Tag: stress

Really??(!)

Ugh…. this guy(!).

Part of me wants him not to be available even, so that I can stop even allowing for the possibility of something happening between on, and just move on in life (of course I unintentionally typed “love on” – sort of a Freudian slip, I suppose)… it certainly would be easier.

But it could be really, really fun and wonderful for him to be available and interested in yours truly… I think part of me wants him not to be available, so that I don’t have to deal with a chance of rejection… non-option is completely different for me than rejection, and I always seem to feel like I’m not good enough anyway, so I won’t be wanted by the gorgeous and good guys, in which case it feels better for them just to be unavailable from the start, so I don’t have to know the feeling of being declined for no one in particular…

How cool and awesome and amazing would it be, though, if he were available and interested in me?

Quite a breakthrough for me, if it were to be so, that’s for sure.

But I hardly allow myself even to consider it…

Anyway, I likely will allow myself one more day of this daydreaming and all, not allow myself to look him up online, and then require myself, in a sense, to get over it – enjoy him from afar and in a friendly manner, but place him in the ‘not a chance’ category and move on, without even being offended…. just accepting that my fate is not ranked highly enough for him, and we probably aren’t a true match, anyway…. you know… it’s just emotionally easier that way…

I guess we’ll just have to see how I feel whenever I actually see him next, and see if I can be the person I want to be, my best self, with him and the whole situation… it might go differently than it has with guys in the past… but we’ll see…

Hmm… it could be wonderful, but I hardly dare consider at the present moment…

Post-a-day 2019

Crazy Brain

Do you ever just go nuts in your mind, imagining the ideal desired future of some situation, even though you’ve only just begun?

I met a guy today (who is gorgeous, by the way).

The little girl in me is totally starstruck in love.

A short while after meeting him, my brain had already imagined and visualized a scenario in which this guy and I date and become super close and a wonderful couple, eventually semi living together, and, after months into it all, he meets my family, and my various family members have various reactions to him, as well as to the fact that I not only have been dating someone for so long but also that this guy is the guy I’ve been dating (because he’s not so typical of what others in my family have dated or married)… and, it was at about this point, I realized how nuts this situation was, and I just started laughing…

I met him about two hours ago, and I was just now contemplating – albeit passively – how my family would take the news of my dating him and, then, of our plans to marry… now, another few hours later, even though I chastened my brain a bit earlier, I have already considered the idea of how he and I might manage our wedding (wedding or not, and what style of what, and why), how we would live and where, and casual details of our physical relationship….

I know almost nothing about him, but clearly my brain does not care.

Is this a typical thing people do/have happen?

It is for me, anyway… I’ve come to see it as a double-benefit situation:

First, I get the fun and practice of dreaming up scenarios in life, as well as the chance to have everything go exactly as I would love for to to go – dreams come true.

Second, I get to test the idea of a future with someone, and have a general sense of whether I could see a future with that person.

I don’t expect my brain’s scenarios actually to play out in real life as they do in my head, and so I’m never angry whenever they don’t happen (though I am ever so slightly bummed, of course), and I take things as they come…, but it feels to me like my being able to envision a future with someone is a good sign – if I couldn’t imagine a future together, well, then maybe it’s a hard no for me, right?

That’s kind of how I see it, anyway… maybe my brain does it to help take care of me, to make sure I pursue the good paths and not the bad ones, giving me exciting possibilities in my mind, whenever I’ve found a good match for whatever the circumstances…

Either that or I’m just a little bit totally nuts… you know… 😛

P.S. A mere minutes after posting this, he and I now have a baby girl, and she is gorgeous, and he is absolutely adorable with her…

P.P.S. The funniest part to me is how I genuinely do think about other things, but they somehow all feed into another new thought about the future I could have with this guy… just now, I was thinking about the show we saw tonight, and then the summer camp where my brother loved working, and all the campers and kids there, and then the idea of how I would feel pregnant, if I ever one day would do it, and then I suddenly had an image of this guy holding what was clearly our baby girl… I mean, where did he even come from??… uninvited, he still shows up, and our future together progresses… 🤦🏼‍♂️😂

Post-a-day 2019

Yoga-yoga

I had my practicum – a practice session – for my yoga teacher training today (and then my friend and I watched “The Bachelorette”, but that’s a different story).

And I passed!

Yay!

I mean, we (my mom and I) we’re both extremely confident that I would pass, however, 1) I was still nervous, and 2) I still had to do it and get through it in order to pass it…, but I did it.

Now, I need only attend twelve more yoga classes, and then turn in my (digital) paperwork, and I’ll become a certified yoga teacher.

