Tag: stress

Rest and Weather

I feel like the weather is kind of really getting to me lately. You see, I can handle cold weather and hot weather both, just so long as I can be in charge of my indoor temperatures. Lately, the weather has been going back and forth between warm-ish and really cold (in the twenties Celsius to just above freezing). Unfortunately, between work and my mom’s house, I have not had reliable temperatures indoors anywhere. No matter how I have approached it, I never seem to predict appropriately what the indoor temperatures will be, and so end up slightly miserable while at either location for longer periods of time. In my own home, I hav even fine. But I haven’t spent the bulk of my waking hours in my own home lately.

And so, with that physical semi-misery comes a certain level of both conscious and subconscious stress. And, with that stress and the unexpected cold indoor temperatures, I feel like I am getting sick. And it sucks. All I want to do is take a super fast shower and then curl up in bed and sleep for ten hours. But I have to be up to work in about nine hours from now, so I likely won’t get more than eight to sleep. And only that much if I somehow manage to go back to sleep when I inevitably wake up around 5:30 or 6:00 in the morning, as almost always now. (Another factor in my feeling terrible, as I haven’t gotten enough sleep lately, especially due to the fact that I can’t stay asleep during the time I have available for sleeping.)

Anyway, lots of frustration and stress lately and right now, and all I want to do, I can’t really do. But we shall see how quickly I can get myself to bed right now, and then how I feel in the morning. I really hope I crash asleep tonight, and then wake refreshed and well tomorrow morning. I and the world around me need it(!). I actually broke down in miserable crying tonight before driving home from my mom’s, I was so tired and stressed.

But, starting after tomorrow, the days will be increasing in length again, and I am grateful for that.

Post-a-day 2020

Ever the procrastinator?

Well, I have four days remaining in a 100-day challenge to go 100 miles of cardio activity. It could be swimming, running, walking, cycling, rollerblading, etc. in any combination, just so long as it is 100 miles achieved in 100 days.

I started out strong, and was determined to have all my miles be from running. But then I had that fall that one ridiculous Friday evening, and my running (and general walking for a while at first) plans were ruined. I had hoped that I would be able to start running much sooner than I was able, but the bruised bones really pushed that back for me. I can run mostly okay now, but have to be careful with the cold weather, as it makes the pain show itself in my knee.

However, that all being said, I had accepted conceptually that I would not be able to run my whole hundred, based on my body’s situation after that fall. I had begun walking with my mom on occasion, and counted that toward my hundred. But my subconscious somehow missed the part where I needed actually to start these other cardio activities of my own. I kept just thinking I would do the whole thing running, when I was able to run again, and the only walking I did was once a week, give or take, with my mom. I wasn’t able to start running for real until just a few weeks ago… at which point I wasn’t anywhere near half of the way on those hundred miles. Even as of this week, I wasn’t half way through the hundred.

So, despite my efforts to be ahead of the game here, I ended up doing the bulk of effort right at the end of the whole thing.

But it has been nice, actually. I rode my bicycle around, looking at Christmas lights last night for an hour and a half-ish in the cold, and it was lovely. And I got ten plus miles out of that ride. The other night and tonight, I hung out with my mom at the office where she works, and I used the elliptical-type machine to get some run-walks in not out in the cold. And, this morning, my dad called me and invited me to go to a casual spin class with him at the Y, so I could get some more bicycle mileage in without having to ride outside in the cold.(Actually, I’m not sure how that will be, masks and digital class and all, but it will be nice to be doing it with my dad, and that’s the point of tomorrow’s plan anyway.)

So, fingers crossed that I manage this all appropriately in the next couple days, and I am able to turn in my sheet for the challenge, fully completed!

Post-a-day 2020

Sleep

I am tutoring in the morning at ten my time. It is currently 1:23am. Obviously, I am writing this and so am still awake. I was still exhausted today from lack of sufficient sleep two intense nights in a row, and my body is reacting even further tonight, with various little aches and pains resulting in my still being awake so late. **

So, I’ll go to sleep now.

