Man, I Really miss dancing. I miss the experience of simultaneously expressing myself to music while working with another, and of feeling undeniably beautiful and sexy, womanly… Dancing is awesome, and I miss it! And, especially now that I am so wonderfully fit – and that I am no longer afraid to be a woman, to be powerful, to be desirable and sexy, to be noticed and seen – I want to find my new self-expression in dance.
Man… (The idea of this all came up tonight, because one of, I dare say, the world’s top partner dancers is a sort of buddy of mine, and he reached out this weekend to check in with me. We only just talked tonight, and only for a bit, but it was a fun blast from the dance world, though neither of us has been part of it since the first shutdown in early 2020. I would love to dance with him… As it happens, dancing with him always had me feeling my sexiest, he so beautifully honors his partner whenever dancing. Even when I felt un-womanly and not beautiful in general, I felt womanly and beautiful and desirable and wanted whenever dancing with him. [And no, not in a creeper or weird way. Just to be clear here…] I wonder how it would be now, dancing with him, now that I already do feel beautiful and woman and sexy and desirable as a whole…)
I didn’t eat well and properly today, nor did I drink enough water, nor did I put together and take my supplements. (The supplements have been since Tuesday, which is quite a bad idea for me. So, I must put them together tomorrow and start taking them consistently again.) My head has been hurting a while now, and I feel kind of dreadful from it all. I napped midday for a few hours, though it was somewhat stressful sleep, in and out. Now, I am going to bed later than I had wanted, but this was, somehow, what I needed for today. God, please bless my sleep and my body that I awake rested and well tomorrow, ready and able to take on the day you have granted to me, that I might be your love in the world as I step forward into it all and embody your love and creativity through all that is this expression of me in this life. In your name, I pray. Amen.
I went to the gym for the early Saturday workout today at 7:30. Then I went to meet my mom and a friend to help remove and dispose of the Christmas wreaths that had decorated all the graves at the Houston National Cemetery for US Veterans. It was really neat, and there were loads of people there to help. (I even got to see the spots for an old family friend and my current housemate’s/host’s grandfather.)
Then I had food and goofed around with the baby for a while before finally showering and taking a needed nap before tonight. Then I went to our rodeo committee’s social, collected some tasty barbecue that I’ll eat tomorrow, danced with a friend to live Kevin Fowler music, and then rushed into downtown to attend another live concert – but this one was unknown to me until this morning: Elton John.
There is so much I could say about this man, this master of his art, but I will keep it short here: I grew up with this man already being a legend to me. He was unreachable status, and I never even considered one day attending a concert of his – it just wasn’t going to happen, so my brain didn’t even give itself the time to be sad about it. And then, at the gym this morning, someone invites me to go with her, and she states clearly that she won’t have me pay her for my ticket. She just didn’t want to go alone, and her friend had bailed on the concert. I was absolutely delighted to step in for the drop-out this time(!!!). The concert was fabulous. This man is about to turn 75 (on 25 March). This was his 20th concert in Houston, Texas, the first having been in 1971. He can’t sing really high anymore. He hobbles slightly with his walk. He wore two sparkly suits – one all white with a Long tail and a red snake on the back, and one like his famous red checkered blazer (super sparkly, though) – and then a pink lounge-y kimono with a sparkly butterfly on the back, which he eventually took off to reveal a sparkly red and blue track suit. He changed his glasses twice, but all three pairs had rose-colored lenses. He wore his iconic right pointy earring. He plays piano like on the record albums. His spirit is evident in everything he plays and in every arm thrust and body shake he does. And, get this, he gets up from the piano after every song, (sometimes walks around bowing and encouraging folks to cheer and make noise a bit) shuffles to a little table/stand behind him, spits in a bucket, takes a sip of water, and then shuffles back to the piano and sits back down.
I am extremely grateful for this lovely opportunity, in addition to the beautiful blessing that has been the works and passion and gracious giving and sharing of Elton John’s art. Thank you, Good Sir, for all you do and have done. And thank you, God and Universe, for letting me be part of this glory tonight. May we be blessed with such love often in our lives, and may Sir Elton John truly feel the loving gratitude so much of the world has for him. Amen.
One of my favorite songs ever is “Crocodile Rock”, which he played, of course. But he sang way low for the “la”s, and it was adorable and awesome!Beautiful concert. And all the better for not having massive screens to distract us from just seeing him and listening to the music and the feelings thereby evoked.
P.S. He said that “Your Song” was his first hit in 1972. Is that right, or did I mis-hear him? Perhaps it released in 1970… But, also, that was 50 years ago. FIFTY YEARS, and his music and performances are still amazing. Thank you, Sir!
H: Still want to do something now, or feel like something tomorrow morning? I finish at the gym around 8:45
B: I mean I’m okay with either. I’m just sitting around at home right now with nothing to do
H: Want to go help remove wreaths from military graves tomorrow morning?
H: Houston National Cemetary
B: Sure
B: Also let me just say of all possible suggestions of things to do
B: I would’ve never, in any ordinate amount of time, guessed that
B: You didn’t see it but the double take I did when I read that was cartoonish
……
Yes, that was a real text interaction I had. Isn’t it lovely? Just glorious. 😛
Thank you, Gos and Universe, for such loving absurdity in my life. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
(Kind of remembered)
Today’s quote of the day? Courtesy of my mother: “Yeah, well, he snozed*, so he loze*…,” followed by and filled with intense laughter from the both of us. (*Rhyming with ‘hosed’ and ‘nose’)
Obviously, she had full intentions of using real words. However, her somewhat passive effort to switch the sentence to a past tense clearly failed, thus her quite literally choking on her own words (through laughter) halfway through the sentence. We could barely breathe, let alone talk, we were laughing so hard. It was glorious.