I have lots more to do right now, this month and week, too, but, what’s funny and wonderful to me about this all, it is all stuff I kind of really, really enjoy doing… so, I’m excited for the everything I have to do these next few days and weeks – I am patiently and determinedly awaiting my awakening tomorrow, so that I might begin on the first of many tasks for the day and the week.

It doesn’t pay much money yet, but it pays some and it delights greatly, so this whole pursuing what I love to share with the world deal is going really awesomely so far, and I love it.

Totally.

For now, though, sleep and rest, so that I might be a boss tomorrow at what happens then(!). 😀

Post-a-day 2019

Photo Surprise

I’ve had a few awesome opportunities show up for me and my photography lately, and I have been putting forth my efforts to make them happen and happen wonderfully.

However, this most recent one is a big potential opportunity, and it has me a bit scared.

I started going mentally through my repertoire, and came up almost blank in regards to what the person asked to see from me… and I slowly, over about two weeks, allowed panic to rise within me…. and then, of course, doubt at my own quality of work and actual ability began to show up, too…

And then, tonight, I decided to go through my recent photos and just go ahead and see what was on there that I would want to include in my current portfolio… and I was blown down, and completely cleansed of these panicky feelings – I have amazing photos.

Yes, I borrowed a camera for some of them, but I did the photos and edited them and turned them into the amazing creations that they are.

I created them.

And they are really quite good, especially for a beginner professional photographer… and then some, actually.

I mean, for some of the photos I found tonight, whenever I looked at them, I thought, ‘Wow!… That’s an awesome photo!’… before remembering that I was its creator… pretty cool, huh? 🙂

And so, now, all I need to do is compile a set of photos to send her that either meet what she requested to see or are a comparable alternative to what she mentioned… I have the photos, and I didn’t even know it.

Now, I just need to act.

Get ready, tomorrow – you’ve lots coming your way from me (because it is bedtime now, and I will have a productive tomorrow, if I actually go ahead and go to bed now)! 😀

Post-a-day 2019

Yoga, again

I sat for my yoga teacher exam yesterday.

Today, I received a message from the course teacher, informing me that I passed with a 93% grade on the exam.

Woohoo!

She even threw in a little thumbs up icon at the end of the message.

So, now all I have to do is to teach a practice class next week, and then attend as a regular student twelve more yoga classes… and then I will be certified as a yoga teacher.

This weekend, I need to figure out how to get those yoga classes completed before the end of the month… being on a tight budget doesn’t really allow for a sudden burst of spending like that, so I have to figure out trades and discount classes, and just find a way to make it all happen.

Which, I am confident, I can and will do… I just have to do it, and I have just about two and a half weeks to make it happen.

So, let’s do this.

Yay!

Post-a-day 2019

Tomorrow

I am driving to another city early tomorrow morning, so that I can view and examine and, possibly, test drive a scooter…

My hope is that the scooter be perfect for me, and that I, therefore, purchase it and bring it back to Houston with me.

I will have to take my motorcycle safety course, and purchase a cover and lock before I get to have it at my house, but that’s okay – it will sit in the garage of the family friend who is meeting me in a truck to go pick up the scooter in the first place, and he is extremely trustworthy with anything motorcycle related (and scooters are related, like cousins from Europe).

I am nervous to go to bed, because tomorrow will be here sooner, so far as my conscious kind is concerned, and the excitement of today will have ended…, but tomorrow will be perfect, for whatever reason, in whatever way it happens… of course, I am biased in the direction of this beautiful scooter becoming my friend and coming home to Houston with us… yep…

Anyway, I have my alarm to wake me at 5:35am, I think, so I really need to giddy up and go to sleep now, seeing as how it is almost midnight already.

And then, after we get back home, I have to do muscle testing at the gym, to see what maximum weight I can lift doing a certain motion, now that we’ve completed an eight-week cycle focused on building strength…, so I have to make sure I have proper energy and food for that tomorrow evening.

On that note, I bid you a wonderful night. 🙂

Post-a-day 2019

Fitness is no joke, and neither are periods

Today, I went to work out, even bough I really didn’t feel like it…

Starting in the middle of the warm-up, I felt like puking, but I took it easy and did the whole work-out, anyway…

I rested consciously immediately afterward, and ate two snack/protein bars to take care of myself…

Immediately after that, after I bicycled back, I didn’t want to put forth the effort, but I rearranged my plans a bit so that I could make myself an appropriate dinner and snacks for attending the show at Miller Outdoor Theatre tonight… to which I walked the two and a half miles with my friend’s dog…

Everything seems to be a bit achey going to bed right now, but I can tell I did a good job with taking care of myself today, all while staying in alignment with what I want for myself and my body and my health in the now and in the near future…

So, even though it looked way different from how taking care of myself usually looks (i.e. resting and relaxing), I took care of myself today, and on many levels.

