Tag: exhausted

Money, money

$500 later, I expect next week will feel like childhood Christmas for me – lots of things ordered online last night and today, and all of them with a expectation of intense delight. I do not regret any of my purchases – not in the least. It is certainly more money than I typically spend… on anything. But I see great value in having all the items I purchased, they all bring me joy, and they handle my need to keep checking for things all the time (either online or in a store) anymore – I have them and it is all handled. I am both delighted at their future arrival, and relieved at having them all ordered and on the way. I am quite practical when it comes to things I buy and do not buy, so it is nice to be able to be so practical with all of this and have it handled already.

One odd part is that, likely due to the fact that they are all doing from different places, they are each being sent separately… so, not great in terms of packaging, but great in terms of t feeling even more like childhood Christmas! I won’t know what is in what. I have to wait almost a week for it all to arrive at my mom’s house, then go over there and have a present party. And I get to play with my new toys right when I open them, and forever afterward! Super excited. Happy Early Celebration to me. 😉

Post-a-day 2020

Online shopping and Christmas Trees

It is absurdly late – 3:20 AM – and I am exhausted, but I have been online shopping discounts after having discovered my sizes in the store today. The discounts are amazing and so worth it. And that’s exactly why I wanted to do them tonight, instead of waiting until tomorrow, at which time they genuinely might be sold out of stock. It was also exciting to get myself some fun “presents”. But the pricing was amazing. Just amazing. I am extremely grateful.

Now, I shall rush to sleep for the brief period of time that remains to me before my alarms will sound in the morning (slash later this morning).

Super fun fact, though: I set up my “Christmas Tree” tonight!

Shown here:

I always have the white lights up, as they are like my lamps for my room. But I’m thinking of moving the white entirely, so it doesn’t clash with the tree. I wove it in a bit, instead of just having it cut straight through the tree, like it did in its original “lamp” position, but I’m thinking that isn’t enough.

I’ll contemplate it tonight and tomorrow, and see how I feel tomorrow night.

At that, I bid you a lovely and restful night! 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Running trauma

I ran again today, and much farther than the other two times from this past weekend. It is really cool to be able to run again. I am grateful and relieved. However, I have noticed that I definitely received some trauma from my fall six weeks ago (September 25th, y’all). When I run, I have a slight panic in my space, and I eye the ground with trepidation. It we better today than Sunday, and that was better than Friday. However, it is definitely there, that emotional and slight psychological trauma from such an intense and unreal fall and injury. I was actually scared to run on Friday, as soon as I started out. I took it easy and went slowly, but that wasn’t just to be gentle with my knees. I was scared. I eventually laughed at the point I found myself contemplating what running safety would or could be, because I knew I wasn’t going to wear it and I also knew that it would be ridiculous. (Basically, I imagined myself running in what I wear to ride my motorcycle, helmet and face mask and all, and I cracked up in delight as such an absurd idea. That helped with my fear somewhat, though it didn’t heal it.

Today, I was still scared when running, but the repeated activity was always becoming more casual and passive mentally, so my brain was able to relax some more for the run. It was a good time today.

Post-a-day 2020

Bedtime, for sure

You know, I had something that I felt was really good to share today… yet, I am so tired, at this point, I have no idea what it was.

And it was only a couple hours ago (if that) that I was thinking about it.

Man…

To be fair, it has been a long day. I woke up to use the bathroom just after 5:20 this morning (not seven hours of sleep), and did not go back to sleep. I went for a run and showered and made a smoothie, and I did loads of other stuff, too, all before 7:30, at which point I drove my mom and myself an hour and a half East to my aunt and uncle’s house for a known photo shoot and a surprise tea baby shower (complete with social distancing and a garage turned completely into an old style tea house, working chandelier included). (It really was an awesome event, and an even more awesome surprise for the mom-to-me.) I did photos in a field and from some tall grasses, then drove my cousin and myself to pick up our grandma for our tea time (which was all the two knew about, but which was only the beginning of a whole surprise event). Then I did photos and helped with serving for the party all day (it certainly takes a lot longer to do a party one family at a time, but those 15-25-minute visits are wonderful in their intimacy), and struggled to stay awake on the drive home (I wasn’t the one driving)… at 7pm. Now, as usual, I have taken ages to get ready for bed, and I am finally about to do it… at 11pm… only about 18 hours after I got up this morning…

Wowzer.

P.S. I remembered the thing, but I was already writing this. I’ll use it for tomorrow now.

Post-a-day 2020

I don’t do politics

I just would like to say this: This entire election has been a huge reminder of my utter dislike for and distaste in politics. I do not like it itself, I dislike how people behave around it, and I am heartbroken over how it divides us further and further.

Love is at the core of who we are in life – love is creation and all creation comes from love. Love is our true self, both the individual self and the whole universe and universal self. We are love.

And politics just seems to gives us all amnesia and a headache…

Ugh…

I am grateful I have remembered this, so I can stay away from it all for a while (and possibly forever) again… it was getting really rough for me there for a while. There’s a huge reason I stopped watching television and stopped watching the news years ago. I am a better person without them, and in so many ways, we could not possibly count them.