**Somehow, I was just reminded of playing Rollercoaster Tycoon.

Post-a-day 2020

Yess!

I have made it back to an approximate 20% body fat measurement. That is a huge celebration of satisfaction for me. I have been without a gym, essentially, for half a year now. Going from an average of four or five days a week of intense workouts and weight training at the gym to home workouts with almost no weights, and then to no gym to give workouts and support at all has been a lot this year for me. I definitely did not maintain my same fitness level from before the changes, and I had still been in a sort of recovery period from the adventures of traveling in culture and foods and not-much-exercise in Japan and The Philippines. So, I wasn’t even in my best condition when everything started closing. I was probably around 18% or 19% body fat then.

I have always struggled with doing things on my own – thus the gym membership, and the workout buddy who signed up with me, at my behest. So, the workout situation has been nowhere near where I have wanted it to be in the past six months, during which time I have had to manage it all on my own, alone. I have been slowly working toward following the diet I truly want to follow and being as active and as fit as I truly want to be. Part of those have been working toward being autonomous in, well, all of them. Interesting how I hadn’t quite ever put words and solid thoughts to that idea until just now, but those words ring as true. So, I have been focusing on a very slow process of adjusting my daily life to be closer and closer to that life I want to be leading. I have no one other than myself for leaning, so balance and thought and true consideration and evaluation are all key in this.

I had worked my way down to an approximate 16% body fat, back a year ago in October/November. Keep in mind that, though this is a rather low number for the average woman, for my body’s makeup, it is actually still an entirely safe and healthy percentage. Much lower would be unnecessary, though. However, even at that 16% body fat, I still had areas of gathered fat on which I was working to release, mostly in my hips and legs. Also, to get myself even to that point was a very, very intense yet extremely gratifying journey, for which I am entirely grateful. I had never really believed that I could be at that level of fitness in my life, and definitely not at this age. Now that I have been there, I have experienced the real ness of such a possibility for me. And I want to have myself back in that space and living. However, this time will be through the breakthrough of autonomy for my own exercise and fitness. That way, I am ready and able to maintain it going forward, no matter if a gym closes or I move houses or towns or countries – I can always be at the level of fitness that I and my body want me to be, such that I can best serve the world while I am in it in this body and life.

Post-a-day 2020

Colder season

Okay, so we have officially reached the cold season, now, right? So, I’m being conscientious about lotioning my hands whenever I notice that they are dry during the day, and I have begun sleeping in gloves to give them a deeper treatment of moisture for at least a while overnight. I rub the good stuff lotion into them just before getting in bed for the night, then I slide them into gloves and then get into bed. The gloves keep the lotion on my hands instead of its rubbing off onto the sheets or my legs or pants or whatever during the night. They don’t always stay on all night, but always for at least a few hours – you know, sleep activities and all, pulling off odd items of clothing, socks and gloves in particular.

But it is also cold out now…. which means it is also cold in now. I live in a house built in the 1930s, almost a hundred years ago. It does not have real heating or cooling: window units for cooling, a gas heater on the first floor in the living room, and a plug-in localized heater in my room. I keep the heater st the head of my bed, so it can help warm my face and head, the one part of me not covered up at night.

Put simply, though, it is cold in this house. So, it is entirely normal for me to go to bed within a pair of sweatpants on, instead of just a t-shirt and underwear. If it isn’t all that cold out, the sweatpants find their way off during the night. As it gets colder, I add a pull-over sweatshirt to the mix. Same story as the pants, but the pants come off before the sweatshirt. However, when it is really cold, I also put on socks. The clothing-removal progression then goes socks, pants, sweatshirt. When it is cold like now, of course, they all stay on.

But, remember how I have begun wearing gloves for the sale of moisturizing my hands?

That means that I am now going to bed in a shit and underwear, sweatpants, a sweatshirt (with the hood up), socks, and gloves. In other words, I look more like I’m dressed to go out somewhere than simply go to bed.