I very well could have canceled all of it and stayed home, watching movies and resting and eating easy food, and avoiding interacting with unknown scenarios…, but I didn’t, and that’s the point.

So, I thank you, God and Universe and All, for giving me the encouragement I needed today to take care of myself in the right kind of way that I needed and wanted for today. 🙂

Post-a-day 2019

Badassery

“Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.”

Since I finished reading Jaws, I picked a new book from my ‘to-read’ shelf to become my bedtime book.

I wasn’t seeing anything I particularly felt like having right before bed, and I grabbed a small-ish one whose title I couldn’t see… holding it in the light, I read the title of a book I pulled from my brother’s donation pile when he moved to Japan: The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 Facts About the World’s Greatest Human – The Unauthorized Parody, by Ian Spector.

And, somehow, it felt right, so I brought it to my reading spot on my bed and began with the preface.

I was bummed to discover that Chuck Norris, though he originally approved of the idea, ended up disapproving further down the road… however, I think I’ll be able to let that go well enough, and soon enough.

The book is filled with little ‘fun facts’ regarding Chuck Norris, none of which are actual, genuine facts about him, and all of which are made up by likely fans of Chuck Norris and his general awesomeness…

Yes, I love Chuck Norris and his awesomeness, thus the reason for my keeping the book for myself when my brother was having to give it (and most of his possessions) away.

I wasn’t sure how the book would do as my bedtime book, and I wondered about its getting boring, just being single line comments, and not an actual story…, but I figured the single lines would help me to get to sleep sooner on nights when I’m really exhausted, and I just need to get to sleep, so I want something short to read.

And so, I gave it a shot.

After the preface, I read just the first page, so I could have a taste.

The first two facts were okay, but the third and final fact on the first page, the one listed at the top here, – “Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.” – just sent me into increasing levels of giggles – just what I need in my life right now, good giggles.

And so, this turns out to be exactly the perfect book for me to read right now, especially just before bed each night – I can make sure I get a laugh in every day, doing it this way. 🙂

Yay, Chuck Norris(!) and yay, this book!

Thank you, Chuck and Ian.

Post-a-day 2019

That Hunk

Okay, can I just have a Scott Eastwood, please?

I don’t need to describe any tall, dark, and handsome details – simply saying ‘a Scott Eastwood’ will do the trick.

Golly, he’s just darn gorgeous.

And just the right age, too.

So, the real Scott Eastwood can continue his film star life – although I should have truly loved to meet his parents, his dad in particular – and I’ll take someone who’s just like him but meant for me, okay?

Okay, thanks, World.

Sounds good.

😛

Dear me… Dirty Harry, you done well with that one, at least… and the world is grateful… whoo(!).

I know I am being silly here (and I hope you can tell, too), but I truly am grateful for Scott Eastwood… he is a quite good actor (in the role I’ve seen so far, anyway), and he just lights up the world around him… even if I never see him in person, I am forever grateful that his beauty is present in this world…

I don’t mean to objectify or demean him, here…. for the sake of a comparison: it is like how flowers are for more than being seen and smelled, but they sure do help to make the world a more beautiful place…, and Scott Eastwood is a fabulous flower in the garden of our world.

P.S. Just watched “The Longest Ride”, again.

Post-a-day 2019

Bachelor??

My friend has gotten me stuck on watching the shows “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette”.

It isn’t that we actually are all that into them… – I don’t even watch television or television shows or anything anymore (including all of the streamed shows and whatnot [which I have to say, because people tell me all the time how they don’t watch tv anymore either, because they just do Netflix and Hulu and such…]) – more so that it is fun to have a weekly date night in place, during which we get to see beautiful places, see others’ opinions, and consider our own opinions on various topics we perhaps hadn’t considered or, at least, discussed with one another (or, even, others).

The last I had seen the show before this year, they all just spent the whole time in one location.

Nowadays, however, they travel the world.

Upon discovering that, I commented that I wanted to go on the show.

It was a sort of joke at first, more interested in the travel than anything else.

Tonight, however, months later, we got to talking about it in a rather serious way: Do I perhaps actually want to go on the show?

If so, now is the time to apply, we both agreed.

And so, I looked at the application online, and am genuinely considering whether I want to apply for it… it seems simultaneously absurd and a wonderful adventure for me to make… and both sound rather intriguing, to say the least.

“Why do you want to go on ‘The Bachelor’?”

That is my question to consider and to answer in the coming days… if the answer is worth it, I’ll fill it in on the application and submit… if it isn’t to me, then I will close the application… either way, I will feel and be satisfied with my determined path, and I will be delighted for what life has to offer next. 🙂

😛

Post-a-day 2019