Thank you, God and Universe, for this insight and the strength and ability to do something about it for the betterment of myself and, therefore, my life and all those in it. Gratitude. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Work

I am exhausted. And in a satisfied kind of way, which is really good for me right now. I accomplished a lot of work today, and for multiple types of work. In the newest work, I finally started to feel like I had my bearings (at last!), which is awesome. A question was asked of me; I either knew the answer or had something easily on my tongue in guidance for a solution. I learned a new skill that was invaluable for the job, and that solved a lot of stress I had been experiencing almost constantly with the work.

So, much improvement today, but work almost all day long. Tomorrow is likely to be quite similar, working all day for different work, but improving significantly with the newest one. Plus, I get breakfast tacos at the early morning one (must arrive at 7:00am for that one). Yumm!

I love breakfast tacos. I sent a text message once, in response to someone telling me that the other food was gone but that someone had just dropped off breakfast tacos, and that message has been quoted to me multiple times since then. I think the person found my use of young adult language hilariously tickling.

“Super cool! Thanks! I can hardly wait. Breakfast tacos are my jam 😂”

So, I’ll be jamming in the morning, it seems… makes me wish I had some Jams to wear for it… 😛

Post-a-day 2020

Learning… without teaching

Not all people are teachers. And that’s okay. And it doesn’t make someone a worse person, if that someone is not a teacher.

I need to remember that better. All of it. I keep growing current frustrated with people who are tasked with teaching something to someone – especially to me – but who are not good teachers.

Ugh…. such hair-pulling emotions ensue within me, whenever I am in a situation that requires me to endure bad teaching. And it is even worse when I actually am in need of teaching, when I am aiming to learn something that is new to me… just give me the written manual, please, and walk away.

::total face palm::

Okay, breathe… slowly and deeply, just breathe… let it go… there is something to learn here, though it is obviously not the information I was aiming to learn… find that something, and feel gratitude for its having presented itself to you… thank you… aaaahhh…

Post-a-day 2020

Aging & Aching

Perhaps I am officially old…-er.

I sat on my bed for all my tutoring this morning, which was four hours. Sure, I got up here and there, went downstairs to use the bathroom or grab some food a few times, and even gave myself a pillow backrest for the last hour plus, so I didn’t have to make my back increase any further its steadily building discomfort.

All of that I did, and yet, here I am, late at night, struggling to walk up and down any stairs, or even walk at all, because my knee is hurting. Yes, it is the one from the fall – both last year and last month – but it does not quite seem in the right spot of that knee to be related to those falls. I believe, as this is not the first time this has happened, it is due to the fact that I sat with my legs crossed for so long this morning (“sitting Indian style” is the phrase we were taught as kids). Now, my upper part of my knee is aching.

I can hardly imagine this ever happening to a young kid. So, I think this officially classified me as not a kid anymore, all numbers and looks and energy levels aside. I’m kind of old now, aging into the post-prime days and years and decades…

Whatever the case, of course, let us just hope that I awaken tomorrow having practically forgotten this pain, because my knee is fully recovered and healed. 😉

Fingers crossed!! 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Grammar, man

I shared about some grammar concerns today with someone new. It didn’t exactly go very well, so far as accepting and understanding go. I was left with an experience of having been not heard, not believed, not trusted, and considered bizarre in a negative way. I merely shared that there were errors in the copy of almost everything official that I had read by this company, and that I wanted to reach out to the right individual or individuals to begin creating the corrections for all of those errors. I even gave various general examples of the error types that I had found. After doing that, I was asked what kind of errors I had found. I repeated myself almost verbatim in answering the query.

And I know that I care about language and grammar loads more than any average human being is likely even capable of caring – I get that. But it doesn’t make it suddenly not suck when I experience someone not only distrusting and disbelieving me but also verbally responding with words that suggest that I am a negative anomaly in the world. Because it does suck when that happens, and that does happen.

And I get that this person likely was very tired and rather surprised by the concept I was presenting. That also does not make it suddenly not suck, how that person responded to me.

So, I just wanted to share that – that it really sucked in those moments of someone, whether knowingly or not, invalidating me and my concerns for the betterment of this company.

Yeah.

I guess this is an opportunity for me to look at how I might do the same to others, especially when I am tired or sleepy. 🙂

Yeah. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Bellyache

Well, today was it. Or so my internal goals say, anyway. I am done eating gluten for now. I feel terrible every time I have it, especially when combined with the other stuff I would prefer not eating. I had already intended today to be the last day of it – you see, my weekly source of free food has finished, at last, and that food was always gluten-filled – but just based on how wretched I feel right now and have felt the past several hours this evening, I am so over it all. I’m actually quite prone to go ahead and clip out all the stuff again, and just go back to eating how I felt really quite good last year. It wasn’t as spectacular as raw vegan felt, but it was the closest I’ve ever gotten since then. Plus, I’m not to have meat or fish or eggs where I live, anyway, so there’s no reason not to do the whole raw vegan ingredient diet again (meaning raw vegan food, but it can be cooked as desired).

Yes, that would feel really good on my body, I think. Even if I just do it as a cleanse for a couple weeks to reboot myself and my systems, it likely would be awesome for me. Plus, it certainly would help me let go of this excess fat that has been hanging around lately. Super bonus there.

Many levels of awesome would be achieved, yes.

On that note, I bid you a good night. May your digestion and mine be easy tonight.

Post-a-day 2020