And that just really tickles me. 😛 And I love it.

Oh, the simple joys of the cold season… hot beverages, hats, scarves, jackets, boots, and going to bed fully dressed. ;D

Post-a-day 2020

Body versus Brain

I swear: My menstrual cycle makes me feel like it is made to point out to me that I am single in this world designed for my species to partner up. At certain specific points throughout my cycle, my body very clearly reminds me of how desperately it wants me to have a partner already, as though my brain weren’t already on the lookout for that partner all day, every day. 😛

Actually, I don’t actively think about finding a partner most of the time. In a way, I trust God and Fate and the Universe that things will be sorted beautifully in my life, including my partner-in-life situation, and so don’t really spend much time or effort on the matter directly. The other end of that, though, is that I believe everything will work perfectly when I am working perfectly – when I am ready within myself and no longer need but want that partner, he will show up. I am designed to be self-sufficient, but to work perfectly with another, producing more love and beauty in the world than I ever could have produced on my own. I look forward to that with pitter-patters in my heart anticipation. But I no longer spend much time focusing on the finding him portion of that. Instead, I focus most of my attention on improving myself, such that I soon will be ready for him to arrive and for us to work together and create some new magic.

Until that time, however, I think I am stuck with these physical reminders of goosebumps and inner tingles every 14-ish days. 😛

Post-a-day 2020

Yikes

Okay, I think I have finally learned my lesson on something: Trust myself.

I know enough and have done enough to handle what I am doing in photography. I am much more reliable than any automatic camera settings. Yes, it is convenient not to have to change settings constantly with changing light and angles. But having photos with the right subject in focus is significantly more important to me than having what looks like decent lighting it with a blurred subject. And the latter is what I keep getting every time I doubt myself and say that it will be safer to let the camera use its intelligent automatic setting.

So, I will trust myself to manage all photo settings from here onward. I trust myself. Not the automatic settings.

Thank you, World for this opportunity to remedy the photos that did not represent me and what I truly can create with photography. I am terrified and grateful, both in a wonderfully good way. Thank you.

Post-a-day 2020

Fitness vs Fatness

Am I at the focus, or is something else the A-liner? Fitness or Fatness? Lately, I have not been at the center – my health and well-being, this body that carries my soul, my spirit, in this lifetime. Lately, my tongue’s and memory’s desires have been the center of my food. It is no wonder I have had much more fatness than fitness in my life lately.

I have been wanting it more and more, but have yet to turn the tides fully over the past several months… I wonder what has been missing for me to do that… is it a question of self-worth in the midst of having to create self-motivation to create the time and the energy and effort for fitness all on my own? I think I have always reached out somehow when I have gotten to a point in fitness/fatness at which I do not want to be any longer. But turning to the groups is not exactly an option right now where I live, and also how I live (aka I can’t afford to spend the money on the one place where I could do the group fitness right now). But I also do not genuinely want to reach out this time. I want to resolve whatever this has been within me that I continue to have stop me from fitting myself (as I like to say in my head… or, also, fitnessing myself). And so, I will not join that gym. Right now, I’m a bit too tired to function effectively enough to work through all of this, but I intend to continue this conversation with myself tomorrow, and to search for and find those uncomfortable parts that I have allowed to run me for these past several years.

At that, goodnight! 😉

Post-a-day 2020

Sometimes, life becomes very predictable. And some things never seem to change.

And sometimes, you end up on a Zoom call happy hour unexpectedly with a group of guys who are at various levels of their happy hour (which has clearly not just begun). And sometimes you may or may not unintentionally flash the camera, because you just took a shower and were getting ready for bed when you clicked on the unexpected link without really thinking about what joining a Zoom call meant…, and you are extremely grateful for the people’s being drunk, because such a quick flash goes utterly unnoticed with so much alcohol between brains and eyes.

Phew!

Or, perhaps that’s just something that happens for me. 😂

Apparently there are situations in which I prefer drunk people to sober people.🤣🤦🏼‍♂️🤣

Post-a-day 2020