For those who can’t read notes out of words, that’s the opening theme to Downton Abbey, and the ring tone that played from a nearby table at lunch today. A minute or so afterward, the girl behind me was talking across the patio to the woman who, I’d guessed, was the owner of the source of the ring tone. The girl behind me was mentioning hearing Downton Abbey…, I casually joined in on how I’d definitely recognized it, too. They mentioned about a movie, or possibly another one coming out, and then, If you like Downton Abbey, you should check out Outlander! I said that I was reading the books, and they were great but filled with ups and downs with the joys and sadnesses. The ring tone girl agreed. The girls at the table behind me were intrigued. I mentioned that my mom heartily recommends Outlander, too, the show. We had a few more comments and giggles, and then finally turned back to our respective tables fully as my dad sat back down at our table, rejoining me from his bathroom stop.
Three of us had mostly held the conversation among our three tables, though five of us had been involved. It was awesome.
And then, my dad asked what we had been discussing. I gave him a quick recap, and then he said, ‘Oh, I’ve seen it. The movie. It’s good.’
Jaw. Drop.
I hadn’t even known about this Downton Abbey film, and my dad has already seen and liked it?? Haha Ridiculously wonderful.
Thank you, God and Universe, for such a lovely surprise of lunchtime today. May you continue to guide me to be your love in the world through all that I am and all that I do. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Today, I was scared to give feedback. But 1) I knew it was important feedback, and 2) I have been working on being courageous and speaking up about things that are important to me in my life. And so, I declared that it would be better done than not, and I went and asked first if I might give a bit of feedback, and then, upon receiving the all-clear, I communicated kindly and clearly what the feedback was and why I felt it was so important (i.e. multiple others had mentioned it as their experience, too). I was sharing feedback about a new coach at our gym, but to the owner. He was grateful for the feedback, and he understood immediately what the issue was and why it mattered in our classes so much (without my having to say anything further about it). He thanked me for the feedback, and he even told me that it helps when it is coming not simply from him but from us, just through him.
It was a really cool experience for me. Sure, I was still a bit odd and nervous, but it went well and accomplished its outset goal. Plus, I got to be courageous. And that was certainly swell.
My body is extremely sore,
Worn out,
Ground,
Grounded.
But it is also satisfied,
Sated,
Lifted,
And elated,
For it comes from a week
Of releasing what is weak,
Embracing my state
and pursuing my strength,
Letting go of what’s in the way
Of being my best
And fittest
Self.
This week was great
In a really hard way.
Indeed,
I will pass out hard
After a week so hard,
And I will relish
The restoration
Tonight’s and tomorrow’s rest
Will bring.
And I will breathe
Easily,
Freely,
And with increased oxygen.
And,
Next week,
I’ll do it again.
I have done a decent job lately of pursuing my goal of having opera music playing in the evenings at home. I started it with packing the other week, as I found that the constancy of the music helped me feel supported and keep me calm and focused as I went through all the packing and emotional releasing involved with moving. Only one day, for a couple hours or so, did I have one single separate song on loop, a song an acquaintance wrote and played and recorded. It was about goodbyes and ending a long-time relationship, and it felt quite appropriate… until it was not anymore. Then, I moved on to opera and church chant music and the likes.
Anyway, now that I have a temporary home, as i have been doing various tasks yesterday and today, I went ahead and set up the computer and external hard drive, and turned on the music. I have a playlist of it all that is roughly four and a half days long. Currently, I am just playing everything in order, and starting each time wherever I left off the previous time (using play counts as the guide). I have very much enjoyed it. And I have gotten much done today and yesterday. (Thank you, God and Universe, for the support with all of that!) Speaking of which, I’ll go mark them off on my checklist. I somehow only two days ago committed to having my daily task list as its own Note in my phone, using the checkmark feature. It has gone really well so far, and I intend to continue with it. It is extremely helpful for me to have things written down, and I believe it affects my productivity and encouragement immensely. Thus my having accomplished so much yesterday and today, including things I tend to avoid(!). Anyway, I’m off to do that, to read, and to get to sleep. I’m tired and sleepy this evening, and it’s already just after 8:30pm. I have the morning workout tomorrow at 7:30, then work until 3pm. So, I want to be very well rested and up early to prepare what all food I’ll need to bring with me. (That reminds me: I need to ask about the freezer, so I can see about having the Magic Bullet here for smoothies. They work wonders after a morning workout. And for slimming down… which would be helpful right about now… Hmm… Anyway, adding it to the list for tomorrow!)
You’re being messy and getting all pity-party. A bit, anyway. You aren’t earning much money right now. That’s okay. But stop having it be an excuse to have a pity party for everything else in your life and not to get stuff done. The money has nothing to do with keeping your room clean and beautiful, with preparing beautiful, healthy, nourishing meals for yourself, nor with getting all the other stuff done. Especially because you aren’t working much for money right now, this is exactly the time to be getting all that other stuff done. You had a good start, but a good start isn’t enough. Keep up the pace, keep it going, and get it all done. Now. Good work today. Step it up even more tomorrow, while you’ll have the time. You can do this. I know you can.
Stay hard, babe.
*David Goggins’s mirror time, as recommended in his book Can’t Hurt Me.
hannah ananas 