that clean (in my dancing)?…, because I want to be the professional I know it would lead to being in the dance world?…, or because I want that body shaping I had at the time?…

In the past, it was all about the first several reasons, but I think it is, this time, about the final reason: the body.

I watch videos from then, and I am surprised at how slim my legs are, how flat my belly is… and that surprise really drives home how unfit I had become in the past couple years.

I get it, though – a lot of stress in a certain kind of way can do this to me, especially with how I was emotionally and psychologically until this calendar year.

Now, however, I want to be done with it all, and move forward as the person I want to be, physical body and all.

We’ve been doing this exercise for two months, now… I was worried to look at a scale, because it doesn’t feel like the fat has been rolling off or anything… and I didn’t want to imagine I had been as bad off as I would have had to have been, if it has been rolling off, and this is how I look right now… (hope you understood that)…

I have so much muscle showing up, it’s almost funny…, but then it’s also a bit sad that the only thing left to complete the visual picture is food – the food I have done a terrible job at managing these past several months with my in-and-out circumstances with my home (which continued with a sudden water issue that kicked me out again last night, after having had only five days back at home since the last necessary departure)… so, in a way, I’m not fit yet, because I don’t have a stable home…

How crazy an idea is that?… really makes me wonder about people who generally have no stable homes… hmm… it’s so dreadful, even knowing that I have somewhere I could stay (most of the time, anyway)…, I can only imagine not having that, and trying to be healthy… even good emotional health would be troublesome to come by at that point, I think… man…

Anyway… so I’m back at home again, and I’m clearing out things, cleaning up and tidying, slowly taking on the KonMari lifestyle for realz – I want this, and it definitely feels like the world has been asking me to do it lately… perhaps a crazy and spectacular move is in the mix in the near future, and this has all been necessary to prepare me for it… only those in the know know, and I do not seem to be one at the present time… if only future self could hand me some words of wisdom. 😛

Actually, perhaps this clearing out is due to inspirational words of wisdom from my future self… we shall see what comes, I guess, and that is all we can do about the future, really.

And so I will make way for what is to come, and I will be better prepared in doing so than if I had stayed unaltered … for life is change, and nothing is ever stagnantly the same, so let us change willingly and wholly with life, embracing it as we go… that’s my present intention, anyway. 🙂

Let’s do it.

Post-a-day 2019